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If you knew you were dying
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Would you be wrong not to tell family and friends because
a) you don't want to hurt them
b) you don't want them feeling sorry for you, wrapping you in cotton wall and or walking on egg shells around you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Never keep people in the dark.
It's patronising.
People who do that don't spare any agonies they just heap a whole pile up for everyone else when they've gone.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I prefer to be upfront, and plan to see and do as much as I can before I die.
That will include seeing and making sure all those that are dear to me know how much they mean to me.
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Think it depends on circumstances, and how close you are to your family. Don't think anybody could say for sure until they were in that situation.
Our children have always known that mummy won't live to reach old age. They have accepted it and talk about it openly. Hopefully it will help them when the time comes. |
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I wouldnt hide it from them but i wouldnt tell them until i had too. Many years ago i made a vow that everyone who is close to me would know how i feel about them and i can honestly say they do. If i popped my clogs tomorrow they would all know how i feel about them. You should tell people all the while how much you care about them |
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i would tell them,it is important that people have the chance to say goodbye.
A very close friend of mine is currently nursing her mum through the last stages of terminal cancer.She probably doesnt realise it but right now she is my hero.She is sleeping next to her mums bed to give her support and meds in the night,and still has time to laugh and work,and care for her children.
She says that she will never have this time again with her mum,and that makes everything worth while.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are all dying from the moment we are born. You could step out in the road tomorrow and be killed, fall of a chair so many ways.
However it would not feel right to me to keep this a secret from my close family and friends. I would not want them to keep it from me.
"Do unto others ..." is always a good reference.
. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My family know me so well I'd never be able to hide it from them anyway, even if I wanted to hide it from them. The time I was going through chemo and radiotherapy it was a bit of a give away though! 
So I'd rather prepare them and have them enjoy the last of my time with them. xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When your ill to the extent you are going to die you have the right to keep it to yourself. I would want to maintain my dignity. I am not a zoo animal to be studied. Lets face it if you tell family their attitude to you would be different. If you only have a short time to live you should be able to live it as you like not as others say you should. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldnt hide it from them but i wouldnt tell them until i had too. Many years ago i made a vow that everyone who is close to me would know how i feel about them and i can honestly say they do. If i popped my clogs tomorrow they would all know how i feel about them. You should tell people all the while how much you care about them"
My lovely told me every day "if I die tomorrow I die a happy man, thank you" I'm glad he did, it was a comfort to me when he was killed knowing that I had been able to make him that happy man. xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A terminal illness is a very personal thing. I know I wouldn’t want the pity and fuss family would make. I would much rather be in control of the situation and live my life as normally for as long as possible, but I don’t personally feel it’s your families right to know all your personal business. |
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Speaking from personal experience. Ok I'm not going to live to an old age, but hopefully I'm not going to die this year!
It all depends on what is happening as to whether you can hide it. I go to hospital on a very regular basis for scans etc, when I'm having a bad time it's impossible to hide it from anybody.
So also depends on the illness, the treatment and your family situation as to whether you can hide it.
I would find it very lonely not to be able to talk about things. Idon't want sympathy and will never accept it. It's happened I get on with life, and keep things as normal as possible. Luckily my family accept that and don't treat me with kid gloves, thank god!
Unless you are in that situation you can't say for sure. I couldn't of, until now.
My motto is live every day as your last. N x |
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If you're lucky enough to get a warning, I believe it's your right to decide how you live the last part of your life. Once other people know, it starts to become how they expect you to live the last part of your life... it's not their life so not their choice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My mum died of cancer, she never told anyone she had it, never had any treatment for it at all, noone had any idea at all till it was to late and she only had days left to live
I had very mixed feeling about this, in a way i hated her for being so selfish and leaving us but as i got older i understood how scared she was and i think she did the classic ignor it and it will go away
My dad on the other had died of liver failer because he was a alchoholic and he never shut up about his illness even tho his was self inflicted he felt the whole world owed him favour  |
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I'm not sure on this one either.
My folks have been in New Zealand for the last three months and my mum had an accident while they were there. She fell off her bike. She's spent a week in intensive care as her chest cavity collapsed and they were worried about her lungs filling with fluid, she's smashed her collar bone and had metal plates put in and she has ten broken ribs.
I knew something was wrong cause I hadn't heard from them but they didn't tell us when it happened. I spoke to my dad eventually three days later but he didn't call cause he didn't want to worry us. We're at the other side of the world and can't do much to help.
The other problem I have is that she has no idea how she came off her bike, she didn't hit anything and no-one hit her. She blacked out and the bike was still attached to her on the ground and she'd not put her arms out to break her fall, that doesn't sit right with me. Your natural reaction whenever you fall is to try and stop yourself. I'm concerned that she blacked out before she fell which worries me hugely. This is the kind of thing that she wouldn't tell me. There's a limit to how much you can protect your kids. We're both old enough to be able to deal with that stuff but I worry about her more not knowing that there's something underlying. They're coming home today so we will be having a chat at some point about it.
I'm on the fence with this one. I understand the reasons for keeping things from your loved ones, but I equally feel that I'd rather know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would tell the ones i hold dearest. I would want them to know just how much i loved them and how proud they have made me feel.
When i go i dont want any doubts left for people to tear themselves up over.
It will be hard enough for them without adding to their grief.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I come across this other month my Auties friend had cancer she new ,,, but husband told them not to say how bad it was at the time .. as wished her to think there was hope. She died and i did think at the time would it be best to say how bad or not. Hard one .. not sure whats best really. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Well, all I was worried about when I nearly drowned when our old boat sank in 2008, is what is my mum going to think of me, when she finds my Porn stash!  "
Never YOU SURE? I would be thinking where is the life jacket. |
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My mum knew for two years that they couldn't cure her cancer and told no one. All she would say was her check-ups went well and there was nothing to worry about.
She starting having lots of problems and then of course when she started having to take morphine for what she said was back pain.... well nothing seemed to sound right. By then I had pretty much worked out what was happening, but had no idea of how long she had left. She eventually caved in to my questioning of the doctors and said they could tell me everything... by then she had a matter of days left.
It was her life and her choice. If she wanted to just get on with what life she had left and ignore what was happening inside of her, it was her right to do so.
A few people said they wished they had known so they could have spent more time with her.... but that's just their guilt talking as far as I am concerned. If you want to spend time with someone don't wait until they are ill. It was pretty obvious she was not well for months, why wait for it to be confirmed someone is going to die. |
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" Well, all I was worried about when I nearly drowned when our old boat sank in 2008, is what is my mum going to think of me, when she finds my Porn stash! Never YOU SURE? I would be thinking where is the life jacket."
We never had chance to grab any of the safety gear Jo, it happened so quick, me and my dad were both in the water in seconds!  xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We never had chance to grab any of the safety gear Jo, it happened so quick, me and my dad were both in the water in seconds! xx"
maybe now you will keep one on 24/7 like a seat belt in car you cant take risks like that x Glad your here.. xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" If you want to spend time with someone don't wait until they are ill. It was pretty obvious she was not well for months, why wait for it to be confirmed someone is going to die."
your so right in what you say. My dads not very well i have him days so mum have a rest .... my mum become a full time carer for my dad a give up work she get so low at times... I do spend alot of time with him maybe he just sleep or come in car with me but we are together .. He will be here today and sit in seat ner me on pc cant see thank god as i look at profiles at times ask who i am chating to and what about i have to say all sorts , lol x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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well me personally would keep it quiet but shag for England and go out on a bang, or with a bang.
However with my sis it was a different story altogether. She collapsed in work, hospitalised and diagnosed terminal while my parents were on holiday. She wanted it kept from them till they returned and that was so hard. But in the end it was my sister not wanting to know how long she had. She pretended she was going to get better and by doing so that gave her hope. Whereas we all knew roughly when it would be. So a week before she passed away she faced up to it, planned her funeral, picked her songs and chose who was giving her eulogy. She also did what I called her tour of life, visiting and saying good bye to family and friends. She also gave us all a pep talk on how we should be and how she wanted her children brought up. She passed away 3 months from diagnosis. She proved to be a very brave courageous and wonderful woman.
So until facing that situation who knows.
Bet i have just killed the thread dead now lol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My funeral arrangements all made and documented for the family.
Have no intention of letting anyone know if I ever get diagnosed with a terminal illness, I just want to carry on for as long as I can without having them worrying, stressing, or even partying too soon!!
Selfish? Perhaps, but why should I make everyone around me worry about what they say or how they act around me? That isn't really very fair on them either.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My funeral arrangements all made and documented for the family.
Have no intention of letting anyone know if I ever get diagnosed with a terminal illness, I just want to carry on for as long as I can without having them worrying, stressing, or even partying too soon!!
just make sure ya tell me if yer goin soon would hate ya to drop dead in the act
Selfish? Perhaps, but why should I make everyone around me worry about what they say or how they act around me? That isn't really very fair on them either. "
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We never had chance to grab any of the safety gear Jo, it happened so quick, me and my dad were both in the water in seconds! xxmaybe now you will keep one on 24/7 like a seat belt in car you cant take risks like that x Glad your here.. xxx"
Thanks Jo xxx
We were very lucky a passing boat seen us sinking, and came over and rescued us, as well as calling out the lifeboat!
What a lovely man he was, a Dentist on his way back home to,
The Isle of Wight.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No idea. Being typically English - I guess I prefer not to think about my mortality.
I have some bad news for you ........
"
That is funny ....Until you start posting dates & times  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i would tell them,it is important that people have the chance to say goodbye.
A very close friend of mine is currently nursing her mum through the last stages of terminal cancer.She probably doesnt realise it but right now she is my hero.She is sleeping next to her mums bed to give her support and meds in the night,and still has time to laugh and work,and care for her children.
She says that she will never have this time again with her mum,and that makes everything worth while.
"
very touched by this post. Simply Beutifully put. Your friend is one very unselfish and deserving person its people like her that truly deserve some sort of achievement award rather than some celebrity recieving an object for some meaningless achievment. |
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By *ig badMan
over a year ago
Up North :-) |
"Would you be wrong not to tell family and friends because
a) you don't want to hurt them
b) you don't want them feeling sorry for you, wrapping you in cotton wall and or walking on egg shells around you"
Nope because it is so stressfull for family to watch a loved one die as they watch. Seen it happen and wouldn't wish it on anyone my self. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I just got the all clear for Cancer, and when I was having all the tests done (back and fore to the hospital) I only told who needed to know at the time.
But have now told all the rest as they kept asking what was wrong.
Answer A
B would never happen in my famil |
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