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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Sorry Guys n Gals
A little less than light hearted this one
I am having a bit of a rough ride with Mum of late
She is in her late 70's
She is one of 7 children
My Auntie (her youngest sister) died in December, so now Mum is the last living member of her sibling group.
Last week, her oldest friend was taken by cancer which has (obviously) exaccerbated her grief.
I have seen her grieve before but not like this.
She spontaneously bursts into tears pretty much every conversation. (This has been a pretty much constant feature for the last 6-8 weeks)
She feels like 'everyone is leaving her', 'feels like she has nobody' despite having a husband, 2 children, a grand daughter, a great grandaughter and a nephew who thinks the world of her.
She said she feels 'lonely'
It's heartbreaking to witness and nothing seems to be easing it.
I don't want to involve her Docs as such, so, recognising you folks are quite good with ideas...
Is there anywhere I can take this ?
A group / organisation she can talk with that deals with this sort of thing ?
I've thought of Age UK, but are there other elderly support organisations ?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm afraid it's all part of getting old... my dear old mum has spent the last 8 months in hospital, finally home... for now!
She feels like giving up, although she has 4 kids and 3 grandkids to see her.
Never been the same since we lost dad, he was her rock! Maybe your mum feels the same about her friend? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Age uk may be best place to start and they should be able to signpost you to the right place?
Or the docs? For advice/signposting rather than medication.
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There's loads out there for the elderly, rvs is another charity that helps elderly. What does she enjoy doing? Maybe she could go to an activity group with people of her age, get her back out there and enjoying life, meeting new people. Lunch groups, there's probably a group that takes them out on little day trips like going to a garden centre and having tea and coffee. I had a free day out with a group of oldies to go see Disney on ice had an awesome time, though I wish I'd stuck wiv the lady in the wheelchair she got front row.
I think the past few months have been bad for people, shows how life can b such a bitch but so short. Suppose she needs to c a positive to a crap situation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP I don't have any advice but I'm sorry for you and your mum. You're a lovely son the help and support her and I bet that in itself will help her through.
Hugs Knitter |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would start with Age UK , they may have info on local clubs / drop-in centres / days out / shopping trips that kind of thing.
If your mum is feeling depressed / low, I wouldn't discount a trip to the GP, she may need a little 'pick me up' or someone to talk to.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When my mum was last sibling she wanted to die. She went into a home where she met new friends. Was in there just over 4 years. Took time to find a lovely one and they really cared for her. Was nearby so i could visit 24/7
Good luck x |
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I remember a line from an episode of Miss Marple that was something along the line of "they were the last person that remembered", meaning they were the last person who shared some of their earliest memories of life, childhood and growing up. It must be hard that those people have gone. Encourage her to share those memories if it's not too painful for her. |
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I have worked for an Age Uk charity shop, they had staff in their office upstairs that could offer help and support for people in a similar situation as your mum OP Check online for your nearest drop in centre/office or ask at local shop...they can help by just having someone for your mum to talk with to day trips and events for her to occupy her mind. Keep strong sir |
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Some great answers here.
My thoughts are to take things slowly, so that it couldn't seem like she's being packaged off to be fixed.
I lost my dad a while ago and I was just in total shock - I was fairly sane and level headed but my whole being was somehow disturbed at its core. It takes some time for us to stabilize, so that our energies are more available and prepared for movement. Too much too soon and it's like gouging a fresh unhealed flesh wound - some peaceful fearfulness will help.
Actions will speak loudly - perhaps more clearly than many words. Show her continuously that you love her. Be there, present connected and available for her. You are affirming your deep love for her - it will mean much to her spirit, whilst grieving in shock.
She probably doesn't need lots of answers, just to feel stronger and feel the strength of her connections that are still here.
Bereavement counseling could be very good and support her as she moves through different stages of grieving. Others have posted great ideas here.
And as she moves on, the other ideas of getting her involved in some new things and added purpose will potentially be self affirming.
Keep het in your life, loving and supporting her.
Have a hug too x |
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By *lighty1Woman
over a year ago
You Dont Need to Know, right now |
Men, bless you, we love you. But you don't always need to 'fix' us.
It's only been 2 months since she lost her sister, 1 week since she lost her friend, she is just grieving. Give her time... and I mean "give" her time. "Give" her time, listen to her, cuddle her, pass her tissues when she cries, make her cups of tea. Encourage the rest of your extended family to do the same.
She doesn't need 'a solution', right now, she needs sympathy, understanding, consolation. It takes longer than 2 months to complete the grieving process. If she's still the same, in another 2-3 months, THEN would be the time to look for practical help.
But bless you, for being such a thoughtful son x |
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By *atnat85Woman
over a year ago
northwest |
As part of the grieving process she's probably questioning her own mortality too, which, whilst death does happen to everyone , its different when you've been exposed to it so acutely.
As someone else said its like she's lost connections to her childhood. Maybe when she's ready go through pictures Tec with her.
There's no way to rush the grieving process, and she may not want to talk about it all the time, but when she does, just listen.
Hope she feels better soon x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Grieving is different with every person you lose. There are definitely different stages, shock, crying , anger, more crying. I also think that it hits you a little while after your loss, after the immediate shock, as its longer since you've seen the person you've lost. Does your Mum have a group of friends, I was thinking something like Mothers Union or similar - usually women of a similar age to your Mum. I know exactly what she means about feeling lonely - despite having people around, I think we've all had that sometimes. She's lucky to have such a caring son.
Sarah x |
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I will take stock of them x