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Father's Rights....
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A young lad I know is 25 I have known him since he was a toddler. He has 1 3 year old daughter but he separated from the mother while she was pregnant. The mother contacted him the day she was going to register the birth and said his name can be on the birth certificate if he pays £700 to his ex as security to his daughter. Luckily it was his pay day so got her the money she wanted. Has she promised his name went on birth certificate. He was having regular contact at least 5/6 times a week and buying nappies,clothes ect for his daughter amd putting electric on the meter because mother had forgotten to get it when she went to the shop at least once a week same as gas. He was willing to do what ever it took to see his daughter regular and provide for her. After around 4 months the mother wanted £250 from him or she will stop contact... yet again he paid it just to keep contact going.... But after few weeks he went round after work and she had moved house and he didn't have a clue where or why she went.
She moved back to the area when the child was 2 and half. Yet again she contacted him and said if you want to see your daughter I was £300 by end of day. He couldn't get all the money although did get £200 she took the money and after 15 min walked away with his daughter as she left she said " well you couldn't get all the money so you don't get all the time with her" after he tried contacting her she wouldn't return his calls, letters where returned unopened, police were call on several occasions to say he was stalking her ( he was at work when he was ment to be stalking her) so nothing came of the reports. She smashed her own window and said it was him ( she didn't realise there was cctv at bottom of street that caught her) she was charged for wasting police time and he was given the chance to press charges on her. He didn't want to because at end of the day she is still the mother of his 1st child. Yet again she is asking for money so he can spend time with his daughter. He refused but offered to buy any thing at all that is needed for his daughter or the home she lives in.. mother has point blank to refuse the offer and will not allow him to see his daughter.
He is currently trying to save as much money for a solictor as quickly as he can. He has opened her a bank account that he put £20-40 aweek for when she older. He also still posts the mother £60 a week just in case his daughter needs anything.
She tells everyone that he ain't bothered bout his daughter because he won't pay £100s each time she orders. I was actually shocked the amount of people agreed with her saying he should pay what ever the mother wants because she was pregnant for 9 months and gave birth to her. And if he was that bothered even of mother wanted £10 million the same day to see his daughter then he would find a way.
Is it just me who thinks she is bang out of order x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it's a load of bollocks.
If he wants to see his daughter he should go through the courts and secure his rights. "
He saving up for a solictor x |
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"I think it's a load of bollocks.
If he wants to see his daughter he should go through the courts and secure his rights.
He saving up for a solictor x"
Tell him to try for financial help or free representation. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it's a load of bollocks.
If he wants to see his daughter he should go through the courts and secure his rights. "
Also he is a 1st time dad and with people agreeing with her he thought judge would aswell x I explained he needs a solicitor and to keep copies of receipts and bank statements showing what he has given her x |
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"I think it's a load of bollocks.
If he wants to see his daughter he should go through the courts and secure his rights.
Also he is a 1st time dad and with people agreeing with her he thought judge would aswell x I explained he needs a solicitor and to keep copies of receipts and bank statements showing what he has given her x"
There are so many cases of court judgements being ignored and the courts are slow/reluctant to enforce.
Even if he goes to court there is no guarantee he'll see the child if the judge rules in his favour. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think it's a load of bollocks.
If he wants to see his daughter he should go through the courts and secure his rights.
He saving up for a solictor x
Tell him to try for financial help or free representation. "
He has tried to get legal aid but is unable to get it because he earns to much apprently he gets around 13thousand a year. Unless social services or there has been violence during the relationship from her and there is police records he can't get legal aid x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fuck that, I would go for full custody, she had been caught out doing dome crazy shit and making stuff up, I'd go for an unfit mother claim, if he's lucky. She'll ne the type of person that likes to brag about how she git this money and that money out of him, its just finding who she has bragged to.
Also, he should keep a log of all interactions with the mother, texts, phone calls, meetings, and keep meetings to where there is plenty of cctv coverage, writing down the exact times and dates and places, is of the upmost importance, because, when she lies, she won't be able to back it up against the documented truth.
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By *D40Couple
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
If he was my brother i would be telling him to tell her if she still wants her £80 a week he needs bank account details & pay her through the bank, make sure he names it 'child maintenance'. He also needs to get a copy of the birth certificate if he doesn't have one.
Then i'd play her at her own game. £80 a week is a lot of money if she is a single parent so tell her he has his access at set times or the money doesn't go into her account it goes into the account he has set up for the child.
Finally pop into the CAB & have a word with them to see what his rights are. They may be able to give details of a family solicitor who will give him an initial consultation of a specified time and advice as how to pursue it. I would tax all evidence of the wasting police time with stalking accusations & keep any texts demanding money. If he doesn't answer the phone when she rings & doesn't respond to voicemail she will have to put her demands in writing either text or email & then he has any proof he needs.
I used to be one of these women who used her children as a weapon against my cheating ex husband, & i am thoroughly ashamed of it. It seriously screws with your kids minds & if i could turn the clock back i would, but i can't and for that i'm eternally guilty.
I wish your friend well & hope that this dad who wants to be there for his child gets what he deserves. So many guys don't step up to the plate...
Mrs WD40 x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Parents who deny their child access to the other parent for no valid reason are scum and should be jailed. "
My god my life would.be so.much more peaceful if I stopped my ex seeing our son, but it would be horrible for my son, and he's the important one, and thats what people forget sometimes, because yeah, if I didn't have to interact with her, id be happy, but the price to my sons happiness, isn't one I could bear to pay. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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what a terrible situation...
I really feel for the poor guy, but he has probably made a rod for his own back by agreeing to give her the money in the first place...
As for her using the child as a blackmailing tool....well some people just don't deserve to have children  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unless they were married, and she took the marriage certificate or he went to the register office with the mother there is no way he will be in the birth certificate unfortunately.
As far as the money goes, he should seek advice from a solicitor, and perhaps contact the CSA himself as they will be able to ask the mother to provide details etc and set any child maintenance in line with what he earns. There is then a paperwork trail, pay her directly from his bank account to hers, not cash.
Access, a solicitor, ask them to write to get asking for access, if she doesn't reply or refuses he can go to a court to ask for access to the child. He needs to apply to the court for a parental responsibility agreement with the mother to give him any rights over the child in terms of schools, health, and just being a parent.
keep a note of all messages, phone conversations, meetings etc to show any solicitors, courts, police, social services etc who become involved. |
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"He needs to go to a Mediation meeting first (a MIAM) before he goes through the Courts.
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Also I'd be pushing for deductions via old CSA - yes it costs to set it up but it's linked to her benefits too. I'll bet she's not declaring any maintenance payments.
I'm very pro-father's rights but I'm also a believer in a fair system.
If his name is on birth certificate he's entitled to copy school reports & invites to parents evenings etc when child is old enough to attend school.
I had a friend who was pushing her ex for maintenance (she had married someone else by this point) but not allowing him to see their daughter (no reason for this either). I told her I didn't agree with what she was doing - why should he pay if not allowed to see the daughter? I said if I were him I'd take her to Court for access. She soon changed her mind.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unless they were married, and she took the marriage certificate or he went to the register office with the mother there is no way he will be in the birth certificate unfortunately."
Why is there no way he'd be on the birth certificate? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unless they were married, and she took the marriage certificate or he went to the register office with the mother there is no way he will be in the birth certificate unfortunately.
Why is there no way he'd be on the birth certificate?"
Because I'm law on unmarried parents States that the father has to be present at the registration of the birth to be put on the certicifate. Otherwise they have to apply through the court's to be put on it. A mother who is married to the father can register the birth alone, with a copy of the marriage certificate to put the father on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unless they were married, and she took the marriage certificate or he went to the register office with the mother there is no way he will be in the birth certificate unfortunately.
Why is there no way he'd be on the birth certificate?
Because I'm law on unmarried parents States that the father has to be present at the registration of the birth to be put on the certicifate. Otherwise they have to apply through the court's to be put on it. A mother who is married to the father can register the birth alone, with a copy of the marriage certificate to put the father on."
Or he makes a statutory declaration signing it which the mother gives to the registrar at the point of registration. By the sounds of which, none of this was done. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Unless they were married, and she took the marriage certificate or he went to the register office with the mother there is no way he will be in the birth certificate unfortunately.
Why is there no way he'd be on the birth certificate?"
He is on birth certificate he gave her £700 the day they registered birth. She said it was for his daughters security x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unless they were married, and she took the marriage certificate or he went to the register office with the mother there is no way he will be in the birth certificate unfortunately.
Why is there no way he'd be on the birth certificate?
He is on birth certificate he gave her £700 the day they registered birth. She said it was for his daughters security x"
Was he present for the registration? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Unless they were married, and she took the marriage certificate or he went to the register office with the mother there is no way he will be in the birth certificate unfortunately.
Why is there no way he'd be on the birth certificate?
Yes he was x
He is on birth certificate he gave her £700 the day they registered birth. She said it was for his daughters security x
Was he present for the registration?"
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Unless they were married, and she took the marriage certificate or he went to the register office with the mother there is no way he will be in the birth certificate unfortunately.
Why is there no way he'd be on the birth certificate?
He is on birth certificate he gave her £700 the day they registered birth. She said it was for his daughters security x"
Does he know though? If he isn't, and because they weren't married, he will currently have no parent responsibility.
If he wants things to change he needs to get his arse to the CAB. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Unless they were married, and she took the marriage certificate or he went to the register office with the mother there is no way he will be in the birth certificate unfortunately.
Why is there no way he'd be on the birth certificate?
He is on birth certificate he gave her £700 the day they registered birth. She said it was for his daughters security x
Does he know though? If he isn't, and because they weren't married, he will currently have no parent responsibility.
If he wants things to change he needs to get his arse to the CAB."
He was there at the registration a d he signed the birth certificate x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unless they were married, and she took the marriage certificate or he went to the register office with the mother there is no way he will be in the birth certificate unfortunately.
Why is there no way he'd be on the birth certificate?
Yes he was x
He is on birth certificate he gave her £700 the day they registered birth. She said it was for his daughters security x
Was he present for the registration?"
That's good, then the parental responsibility is automatic and he can apply for access through the court's which is the best way for him to do it x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It really is nothing to do with money or demands.
It is nothing to do with her rights or his rights (and we do only have one side of the story).
It is what is best for the child. That test can result in terribly unjust results but when it comes to warring parents, it is the only test that can properly be applied. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Tell him he needs to go for mediation, then if that doesn't solve anything, he needs to complete a C100 & C1A if he thinks the child is at risk of harm.
He doesn't need a solicitor to do this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it's a load of bollocks.
If he wants to see his daughter he should go through the courts and secure his rights. "
The downside to that is if she chooses not to attend court there is nothing anyone can do or will do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tell him he needs to go for mediation, then if that doesn't solve anything, he needs to complete a C100 & C1A if he thinks the child is at risk of harm.
He doesn't need a solicitor to do this."
She however needs to attend and again she doesn't have to |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it's a load of bollocks.
If he wants to see his daughter he should go through the courts and secure his rights.
He saving up for a solictor x
Tell him to try for financial help or free representation. "
I'm not sure there is such a thing as free representation but they can take someone with them as support/reminder as they can't speak in court but they can remind the parent of something they've forgotten to say or need to mention |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Children should never be used as a weapon - by either side.
If he's not on the birth certificate - a paternity test would prove he is the dad.
Sounds like the legal route is the best way forward, we only hear one side of the story so I'm unconvinced she's an unfit mother. However the child should be able to see both parents.
I've been the single parent with the shoe on the other foot i.e an ex that pays bog all, but I never used that to stop him seeing his children.
I hope your friend can resolve it all in the child's best interests. After all, that's what it's all about.
Sarah |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tell him he needs to go for mediation, then if that doesn't solve anything, he needs to complete a C100 & C1A if he thinks the child is at risk of harm.
He doesn't need a solicitor to do this.
She however needs to attend and again she doesn't have to"
They don't attend together. He needs to though before doing the C100. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tell him he needs to go for mediation, then if that doesn't solve anything, he needs to complete a C100 & C1A if he thinks the child is at risk of harm.
He doesn't need a solicitor to do this.
She however needs to attend and again she doesn't have to
They don't attend together. He needs to though before doing the C100."
No she doesn't but she can still choose not to attend and there's fuck all the man can do about it |
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