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Asked for money......
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
I have already made up my mind but....what would you do?
A friend/acquaintance has just text to say they had broke their tooth and need money to help with an emergency dental appointment to the cost of £120
Now I haven't opened the text itself but I saw it as it was coming in so I don't know if she wants the full amount or a contribution and yes I have phoned my mum for advise as she is soft like me but also level headed (also I know some phones can tell if a text message has been read, and why I am loath to open the message for the full story)
Now she is a single mum and doesn't work, so I cant see how she would be able to pay it back and no I cant afford to just say bye bye to £120, so what would you do? Feel guilty and ignore the message for now or happily hand it over knowing you might not get it back and end up feeling resentful for being taken as a mug? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If she's on benefits she can claim that money back from the NHS. So she will get the money and be able to give it to you, whether she actually will do this is down to you to judge. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If she doesn't work won't she be entitled to free dental treatment? As far as I know emergency treatment is free too if you produce evidence."
she wont have to pay, its free if shes not working and on benefits |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If she doesn't work won't she be entitled to free dental treatment? As far as I know emergency treatment is free too if you produce evidence."
Wouldn't you need an HS2 already? Otherwise she'd have to pay up front and reclaim the costs. |
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I'd say the fact you've not opened it means you want to say no but feel bad if you do.
But an honest no is better than anything else.
Be honest with yourself, if it was s true friend you trusted would you have lent the money already?
Plus, as others have said, she would get this free. She may be trying to pull the wool over your eyes  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depending on the age of her child she gets free dental care with a maternity exemption cert and if she is on income support then NHS dental care is free. Unless its cosmetic. |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"If she doesn't work won't she be entitled to free dental treatment? As far as I know emergency treatment is free too if you produce evidence."
That is exactly what my mum has said and why I will not be lending it to her. As I wasn't fully aware all treatment is free in Scotland especially if you are a single mum.
But I do feel guilty as I could afford to, but I can make a big enough arse out of myself without someone doing it for me. But she really isn't the type to pull a scam....
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By *i1971Man
over a year ago
Cornwall |
If emergency NHS cover is available & I would imagine that £120 would go a fair way for emergency treatment.
I don't lend to friends any more. Have done in the past & was promised it would be returned in a couple of months, which would have been fine. However, it took over 12 months before I saw it again (& had already written it off in my mind) when they sheepishly returned it.
Certainly puts a strain on friendships. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Treatment is free if she's on benefits so it sounds like an excuse to ask for money.
I would read the message and reply that unfortunately I'm not in a position to lend her the money, but send her links to the NHS site regarding dental costs and emergency treatment  |
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There are people on this planet who are so expert at the con it is not funny.
We once hosted a Dutch lady who was so switched on it was awesome and she was in the UK to find the guy she had given £7.5k to... Yep a proper con artist and no she couldn't find the sod.
It is your money. take great care.
L2 |
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just reply back and apologize and say that you havent got the amount so unable to help at this moment
ive helped someone else in same position and no I didnt get it back
in end I did have to say no as it was getting to stage, they was asking for more even though the rest hadnt been returned |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"maybe mention it to your friend and not people on a swinging site."
How would asking her friend who asked for a loan to advise her on loaning said friend money help the OP in any way? Asking here would mean it'd be impartial advice. |
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"If she doesn't work won't she be entitled to free dental treatment? As far as I know emergency treatment is free too if you produce evidence.
That is exactly what my mum has said and why I will not be lending it to her. As I wasn't fully aware all treatment is free in Scotland especially if you are a single mum.
But I do feel guilty as I could afford to, but I can make a big enough arse out of myself without someone doing it for me. But she really isn't the type to pull a scam....
"
If it's going to be free why do you feel guilty?
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She is a single mother and does not have a job.
She is not in a position to pay you back easily.
Say to her that you do not have spare money but that there is a lot of help available and that you are happy to look on the net for her and make enquiries.
If you can't say 'no' be prepared to never see the money again.
P.S. Wonga Wonga ?
Bear in mind she has not worried about asking you for the money. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would say if you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or fall out with this person, then you could just say because it's after Christmas you have no spare cash and suggest she could get it for free on the NHS.
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"If she doesn't work won't she be entitled to free dental treatment? As far as I know emergency treatment is free too if you produce evidence.
That is exactly what my mum has said and why I will not be lending it to her. As I wasn't fully aware all treatment is free in Scotland especially if you are a single mum.
But I do feel guilty as I could afford to, but I can make a big enough arse out of myself without someone doing it for me. But she really isn't the type to pull a scam....
If it's going to be free why do you feel guilty?
"
Because I didn't know it was going to be free unless it was cosmetic. I had to have a private dentist for years as our area didn't offer new NHS dentists until a few months ago (I'm now registered) So I am used to the private prices  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If she doesn't work won't she be entitled to free dental treatment? As far as I know emergency treatment is free too if you produce evidence.
That is exactly what my mum has said and why I will not be lending it to her. As I wasn't fully aware all treatment is free in Scotland especially if you are a single mum.
But I do feel guilty as I could afford to, but I can make a big enough arse out of myself without someone doing it for me. But she really isn't the type to pull a scam....
If it's going to be free why do you feel guilty?
Because I didn't know it was going to be free unless it was cosmetic. I had to have a private dentist for years as our area didn't offer new NHS dentists until a few months ago (I'm now registered) So I am used to the private prices "
Tbh £120 isn't too much for private dentistry. Perhaps she doesn't know about NHS stuff. If she's in agony, A&E will be completely free. |
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"If she doesn't work won't she be entitled to free dental treatment? As far as I know emergency treatment is free too if you produce evidence.
That is exactly what my mum has said and why I will not be lending it to her. As I wasn't fully aware all treatment is free in Scotland especially if you are a single mum.
But I do feel guilty as I could afford to, but I can make a big enough arse out of myself without someone doing it for me. But she really isn't the type to pull a scam....
If it's going to be free why do you feel guilty?
Because I didn't know it was going to be free unless it was cosmetic. I had to have a private dentist for years as our area didn't offer new NHS dentists until a few months ago (I'm now registered) So I am used to the private prices "
No need to still feel guilty though  . |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"maybe mention it to your friend and not people on a swinging site.
How would asking her friend who asked for a loan to advise her on loaning said friend money help the OP in any way? Asking here would mean it'd be impartial advice. "
Some people were just not born with the brains they hoped they would have!  |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Isn't it funny how so many assumed you were being scammed or taken advantage of, instead of believing the request. "
Not really because I have always been in employment and I don't have children so there are some sides of humanity I honestly don't have a clue about therefore I don't have a clue about what others get when on benefits etc, plus I have had private dentists for years...only now have been accepted on NHS (we were saturated for years) with private only x |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Isn't it funny how so many assumed you were being scammed or taken advantage of, instead of believing the request. "
I didn't think she was being scammed. I just don't lend money I can't afford to lose. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Isn't it funny how so many assumed you were being scammed or taken advantage of, instead of believing the request.
Not really because I have always been in employment and I don't have children so there are some sides of humanity I honestly don't have a clue about therefore I don't have a clue about what others get when on benefits etc, plus I have had private dentists for years...only now have been accepted on NHS (we were saturated for years) with private only x"
I believe she genuinely thinks she has to spend that much to get it fixed  |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Isn't it funny how so many assumed you were being scammed or taken advantage of, instead of believing the request.
Not really because I have always been in employment and I don't have children so there are some sides of humanity I honestly don't have a clue about therefore I don't have a clue about what others get when on benefits etc, plus I have had private dentists for years...only now have been accepted on NHS (we were saturated for years) with private only x
I believe she genuinely thinks she has to spend that much to get it fixed "
I think so as well to be honest, but I just can't see how she would be able to pay it back x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Isn't it funny how so many assumed you were being scammed or taken advantage of, instead of believing the request.
Not really because I have always been in employment and I don't have children so there are some sides of humanity I honestly don't have a clue about therefore I don't have a clue about what others get when on benefits etc, plus I have had private dentists for years...only now have been accepted on NHS (we were saturated for years) with private only x
I believe she genuinely thinks she has to spend that much to get it fixed
I think so as well to be honest, but I just can't see how she would be able to pay it back x"
I also wouldn't give if I couldn't afford to not lose it. Do tell her about the other options though. |
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"Isn't it funny how so many assumed you were being scammed or taken advantage of, instead of believing the request.
Not really because I have always been in employment and I don't have children so there are some sides of humanity I honestly don't have a clue about therefore I don't have a clue about what others get when on benefits etc, plus I have had private dentists for years...only now have been accepted on NHS (we were saturated for years) with private only x
I believe she genuinely thinks she has to spend that much to get it fixed
I think so as well to be honest, but I just can't see how she would be able to pay it back x"
You know the person concerned, we don't.
Perhaps now you know that free treatment is available the best thing would be to talk to her, find out what she wants the money for exactly and help her find a way of sorting it out? |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"She may want to pay for better treatment. You don't get white fillings on molars or canines for free. Only basic treatment is free. "
If I can't afford white fillings, I'm not paying for anyone else to get them. |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Isn't it funny how so many assumed you were being scammed or taken advantage of, instead of believing the request.
Not really because I have always been in employment and I don't have children so there are some sides of humanity I honestly don't have a clue about therefore I don't have a clue about what others get when on benefits etc, plus I have had private dentists for years...only now have been accepted on NHS (we were saturated for years) with private only x
I believe she genuinely thinks she has to spend that much to get it fixed
I think so as well to be honest, but I just can't see how she would be able to pay it back x
You know the person concerned, we don't.
Perhaps now you know that free treatment is available the best thing would be to talk to her, find out what she wants the money for exactly and help her find a way of sorting it out?"
I will do now, so thank you! As I honestly didn't know before hand so thanks everyone x |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"You say friend /acquaintance!!
If she's a friend how good a friend is she? If she's just an acquaintance tell her to ask her friends "
I am honest on here, a true friend I wouldn't say no to so take from that what you will......But I would also take their situation into consideration to an extent |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Why ask something like that on here.
Surely you can decide yourself. Its a sex site not citizens advice"
And why has everything got to be about sex? Jesus bloody Christ! I hate to meet you and have to limit my conversation about sex! |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"I am a cynic....sounds like a scam
well done Ruggers! Just what my mum said!  And she is a soft touch as well x"
I can be a soft touch too, but don't tell anyone as I have an image to maintain  |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"I am a cynic....sounds like a scam
well done Ruggers! Just what my mum said! And she is a soft touch as well x
I can be a soft touch too, but don't tell anyone as I have an image to maintain "
I won't! Your secret is safe with me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If she is a single unemployed mum claiming benefits then yes she is entitled to free treatment on the nhs, that doesn't mean she is trying to scam you though it could be that she doesn't have an nhs dentist, the the nhs dentist is only willing to do certain treatments like pull a tooth out when there are other solutions to the problem of said tooth, often an nhs dentist will just opt to pull the tooth or teeth out with no replacement, private dentist would fit a bridge or a denture or something like that to replace a pulled tooth.
The majority of nhs dentist have a really bad reputation too (where I live they do) so private is sometimes the best option.
That being said if you can't afford to lose it you can't afford to risk lending it. X |
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"If she is a single unemployed mum claiming benefits then yes she is entitled to free treatment on the nhs, that doesn't mean she is trying to scam you though it could be that she doesn't have an nhs dentist, the the nhs dentist is only willing to do certain treatments like pull a tooth out when there are other solutions to the problem of said tooth, often an nhs dentist will just opt to pull the tooth or teeth out with no replacement, private dentist would fit a bridge or a denture or something like that to replace a pulled tooth.
The majority of nhs dentist have a really bad reputation too (where I live they do) so private is sometimes the best option.
That being said if you can't afford to lose it you can't afford to risk lending it. X"
Well luckily where I live I have a nhs dentist and his work has been second to none, I came off private due to mainly costs, And yes I can see what I was paying for privately, but I can see what I,m paying for now on the nhs, I made the Choice and I,m very pleased it was the right choice, he is also going to fit me a bridge/denture in the new year.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have already made up my mind but....what would you do?
A friend/acquaintance has just text to say they had broke their tooth and need money to help with an emergency dental appointment to the cost of £120
Now I haven't opened the text itself but I saw it as it was coming in so I don't know if she wants the full amount or a contribution and yes I have phoned my mum for advise as she is soft like me but also level headed (also I know some phones can tell if a text message has been read, and why I am loath to open the message for the full story)
Now she is a single mum and doesn't work, so I cant see how she would be able to pay it back and no I cant afford to just say bye bye to £120, so what would you do? Feel guilty and ignore the message for now or happily hand it over knowing you might not get it back and end up feeling resentful for being taken as a mug? "
2 options
1. Fuck off
2. It's only £120 - it's my good deed for the year
Your choice
I'd go for 1 personally - mainly because I think people need to work |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't know for sure, but NHS treatment is capped and offers only emergency treatment. A broken tooth may not be covered as it may not be giving any pain but it would need a crown. The cost for a crown is around the £300 mark. If it was your front tooth, for example, you'd want it sorted.
Maybe the NHS treatment will cover a proportion but an excess amount of £125 is required.
But regardless of all that, I wouldn't help. Try not to feel guilty about it and say you can't help.
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I had a broken tooth when I was unemployed (on maternity) my NHS exemption covered the root canal and the crown fitting. I didn't have to pay anything towards it. I had also misplaced my exemption card so gave them my NI number on the form and that was fine x |
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"I have already made up my mind but....what would you do?
A friend/acquaintance has just text to say they had broke their tooth and need money to help with an emergency dental appointment to the cost of £120
Now I haven't opened the text itself but I saw it as it was coming in so I don't know if she wants the full amount or a contribution and yes I have phoned my mum for advise as she is soft like me but also level headed (also I know some phones can tell if a text message has been read, and why I am loath to open the message for the full story)
Now she is a single mum and doesn't work, so I cant see how she would be able to pay it back and no I cant afford to just say bye bye to £120, so what would you do? Feel guilty and ignore the message for now or happily hand it over knowing you might not get it back and end up feeling resentful for being taken as a mug? "
I do not lend money as it leads to resentment, usually from the person asking
If she's really in pain and not just looking spends for a new year piss up, why isn't her first port of call A&E?!!
I wouldn't need to call anybody to answer that! |
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Sounds like you need to talk to her if you want to continue with any kind of friendship.
If it is the case that the nhs treatment is pull the tooth so this is the private price with the nhs dentist to save it (possible) then you have three options
Loan her all of it with a request that it be paid back but an acceptance in your mind that it probably won't be.
Loan her none of it as you can't afford to especially at Christmas.
Loan her part of it if she can get the rest from others.
It's time to read the actual text. She may have explained the amount in it or only be asking for part of it or it may just be a blatant and rude "gimme dosh" message so your answer could be right there.
Also bear in mind what emergency nhs cover is like in your area. I live in a major city with a dental hospital. Anyone can get treatment though they may have to get up early and queue to get it. If there's something like that near you perhaps offer to look after her child while she goes to queue - practical help can often be a better solution than money and her reaction to a constructive suggestion like that will tell you a lot about her.
Good luck. |
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By *errygTV/TS
over a year ago
denton |
120 quid is 3 days work on min wage, you would have to earn 150 to get 120. ive been owed money in the past, then noted they bought wheel trims, and another tattoos, so im very reluctant to lend money, if you do lend look at her lifestyle would she buy a bottle of wine instead of paying you a installment, its a minefield only you can decide. |
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"I have already made up my mind but....what would you do?
A friend/acquaintance has just text to say they had broke their tooth and need money to help with an emergency dental appointment to the cost of £120
Now I haven't opened the text itself but I saw it as it was coming in so I don't know if she wants the full amount or a contribution and yes I have phoned my mum for advise as she is soft like me but also level headed (also I know some phones can tell if a text message has been read, and why I am loath to open the message for the full story)
Now she is a single mum and doesn't work, so I cant see how she would be able to pay it back and no I cant afford to just say bye bye to £120, so what would you do? Feel guilty and ignore the message for now or happily hand it over knowing you might not get it back and end up feeling resentful for being taken as a mug?
I do not lend money as it leads to resentment, usually from the person asking
If she's really in pain and not just looking spends for a new year piss up, why isn't her first port of call A&E?!!
I wouldn't need to call anybody to answer that!"
A+E does not do dentistry. All they would do is give advice on pain relief and tell her to see a dentist. Meanwhile, she is just making the waiting times that bit longer.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If she's on benefits she can claim that money back from the NHS. So she will get the money and be able to give it to you, whether she actually will do this is down to you to judge."
yes I thought that.if on benefits you don't pay at all.
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"Isn't it funny how so many assumed you were being scammed or taken advantage of, instead of believing the request.
Not really because I have always been in employment and I don't have children so there are some sides of humanity I honestly don't have a clue about therefore I don't have a clue about what others get when on benefits etc, plus I have had private dentists for years...only now have been accepted on NHS (we were saturated for years) with private only x
I believe she genuinely thinks she has to spend that much to get it fixed
I think so as well to be honest, but I just can't see how she would be able to pay it back x
I also wouldn't give if I couldn't afford to not lose it. Do tell her about the other options though. "
This.
If it was me I wouldn't lend her the money unless I could afford to give it to her. I seldom give or lend money to friends but on the occasions that I have I always think of it in my mind as giving the person the money and never expect to get it back. On one occasion I did this it was 3 years before the person actually paid back. You have to remember that the only reason the person is asking you for money is because they can't manage on the money they have so it's unlikely that they will be in a position to pay you back soon.
So, if you're happy to give het £120 and not worry about whether it ever gets paid back then give her the money. If not then don't. Don't worry yourself about whether it's genuine need or not, you'll never know for sure, simply make your decision on whether you're happy or willing to give her £120. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a lot of cash.
I'd only give that kind of cash to only one or two of my closest friends.
I'm sure dentists have done kind of payment plan for expensive treatments don't they ? |
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"I am a cynic....sounds like a scam
well done Ruggers! Just what my mum said! And she is a soft touch as well x
I can be a soft touch too, but don't tell anyone as I have an image to maintain "
Duly Noted. he he |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If she doesn't work won't she be entitled to free dental treatment? As far as I know emergency treatment is free too if you produce evidence.
That is exactly what my mum has said and why I will not be lending it to her. As I wasn't fully aware all treatment is free in Scotland especially if you are a single mum.
But I do feel guilty as I could afford to, but I can make a big enough arse out of myself without someone doing it for me. But she really isn't the type to pull a scam....
"
I echo what others have said re free NHS dental work.
More importantly, whether you can afford to lose it or not isn't the issue. Friends don't scam friends/good people don't scam others. If she's really a friend who values your friendship that is...
She should have some respect for you/your friendship and just ask you - however hard/embarrassing it may be for her. Even if she doesn't offer a reason for the money.
Just my humble opinion of course. Hope you make a right decision for you and feel comfortable with it. |
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