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Single Parents
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Be as controversial as you like on this topic, is it acceptable to stay at home and look after a child rather than work? Is it best that we put our child into Nursery asap?
I had a massive mental battle with myself over what to do, just want to hear peoples opinions..
If there are any out there,, did you make the right disission for you? or looking back would you have done things differently? |
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I think it's best that you do what's best for you and for your child. Only you can decide that. I don't have any issues with people who want to stay at home and look after their kids and who can afford to do that. Some people just don't have that choice to make and have to go back to work. Given the choice I'd stay at home with my child till they went to school then go back to work.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In my opinion, you have to do what you feel is the right way forward for you and your family.
There is no right or wrong way of parenting.
I was a single working parent for 4 years up untill July last year. Then I was made redundant and made a claim for benefits and decided to return to college to study.
It's more of a struggle juggling studies and parenting two children, than when I was working!
I'm coming off benefits in July (when I finish this course) and then I'm off to Uni in Sept. Then it'll be self funding and even more of a struggle parenting, with commuting and intense studying to contend with!
Worth it though in the end, that I am certain of 
Don't ever let anyone tell you you are any less of a parent for either being on benefits OR for being a working parent. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I loved my job and couldnt wait to get back soon enough, however my hours and the nursery didnt match up and it was impossible to do my job. i dont have any family down here and couldnt rely on friends as they too work full time.
Being a single parent meant that it was soley me n my bambino and id have hate to miss her 'firsts' I feel extra close to her because its only us (her dad wants nothing to do with her)
I still feel guilty though for some reason. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I loved my job and couldnt wait to get back soon enough, however my hours and the nursery didnt match up and it was impossible to do my job. i dont have any family down here and couldnt rely on friends as they too work full time.
Being a single parent meant that it was soley me n my bambino and id have hate to miss her 'firsts' I feel extra close to her because its only us (her dad wants nothing to do with her)
I still feel guilty though for some reason. "
i would take the father to the csa and get as much from him i knew a bloke who packed in work so he did not have to pay the csa ,how funny this was he still had to pay it on jobseekers as not many males think that hun . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Don't ever let anyone tell you you are any less of a parent for either being on benefits OR for being a working parent. "
Thats the worst thing about it, before my child i was slating young mums who get pregnant to have a council house and who live off benifits. Now im kinda one of them  I worked so hard in my job and all throughout my emplyment but i get so much pleasure from looking after my lil one.
She's a year old now and im still having this stupid debate with myself, watching Jeremy Kyle doesnt help either it just makes me mad. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I still feel guilty though for some reason. i would take the father to the csa and get as much from him i knew a bloke who packed in work so he did not have to pay the csa ,how funny this was he still had to pay it on jobseekers as not many males think that hun ."
He refuses to pay or accept that she is his, ive offered DNA but he still refuses. What makes it worse is that he is raising his GF's child as his own but not his own flesh and blood.
As daft as this might sound id rather he build up a relationship with her. Im lucky enough to be 'alright' with the money side of things for now.. but he just wants nothing to do with her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Be as controversial as you like on this topic, is it acceptable to stay at home and look after a child rather than work? Is it best that we put our child into Nursery asap?
I had a massive mental battle with myself over what to do, just want to hear peoples opinions..
If there are any out there,, did you make the right disission for you? or looking back would you have done things differently?"
I worked while my my first two children were small.. and stayed at home with the last two.
Which did I prefer??? Staying home.. do I think its bad for kids to be in nursery, then no, if its a good nursery.. but I think that the mother often suffers.. I know that I am much better connected to my younger two.
However, I had no choice with the first... I had to go and finish my exams and I had to work...
If I had the choice, I would have not had the kids and ended up on my own in the first place, but life doesnt always go to plan.. so you make the best.
I do think that working and showing my kids that you should provide for yourself was the better option.. I think for the first two years at least though that you should if you can stay at home.. its a time that kids grow so much.
Katie. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't ever let anyone tell you you are any less of a parent for either being on benefits OR for being a working parent.
Thats the worst thing about it, before my child i was slating young mums who get pregnant to have a council house and who live off benifits. Now im kinda one of them I worked so hard in my job and all throughout my emplyment but i get so much pleasure from looking after my lil one.
She's a year old now and im still having this stupid debate with myself, watching Jeremy Kyle doesnt help either it just makes me mad. "
This bloke that i was telling you about moved in with some girl who had a decent job and he thought with her looking after him he was better off,but the csa took the cash from his new girl friends wages etc and now she feeling the strain paying for another mans children |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I still feel guilty though for some reason. i would take the father to the csa and get as much from him i knew a bloke who packed in work so he did not have to pay the csa ,how funny this was he still had to pay it on jobseekers as not many males think that hun .
He refuses to pay or accept that she is his, ive offered DNA but he still refuses. What makes it worse is that he is raising his GF's child as his own but not his own flesh and blood.
As daft as this might sound id rather he build up a relationship with her. Im lucky enough to be 'alright' with the money side of things for now.. but he just wants nothing to do with her "
I hate the csa... but if you go to them, he will have to pay up or take a dna test to prove he is not the father.The threat alone maybe enough to make him take the test.
Katie.x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Be as controversial as you like on this topic, is it acceptable to stay at home and look after a child rather than work? Is it best that we put our child into Nursery asap?
I had a massive mental battle with myself over what to do, just want to hear peoples opinions..
If there are any out there,, did you make the right disission for you? or looking back would you have done things differently?"
I would never trust a nursery with my youngen end of, yes the nursery might be great but it only takes 1 bad person to mentally scar my child for life!
I work but from home so comes in handy for us.
Tony |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Thats the worst thing about it, before my child i was slating young mums who get pregnant to have a council house and who live off benifits. Now im kinda one of them I worked so hard in my job and all throughout my emplyment but i get so much pleasure from looking after my lil one.
She's a year old now and im still having this stupid debate with myself, watching Jeremy Kyle doesnt help either it just makes me mad. "
JK is a sensationalist. I wouldn't waste my time watching that tripe.
If working is going to cause you emotional turmoil to such an extent, then stay at home and enjoy your baby for a little longer!
If you let the guilt take over, you'll end up one unhappy lady and that will have more effect on baby, than the simple fact she is in nursery whilst you work - if that makes any sense lol. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
We were fortunate to not need me working when we had children, so I stayed at home and didn't work again until I got bored when the kids were a lot older.
I got a job that was flexible hours so I fitted them around the kids coming in from school, I wouldn't have taken a job with rigid hours though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I did return back to work for a little while, but juggling home life and my work life was tough. Decided i needed to be with my girl, why fork out my wages for someone else to bond with my child when i should be the one doing it.
Even though she is only 13months old now she's becoming more independant and doesnt need me as much to read/play with her... makes me sad but i feel that it wont be all too long before she'd rather be playing with other children than me. Gonna try and return back when she's around 18 months.
She's completely oblivious to my internal dilema, and im sure she will know no different. I just feel extra close to her being a single parent with no influence from anyone else |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I got a job that was flexible hours so I fitted them around the kids coming in from school, I wouldn't have taken a job with rigid hours though. "
See my job was a field manager in a home care company looking after the elderly (something at 21 i was very proud to have achieved) and it was 6.30-2 and again from 4pm til 10pm. making it impossible to return back to work for those hours
Luckily im looking to return to Nursing Home work where i can (hopefully) work 9-5 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i went back to work when my son was 4weeks old i worked up to the day before i gave birth to him , the job i had was 12 hours a day mon to fri i really didnt think it had done him no harm and was pleased how independant he was untill the first day of primary school he was the only kid there that didnt cling on to a parent or cry he simply took hos coat off and sat on the carpet legs crossed , almost broke my heart when i had my youngest i was working in a totally different environment but took the descion to stay at home when i split from my ex i havnet regretted it at all even when i go round picking up all the glittery pasta shapes tha are ment to be stuck to the pictures on my fridge , i actually think i am closer to my youngest but i dont know if that has anything to do with me staying at home or not |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is the situation couples find themselves in as well! as they need two parents working to pay the mortgage! for single parents the most important person to a little one! for the first few years is there mother! who to be honest should be there 24/7! so if you can stay with them it makes sense to me! you should never be forced in a situation not to be with your little one! atleast for the first few years of there lives in my eyes, as for the father he should be hung up from his gonads. |
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as a single father i gave up work to look after my 2 very young children
and its been the best years of my life looking after them
you have to choose what is best for you and your circumstances
you can have half day nurseries these help if you need some quiet time or shopping time to yourself
with the nursery just be careful of the age thing ( the enrollment year as mine started a year earlier ) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"as a single father i gave up work to look after my 2 very young children
and its been the best years of my life looking after them
you have to choose what is best for you and your circumstances
you can have half day nurseries these help if you need some quiet time or shopping time to yourself
with the nursery just be careful of the age thing ( the enrollment year as mine started a year earlier )"
i love being a mum, its the best feeling ever to be unconditionally loved by my little one |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"We were fortunate to not need me working when we had children, so I stayed at home and didn't work again until I got bored when the kids were a lot older.
I got a job that was flexible hours so I fitted them around the kids coming in from school, I wouldn't have taken a job with rigid hours though. "
PS I think it would have been hard enough for me holding down a rigid hours job while looking after the kids with a husband let alone single.....so I take my hat off to anyone who manages it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
PS I think it would have been hard enough for me holding down a rigid hours job while looking after the kids with a husband let alone single.....so I take my hat off to anyone who manages it."
its also a plus side i dont have a man,, cant be dealing with faffing around looking after him as well lol |
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There was no way on gods earth i would of put my son in a nursery. I wanted to savour every moment i possibly could with him. Im not materialistic so going without stuff certainly didnt bother me. Having money or spending the first years of my sons life completely with him was a bit of a no brainer for me.
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
PS I think it would have been hard enough for me holding down a rigid hours job while looking after the kids with a husband let alone single.....so I take my hat off to anyone who manages it.
its also a plus side i dont have a man,, cant be dealing with faffing around looking after him as well lol"
Cute, you havn't learnt the art of training the man yet I take it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
PS I think it would have been hard enough for me holding down a rigid hours job while looking after the kids with a husband let alone single.....so I take my hat off to anyone who manages it.
its also a plus side i dont have a man,, cant be dealing with faffing around looking after him as well lol
Cute, you havn't learnt the art of training the man yet I take it"
ive never been able to keep a man more than 6 months,, i suffer commitment phobia lol - heard that training them takes years!!!! |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
PS I think it would have been hard enough for me holding down a rigid hours job while looking after the kids with a husband let alone single.....so I take my hat off to anyone who manages it.
its also a plus side i dont have a man,, cant be dealing with faffing around looking after him as well lol
Cute, you havn't learnt the art of training the man yet I take it
ive never been able to keep a man more than 6 months,, i suffer commitment phobia lol - heard that training them takes years!!!!"
Depends on how much they like BJ' really as to how long it takes |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
ive never been able to keep a man more than 6 months,, i suffer commitment phobia lol - heard that training them takes years!!!!
Depends on how much they like BJ' really as to how long it takes"
i love giving oral though and couldnt deprive myself from giving it haha,, however its finding a man who can accept i hate recieving it... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This bloke that i was telling you about moved in with some girl who had a decent job and he thought with her looking after him he was better off,but the csa took the cash from his new girl friends wages etc and now she feeling the strain paying for another mans children "
Theres no way the csa will make anyone pay for someone elses child  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Theres no way the csa will make anyone pay for someone elses child "
They take the whole houses income into account now.. therefore if the new partner is earning they take that into account..
So yes they do.. they also take tax credits into account..
Katie.x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This bloke that i was telling you about moved in with some girl who had a decent job and he thought with her looking after him he was better off,but the csa took the cash from his new girl friends wages etc and now she feeling the strain paying for another mans children
Theres no way the csa will make anyone pay for someone elses child "
Unfortunately for some that was exactly what was happening, no wonder guys were suicidal and second marriages broke down.
It happened to a friend of mine, she couldn't afford to have a child of her own as she was supporting her husband in paying for his three kids from his first marriage and his ex wife's mortgage. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This bloke that i was telling you about moved in with some girl who had a decent job and he thought with her looking after him he was better off,but the csa took the cash from his new girl friends wages etc and now she feeling the strain paying for another mans children
Theres no way the csa will make anyone pay for someone elses child "
They don't!
Or at least they didn't in my case just before christmas (My ex's wife works, he doesn't) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Or at least they didn't in my case just before christmas (My ex's wife works, he doesn't)"
Depends which system you are on.. but they can and do.. my ex partner used to stay at home, and look after the kids, I worked. they took the csa from him at £67 a week.. despite him earning zero.
That was decided on my wages, and my tax credits.. it was robbing from my kids to feed his exs because his ex keeps staying at home and having kid after kid..
Its shocking.. but we all know that they are the biggest problem any split family has..
Katie.x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All this talk of kids and problems after relationships end makes me want to book into my nearest BUPA hospital now and be neutered!
I really wish I shot blanks. It'd save so much time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Or at least they didn't in my case just before christmas (My ex's wife works, he doesn't)
Depends which system you are on.. but they can and do.. my ex partner used to stay at home, and look after the kids, I worked. they took the csa from him at £67 a week.. despite him earning zero.
That was decided on my wages, and my tax credits.. it was robbing from my kids to feed his exs because his ex keeps staying at home and having kid after kid..
Its shocking.. but we all know that they are the biggest problem any split family has..
Katie.x"
Your frustration is understandable but if the shoe had been on the other foot, would you not be incensed that your ex was not supporting your children as he should, regardless of whether he or his new partner was paying? |
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"All this talk of kids and problems after relationships end makes me want to book into my nearest BUPA hospital now and be neutered!
I really wish I shot blanks. It'd save so much time. "
Why don't you just have safe sex? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So why dont you do it then?
Isn't there a period of inactivity after a vasectomy? No sex/wanking for a while... boooo. "
So which would you prefer having a child you dont want just because you were stubborn and couldnt resist wanking or having sex for a while? |
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"
Why don't you just have safe sex?
Is there such a thing as safe sex???"
I've never been pregnant or had an STI in the 25 years I've been having sex so I guess so, yes. 
I hear what you're saying, I realise accidents happen, maybe I just got lucky. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I've never been pregnant or had an STI in the 25 years I've been having sex so I guess so, yes.
I hear what you're saying, I realise accidents happen, maybe I just got lucky. "
very very lucky you lol
i fell pregnant on the implant  .. was a little bit of a shock at 31 weeks to be told 'its not tummy cramps,, its a baby kicking you' |
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"
I've never been pregnant or had an STI in the 25 years I've been having sex so I guess so, yes.
I hear what you're saying, I realise accidents happen, maybe I just got lucky.
very very lucky you lol
i fell pregnant on the implant .. was a little bit of a shock at 31 weeks to be told 'its not tummy cramps,, its a baby kicking you' "
I guess that's not lucky when you haven't planned it but it sounds like you're doing a great job and consider yourself lucky now. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I guess that's not lucky when you haven't planned it but it sounds like you're doing a great job and consider yourself lucky now. "
ah love my daughter billions! just a shame her dads a prick haha, naturally id have loved to have been in a stable relationship with our own home, both working and financially better off - however its not worked out that way
least being on my own i dont have to share her. She wants for nothing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Theres no way the csa will make anyone pay for someone elses child
They take the whole houses income into account now.. therefore if the new partner is earning they take that into account..
So yes they do.. they also take tax credits into account..
Katie.x"
I know they take household income into account but surely they cannot legally take money from his girlfriends wage if he's not earning. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Your frustration is understandable but if the shoe had been on the other foot, would you not be incensed that your ex was not supporting your children as he should, regardless of whether he or his new partner was paying?"
No why would I want another family to suffer that.. we couldnt afford what they were asking us to pay.
We had the children at weekends and they still needed clothes, trips, etc... We paid for their broadband at home, we paid for their school clubs..
The amount we eventually got overturned... and reduced to a zero assessment.. have we ever had anything back..
Yes £50 sorry we were wrong payment..
His kids are now 19 and 18 and he no longer pays.. but for the 10 years I was with him, it was a constant battle.
Pay for the kids by all means, but why does one child need more than another. and that is what the csa does.
Katie.x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All this talk of kids and problems after relationships end makes me want to book into my nearest BUPA hospital now and be neutered!
I really wish I shot blanks. It'd save so much time.
Why don't you just have safe sex? "
I do have safe sex. Where did I imply that I didn't? I also don't sleep around. The desire to shoot blanks would mean that I could happily be in a monogamous relationship, buy no condoms, and the female half wouldn't need the pill. Win-win all round! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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bit of a hard one for me to answer to
im a single parent but have only been single for 18 months, and my kids are now 18. 16 and 9, i have always worked even when my children was babies but i was not single then and i worked nights so their dad had them while i worked and he worked days so i had them thro the day
so when my kids was little they was never left in a nursery
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"bit of a hard one for me to answer to
im a single parent but have only been single for 18 months, and my kids are now 18. 16 and 9, i have always worked even when my children was babies but i was not single then and i worked nights so their dad had them while i worked and he worked days so i had them thro the day
so when my kids was little they was never left in a nursery
"
ive often contemplated night work so that my little one could be settled into bed and left with my grandparents (in their 70's and only family within a 5 hour drive) while i went to work so my daughter could still have me around.
Not sure how much good id be to her after a 12 hour night shift in a nursing home without any sleep though.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"bit of a hard one for me to answer to
im a single parent but have only been single for 18 months, and my kids are now 18. 16 and 9, i have always worked even when my children was babies but i was not single then and i worked nights so their dad had them while i worked and he worked days so i had them thro the day
so when my kids was little they was never left in a nursery
ive often contemplated night work so that my little one could be settled into bed and left with my grandparents (in their 70's and only family within a 5 hour drive) while i went to work so my daughter could still have me around.
Not sure how much good id be to her after a 12 hour night shift in a nursing home without any sleep though.. "
its very hard working nights when you have kids, when my kids was under school age sometimes id do a night shift, maybe grab a hours sleep if they dropped off in the afternoon and be back in to do another night shift
sometimes i was so tired
wasnt so bad when they was school age cause then i could grab a few hours while they was at school
you do what you have to tho |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
...................
Pay for the kids by all means, but why does one child need more than another. and that is what the csa does.
Katie.x"
I assume it's the same 'logic' that pays child benefit for the first child at a higher rate than subsequent kids.
I doesn't make a lot of sense. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"not a parent so may be a little out of order commenting.
but my belief is that you always put your childs health, saftey and well being first, even before your own,
does that make sense to anyone"
yeah of course it does, its human instinct surely thats what makes it so frustrating why my daughters dad wants nothing to do with her |
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"
I guess that's not lucky when you haven't planned it but it sounds like you're doing a great job and consider yourself lucky now.
ah love my daughter billions! just a shame her dads a prick haha, naturally id have loved to have been in a stable relationship with our own home, both working and financially better off - however its not worked out that way
least being on my own i dont have to share her. She wants for nothing "
Sometimes things just have a habit of working out for the best.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I went straight back to work but at the time had a good support network re my mom.
She loved having my son and he loved his nan so it worked out well.
Some people dont have that support network and i know if i hadnt, things would have been more difficult all round.
My parents always worked , even when i was small my mom worked and big sis looked after the rest for an hour or so.
We had chores to do which kept us out of mischief.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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just as a lil update ive decided to return back part time and pop my little one into nursery.
in talks with employer and nursery just finalising everything |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am childless by choice, kids do not agree with me, and I never have the required maternity instinct.
If I find it difficult to say goodbye to my pets, a cat and a dog, every morning before I go to work, then it must be very hard for mums to say goodbyes to their kids! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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been a single dad (yes we do exist)
i was on my own for a few years,bringing my son up after my ex left.
its almost impossable to work with school holidays ect.hes grown up now and still here lol.
and csa dont work i never got a penny |
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