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Being honest about swinging
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Following on from the thread about sexual partners.
If you meet someone you want to date in the vanilla world would you be honest about swinging?
Has anyone been in this situation? |
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I dated a guy once. I explained about the swinging sites. That was back in the days of the big munches and socials and I was going to Swingcamp, so that was kind of why I had to explain it.
He got the swinging thing, but just assumed I'd give it up when/if we got serious. But he couldn't get his head around my being bi. Girls liked boys and boys liked girls was the extent of his imagination.
Then he started asking me not to see friends I'd met on the scene, because it wasn't right being friends with people you'd had sex with.
Didn't last long. |
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I'd never mention it at first, can't see it being an impressive first date topic! It's never gone down well when I've brought it up, soni either go for the straight laced types or I'm a ham fisted buffoon. Answers on a postcard to the usual address... |
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Yes I would, I have this mindset, I was born with it whether I'm active or not.
The thing would be when finding the right time to tell them, I wouldn't tell every guy I met but if something was looking serious then I would explain before any proper feelings got involved then they can walk away if they want without anyone getting hurt.
With my ex husband it was discussed early on well not necessarily a swinger but our sexual desires ect.
With jay nothing had to be discussed cause of the way we met.
But its all hyperthetic as i won't be in that situation.
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My previous partner I told her after about a year. Obviously I'd given it up when I met her. Surprisingly although shocked it never bothered her, and although discussed a few times with her saying oh if I was younger if loved to have done it she never took it further.
We split after 6 yrs and nothing to do with swinging |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes. I think I would.
I have always been sexually adventurous and very open about it. Many girlfriends have said that they have tried things with me they would never have considered before. They say I've put them at ease and made it fun.
If I were ever single again I'd not want to change. I'm bi. I'm trans. I'm me.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honesty is very important to me in all relationships be it with a friend, friend with benefits, ling term relationship, or my children, dishonesty for me is the only reason for ending a relationship.
So with that in mind, I do feel that I do need to disclose about my sexuality for want of a better word, usually I will.tell all on a second date, or well before things get physical, that way she has the choice to do.a runner, or get to know the facts about that aspect of my life before she invests emotionaly in me.
Most of the time she will.do a runner, or say she's fine with it then change her mind, but I couldn't ever see me not being into swinging if bdsm, so for me it would be like the equivalent of a gay man being with a woman, I'd just be kidding myself, and lying to an innocent party, phones undeserving of that pain, so.yeah, honesty really is the best policy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Following on from the thread about sexual partners.
If you meet someone you want to date in the vanilla world would you be honest about swinging?
Has anyone been in this situation? "
Yes I have and when I told him he ran for the hills after calling me all the derogatory names under the sun...still didn't stop him trying to booty call me a couple of months later though!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Following on from the thread about sexual partners.
If you meet someone you want to date in the vanilla world would you be honest about swinging?
Has anyone been in this situation?
Yes I have and when I told him he ran for the hills after calling me all the derogatory names under the sun...still didn't stop him trying to booty call me a couple of months later though! "
That's not the kind of Dick anybody wants is it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Following on from the thread about sexual partners.
If you meet someone you want to date in the vanilla world would you be honest about swinging?
Has anyone been in this situation? "
Yes. I told one of my ex girlfriends on our first date and she accepted it. I think its important to be honest from the start. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So some/many would keep their swinging lifestyle secret from family and close friends for obvious reasons. But would tell a virtual complete stranger because they want to date them ?
I doubt the other person concerned will go into details about their past sex lives so why should a swinger do exactly that ?
Personally I believe that makes swinging sound like a dirty and guilty secret it isn't and nobody needs to justify their past to anybody, imho. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmmmmmmmmm been upfront and honest on 2 occasions. Neither worked out well, one was quite disappointed that I didn't turn up for the date, in heels and stockings........because I swing then obviously I must dress like that all the time.
Next time I get a vanilla date, I'm gonna keep stum, although it's so difficult too, as sexual liberation is the norm for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So some/many would keep their swinging lifestyle secret from family and close friends for obvious reasons. But would tell a virtual complete stranger because they want to date them ?
I doubt the other person concerned will go into details about their past sex lives so why should a swinger do exactly that ?
Personally I believe that makes swinging sound like a dirty and guilty secret it isn't and nobody needs to justify their past to anybody, imho."
I wouldn't ask a man about his sexual history. If we became serious our sexual likes and dislikes would be discussed or found out through exploration and conversation. I'm more concerned about a man's sexual tastes than the number of women he's met and where. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In the age of the WWW and using the Internet to date the way and how people meet has changed significantly. There are lots of singletons on POF and FAB but with mutually exclusive profiles. I don't think there is a major difference in attitude and people generally are relaxed about the past or even the present when it comes to seeking friends? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn't say anything straight away but if I felt it was going somewhere I would. For me you have to be sexually compatible for a relationship to work, and even if he wasn't into the swinging scene, he would at least have to be open minded to things other than straight vanilla sex, as that doesn't interest or satisfy me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you have to be someone else to be with someone, then that someone is not the right someone for you.
If you have to lie, then ultimately all you're doing is lying to yourself.
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These are two lessons it took me a long time to learn.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can imagine how awkward and painful hiding this part of your life from your partner could be, so for me it has to be open and honest all the way....
Ginge x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well if you want to continue without them then you wouldn't say I guess
If you wanted to do it with them or want to be honest then you'd tell them..if they don't except you for who you are then it was never going to work
If your leaving it all behind then why say
However past relationships always come up with people your considering being with...
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I hope it never happens but if I had a new partner I'd be honest about everything from day one. The only thing of any use I've learned in my life (apart from how make cake) is to be honest where it matters. If the person couldn't accept all of me then we wouldn't be suited and vice versa. |
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Hyperthetically speaking, I'd rather have a partner who was bi and she met other men as well. I'd mention it quite early on if things looked to be long term. There again, I'd only meet people from fab anyway probably. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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im going to contradict myself here even though i'm on a swingers site i'm no swinger
im not looking for a relationship
i just miss male company
so when a friend sirgested fab i thought why not
so i would be upfront and honest |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd always be honest about swinging. If my partner didn't wanna do it. It wouldn't be a problem. We would find a way to improvise if we wanted our relationship to last......
But luckily I have a perfect guy who loves it as much as me x |
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"If you do decide to be honest about what you did in the past on swinging, would they be honest about themselves in return
That's something you can't know."
then best not to know I suppose, keep those skeletons in the cuboard lol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes..... On a few of occasions I have met people in vanilla life that I knew we would be having sex etc. was completely open. Never caused a problem. Three of them subsequently joined FAB. One is still on and now married to someone I introduced her too at one of my parties.
Honesty is best policy! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For singles, how does it differ from just "shagging around"?
My views exactly.. which is why i dont class myself as a swinger."
Exactly. No need to tell unless you'd also want to tell them you have multiple casual sex encounters. |
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"If you do decide to be honest about what you did in the past on swinging, would they be honest about themselves in return
That's something you can't know. then best not to know I suppose, keep those skeletons in the cuboard lol "
I think it's a very individual thing. I like to be completely myself and if I had to hide one aspect of personality obviously I wouldn't be able to do that. If whoever I was with couldn't accept all aspects of me I wouldn't be right for them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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With Ginger it was vanilla to start with but due to past experiences had had in swinging it had to come up at some point. Initially she wasn't bothered about joining the lifestyle too much but in time she decided to give it a try. When said wanted her to become a hot wife she by this point was more than happy seeing she could have her pick of men and still have a doting partner |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" Hmmmmmmmmm been upfront and honest on 2 occasions. Neither worked out well, one was quite disappointed that I didn't turn up for the date, in heels and stockings........because I swing then obviously I must dress like that all the time.
Next time I get a vanilla date, I'm gonna keep stum, although it's so difficult too, as sexual liberation is the norm for me. "
Lol I get that on here though, guys think that I'm always ready to meet at the drop of a hat.
Same here, I struggle to hide the little bit of freak in me  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I do find it easier to date guys who are as liberated as I am, I find guys on pof really quite disrespectful with their first message or so....shows lack of experience
Its the quiet ones you have to watch, they are the ones that often turn out to be freaks too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do find it easier to date guys who are as liberated as I am, I find guys on pof really quite disrespectful with their first message or so....shows lack of experience
Its the quiet ones you have to watch, they are the ones that often turn out to be freaks too. "
Freaks can be fun.  |
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