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Guys who can't get erections at swingers clubs/parties
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Firstly, I just want to say this is not an attack on those that suffer!
Recently me the the OH have been going to parties and clubs. Overall we have had a great deal of fun and have met some very cool people. What has surprised me, is how many guys fail to get an erection when in a group situation.
We have spoken to other couples at parties and they said they have been left frustrated when this happens, and it seems to happen quite a lot.
As I said in my opening sentence, this is not an attack, we are just surprised how regularly this seems to happen.Is this something others have found when in the same situation? |
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I've found that many men have already cum once at the thought of the meet or to save cumming too soon at the meet.
I've also found about men at clubs that they arrive at 9. It's too early to go home got to get your money's worth so they don't want to cum till 1am...and by that time they've forgotten what they came for....or you get with a bloke and they already came for a girl.
Also poppers. Poppers are no good for erections xxx |
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I've never seen it happen in a swingers club. But when I used to organise gangbangs I used to confirm that they where happy in group situations and close contact with other guys
Must be as frustrating for the guys as the women.
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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago
not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds) |
It's a hormonal thing... The more conscious folk are the worse it gets., best thing for the guy go chill out and try a bit of private fun. Get the hormones pumping . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't find it surprising, really. As an example, Marc and I have been together almost 10 years. That is 10 years of just me, no condom, no one watching, no need to worry about what a new woman thinks.
Then, pop into a club or group situation, stick on a condom for the first time in a decade, see a new woman naked for the first time in a decade, things might not go to plan. And if the woman you are with reacts negatively, it only gets worse for the embarrassment.
This is why we only watched and played with eachother for our first few club visits.
-Courtney |
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"I don't find it surprising, really. As an example, Marc and I have been together almost 10 years. That is 10 years of just me, no condom, no one watching, no need to worry about what a new woman thinks.
Then, pop into a club or group situation, stick on a condom for the first time in a decade, see a new woman naked for the first time in a decade, things might not go to plan. And if the woman you are with reacts negatively, it only gets worse for the embarrassment.
This is why we only watched and played with eachother for our first few club visits.
-Courtney"
This is us , if I try and put a condom on I'm bugered , we found a couple who we play with on a very regular basis and there's a lot of trust so no need for protection and life is good  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can only assume it is similar to when you arrive at the urinal and no matter how busting for a pee you might be, you just can't go with other people present (paruresis). |
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It's very common. I can be one of those men.
It's when there is pressure to perform. When you feel that you are an object. Sometimes it can be that you're just not turned on by what you're seeing. No foreplay.
It can make you anxious. When you don't get hard, it makes you even more anxious. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had this happen in a 3 some with a couple, I was fine and had no problems with getting hard but the hubby of the couple I was playing with.
He was so embarrassed about it but I just told him it was not a problem and I was sure that he would be fucking the shut out of her once I had gone 
Nothing like a group situation to highlight any insecurities a bloke might have, especially if he is getting ready and me tripod turns up LoL |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a bit of an issue with it in my first club meet. However there was the pressure of meeting someone who I had been dying to meet for months...but the main problem for me was the number of rude guys in the club who didnt respect any boundaries, even following us into a private area and had to be asked to leave repeatedly...I wasnt a fan of being in a position where a random guy kneels right up next to me reaching over to grab at my meet while wanking...very offputting  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That can be natural.. so guys like the sound of group activity.. but mentally can't coupe with the idea of another man being naked next to them, or could be a manhood envy .. only the individual can determine what they are feeling at the time I guess. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't find it surprising, really. As an example, Marc and I have been together almost 10 years. That is 10 years of just me, no condom, no one watching, no need to worry about what a new woman thinks.
Then, pop into a club or group situation, stick on a condom for the first time in a decade, see a new woman naked for the first time in a decade, things might not go to plan. And if the woman you are with reacts negatively, it only gets worse for the embarrassment.
This is why we only watched and played with eachother for our first few club visits.
-Courtney"
Had the unfortunate experience of being in a club, we were getting changed ready to leave and saw a woman slapping the fuck out of her husband (in presuming her husband) because he couldn't perform.
Serious full on slaps across the face and shouting abuse at him....not nice to witness  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't find it surprising, really. As an example, Marc and I have been together almost 10 years. That is 10 years of just me, no condom, no one watching, no need to worry about what a new woman thinks.
Then, pop into a club or group situation, stick on a condom for the first time in a decade, see a new woman naked for the first time in a decade, things might not go to plan. And if the woman you are with reacts negatively, it only gets worse for the embarrassment.
This is why we only watched and played with eachother for our first few club visits.
-Courtney
Had the unfortunate experience of being in a club, we were getting changed ready to leave and saw a woman slapping the fuck out of her husband (in presuming her husband) because he couldn't perform.
Serious full on slaps across the face and shouting abuse at him....not nice to witness "
 No one was supposed to see that...
But seriously, if you just get used to the group stuff before trying it full-on it is much easier to get used to. As a woman I was happy to just mill about and not play for a few visits too, just to get confident in myself. Then there is no need to slap your guy...
-Courtney |
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"I don't find it surprising, really. As an example, Marc and I have been together almost 10 years. That is 10 years of just me, no condom, no one watching, no need to worry about what a new woman thinks.
Then, pop into a club or group situation, stick on a condom for the first time in a decade, see a new woman naked for the first time in a decade, things might not go to plan. And if the woman you are with reacts negatively, it only gets worse for the embarrassment.
This is why we only watched and played with eachother for our first few club visits.
-Courtney
Had the unfortunate experience of being in a club, we were getting changed ready to leave and saw a woman slapping the fuck out of her husband (in presuming her husband) because he couldn't perform.
Serious full on slaps across the face and shouting abuse at him....not nice to witness "
Maybe he loves it.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I can only assume it is similar to when you arrive at the urinal and no matter how busting for a pee you might be, you just can't go with other people present (paruresis)."
Funny you sat that, I have never failed to get a hard on, but have struggled to pee in public loos on occasion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't find it surprising, really. As an example, Marc and I have been together almost 10 years. That is 10 years of just me, no condom, no one watching, no need to worry about what a new woman thinks.
Then, pop into a club or group situation, stick on a condom for the first time in a decade, see a new woman naked for the first time in a decade, things might not go to plan. And if the woman you are with reacts negatively, it only gets worse for the embarrassment.
This is why we only watched and played with eachother for our first few club visits.
-Courtney
Had the unfortunate experience of being in a club, we were getting changed ready to leave and saw a woman slapping the fuck out of her husband (in presuming her husband) because he couldn't perform.
Serious full on slaps across the face and shouting abuse at him....not nice to witness
Maybe he loves it. "
I can pretty much say undoubtably from what I saw, he wasn't loving it at all.
Reverse the roles and a guy in a club starts beating on his Mrs...I'm rather sure all holy fucking hell would be let loose and he'd end the night in a prison cell. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have had this happen to me in the past and yes it's embarrassing to say the least as I love clubs and its down to Nurves I guess Viagra helps in these times of need lol |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
for example.... person couldn't get a hard on... so they get anxious....
next time... person is anxious because last time they couldn't get a hard on.... and thus becomes more difficult to get said hard on...
self fulfilling circle....
plus i have heard people being mocked because they couldn't get a hard on (thankfully i have only heard it once or twice)
mental as well as physical.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"for example.... person couldn't get a hard on... so they get anxious....
next time... person is anxious because last time they couldn't get a hard on.... and thus becomes more difficult to get said hard on...
self fulfilling circle....
plus i have heard people being mocked because they couldn't get a hard on (thankfully i have only heard it once or twice)
mental as well as physical.... "
This actually happened to me I got mocked not a nice feeling |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"for example.... person couldn't get a hard on... so they get anxious....
next time... person is anxious because last time they couldn't get a hard on.... and thus becomes more difficult to get said hard on...
self fulfilling circle....
plus i have heard people being mocked because they couldn't get a hard on (thankfully i have only heard it once or twice)
mental as well as physical.... "
I cant believe people would be so insensitive to mock someone for it! I can only imagine the physcological damage that could do! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"for example.... person couldn't get a hard on... so they get anxious....
next time... person is anxious because last time they couldn't get a hard on.... and thus becomes more difficult to get said hard on...
self fulfilling circle....
plus i have heard people being mocked because they couldn't get a hard on (thankfully i have only heard it once or twice)
mental as well as physical....
I cant believe people would be so insensitive to mock someone for it! I can only imagine the physcological damage that could do!"
It does happen and Ben been on the end of it trust me it hurts |
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we had a situation at a club a few years ago, we found a couple who wanted to play so went off to a private room, he went straight to giving scouse oral, the wife started with a bj on me, so I laid on my back, she then decided to wank me: unfortunately it felt like she was trying to snap it off ( imagine trying to get a broom shank out of the brush head ) well the erection just went, and it took a good 6 months before I could perform with anyone but scouse.
so ladies please remember it might not be all the guys fault
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"for example.... person couldn't get a hard on... so they get anxious....
next time... person is anxious because last time they couldn't get a hard on.... and thus becomes more difficult to get said hard on...
self fulfilling circle....
plus i have heard people being mocked because they couldn't get a hard on (thankfully i have only heard it once or twice)
mental as well as physical....
I cant believe people would be so insensitive to mock someone for it! I can only imagine the physcological damage that could do!
It does happen and Ben been on the end of it trust me it hurts "
Mate, that sucks. Sorry to hear there are such jerks out there! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"for example.... person couldn't get a hard on... so they get anxious....
next time... person is anxious because last time they couldn't get a hard on.... and thus becomes more difficult to get said hard on...
self fulfilling circle....
plus i have heard people being mocked because they couldn't get a hard on (thankfully i have only heard it once or twice)
mental as well as physical.... "
Puts hand up in shame
I will overcome this though, viagra didn't help, not drinking when I am next at the club and see if that makes any difference |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"for example.... person couldn't get a hard on... so they get anxious....
next time... person is anxious because last time they couldn't get a hard on.... and thus becomes more difficult to get said hard on...
self fulfilling circle....
plus i have heard people being mocked because they couldn't get a hard on (thankfully i have only heard it once or twice)
mental as well as physical....
I cant believe people would be so insensitive to mock someone for it! I can only imagine the physcological damage that could do!
It does happen and Ben been on the end of it trust me it hurts
Mate, that sucks. Sorry to hear there are such jerks out there!"
There are some but there are also some cracking people out there that do care and don't judge in any was so its all good. Won't stop me going to clubs I've just got to learn to go with the flow |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The people I want to play with at the club are very understanding, they know I have insecurities, I would love to be able to get hard and fuck the female, but there's something deep inside me that keeps saying NO!
Mayve this year will be different, not so much pressure on myself to perform, and less stress with other things too
Bring on the club nights |
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"I don't find it surprising, really. As an example, Marc and I have been together almost 10 years. That is 10 years of just me, no condom, no one watching, no need to worry about what a new woman thinks.
Then, pop into a club or group situation, stick on a condom for the first time in a decade, see a new woman naked for the first time in a decade, things might not go to plan. And if the woman you are with reacts negatively, it only gets worse for the embarrassment.
This is why we only watched and played with eachother for our first few club visits.
-Courtney
Had the unfortunate experience of being in a club, we were getting changed ready to leave and saw a woman slapping the fuck out of her husband (in presuming her husband) because he couldn't perform.
Serious full on slaps across the face and shouting abuse at him....not nice to witness "
I'm afraid I'd have kicked her right in the cunt !
Sorry if that offends ! But hey ho that's what she'd get big style. Not very supportive wax she X rant over X  |
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I've seen it a couple of times mostly in clubs, I think it's likely with guys who are new to the club scene and aren't used to being watched or having other naked guys around
Once they've been a few times those nerves will pass! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've seen it a couple of times mostly in clubs, I think it's likely with guys who are new to the club scene and aren't used to being watched or having other naked guys around
Once they've been a few times those nerves will pass!"
Commonly know as Fanny Fright there is an of the shelf fast acting solution.
Mycoxaflopin is available at all High street chemists |
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ED is a very common problem and im often surprised how many it effects
guess it means more pussy for you guys that can get it up ..
having had my prostrate removed means i can hardly ever get it up when i need to but then i go to socialise and have a drink and watch ..sometimes i get to help out in different ways tho |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't find it surprising, really. As an example, Marc and I have been together almost 10 years. That is 10 years of just me, no condom, no one watching, no need to worry about what a new woman thinks.
Then, pop into a club or group situation, stick on a condom for the first time in a decade, see a new woman naked for the first time in a decade, things might not go to plan. And if the woman you are with reacts negatively, it only gets worse for the embarrassment.
This is why we only watched and played with eachother for our first few club visits.
-Courtney"
That's a really interesting point Courtney and not something I had thought of! X |
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A lot of people are less used to being naked with other people nowadays. Some must stay covered even in locker rooms. Pretty abysmal really from a body confidence angle and being used to others nudity.
I'm going to organize more bicurious gang bangs this year. Get the lads used to being around each other whilst getting off. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A lot of people are less used to being naked with other people nowadays. Some must stay covered even in locker rooms. Pretty abysmal really from a body confidence angle and being used to others nudity.
I'm going to organize more bicurious gang bangs this year. Get the lads used to being around each other whilst getting off."
Bi curious gang bang... now there's a thought! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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V here
I think women (or whoever the guy who can't get an erection is playing with) have a role to play too and getting frustrated or cross about it is pretty poor club behaviour. A guy with no hard-on is still a participant (unless he's a twat with no hard-on). He has hands, fingers, a mouth and perhaps even toys to use. A little encouragement to continue would be helpful no?
If a woman was a little dry... You'd reach for the lube have some more fun... You wouldn't mock her for being a rubbish playmate (well I hope not).
So guys without hard-ons. Get over it and if you're enjoying the situation get stuck in a different way.
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
There was a thread towards the end of last year about women faking their moans and groans. I see it as giving positive encouragement to men who may be struggling in a group situation.
My experience is that it is the men who push themselves forward in a club situation, behaving like there is only one chocolate biscuit left in amongst the Rich Tea.
People being rude to each other helps no one.
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By *razedcatMan
over a year ago
London / Herts |
I struggle. And it's very disheartening, because in private meets I never have any problems.
The cause is different for different men, I suspect. Some are nervous about being around other people, or new people. Others feel inadequate. For me, it's that group situations tend to be so distracting...there's so much going on, it's an overload. I really need to zone out in order to operate at my best  |
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"I can only assume it is similar to when you arrive at the urinal and no matter how busting for a pee you might be, you just can't go with other people present (paruresis)."
Quite true This, but inside a cubicle I can let go, Once you have started yer journey at the Urinal I,m ok then not really bothered About others I,m sure they follow me in to put me off.. what a subject..Its only fab I,d chat on like this but yes I do get paruresis, I did,nt know it had a name seems quite reasureing that it is has a diagnosis name..  there must be a underlieing reason for it.. |
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"Of course it can happen, guys aren't machines.
If women aren't turned on or get too nervous they can hide it but unfortunately guys can't which must make things even worse for them. "
I can't hide it when I am not turned on .. when I am not turned on, I dont play. I don't get damp, let alone wet. Although there are less outward signs for women, I think it can still be hard to deal with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I never get as horny in a threesome or a group situation as I do one on one.
That can result in me not getting instantly hard.
The other result is you get get hard, you stay hard but you just can't cum.
That is equally frustrating. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The biggest thing I have found are guys who can't keep an errection with a condom on
I've played with a few guys who have no problem getting hard during the kissing and foreplay but as soon as the condom goes on they loose it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I honestly thought it was just me thought I was strange or something but glad to see I'm not the only one and glad to be able to share this intermate info as blokes don't normally talk about this kind of thing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The biggest thing I have found are guys who can't keep an errection with a condom on
I've played with a few guys who have no problem getting hard during the kissing and foreplay but as soon as the condom goes on they loose it "
This happens as well I don't know why but it does |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I struggle. And it's very disheartening, because in private meets I never have any problems.
The cause is different for different men, I suspect. Some are nervous about being around other people, or new people. Others feel inadequate. For me, it's that group situations tend to be so distracting...there's so much going on, it's an overload. I really need to zone out in order to operate at my best "
The few occasions I've been to clubs I've had to mentally zone out to start with otherwise I can't seem to let myself go. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Of course it can happen, guys aren't machines.
If women aren't turned on or get too nervous they can hide it but unfortunately guys can't which must make things even worse for them. "
Well said, and thankyou x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I struggle. And it's very disheartening, because in private meets I never have any problems.
The cause is different for different men, I suspect. Some are nervous about being around other people, or new people. Others feel inadequate. For me, it's that group situations tend to be so distracting...there's so much going on, it's an overload. I really need to zone out in order to operate at my best
The few occasions I've been to clubs I've had to mentally zone out to start with otherwise I can't seem to let myself go."
Will have to try this zone out trick and see if it can work for me |
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"The biggest thing I have found are guys who can't keep an errection with a condom on
I've played with a few guys who have no problem getting hard during the kissing and foreplay but as soon as the condom goes on they loose it
This happens as well I don't know why but it does "
yes its all mental at the end of the day and how you cope. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I struggle. And it's very disheartening, because in private meets I never have any problems.
The cause is different for different men, I suspect. Some are nervous about being around other people, or new people. Others feel inadequate. For me, it's that group situations tend to be so distracting...there's so much going on, it's an overload. I really need to zone out in order to operate at my best
The few occasions I've been to clubs I've had to mentally zone out to start with otherwise I can't seem to let myself go.
Will have to try this zone out trick and see if it can work for me "
I think the "zone out" thing works for women too. We only meet at clubs and parties and our preference is for larger groups. Sometimes it's overwhelming, all the sights, sounds and smells.... zoning out is a little breather from the craziness that is in front of you so you can focus on something that you're finding hot and ignore the rest.
V xxx |
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Just occasionally there's a thread on the forums which restores my faith in fellow fabbers. Great to see such understanding from the ladies here!
I don't think I could maintain an erection in a room with other blokes present, but then I'm not really interested in clubs and certainly not in group situations involving another guy.
The few club nights I have been to (with a FB) have all been watersports events, where not being hard has been a positive advantage!
I notice some people have mentioned Viagra, but surely that only addresses a physical problem and not the inability to get hard for mental reasons?? |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
"The biggest thing I have found are guys who can't keep an errection with a condom on
I've played with a few guys who have no problem getting hard during the kissing and foreplay but as soon as the condom goes on they loose it
This happens as well I don't know why but it does "
With a playmate the condoms he was using were too small. When we used a bigger one he was much more comfortable and kept hard. |
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By *eanontiWoman
over a year ago
Limerick |
"The biggest thing I have found are guys who can't keep an errection with a condom on
I've played with a few guys who have no problem getting hard during the kissing and foreplay but as soon as the condom goes on they loose it "
This is exactly what I've come across
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had it where at a club I'll be hard and then after I cum once I can't get hard again for the rest of the night. Playing, licking, looking and listening are all great but it really sucks when you just want too fuck! |
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"I've had it where at a club I'll be hard and then after I cum once I can't get hard again for the rest of the night. Playing, licking, looking and listening are all great but it really sucks when you just want too fuck!"
You perhaps want to wish yer self lucky (Includeing energy levels) that your one of those guys who can play Again straight after or very shortly After without medication, For me one orgasm is enough,and always has been(unless your not looking for another orgasm) I don,t know where I got the general Impression the status quo or the biggest part of were the same as myself and pretty standard in that way To me anybody going over that line one Time I could not get my head round but over time I realise its the norm with many men without medication Involved if its natural ok, but after that I think we push our bodys to far.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Firstly, I just want to say this is not an attack on those that suffer!
Recently me the the OH have been going to parties and clubs. Overall we have had a great deal of fun and have met some very cool people. What has surprised me, is how many guys fail to get an erection when in a group situation.
We have spoken to other couples at parties and they said they have been left frustrated when this happens, and it seems to happen quite a lot.
As I said in my opening sentence, this is not an attack, we are just surprised how regularly this seems to happen.Is this something others have found when in the same situation?"
A lot of this can be medical. I had a problem getting hard once in a group situation and thought something was wrong with me. I went to my doctor to get viagra. He ran some tests and said you don't need viagra. You have type 2 diabetes. 
I change my diet and erection problem solved. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Firstly, I just want to say this is not an attack on those that suffer!
Recently me the the OH have been going to parties and clubs. Overall we have had a great deal of fun and have met some very cool people. What has surprised me, is how many guys fail to get an erection when in a group situation.
We have spoken to other couples at parties and they said they have been left frustrated when this happens, and it seems to happen quite a lot.
As I said in my opening sentence, this is not an attack, we are just surprised how regularly this seems to happen.Is this something others have found when in the same situation?
A lot of this can be medical. I had a problem getting hard once in a group situation and thought something was wrong with me. I went to my doctor to get viagra. He ran some tests and said you don't need viagra. You have type 2 diabetes.
I change my diet and erection problem solved."
This is so true as type 2 was what I was boardering |
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