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D/s relationships
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I also find those who shout about how Dom they are to be a bit on the dull side. If you come across someone who has a clue about the whole dynamic, they don't need to shout about it.  | |||
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"Thanks for the tips but its just common sense to me " I was gonna say...it reads like "if someone is an arsehole...this means they are an arsehole" Still, I guess some people need the obvious pointing out so there's no harm in the thread I suppose | |||
"Good list
I also find those who shout about how Dom they are to be a bit on the dull side. If you come across someone who has a clue about the whole dynamic, they don't need to shout about it. "This! Sarah | |||
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An a guy finds out very quickly I don't tolerate being controlled told what to do
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"Rushing into things as well. I never feel comfortable with anyone who says they want to do D/s stuff and wants to rush into everything. Like give me a chance to get to know you properly so i don't fuck up and feel bad about anything that happens. I'm not submissive but plenty of sub guys tend to be pushy, manipulative, and try to rush things. I don't feel like they've submitted to me at all and am pretty sure they aren't actually submissive." | |||
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"Good list
I also find those who shout about how Dom they are to be a bit on the dull side. If you come across someone who has a clue about the whole dynamic, they don't need to shout about it. "I can see your point, but some people are really proud of it, like myself, it took a lot if soul searching, and questioning myself, to get to be the person I am now, and it was hard, in the beginning, I felt like there was something wrong with me, like I was an abuser or something, but lots of reading and talking to people more experienced than me rounded and grounded me, I'm now 80% happy with the skills and knowledge that I have, but I still have things I want and need to learn. But I'm very proud to be a dom, proud to be a part of something that some people don't understand, but is more freeing, and nurturing for people on both ends if the whip, than some peoples (not all) fake and unhealthy possessive vanilla relationships. SSC is at the core of D/s relationships, and I can't imagine being in any other kind if relationship, simply because only someone into bdsm will understand and get the best out if me. So yeah, when people say that someone who is a dom, doesn't mention it, I would disagree, because, I mention it, I'm proud of it, and its been a long road to get to where I am mentally, that I feel relaxed enough to be me. | |||
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"You already posted this yesterday on one of the other Boards although it wasn't that well received" I'll have a look at the replies. | |||
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But not anymore  | |||
"You already posted this yesterday on one of the other Boards although it wasn't that well received I'll have a look at the replies. " It's also not your writing - copy and pasted from a woman's website without accreditation or reference  | |||
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"You already posted this yesterday on one of the other Boards although it wasn't that well received I'll have a look at the replies. It's also not your writing - copy and pasted from a woman's website without accreditation or reference "Yup. Stuck on repeat | |||
"Love this as some sadly DO need the obvious pointing out to them. When you are in a mess it's easy to drown in it and not even know you are doing - been there
But not anymore "and sometimes when it is written in black and white - whether it is copied from somewhere - it might help some one realise what a prat they have been, that they have been bullied not cared for! Make a lightbulb switch on - just did for me! | |||
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"Love this as some sadly DO need the obvious pointing out to them. When you are in a mess it's easy to drown in it and not even know you are doing - been there
But not anymore "In most abusive relationships people don't see it until they are ready to regardless of who tells them what to the contrary | |||
"You already posted this yesterday on one of the other Boards although it wasn't that well received I'll have a look at the replies. It's also not your writing - copy and pasted from a woman's website without accreditation or reference "I thought i had read that before. But still, i think it is good. My belief is that the sub has all the control. They allow you to use them and they can stop you too. And surely if you love someone, whether d/s or not then you build them up anyway. You want them to feel as special as you see them. Just a thought. | |||
" My belief is that the sub has all the control. They allow you to use them and they can stop you too. And surely if you love someone, whether d/s or not then you build them up anyway. You want them to feel as special as you see them. Just a thought." I think it's not a good idea to generalise in such ways. The subs don't hold the control in all d/s relationships. Not everyone loves their partner. And not everyone builds up slowly to make people feel special. That doesn't make those relationships less good or less ideal, just different. | |||
"You already posted this yesterday on one of the other Boards although it wasn't that well received I'll have a look at the replies. It's also not your writing - copy and pasted from a woman's website without accreditation or reference
I thought i had read that before.
But still, i think it is good.
My belief is that the sub has all the control.
They allow you to use them and they can stop you too.
And surely if you love someone, whether d/s or not then you build them up anyway. You want them to feel as special as you see them. Just a thought."Problem is it doesn't have to involve love though. Certainly initially anyway | |||
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"My opinion is that subs hold all the control in a D/s relationship. S/m relationships are a whole different ball game. " Yours might work that way, but not everybody's does. That's all I'm saying. | |||
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"My opinion is that subs hold all the control in a D/s relationship. S/m relationships are a whole different ball game. Yours might work that way, but not everybody's does. That's all I'm saying." I agree with you every situation is different and Bdsm is a highly complex thing. That being said any senario where a safe word is in place gives control to the person who has the option to use it. Therefore they have overall control of the senario. I'm my mind that can only apply to D/s. S/m can't have the same applied to it as control is firmly with the Sadist and in turn is removed from the m. Love can be applied to either relationships but is mot a requirement of either. | |||
"My opinion is that subs hold all the control in a D/s relationship. S/m relationships are a whole different ball game. Yours might work that way, but not everybody's does. That's all I'm saying. I agree with you every situation is different and Bdsm is a highly complex thing. That being said any senario where a safe word is in place gives control to the person who has the option to use it. Therefore they have overall control of the senario. I'm my mind that can only apply to D/s. S/m can't have the same applied to it as control is firmly with the Sadist and in turn is removed from the m. Love can be applied to either relationships but is mot a requirement of either. " As masochist can't safe word out? | |||
" I agree with you every situation is different and Bdsm is a highly complex thing. That being said any senario where a safe word is in place gives control to the person who has the option to use it. Therefore they have overall control of the senario. I'm my mind that can only apply to D/s." Plenty of people, like myself, play without safe words with certain people. My sub really has one point of control - to leave the relationship. If he leaves the relationship then we don't have a relationship anymore. It's not really control. | |||
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"I think every D/s relationship is different and it's very much decided between the people involved. However, as is very clear from this thread is that some people have no idea what it's all about and that's okay. I think you are one or the other or you switch in between but if you don't understand it then the chances are you never will. On the other hand, basic advice such as in the OP, regardless of who wrote it, is welcome by at least one person and I think that's a really good thing. As a community, it would be nice to see us sharing the different angles without arguing over who is right and who is wrong. The bottom line is that it's very different in each relationship so rather than confirming its odd to those with no understanding, wouldn't it be better to educate? " I think most importantly people should remember that you can be dominant AND an asshole. It's perfectly possible to be both. Being a dominant doesn't mean you can't be an asshole. Being a dominant doesn't always make you a good person. Being a dominant doesn't always make you compatible with submissives just because you follow a checklist that one person wrote. | |||
"I think every D/s relationship is different and it's very much decided between the people involved. However, as is very clear from this thread is that some people have no idea what it's all about and that's okay. I think you are one or the other or you switch in between but if you don't understand it then the chances are you never will. On the other hand, basic advice such as in the OP, regardless of who wrote it, is welcome by at least one person and I think that's a really good thing. As a community, it would be nice to see us sharing the different angles without arguing over who is right and who is wrong. The bottom line is that it's very different in each relationship so rather than confirming its odd to those with no understanding, wouldn't it be better to educate? I think most importantly people should remember that you can be dominant AND an asshole. It's perfectly possible to be both. Being a dominant doesn't mean you can't be an asshole. Being a dominant doesn't always make you a good person. Being a dominant doesn't always make you compatible with submissives just because you follow a checklist that one person wrote." Much like every area in life. | |||
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"I fully understand that everyone's view is different and in turn accept that. My point was that my opinion is that there is an inherent difference between Dom/sub & Sadist/machoist. " In my opinion the two can also be integrated so I think generally it's such a big tin of worms so I'm not sure that there are hard and fast rules for it. Each relationship is totally different depending on the people involved. | |||
"I think every D/s relationship is different and it's very much decided between the people involved. However, as is very clear from this thread is that some people have no idea what it's all about and that's okay. I think you are one or the other or you switch in between but if you don't understand it then the chances are you never will. On the other hand, basic advice such as in the OP, regardless of who wrote it, is welcome by at least one person and I think that's a really good thing. As a community, it would be nice to see us sharing the different angles without arguing over who is right and who is wrong. The bottom line is that it's very different in each relationship so rather than confirming its odd to those with no understanding, wouldn't it be better to educate? " Dirty girl at her best | |||
"I fully understand that everyone's view is different and in turn accept that. My point was that my opinion is that there is an inherent difference between Dom/sub & Sadist/masochist. " Yes, it's usually that the masochists have much more control over the situation. Submissives usually have less control than masochists. | |||
"I fully understand that everyone's view is different and in turn accept that. My point was that my opinion is that there is an inherent difference between Dom/sub & Sadist/machoist. In my opinion the two can also be integrated so I think generally it's such a big tin of worms so I'm not sure that there are hard and fast rules for it. Each relationship is totally different depending on the people involved. " I totally agree with you. It's the most complex thing I've ever come across. | |||
"I fully understand that everyone's view is different and in turn accept that. My point was that my opinion is that there is an inherent difference between Dom/sub & Sadist/machoist. In my opinion the two can also be integrated so I think generally it's such a big tin of worms so I'm not sure that there are hard and fast rules for it. Each relationship is totally different depending on the people involved. I totally agree with you. It's the most complex thing I've ever come across." Yup... complicated doesn't really cover it but once you get the dynamic right it's the most fabulous experience. | |||
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"This was copied from D/s dungeon on faceyB, was it not "It's a great thing to follow - if BDSM is of interest x | |||
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"Love this as some sadly DO need the obvious pointing out to them. When you are in a mess it's easy to drown in it and not even know you are doing - been there
But not anymore
In most abusive relationships people don't see it until they are ready to regardless of who tells them what to the contrary "A lot have no idea they're even being abused. Oddly my profile is about similar..... | |||
" I agree with you every situation is different and Bdsm is a highly complex thing. That being said any senario where a safe word is in place gives control to the person who has the option to use it. Therefore they have overall control of the senario. I'm my mind that can only apply to D/s. Plenty of people, like myself, play without safe words with certain people. My sub really has one point of control - to leave the relationship. If he leaves the relationship then we don't have a relationship anymore. It's not really control." But you would never say that someone's dynamic is wrong, or say they wernt a real dom/sub would you | |||
" I agree with you every situation is different and Bdsm is a highly complex thing. That being said any senario where a safe word is in place gives control to the person who has the option to use it. Therefore they have overall control of the senario. I'm my mind that can only apply to D/s. Plenty of people, like myself, play without safe words with certain people. My sub really has one point of control - to leave the relationship. If he leaves the relationship then we don't have a relationship anymore. It's not really control. But you would never say that someone's dynamic is wrong, or say they wernt a real dom/sub would you" No, absolutely. Because I get really cheesed off when people tell me I'm not a real dom / sub / etc. People love oneupmanship. People love to think that their relationship is superior. Unfortunately it just comes across as judgey and unpleasant. As long as everyone is having fun, enjoying themselves, and consenting (or consensually non-consenting) then as far as I'm concerned that's fucking awesome. | |||
