FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Trust....
Trust....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Could you ever trust someone you know that has been unfaithful in the past??? Your thoughts please X "
Never. People never change. They can calm down but never change. They are who they are. If a person wants to cheat, they will. Are you prepared to have your hopes and feelings built up then knocked down down? Maybe that won't happen. But it's possible it will. You just have to ask yourself (because only you can know, whether you have the energy for it. Good luck though! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Speaking from both sides of the coin, so to speak... I might be able to forgive but I wouldn't be able to forget, and it would colour my judgment of that person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People can change. I think it depends on why they cheated in the first place."
I'm not trying to offend you so no offensive to you personally but I think that nonsense. There's no excuse for cheating...none. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes.
I don't believe repetitions of past behaviours is an inevitability. "
 I agree. In another set of circumstances with a different person, someone may make entirely different decisions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe if you want to make it work,it night be stronger and more honest. Depends on both I guess. Though the person cheated upon isn't always the innocent party they portray. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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But... Fabwise, if someone's married & on here as a single person, I don't question it & I don't don't judge them for it as I don't know their story or why they're here, nor do I seek them out for meets. It's their business and not mine. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"But... Fabwise, if someone's married & on here as a single person, I don't question it & I don't don't judge them for it as I don't know their story or why they're here, nor do I seek them out for meets. It's their business and not mine. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Could you ever trust someone you know that has been unfaithful in the past??? Your thoughts please X "
I'm not super brilliant at trusting people deep down regardless of their past history, my self preservation walls are built quite high (often unecessarily). In an ideal world, I'd swallow a massive bravery pill and jump in at the deep end. Sometimes though, regardless of past screw ups, you have to take that bravery pill and trust your gut. HHx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Could you ever trust someone you know that has been unfaithful in the past??? Your thoughts please X
I'm not super brilliant at trusting people deep down regardless of their past history, my self preservation walls are built quite high (often unecessarily). In an ideal world, I'd swallow a massive bravery pill and jump in at the deep end. Sometimes though, regardless of past screw ups, you have to take that bravery pill and trust your gut. HHx "
Leap of faith X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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And also, having been lied to by someone I loved at the time about him sleeping with someone, things were never quite the same and I never took him on face value or really believed in him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends how long ago in the past.
Young, immature, and unconfident people often are liars because they're scared of the consequences and don't know any better.
If they've changed to more mature, wiser, and confident then i'd be more likely to trust them.
Am a bit tempted to label them as not able to change or think they just become better liars though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends if you're talking about the person cheating on you and if they would do it again?
That would be different than my current partner who had cheated on girlfriends from his past. I wouldn't assume that would mean he would also cheat on me. |
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Honestly, Bradley has cheated on every partner he's had in the past but has admitted he never truly had feelings for any of them.
Yet I trust him 100%, but I couldn't explain why...
If he cheated on me, he'd never get a 2nd chance.
- Amy. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd treat a person who was open about previous mistakes (if they were) better for being open. I wouldn't assume they'd cheat again - different relationships, times of life, circumstances etc can make people very different |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People change and if you don't let yourself trust someone you'll just end up miserable. "
More likely to end up miserable trusting people who aren't gonna live up to your expectations .
Trusting a cheater is gonna make you very miserable in the long run . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd treat a person who was open about previous mistakes (if they were) better for being open. I wouldn't assume they'd cheat again - different relationships, times of life, circumstances etc can make people very different "
Exactly this. Every relationship is different. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Trust is unique to the individual and circumstance. What Evers goin on.. Go with your gut and commit to your decision.. Don't make a decision then be lookin over your shoulder... Miserable existence..
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People change and if you don't let yourself trust someone you'll just end up miserable. "
Been there , done that !
I have major trust issues but learning to trust someone completely and having belief that they will be truthful to you is quite liberating
A X |
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"I'd treat a person who was open about previous mistakes (if they were) better for being open. I wouldn't assume they'd cheat again - different relationships, times of life, circumstances etc can make people very different
Exactly this. Every relationship is different. "
There is a world of difference from someone worn down from an abusive relationship finding someone who gives them the strength to escape to someone kissing a loving partner and small kids goodnight knowing that they are going out to shag the latest in a long line of conquests ( including several of their in laws). There are many shades of grey between those two. |
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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago
A world of my own |
Every relationship is different.
I see it from the other side too. I cheated on my husband. I'm not sure I trust myself not to do it again and it's partly why I've always gone for unavailable men. It's me that gets hurt and some how it makes up for what I did. Very hard to explain |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The majority saying No have just not found out about their partners unfaithfulness yet, statistically speaking 60% of men will cheat at some point and 45% on women, thus about 10 people in this thread that have said no, just have not found out yet
Does it count if you are unaware, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Could you ever trust someone you know that has been unfaithful in the past??? Your thoughts please X "
For me it would depend on whether it was a one off and on the context of that, or whether they were a serial cheat. If it was a common thing in a lot of their relationships I wouldn't go near them, but if it was a one off I'd consider it, but only if I really liked them. Rach xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The majority saying No have just not found out about their partners unfaithfulness yet, statistically speaking 60% of men will cheat at some point and 45% on women, thus about 10 people in this thread that have said no, just have not found out yet
Does it count if you are unaware, "
That's a very pessimistic answer! I'd be interested to see where the statistics came from, cause I never would've thought it would be that many. Maybe I just see the best in people! Rach xx |
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"Could you ever trust someone you know that has been unfaithful in the past??? Your thoughts please X
Never. People never change. They can calm down but never change. They are who they are. If a person wants to cheat, they will. Are you prepared to have your hopes and feelings built up then knocked down down? Maybe that won't happen. But it's possible it will. You just have to ask yourself (because only you can know, whether you have the energy for it. Good luck though! X"
I would as I believe People do change. I have many times over the years depending on events, circumstances, people coming and going from my life etc.
10 years ago id be the first to say never in a million years ago would you find me on a swingers site or going to clubs, and I wouldn't have said I'd be Bi, yet I'm here and I do and Bi and I'm quite open about it.
I would judge them only by the way they treat me, everyone has a past and you need to love them for their mistakes as well as their successes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The majority saying No have just not found out about their partners unfaithfulness yet, statistically speaking 60% of men will cheat at some point and 45% on women, thus about 10 people in this thread that have said no, just have not found out yet
Does it count if you are unaware, "
I would think many saying no would be from experience. I have no time for someone being unfaithful and constantly wondering when they'll do it again. Causes masses stress and not worth it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Since you generally only know about someone's past what they have chosen to tell you, it's entirely possible to get into a relationship with someone who is a serial cheater and know absolutely nothing about it.....
If you mean someone who has already cheated on me, well, that would just be stupid. Trust has to be earned and once broken, it is a very difficult thing to rebuild - and rightly so. How else do you judge someone's regard for you but by their actions? Talk is cheap. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cheating means different things to different people, a female friend of mine sees it that if someone she's with hides the fact that they have spoken to someone that's cheating.
I in the other hand see it as if I'm with someone and they sleep with someone else then hide it, that to me is cheating, its the intention to deceive for me not the act, if I'm with someone and they want to fuck someone else my first question is can I watch lol.
But as for trust, if they are worth investing in emotionaly, then you have no choice but to trust them, if you feel you can't trust them, or can't trust yourself to not watch their every move, then its probably going to end in tears. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The majority saying No have just not found out about their partners unfaithfulness yet, statistically speaking 60% of men will cheat at some point and 45% on women, thus about 10 people in this thread that have said no, just have not found out yet
Does it count if you are unaware,
That's a very pessimistic answer! I'd be interested to see where the statistics came from, cause I never would've thought it would be that many. Maybe I just see the best in people! Rach xx"
It's not pessimistic if backed up surveys and facts I'm afraid - do a quick google on number of people who cheat
Another interesting find, people with longer ring fingers cheat more
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The majority saying No have just not found out about their partners unfaithfulness yet, statistically speaking 60% of men will cheat at some point and 45% on women, thus about 10 people in this thread that have said no, just have not found out yet
Does it count if you are unaware,
That's a very pessimistic answer! I'd be interested to see where the statistics came from, cause I never would've thought it would be that many. Maybe I just see the best in people! Rach xx
It's not pessimistic if backed up surveys and facts I'm afraid - do a quick google on number of people who cheat
Another interesting find, people with longer ring fingers cheat more
"
I've actually just looked at a survey that says 25% of men and 18% of women, which is way off the numbers you gave. As for the ring finger thing, there's no scientific evidence on that, it's an urban myth. The length of someone's fingers has no bearing on their behaviour. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The majority saying No have just not found out about their partners unfaithfulness yet, statistically speaking 60% of men will cheat at some point and 45% on women, thus about 10 people in this thread that have said no, just have not found out yet
Does it count if you are unaware,
That's a very pessimistic answer! I'd be interested to see where the statistics came from, cause I never would've thought it would be that many. Maybe I just see the best in people! Rach xx
It's not pessimistic if backed up surveys and facts I'm afraid - do a quick google on number of people who cheat
Another interesting find, people with longer ring fingers cheat more
I've actually just looked at a survey that says 25% of men and 18% of women, which is way off the numbers you gave. As for the ring finger thing, there's no scientific evidence on that, it's an urban myth. The length of someone's fingers has no bearing on their behaviour."
different surveys will result in different results.
i found one that said 90% of straight married men have cheated on their partner with another man. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes. Until you are in that situation you can't possibly say what you would or wouldn't do. It is totally dependent on your relationship with that person and how important it is and the circumstances. |
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
"16 emoticons is just fucking ridiculous.
Just stop it."
I find they serve their purpose - I see the emoticons and I don't think anyone that inane could ever have anything of value to contribute so I never read its posts, I just scroll past. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends. I wouldn't trust someone who had been unfaithful to me, but I would trust someone who had been unfaithful in a past relationship to someone else. "
That doesn't make Any sense. I'm more likely to trust someone I've been in a relationship with than someone i haven't. |
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
"Depends. I wouldn't trust someone who had been unfaithful to me, but I would trust someone who had been unfaithful in a past relationship to someone else.
That doesn't make Any sense. I'm more likely to trust someone I've been in a relationship with than someone i haven't."
Because it wasn't "our" relationship... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends. I wouldn't trust someone who had been unfaithful to me, but I would trust someone who had been unfaithful in a past relationship to someone else.
That doesn't make Any sense. I'm more likely to trust someone I've been in a relationship with than someone i haven't.
Because it wasn't "our" relationship..."
So you wouldn't trust someone you'd been in a relationship with for, say 20 years, after a minor discretion that was a culmination of many things at the time, but you would trust someone you barely know who had cheated in a previous partner?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Could you ever trust someone you know that has been unfaithful in the past??? Your thoughts please X "
Yes. It depends on the circumstances but i do trust someone in my life who was unfaithful. Not unfaithful to me thou. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You don't need a crystal ball if you have a history book.
Key behaviours never change and can be so embedded that history will always repeat itself. "
Not always though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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no. it's happened 3 times with my ex, twice online and hidden, shame I worked in IT. She always swore out was a mistake etc. Third time, years later, we split. After kids, totally out of the blue one night, I was told to go. I did very reluctantly.
2 weeks later, new bloke... according to her sister, it'd been going on a few weeks before. 18 months later they're getting hitched.
rather him than me there. I feel like I was just a rung onto the housing ladder, tbf! |
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"Could you ever trust someone you know that has been unfaithful in the past??? Your thoughts please X "
Not under any circumstances . I have a zero tolerance of cheats and they would be FULLY aware of this . If they then decide to then cheat on me, they walk in to it knowing the consequences . They chose the leg over before me so they are then welcome to it and the site of my arse walking farrrr away from them lol! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think I could trust anyone again if they had strayed although depends on the severity... e.g. if the OH had told me the following morning or if I find out it was an affair..
Different levels will of course demand a different reaction..
We are swingers, so the sex side is not a problem, just the trust would be gone...
Harry. |
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"Could you ever trust someone you know that has been unfaithful in the past??? Your thoughts please X
I'm not super brilliant at trusting people deep down regardless of their past history, my self preservation walls are built quite high (often unecessarily). In an ideal world, I'd swallow a massive bravery pill and jump in at the deep end. Sometimes though, regardless of past screw ups, you have to take that bravery pill and trust your gut. HHx "
Hot, honest and wise...marry me?!?!   |
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