FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Is it wrong?

Is it wrong?

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I am a happily married male, married to a beautiful woman that I love dearly. Three years ago she was involved in an accident which left her severely disabled. Now, for obvious reasons, we do not have the normal life we used to enjoy, and our sex life is non existent. I still have an enormous sex drive but my wife wouldn't entertain the idea, but is happy for me to go it alone. The question is, although I have my wifes blessing, should I carry on seeking sex with others?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I am a happily married male, married to a beautiful woman that I love dearly. Three years ago she was involved in an accident which left her severely disabled. Now, for obvious reasons, we do not have the normal life we used to enjoy, and our sex life is non existent. I still have an enormous sex drive but my wife wouldn't entertain the idea, but is happy for me to go it alone. The question is, although I have my wifes blessing, should I carry on seeking sex with others?"

So you are unsure of the answer from discussing it 'openly' with your wife...so you've decided to 'get permission' from total strangers?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

sounds like you've answered the question already

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If your open with her about your needs and she is ok with it YES ..... Just reading this letter you come across as a nice caring man. You have your needs too and you have one life so make the most of it and dont look back and think if only ..... End of the day you have to be true to yourself and if you can do that with out hurting others yes its fine x It cant be easy for you or your wife at times but one thing you have together is love x kisses xxxx jo

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By *umourCouple over a year ago

Rushden

If your wife genuinely is OK with you seeking sex, then I guess it's OK to carry on with a clear concience.

Just have to ask yourself though... She may well have said yes and outwardly she may look OK with it, but what about the torment inside? How would you feel if the rolls were reversed and she asked you if it was OK to get sex elsewhere?

I would suspect that if she loves you as much as you intimate, she may have said yes to please you, but doesn't mean she is not wracked by pain and jealousy when you go out!

I would say that if my wife was in that bad a way, I certainly wouldn't be looking for outside sex!

(jus sayin!)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Asking for advice on here is leaving yourself way open to accusations of cheating etc. especially since your wife is disabled.

Only you know what your life is like and until a person has walked a mile in your shoes they can't possibly condemn you for still wanting what you once had.

If you do decide to go down the road of extra-marital sex, with or without your wife's blessing, it will have ramifications later on but nobody can possibly know what they will be and you'll just have to cross that bridge when you come to it. If you don't find sex elsewhere and continue to lead a non-existent sex life, that too will eventually come to a head later on and a decision will face you then.

I don't envy you in your dilemma, you're going to be hung if you do, and hung if you don't.

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By *ensualfire88Man over a year ago

Edinburgh

"until a person has walked a mile in your shoes they can't possibly condemn you for still wanting what you once had."

Unfortunately, that rarely stops them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In some ways it would have been better if you had gone behind her back and said nothing.

How will she feel now, made severely disabled and now her husband goes and has sex with strangers.Bet she feels really wanted.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

So you are unsure of the answer from discussing it 'openly' with your wife...so you've decided to 'get permission' from total strangers?

i've been watching your posts over the last few weeks - do you hate everyone on here?? seems you have a never ending need to shoot down OP's

OP - like some have said on here your situation is your situation. no one can truely give you the answers you need. i presume you have discussed this at length with your partner and it is great that she has given you permission but you also have to give yourself permission.

are you asking this question because you are feeling guilty over seeing other women?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"In some ways it would have been better if you had gone behind her back and said nothing.

How will she feel now, made severely disabled and now her husband goes and has sex with strangers.Bet she feels really wanted.

what a strange statement from a "swinger". Would have thought most of us could understand the difference between love and sex.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

its a tough one . Have to say if i were the lady in question (the wife) i would probably perfer you to seek the services of an escort or a prostitute , and not someone you might go on to have feelings for .However, having lived in a sexless marriage myself for decades , i can understand your issue. I am now divorced .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"In some ways it would have been better if you had gone behind her back and said nothing.

How will she feel now, made severely disabled and now her husband goes and has sex with strangers.Bet she feels really wanted.

"
I have come across this in swinging before couples just like this ...... and thay was fine.... and happy there partner was getting what thay needed as thay new thay loved them .. If your strong together as a couple even if your disabled should be no diffrent too other people who swing apart.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So you are unsure of the answer from discussing it 'openly' with your wife...so you've decided to 'get permission' from total strangers?

i've been watching your posts over the last few weeks - do you hate everyone on here?? seems you have a never ending need to shoot down OP's

are you asking this question because you are feeling guilty over seeing other women?"

It's so sweet that you make a statement like that then go on to agree with what I said

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why does it appear some people are crucified coming on here looking for advice....

Sometimes people find it hard to talk ...it might be they don`t have a confidant ?

Talking with strangers can be beneficial, because they aren`t emotionally attached to the situation ...adds a perspective surely ...

Which is all some are asking for ...opinions ?..hopefully honestly given, without posting for effect ....

I`ve had situations where opening a situation in my life upto others has given me perspectives I wouldn`t of thought about, left to me and myself ....

In answer I dunno ....I`d feel guilty ..probally irrationally so, if you say shes ok with it, and if shes sees it just as fun !!!But there must be a part of her that worries you`ll leave else ? ....but its hard to say, only you know the reality ....and vibe ...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's so sweet that you make a statement like that then go on to agree with what I said

"
Stop it ........ be asked people here somthing and dont need this x be good

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

We had experience in the swing scene b4 we had kids, so having sex with others and together was never an issue before and that is why I have used this site's forum to discuss this. I know physically and emotionally she is in pain but she insists I carry on.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

So you are unsure of the answer from discussing it 'openly' with your wife...so you've decided to 'get permission' from total strangers?

i've been watching your posts over the last few weeks - do you hate everyone on here?? seems you have a never ending need to shoot down OP's

are you asking this question because you are feeling guilty over seeing other women?

It's so sweet that you make a statement like that then go on to agree with what I said

how did i agree?? i said i presume he has spoken with his wife about it and then offered my point of view on the situation.

you were saracstic with your inverted comma's suggesting he as asking for permission rather than for a discussion on what is a very difficult situation

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Wise words wishy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So you are unsure of the answer from discussing it 'openly' with your wife...so you've decided to 'get permission' from total strangers?

i've been watching your posts over the last few weeks - do you hate everyone on here?? seems you have a never ending need to shoot down OP's

are you asking this question because you are feeling guilty over seeing other women?

It's so sweet that you make a statement like that then go on to agree with what I said

how did i agree?? i said i presume he has spoken with his wife about it and then offered my point of view on the situation.

you were saracstic with your inverted comma's suggesting he as asking for permission rather than for a discussion on what is a very difficult situation"

Substantially because we are both clear it is HIS decision to make.I find it a little ridiculous that it is dressed up as something other than it is.

It's good though that you recognise we ar ALL allowed to offer our own opinions on anything in a forum!