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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Being a fat fingered bird who likes licking clunge I find this joke highly offensive and demand that the OP be banished in utter shame!"
It's a joke get over it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being a fat fingered bird who likes licking clunge I find this joke highly offensive and demand that the OP be banished in utter shame!
It's a joke get over it "
Oh shit I forgot to add the sarcasm emoji
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Three nurses working in a morgue discover a dead man with a hard on.
The 1st nurse says 'I can't let that go to waste', & rides him.
The 2nd nurse does the same.
The 3rd nurse hesitates & explains she is on her period, but does him anyway.
Then the man sits up & the nurses apologise saying they thought he was dead.
The man replies 'I was, but after two jump starts & a blood transfusion I feel fucking great!!!' |
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"Three nurses working in a morgue discover a dead man with a hard on.
The 1st nurse says 'I can't let that go to waste', & rides him.
The 2nd nurse does the same.
The 3rd nurse hesitates & explains she is on her period, but does him anyway.
Then the man sits up & the nurses apologise saying they thought he was dead.
The man replies 'I was, but after two jump starts & a blood transfusion I feel fucking great!!!'"
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Three nurses working in a morgue discover a dead man with a hard on.
The 1st nurse says 'I can't let that go to waste', & rides him.
The 2nd nurse does the same.
The 3rd nurse hesitates & explains she is on her period, but does him anyway.
Then the man sits up & the nurses apologise saying they thought he was dead.
The man replies 'I was, but after two jump starts & a blood transfusion I feel fucking great!!!'"
Haha defo going to have to use this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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2 nuns driving through Transylvania when a vampire lands on the bonnet of the car, one says to the other get out and show him your cross. The other one gets out the car walks up to the vampire and shouts in his face ' get the fuck off my bonnet'
Thank you I am here all week |
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By *ty31Man
over a year ago
NW London |
A blonde brunette and redhead are stranded on a desert island. They find a lamp, rub it and a genie pops out
"I am the genie of the lamp. I grant you each one wish"
"Well I wish I was home with my friends and family" says the redhead. Genie snaps his fingers and she is whisked away home.
"I too wish to go home" says the brunette. Genie snaps his fingers and she is whisked Away Home.
"Gee" says the blonde "its lonely here without my friends. I wish they were back here with me" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Two cats are swimming across a river. One is called "One Two Three " the other is called "Un Deux Trois ". Which cat survives?
"One Two Three " because un deux trois cat sank. |
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"Three nurses working in a morgue discover a dead man with a hard on.
The 1st nurse says 'I can't let that go to waste', & rides him.
The 2nd nurse does the same.
The 3rd nurse hesitates & explains she is on her period, but does him anyway.
Then the man sits up & the nurses apologise saying they thought he was dead.
The man replies 'I was, but after two jump starts & a blood transfusion I feel fucking great!!!'
Haha defo going to have to use this "
the joke or the stiff?  |
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"Two monkeys in a bath. One says to the other "ooh ooh aah aah", the other replies "yeah, it is a bit hot" "
Bill and Ben were having a bath together when Bill went "flobba dobba dobba dob"
"Pardon?" said Ben
"Nothing, I just farted"....
(One for the old fogies  )
Mr ddc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A teacher turns to her class one day and says "ok anyone who feels stupid stand up".
After a few minutes silence little Billy at the back stands up.
"so Billy"says the teacher" I see you admit your stupid"
"no" replies Billy "I just didn't like you being stood all alone" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I saw a little boy sitting in the park crying, so I asked him what the matter was.
" it's my birthday,I've got a new ps4 and I phone and I pad, plus my parents said I'm going to Disney land for a month as soon as I get home "
"so y r u crying? " I asked
Cos I'm fucking lost!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At school one day, Little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to use the word “contagious” in a sentence…
Cindy raises her hand. “Yes, Cindy?” She answers, “I was at the dentist’s office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious.”
“Very good, Cindy!” the teacher said, “Anyone else want to try?” Samantha raises her hand. “Yes, Samantha?” She answers, “My dad tells me not to yawn because then everybody else yawns. He says yawning is contagious.”
“Excellent work, Samantha! Very creative,” the teacher praises. “Okay, one more volunteer.” Little Johnny raises his hand. “Yes, Johnny?”
“Well,” he says, “I was helping my dad in the yard last week, and we saw the neighbor painting his house. He was using a small brush, so I asked my dad, ‘Daddy, why is he using such a small brush?’ and he says, ‘I don’t know son, but it’s gonna take that cunt-ages.’” |
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By *lappyMan
over a year ago
Manchester |
I met 2 mexician fire fighting brothers recently, one was called Jose and the other hose B
What do you call cheese that's not yours ???? Nacho cheese ( not your cheese )
I used to be a page 3 photographer but I recently got promoted.... now I do page 4 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Stevie wonder got a cheese grater for Christmas from a friend. The next time they met the friend asked "what did you think of your present?" Stevie replied "it's the most violent book I ever read " |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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3 dogs with owners in the vets waiting room
1st dog says to the 2nd dog why are you here? 2nd dog replies I attacked and ate the pet rabbit I think that's it for me 
1st dog says to 3rd dog why are you here? 3rd dog replies I bite my owners son and made him bleed and cry.. I think that's it for me too
3rd dog asks 1st dog why are you here? 1st dog replies my owners wife was bending over cleaning the bath so I saw my chance and fucked her normal style. . 3rd dog says so are they putting you down too?
1st dog replies no I'm here to get my nails cut |
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