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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You can't beat the oldies:
What part of Popeye never rusts? The part he dips in Olive Oyl
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Liketolickalotofpuss"
Lol  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Copyright to Masai Graham:
Syria. It's Assad's state of affairs.
Tina, that is so appropriate to my situation right now you have no idea!!!! 
Your reality show appearance bombed?"
Yep thats it |
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"Copyright to Masai Graham:
Syria. It's Assad's state of affairs.
Tina, that is so appropriate to my situation right now you have no idea!!!!
Your reality show appearance bombed?
Yep thats it "
Comiserations. I hope the good stuff starts coming your way real soon x
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
From Phil Pagett:
I was iffy on the Syria thing, DC, but you've more than made up for it with the Batman v Superman trailer.
and:
My colleagues think it's acceptable to hold a wet t-shirt contest. Well, I'll be the judge of that.
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By *ty31Man
over a year ago
NW London |
Police arrested two youths last night. One was drinking battery acid the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.... (Best said in a Tommy Cooper impression with a “juslikethat” at the end). |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"From Phil Pagett:
I was iffy on the Syria thing, DC, but you've more than made up for it with the Batman v Superman trailer.
and:
My colleagues think it's acceptable to hold a wet t-shirt contest. Well, I'll be the judge of that.
"
Haha |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Police arrested two youths last night. One was drinking battery acid the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.... (Best said in a Tommy Cooper impression with a “juslikethat” at the end)."
Lol, very good I like it |
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By *ty31Man
over a year ago
NW London |
Another old Tommy Cooper one:
I was in a Chinese Restaurant When a duck walked up to my table and said "your eyes are like emeralds and your smile could light up the sky"
I called the waiter over and said "No I asked for the AROMATIC duck" |
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Q. What's the ultimate rejection?
A. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Q. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
A. Sexual harassment.
Q. Why does a squirrel swim on its back?
A. To keep its nuts dry. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What do call a man with no arms and no legs swimming? Bob
Irish man finds a sandwich with wires sticking out so calls the police to report a bomb
Is ticking the police ask
No I tink its beef |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A man walks into a bar, and upon sitting down is promptly told, "This bar is incredible! The bartender serves apples of any flavor, any one that you can think of!" "That's incredible, you can't expect me to believe that." The bartender looks up and says, "It's true, mate. Any flavor." "Okay, do you have and rum?" The bartender serves him an apple. "No way.. this tastes like !" "Turn it around" Says the bartender. "It tastes like rum!" Exclaimed the man. A second man takes a seat next to the two, hearing the commotion. "Hey, mate, you have to try this! The bartender can serve you any flavor apple that you can think of!" Says the first man. "You can't expect me to believe that!" He replies. "Any flavor." the bartender says. "Okay, get me a gin and tonic." He is handed an apple, and upon taking a bite his face lights up. "It tastes like gin!" "Turn it around" Says the bartender. "It tastes like tonic! I don't believe it!" he exclaims. A third man walks over, hearing the commotion. "What's the fuss about?" he asks. All three men who are already seated pipe up about the apples. "Any flavor, eh? Well... I doubt it. Get me one that tastes like pussy!" The bartender, as in the previous cases, hands the man an apple. The man revolts, and nearly throws up. "This tastes like shit!" He shouts.
The bartender replies "Turn it around." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A man takes a stained shirt to the dry cleaners and asks the lady there if it can be cleaned.
Being partially deaf she says 'come again?'
'No, its yoghurt' he replies  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A husband says to his wife, "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time." The wife thinks about it for a few moments and replies, "Your dick is bigger than your brothers." |
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Was in the local the other night and needed a piss so went to the loo.
While in their another gent came in and used the urinal next to mine.
I am not bi, but had a look like you do and said wow thats a fine specimen.
He said thank you I have just had it done, you pick one out from the catalogue and they swap yours for the new one. He said have a look and gave me the website.
Anyway I had a look and decided to go for it.
A few months later I met him again in the gents, and said thanks for the advice and that I had mine done.
He said can I have a look, so I showed him and he burst out laughing.
I said what you laughing at, he said I am so sorry, but thats my old one.
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