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The Counter-Compliment Rule
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I was reading a book today by an anthropologist who studies English culture (he is English himself).
He noted that English women follow something he called the "Counter-Compliment Rule." What this means is that one thing that English women do when they are greeting one another is: Woman A will compliment Woman B, Woman B will reject the compliment, and counter-compliment Woman A, and then Woman A will do the same, and so on. So: "'You're hair looks lovely Suzy.' 'What, this haircut? I think it looked better before. But your hair is looking very full and shiny!' 'Full? My hair always looks so thin...etc.'
I have noticed that English women do in fact follow this pattern much more often than American women. In my experience, American women are much more likely to accept a compliment, and offer one back without the rejection.
Anyway, men, have you found that English women to in fact reject the compliments you pay them? And women, do you think you follow this rule-pattern, and if so, why?
And I mean this for everyday life more than on fab where I know we all look somewhat skeptically on compliments... 
-Courtney |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I tell a woman she has great tits I either get:
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(A) a smack in the mouth
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(B) " why thank you kind sir...and your cock is magnificent" Followed by an instant shag! |
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I think that it probably is right.
I know I often do this, though I'm trying to get better at accepting rather than rejecting compliments.
The worst thing though is when you struggle to find a compliment to return 
Nita |
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"I was reading a book today by an anthropologist who studies English culture (he is English himself).
He noted that English women follow something he called the "Counter-Compliment Rule." What this means is that one thing that English women do when they are greeting one another is: Woman A will compliment Woman B, Woman B will reject the compliment, and counter-compliment Woman A, and then Woman A will do the same, and so on. So: "'You're hair looks lovely Suzy.' 'What, this haircut? I think it looked better before. But your hair is looking very full and shiny!' 'Full? My hair always looks so thin...etc.'
I have noticed that English women do in fact follow this pattern much more often than American women. In my experience, American women are much more likely to accept a compliment, and offer one back without the rejection.
Anyway, men, have you found that English women to in fact reject the compliments you pay them? And women, do you think you follow this rule-pattern, and if so, why?
And I mean this for everyday life more than on fab where I know we all look somewhat skeptically on compliments...
-Courtney"
good question as always. I do think a lot of people (not necessarily women) do follow this rule when given a compliment. I was the same and would brush of compliments now I say thankyou and lap!them up  |
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By *olgateMan
over a year ago
on the road to nowhere in particular |
"If I tell a woman she has great tits I either get:
.
(A) a smack in the mouth
.
(B) " why thank you kind sir...and your cock is magnificent" Followed by an instant shag!"
i tend to find that the counter compliment stops at the smack in the mouth |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I hate receiving compliments but I just smile and say thank you.. I don't offer one back either just because they have given me one
If I give someone a compliment.. I usually get.. 'what do you want?'..
I do find the most common reply to a compliment is... 'Really!? do you think so? ' |
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This is spot on and something I work hard to try not to do. If someone pays me a compliment, I figure the least I can do is to accept it and not be ungracious. It's something I have to consciously so though, it definitely doesn't come naturally.
*Her* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Self-deprecation and humility is 'the done thing' over here and accepting compliments sort of goes against that. It's drilled into us from birth! A couple of years ago I decided to try and simply smile and say 'thank you' instead of putting myself down when paid a compliment. It's bloody hard though. If my boyfriend says something lovely like 'you're amazing' I feel uncomfortable, so he's changed it to 'you're amazingly average' instead
It's ridiculous that we frown upon people recognising and celebrating their achievements or assets. Why the hell shouldn't we feel good about ourselves, without the need to make a big show of faux-humility? I think saying 'thank you' is much more gracious than replying negatively about yourself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes, I do this all the time.
Part of it is so I'm not seen as being big headed and part of it is I'm always worried they don't actually mean the compliment and if I said thanks, they'd laugh and say they were just taking the piss. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Haha yes that is so true!
It is so much easier to believe the worst!
And somehow not accepting the compliment even if you believe it to be true - and are genuinely happy you received it - seems to be the right, very English thing to do!
I think a lot of English women have a hard time understanding that some women of other nationalities are quite open about how secure they are in themselves - and find it easy to accept a compliment.
In our own fucked up heads we think it comes across as conceited rather than just simply confident!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I totally do this, even though I catch myself sometimes and try not to.
E.g.
"I like your dress"
"Oh thanks, it's a bit too small"
"You look pretty"
"Yeah I scrub up ok with makeup" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Similar to this really i cant remember the name of the book. But i use to train interview skills. Some research was done in an interviewees ability to talk positively about themselves.. (whole point of interviews right?!)
They spoke to bosses in different types of companys across the world. I think around 20 from memory.
Results were as follows. British - shit. Americans almost too good - the netherlands cracked it. I will have to dig it out xx
It was called something like the modesty factor xx |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
I used to be bad at accepting compliments. Then I realised how rude it is to reject them. I try to accept them gracefully, without making a big deal out of them now, even if I don't believe them.
I'll usually just say thank you and move on. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Similar to this really i cant remember the name of the book. But i use to train interview skills. Some research was done in an interviewees ability to talk positively about themselves.. (whole point of interviews right?!)
They spoke to bosses in different types of companys across the world. I think around 20 from memory.
Results were as follows. British - shit. Americans almost too good - the netherlands cracked it. I will have to dig it out xx
It was called something like the modesty factor xx"
Americans - almost too good?! Never. We're perfect. 
-Courtney |
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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
I don't think I counter-compliment as such but I do have a tendency to deflect. So a 'that jacket looks good on you' will get 'it was a bargain. I lucked out, it's a really good cut' or 'your hair looks great with those layers in' will get 'I finally found a hairdresser I like. She's a miracle worker'. Oddly enough, other than the occasional blowing smoke up the ass because they want a fuck compliments I am getting better at accepting them from people I meet or chat to on a regular basis on here. A thank you is my go-to response for those. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"So do you guys think it is true humility or faux humility? I have seen both implied and explicitly stated in the responses so far.
-Courtney"
I think it depends on the person.
It's anywhere from lack of self esteem to fishing for more compliments.
I'm not sure I see it as humility though. I'll have to think about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I used to be bad at accepting compliments. Then I realised how rude it is to reject them. I try to accept them gracefully, without making a big deal out of them now, even if I don't believe them.
I'll usually just say thank you and move on."
Interestingly i also taught confidence and golden rule is to smile and say thabkyou. Your subconcious brain doesnt differentiate between thoughts or opinions etc. It takes everything as an instruction. Accepting compliments with a thankyou and a smile your brain makes you feel happier etc. Reject the compliment and you will feel the insult you just gave yourself xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Similar to this really i cant remember the name of the book. But i use to train interview skills. Some research was done in an interviewees ability to talk positively about themselves.. (whole point of interviews right?!)
They spoke to bosses in different types of companys across the world. I think around 20 from memory.
Results were as follows. British - shit. Americans almost too good - the netherlands cracked it. I will have to dig it out xx
It was called something like the modesty factor xx
Americans - almost too good?! Never. We're perfect.
-Courtney"
Well i say that cause it said they came across as arrogant but i took that as bs bias lol. Can you be too good at talking positively about yourself? To me no, its the listener who is probably not used to it....they were probably a british relation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I tend to come off as aloof in everyday life, so a lot of people are surprised when I compliment them lol
But younger women are more likely to reject a compliment, which is fine because we've occasionally ended up naked and horny making counter compliments.
Older generations seem to accept certain compliments and American women do accept more gladly, because according to the ones I know, American men don't often know how to compliment them or respect them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So do you guys think it is true humility or faux humility? I have seen both implied and explicitly stated in the responses so far.
-Courtney"
I think it totally depends on the person receiving the compliment. Some will genuinely not see that they are worthy of a compliment while others refuse them as it's the British socially accepted response. Unfortunately thinking well of yourself is often interpreted as big-headed. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I used to be bad at accepting compliments. Then I realised how rude it is to reject them. I try to accept them gracefully, without making a big deal out of them now, even if I don't believe them.
I'll usually just say thank you and move on.
Interestingly i also taught confidence and golden rule is to smile and say thabkyou. Your subconcious brain doesnt differentiate between thoughts or opinions etc. It takes everything as an instruction. Accepting compliments with a thankyou and a smile your brain makes you feel happier etc. Reject the compliment and you will feel the insult you just gave yourself xx"
I struggle with the outrageous ones I get on here sometimes. My response to statements from strangers that I'm the hottest woman on the planet (or similar) will always be don't be daft or you need to go to Specsavers.
Other than that, I'm a lot better than I used to be and I'll check myself if I catch myself playing down compliments.
I'm also very good at talking about myself positively at interviews.
The only aspect of myself I don't have confidence in is my physical appearance and, fortunately, that doesn't come up at interviews. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So do you guys think it is true humility or faux humility? I have seen both implied and explicitly stated in the responses so far.
-Courtney
I think it totally depends on the person receiving the compliment. Some will genuinely not see that they are worthy of a compliment while others refuse them as it's the British socially accepted response. Unfortunately thinking well of yourself is often interpreted as big-headed."
 |
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I look at it like this way, if someone pays me a compliment its because there appreciating something about me.
Why would I turn round and poo poo it.
I don't give a shit if people think I'm bigheaded I absolutly love getting compliments and I get them a lot on various things.
This bloody coat I had for Christmas I absolutly adore think I'm the bees knees in it. Walking right outside Buckingham palace and a lad of about 30 literally came running up to me and told me how lovely it was, he had been sat on a wall with his girlfriend how bloody great did that make me feel now I don't know whether I get more compliments of late or whether I'm more open to recognising the more subtle ones bit which ever way I love it and I find I'm paying more people compliments as well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've stopped paying compliments unless it's strictly work related praise or it's someone I know very well.
There's too many people out there ready to be offended by anything. I'll be buggered if I'm loading the gun for them.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I used to be bad at accepting compliments. Then I realised how rude it is to reject them. I try to accept them gracefully, without making a big deal out of them now, even if I don't believe them.
I'll usually just say thank you and move on.
Interestingly i also taught confidence and golden rule is to smile and say thabkyou. Your subconcious brain doesnt differentiate between thoughts or opinions etc. It takes everything as an instruction. Accepting compliments with a thankyou and a smile your brain makes you feel happier etc. Reject the compliment and you will feel the insult you just gave yourself xx
I struggle with the outrageous ones I get on here sometimes. My response to statements from strangers that I'm the hottest woman on the planet (or similar) will always be don't be daft or you need to go to Specsavers.
Other than that, I'm a lot better than I used to be and I'll check myself if I catch myself playing down compliments.
I'm also very good at talking about myself positively at interviews.
The only aspect of myself I don't have confidence in is my physical appearance and, fortunately, that doesn't come up at interviews."
Sounds to me like a sensible attitude. It does make me wonder if the same psychology applies to words on a screen. I dont take compliments on here seriously a large dose of saxo usually does it haha. But i say thanks the same as i preach |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me it depends on who is giving the compliment to me.
For example if a woman was to remark on my clothes, I would reply with wear I bought them from & if it was a good price, if it was my hair / make up I would answer 'i've managed to style it well today, that's not the normal' etc etc....
If a man compliments me I tend to smile & say thank you, acceptance without the justification as why I should receive one.
weird! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I used to be bad at accepting compliments. Then I realised how rude it is to reject them. I try to accept them gracefully, without making a big deal out of them now, even if I don't believe them.
I'll usually just say thank you and move on.
Interestingly i also taught confidence and golden rule is to smile and say thabkyou. Your subconcious brain doesnt differentiate between thoughts or opinions etc. It takes everything as an instruction. Accepting compliments with a thankyou and a smile your brain makes you feel happier etc. Reject the compliment and you will feel the insult you just gave yourself xx
I struggle with the outrageous ones I get on here sometimes. My response to statements from strangers that I'm the hottest woman on the planet (or similar) will always be don't be daft or you need to go to Specsavers.
Other than that, I'm a lot better than I used to be and I'll check myself if I catch myself playing down compliments.
I'm also very good at talking about myself positively at interviews.
The only aspect of myself I don't have confidence in is my physical appearance and, fortunately, that doesn't come up at interviews."
I've used the "Think you need to go to specsavers" reply to a compliment on here and in the real world |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm getting lots of compliments for my doodles at work...now some are asking me to do stuff for them(paid work),I'm always downing myself to be honest(particularly if it means me trying to add value to something I've done, artwise/photography wise).
I rarely respond well to physical compliments about myself..though it doesnt hold me back from being confident weirdly enough. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm getting lots of compliments for my doodles at work...now some are asking me to do stuff for them(paid work),I'm always downing myself to be honest(particularly if it means me trying to add value to something I've done, artwise/photography wise).
I rarely respond well to physical compliments about myself..though it doesnt hold me back from being confident weirdly enough."
Apparently the Counter-Compliment rule is specific to women. Men tend to bond by insulting one-another, which seems pretty cross-cultural so I didn't bother asking about it! 
-Courtney |
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It's self deprecating but less prevalent these days than it used to be. My compliments I've given to ladies on here have sometimes been hooted down with laughter so I don't bother giving them any more. 'Pinch of salt' and all....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If i receive a compliment i do feel the need to justify why.... for example if someone says my hair looks nice I'll say oh that's because i got up at 4am so had more time than usual...i struggle to compliment others. I just feel awkward like they will feel it is forced because they have complimented me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's self deprecating but less prevalent these days than it used to be. My compliments I've given to ladies on here have sometimes been hooted down with laughter so I don't bother giving them any more. 'Pinch of salt' and all.... "
I think its partly because we receive them based on a static picture we took in good lighting. I dont think i really look like that so on here i find them hard to believe unless ive met the person and they have seen me naked |
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I've found that women tend to take the compliments I give them very well...and I do love to give out the compliments
I tend to have a non-threatening, don't-worry-I-don't-necessarily-want-to-get-in-your-knickers-I-really-am-just-paying-you-a-compliment way about me. I do it with my own unique brand of boyish charm and I always come across as sincere (which I always am of course). Women have always seemed to respond well to my compliments.
I think some men can come across as a bit sleazy or a bit pervy when paying a compliment. That definitely puts most women off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As already said it's an English/British attitude to 'blowing ones own trumpet' that isn't reserved for females.
Many people down play their achievements as they wouldn't want to be seen as boasting......smart arsed boasting billy bastards!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've found that women tend to take the compliments I give them very well...and I do love to give out the compliments
I tend to have a non-threatening, don't-worry-I-don't-necessarily-want-to-get-in-your-knickers-I-really-am-just-paying-you-a-compliment way about me. I do it with my own unique brand of boyish charm and I always come across as sincere (which I always am of course). Women have always seemed to respond well to my compliments.
I think some men can come across as a bit sleazy or a bit pervy when paying a compliment. That definitely puts most women off."
I see what you mean. But interestingly, the Counter-Compliment rule that the anthropologist was talking about was mostly, but not exclusively, in a woman/woman interaction. |
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"I've found that women tend to take the compliments I give them very well...and I do love to give out the compliments
I tend to have a non-threatening, don't-worry-I-don't-necessarily-want-to-get-in-your-knickers-I-really-am-just-paying-you-a-compliment way about me. I do it with my own unique brand of boyish charm and I always come across as sincere (which I always am of course). Women have always seemed to respond well to my compliments.
I think some men can come across as a bit sleazy or a bit pervy when paying a compliment. That definitely puts most women off.
I see what you mean. But interestingly, the Counter-Compliment rule that the anthropologist was talking about was mostly, but not exclusively, in a woman/woman interaction."
Women complimenting women is a whole other ballgame. I've seen this take place many times. There's usually a lot of mutual complimenting or a lot of self-deprecating involved. A woman very rarely in my experience just takes a compliment from another woman. She often will immediately comeback by giving a compliment back or will jokingly put herself down in some way. They rarely will just say thank you and accept it, like they would most likely to from a man. |
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I've been overweight all my life and was never complimented on anything.
Now I've lost a lot of weight and am still losing. I get many compliments, and I just feel awkward. I think part of me still thinks they're just being polite, or they want something and don't really mean it.
I usually just mumble a thank you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So do you guys think it is true humility or faux humility? I have seen both implied and explicitly stated in the responses so far.
-Courtney"
Its faux as its a polite formality of acceptance on meeting someone who you know but a good way of taking an extra moment to gauge responses to complement... LOL usually susses out most women in those brief but revealing exchanges...
xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was reading a book today by an anthropologist who studies English culture (he is English himself).
He noted that English women follow something he called the "Counter-Compliment Rule." What this means is that one thing that English women do when they are greeting one another is: Woman A will compliment Woman B, Woman B will reject the compliment, and counter-compliment Woman A, and then Woman A will do the same, and so on. So: "'You're hair looks lovely Suzy.' 'What, this haircut? I think it looked better before. But your hair is looking very full and shiny!' 'Full? My hair always looks so thin...etc.'
I have noticed that English women do in fact follow this pattern much more often than American women. In my experience, American women are much more likely to accept a compliment, and offer one back without the rejection.
Anyway, men, have you found that English women to in fact reject the compliments you pay them? And women, do you think you follow this rule-pattern, and if so, why?
And I mean this for everyday life more than on fab where I know we all look somewhat skeptically on compliments...
-Courtney"
I think people are taken back mostly, as do not expect a kind word so do not know fully how to handle it. Could possibly want to seem humble than arrogant? I like to think I could compliment someone but again I play down any I get. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are dealing with a whole side of the british culture that is quite hard to pin down. As a culture we rarely say exactly what we mean. We tend to use language in very subtle ways and tend to sidle upto subjects rather than broach them head on. That's why we are generally crap at giving compliments and worse at receiving them. Probably because we are always waiting for the witty comeback/putdown. So a direct, genuine, heartfelt compliment takes us aback as the direct approach is contrary to our nature.
This isn't limited to women. Men have their own version. A good example is when men put their friends down in front of others when out. Having worked in america, the locals were disturbed to hear 'this is my mate dave, he's a bit of a dick' as they were operating on only one superficial level and took it as cock blocking, whereas we took it as a challenge to show you could overcome the putdown. |
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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago
Stoke area |
I used to feel awkward being given a compliment and would laugh it off. Then someone said go me that being given a compliment is like being given a present. The person is saying something nice to you and wants you go feel good.
How rude to reject the gift. If you never accept it, it is likely that people will get fed up and stop giving you them.
That made sense and although it is not easy, I really try to smile and thank them now. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We are dealing with a whole side of the british culture that is quite hard to pin down. As a culture we rarely say exactly what we mean. We tend to use language in very subtle ways and tend to sidle upto subjects rather than broach them head on. That's why we are generally crap at giving compliments and worse at receiving them. Probably because we are always waiting for the witty comeback/putdown. So a direct, genuine, heartfelt compliment takes us aback as the direct approach is contrary to our nature.
This isn't limited to women. Men have their own version. A good example is when men put their friends down in front of others when out. Having worked in america, the locals were disturbed to hear 'this is my mate dave, he's a bit of a dick' as they were operating on only one superficial level and took it as cock blocking, whereas we took it as a challenge to show you could overcome the putdown."
It is very interesting that you mention this. The anthropologist I was reading noted this stark contrast in how women greet each other and how men greet each other. With the former you have blatant insults and with the latter you have rejected compliments. Apparently both are "polite" and the "done thing." I find both vaguely insulting. I noticed it when I came over here, but didn't connect the dots to see it as a cultural thing for a long time.
-Courtney |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We are dealing with a whole side of the british culture that is quite hard to pin down. As a culture we rarely say exactly what we mean. We tend to use language in very subtle ways and tend to sidle upto subjects rather than broach them head on. That's why we are generally crap at giving compliments and worse at receiving them. Probably because we are always waiting for the witty comeback/putdown. So a direct, genuine, heartfelt compliment takes us aback as the direct approach is contrary to our nature.
This isn't limited to women. Men have their own version. A good example is when men put their friends down in front of others when out. Having worked in america, the locals were disturbed to hear 'this is my mate dave, he's a bit of a dick' as they were operating on only one superficial level and took it as cock blocking, whereas we took it as a challenge to show you could overcome the putdown.
It is very interesting that you mention this. The anthropologist I was reading noted this stark contrast in how women greet each other and how men greet each other. With the former you have blatant insults and with the latter you have rejected compliments. Apparently both are "polite" and the "done thing." I find both vaguely insulting. I noticed it when I came over here, but didn't connect the dots to see it as a cultural thing for a long time.
-Courtney "
Switch former and latter and that is actually what I meant.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are dealing with a whole side of the british culture that is quite hard to pin down. As a culture we rarely say exactly what we mean. We tend to use language in very subtle ways and tend to sidle upto subjects rather than broach them head on. That's why we are generally crap at giving compliments and worse at receiving them. Probably because we are always waiting for the witty comeback/putdown. So a direct, genuine, heartfelt compliment takes us aback as the direct approach is contrary to our nature.
This isn't limited to women. Men have their own version. A good example is when men put their friends down in front of others when out. Having worked in america, the locals were disturbed to hear 'this is my mate dave, he's a bit of a dick' as they were operating on only one superficial level and took it as cock blocking, whereas we took it as a challenge to show you could overcome the putdown.
It is very interesting that you mention this. The anthropologist I was reading noted this stark contrast in how women greet each other and how men greet each other. With the former you have blatant insults and with the latter you have rejected compliments. Apparently both are "polite" and the "done thing." I find both vaguely insulting. I noticed it when I came over here, but didn't connect the dots to see it as a cultural thing for a long time.
-Courtney
Switch former and latter and that is actually what I meant. "
Dont worry. Its your one mistake of the day...next time I throw the board eraser at you haha |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'd just like to compliment you all on your hairstyles, clothes and makeup  "
 No, I look hideous. You on the other hand are looking absolutely delightful
(Am I honorary British, now?!?)
-Courtney |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The British are reserved and outraged at the same time!
That's why we secretly read the sun and the mail but deny it!
We vote Tory on mass and deny that too.
Sometimes we like to fuck strangers and deny that as well!
Were fucked up with morals! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd just like to compliment you all on your hairstyles, clothes and makeup
No, I look hideous. You on the other hand are looking absolutely delightful
(Am I honorary British, now?!?)
-Courtney "
But you make thst outfit look amazing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was reading a book today by an anthropologist who studies English culture (he is English himself).
He noted that English women follow something he called the "Counter-Compliment Rule." What this means is that one thing that English women do when they are greeting one another is: Woman A will compliment Woman B, Woman B will reject the compliment, and counter-compliment Woman A, and then Woman A will do the same, and so on. So: "'You're hair looks lovely Suzy.' 'What, this haircut? I think it looked better before. But your hair is looking very full and shiny!' 'Full? My hair always looks so thin...etc.'
I have noticed that English women do in fact follow this pattern much more often than American women. In my experience, American women are much more likely to accept a compliment, and offer one back without the rejection.
Anyway, men, have you found that English women to in fact reject the compliments you pay them? And women, do you think you follow this rule-pattern, and if so, why?
And I mean this for everyday life more than on fab where I know we all look somewhat skeptically on compliments...
-Courtney"
I hate compliments often get told off for rejecting them!!
Why do I hate them. Because it makes me feel embarrassed. And yes I answer with a compliment.
In fairness fab is helping and when I'm told I give a great blowjob I'm beginning to say thanks |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I was reading a book today by an anthropologist who studies English culture (he is English himself).
He noted that English women follow something he called the "Counter-Compliment Rule." What this means is that one thing that English women do when they are greeting one another is: Woman A will compliment Woman B, Woman B will reject the compliment, and counter-compliment Woman A, and then Woman A will do the same, and so on. So: "'You're hair looks lovely Suzy.' 'What, this haircut? I think it looked better before. But your hair is looking very full and shiny!' 'Full? My hair always looks so thin...etc.'
I have noticed that English women do in fact follow this pattern much more often than American women. In my experience, American women are much more likely to accept a compliment, and offer one back without the rejection.
Anyway, men, have you found that English women to in fact reject the compliments you pay them? And women, do you think you follow this rule-pattern, and if so, why?
And I mean this for everyday life more than on fab where I know we all look somewhat skeptically on compliments...
-Courtney
I hate compliments often get told off for rejecting them!!
Why do I hate them. Because it makes me feel embarrassed. And yes I answer with a compliment.
In fairness fab is helping and when I'm told I give a great blowjob I'm beginning to say thanks "
But why are compliments embarrassing? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was reading a book today by an anthropologist who studies English culture (he is English himself).
He noted that English women follow something he called the "Counter-Compliment Rule." What this means is that one thing that English women do when they are greeting one another is: Woman A will compliment Woman B, Woman B will reject the compliment, and counter-compliment Woman A, and then Woman A will do the same, and so on. So: "'You're hair looks lovely Suzy.' 'What, this haircut? I think it looked better before. But your hair is looking very full and shiny!' 'Full? My hair always looks so thin...etc.'
I have noticed that English women do in fact follow this pattern much more often than American women. In my experience, American women are much more likely to accept a compliment, and offer one back without the rejection.
Anyway, men, have you found that English women to in fact reject the compliments you pay them? And women, do you think you follow this rule-pattern, and if so, why?
And I mean this for everyday life more than on fab where I know we all look somewhat skeptically on compliments...
-Courtney
I hate compliments often get told off for rejecting them!!
Why do I hate them. Because it makes me feel embarrassed. And yes I answer with a compliment.
In fairness fab is helping and when I'm told I give a great blowjob I'm beginning to say thanks
But why are compliments embarrassing? "
I've no bloody idea. Inside I'm thinking yeah. Outwardly I'm thinking how do I respond. Maybe that's it. If someone says I'm pretty the last thing I want to say is thanks yes I am. I'd sound like a proper Prat |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was reading a book today by an anthropologist who studies English culture (he is English himself).
He noted that English women follow something he called the "Counter-Compliment Rule." What this means is that one thing that English women do when they are greeting one another is: Woman A will compliment Woman B, Woman B will reject the compliment, and counter-compliment Woman A, and then Woman A will do the same, and so on. So: "'You're hair looks lovely Suzy.' 'What, this haircut? I think it looked better before. But your hair is looking very full and shiny!' 'Full? My hair always looks so thin...etc.'
I have noticed that English women do in fact follow this pattern much more often than American women. In my experience, American women are much more likely to accept a compliment, and offer one back without the rejection.
Anyway, men, have you found that English women to in fact reject the compliments you pay them? And women, do you think you follow this rule-pattern, and if so, why?
And I mean this for everyday life more than on fab where I know we all look somewhat skeptically on compliments...
-Courtney
I hate compliments often get told off for rejecting them!!
Why do I hate them. Because it makes me feel embarrassed. And yes I answer with a compliment.
In fairness fab is helping and when I'm told I give a great blowjob I'm beginning to say thanks
But why are compliments embarrassing? "
The embarrassment usually is to do with self confidence...
xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I was reading a book today by an anthropologist who studies English culture (he is English himself).
He noted that English women follow something he called the "Counter-Compliment Rule." What this means is that one thing that English women do when they are greeting one another is: Woman A will compliment Woman B, Woman B will reject the compliment, and counter-compliment Woman A, and then Woman A will do the same, and so on. So: "'You're hair looks lovely Suzy.' 'What, this haircut? I think it looked better before. But your hair is looking very full and shiny!' 'Full? My hair always looks so thin...etc.'
I have noticed that English women do in fact follow this pattern much more often than American women. In my experience, American women are much more likely to accept a compliment, and offer one back without the rejection.
Anyway, men, have you found that English women to in fact reject the compliments you pay them? And women, do you think you follow this rule-pattern, and if so, why?
And I mean this for everyday life more than on fab where I know we all look somewhat skeptically on compliments...
-Courtney
I hate compliments often get told off for rejecting them!!
Why do I hate them. Because it makes me feel embarrassed. And yes I answer with a compliment.
In fairness fab is helping and when I'm told I give a great blowjob I'm beginning to say thanks
But why are compliments embarrassing?
I've no bloody idea. Inside I'm thinking yeah. Outwardly I'm thinking how do I respond. Maybe that's it. If someone says I'm pretty the last thing I want to say is thanks yes I am. I'd sound like a proper Prat"
Why not just "Thanks, that's kind of you to say"?
This is the part of the whole thing I can't get my head around. The idea that a "thank you" equates to a "fuck yeah, I'm the hottest thing you've ever seen." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was reading a book today by an anthropologist who studies English culture (he is English himself).
He noted that English women follow something he called the "Counter-Compliment Rule." What this means is that one thing that English women do when they are greeting one another is: Woman A will compliment Woman B, Woman B will reject the compliment, and counter-compliment Woman A, and then Woman A will do the same, and so on. So: "'You're hair looks lovely Suzy.' 'What, this haircut? I think it looked better before. But your hair is looking very full and shiny!' 'Full? My hair always looks so thin...etc.'
I have noticed that English women do in fact follow this pattern much more often than American women. In my experience, American women are much more likely to accept a compliment, and offer one back without the rejection.
Anyway, men, have you found that English women to in fact reject the compliments you pay them? And women, do you think you follow this rule-pattern, and if so, why?
And I mean this for everyday life more than on fab where I know we all look somewhat skeptically on compliments...
-Courtney
I hate compliments often get told off for rejecting them!!
Why do I hate them. Because it makes me feel embarrassed. And yes I answer with a compliment.
In fairness fab is helping and when I'm told I give a great blowjob I'm beginning to say thanks
But why are compliments embarrassing?
I've no bloody idea. Inside I'm thinking yeah. Outwardly I'm thinking how do I respond. Maybe that's it. If someone says I'm pretty the last thing I want to say is thanks yes I am. I'd sound like a proper Prat
Why not just "Thanks, that's kind of you to say"?
This is the part of the whole thing I can't get my head around. The idea that a "thank you" equates to a "fuck yeah, I'm the hottest thing you've ever seen." "
Ok next time I get a compliment I will accept it |
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I'm crap with compliments and always justify them!
If not I go the other way and act like I know I'm the bees knees at something someone scoffed at me once and said that I thought a lot of myself.. Obviously didn't sense the sarcasm/irony whichever! |
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