FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Too good to be true?
Too good to be true?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've posted this kind of thread before (with the exact same title, clearly my creative skills are dwindling), but it's an issue that I've been told about recently, so lets go round 2.
Why is it that women will often believe that guys who post certain kinds of pics, and use a particular set of words, are often assumed to have a hidden agenda? Ok, so this being a swinging site, it's a fair enough assumption that somewhere down the line, they'll be looking to have sex, but why is it that so many women will often judge that's all we want, and we're just wrapping up our rather simplistic, animal needs in fancy communications - same product, different packaging?
I understand that it's natural to maintain a little distance at first, though why do so many women find it so difficult to trust, especially when faced with something you might actually want? That flower may just be that - a flower, not a Venus flytrap trying to tempt you in with an intoxicating aroma. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
on the new last night, there was something about Dating sites and people being exploited out of money.. People preying on the vulnerable.
and people make it easy by declaring their vulnerabilities and then wonder 'why, did it happen'... |
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"on the new last night, there was something about Dating sites and people being exploited out of money.. People preying on the vulnerable.
and people make it easy by declaring their vulnerabilities and then wonder 'why, did it happen'..."
I was listening to something about that on radio 4 on Thursday, loneliness makes people desperate doesn't it  |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"on the new last night, there was something about Dating sites and people being exploited out of money.. People preying on the vulnerable.
and people make it easy by declaring their vulnerabilities and then wonder 'why, did it happen'...
I was listening to something about that on radio 4 on Thursday, loneliness makes people desperate doesn't it "
I am sure £1.6m was mentioned but I could be wrong |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've posted this kind of thread before (with the exact same title, clearly my creative skills are dwindling), but it's an issue that I've been told about recently, so lets go round 2.
Why is it that women will often believe that guys who post certain kinds of pics, and use a particular set of words, are often assumed to have a hidden agenda? Ok, so this being a swinging site, it's a fair enough assumption that somewhere down the line, they'll be looking to have sex, but why is it that so many women will often judge that's all we want, and we're just wrapping up our rather simplistic, animal needs in fancy communications - same product, different packaging?
I understand that it's natural to maintain a little distance at first, though why do so many women find it so difficult to trust, especially when faced with something you might actually want? That flower may just be that - a flower, not a Venus flytrap trying to tempt you in with an intoxicating aroma."
Unfortunately alot of us women have been shit on from a great height. So if something seems too good to be true we believe that it generally is. I know we shouldn't tar people with the same brush but it's all about building trust. Getting to know someone. Walls have been put up as protection, they need to gradually be broken down. Over time. Yes, we all want the same thing in the end but as a woman playing on her own it's a scary world. You're putting trust into complete strangers, you don't know who you're meeting, so maybe it is just a case of getting to know the person a bit first. Don't know if any of that makes sense. I know im generalising too, just my take on things.  |
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"on the new last night, there was something about Dating sites and people being exploited out of money.. People preying on the vulnerable.
and people make it easy by declaring their vulnerabilities and then wonder 'why, did it happen'...
I was listening to something about that on radio 4 on Thursday, loneliness makes people desperate doesn't it
I am sure £1.6m was mentioned but I could be wrong"
I don't remember the figures but they reckon the women who come forward are a fraction of those who are victims. It's the main source of income for some men. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"on the new last night, there was something about Dating sites and people being exploited out of money.. People preying on the vulnerable.
and people make it easy by declaring their vulnerabilities and then wonder 'why, did it happen'...
I was listening to something about that on radio 4 on Thursday, loneliness makes people desperate doesn't it
I am sure £1.6m was mentioned but I could be wrong
I don't remember the figures but they reckon the women who come forward are a fraction of those who are victims. It's the main source of income for some men."
and I have said many times, it's low hanging fruit if you are that was inclined ....... both sexes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not wholly sure I understand the question. Why the need for so much depth and trust? I only need to trust someone enough to decide to meet them, nothing more than that. I don't need or want their life story or their bank details. You can still have all fantastic sexual experiences while retaining a healthy level of cynicism and skepticism.
I'm suspicious of people who are too trusting, I don't think it's a particularly positive character trait.
If what you mean is why do women believe all you want is just sex, that's probably because of the environment in which we're in on this site... |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
Some people will say what they think others want to hear to get what they want ..... there will be cynical people ( like us )who are not going to take a blind bit of notice of the flannel"
That doesn't just apply to men or just to get sex but as this is a site where people are looking to have sex, then I am surprised that you are wondering why people think you want it
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How many times have we all been caught out by something looking and sounding too good to be true?
As mentioned already after a while we all become cautious as none of us want to be made a fool out of by investing our time and emotions on someone when the persona they portray isn't the real them |
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"on the new last night, there was something about Dating sites and people being exploited out of money.. People preying on the vulnerable.
and people make it easy by declaring their vulnerabilities and then wonder 'why, did it happen'...
I was listening to something about that on radio 4 on Thursday, loneliness makes people desperate doesn't it
I am sure £1.6m was mentioned but I could be wrong
I don't remember the figures but they reckon the women who come forward are a fraction of those who are victims. It's the main source of income for some men.
and I have said many times, it's low hanging fruit if you are that was inclined ....... both sexes"
Oh yes I agree. I think I've mentioned as many times a woman I know who has been fleeced of her entire savings, house and car over the years by a Cypriot man who keeps her dangling. It's sad but avoidable. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"
Why do men think we want to hear this rubbish? "
It's declared in the forums all the time in one guise or another...
you just craft your lines to effect the connection, get what you want and move on  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Some people will say what they think others want to hear to get what they want ..... there will be cynical people ( like us )who are not going to take a blind bit of notice of the flannel""
Alright, then at which point do you choose to let your guard down, and realise that the fluffy language someone uses to communicate, is really them? Do you not think that being excessively cynical will simply drive them away? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Why do men think we want to hear this rubbish?
It's declared in the forums all the time in one guise or another...
you just craft your lines to effect the connection, get what you want and move on "
It makes a person cynical and mistrusting of everyone
Although,I only want sex so it doesn't affect me |
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I need to trust someone enough to allow them to my house.
I don't want or need any indepth shit, I don't need people who have been proven to have some kind of split personality or those that come across as weird.
How do you know what a particular woman wants and if you find what she wants how do you know its you she wants it from
Most of your posts take a similar theme op and that's that you can't get a relationship, so many posts from you must worded differently.
If I was really struggling as much as you appear to be I would have a hard look at myself as I would obviously be doing something wrong |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people will say what they think others want to hear to get what they want ..... there will be cynical people ( like us )who are not going to take a blind bit of notice of the flannel"
Alright, then at which point do you choose to let your guard down, and realise that the fluffy language someone uses to communicate, is really them? Do you not think that being excessively cynical will simply drive them away?"
People attract who they want to attract though. If I'm excessively cynical and that drives someone away, they are not the person I want to be meeting. I like fellow cynical bastards. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We've heard it all Brain,the flattery,the promises of exclusivity,the pie in the sky relationship crap. Why do men think we want to hear this rubbish? "
Because its a wonderful concept isn't it...? |
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"
Why do men think we want to hear this rubbish?
It's declared in the forums all the time in one guise or another...
you just craft your lines to effect the connection, get what you want and move on "
Yeah but endless disrespect and deception is such a fucking disappointment we get sick of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We've heard it all Brain,the flattery,the promises of exclusivity,the pie in the sky relationship crap. Why do men think we want to hear this rubbish? "
Because 'fancy a fuck' doesn't quite cut it for most.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Some people will say what they think others want to hear to get what they want ..... there will be cynical people ( like us )who are not going to take a blind bit of notice of the flannel"
Alright, then at which point do you choose to let your guard down, and realise that the fluffy language someone uses to communicate, is really them? Do you not think that being excessively cynical will simply drive them away?
People attract who they want to attract though. If I'm excessively cynical and that drives someone away, they are not the person I want to be meeting. I like fellow cynical bastards. "
Sounds like the emotional equivalent of sleeping in two separate beds to me. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"
Why do men think we want to hear this rubbish?
It's declared in the forums all the time in one guise or another...
you just craft your lines to effect the connection, get what you want and move on
Yeah but endless disrespect and deception is such a fucking disappointment we get sick of it. "
it's a cycle, people declare what they are looking for, sometimes their vulnerabilities, their 'desperation' to find someone to love..... the people who prey on this have rich pickings, they people preyed upon get hurt AGAIN....... and so on |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I need to trust someone enough to allow them to my house.
I don't want or need any indepth shit, I don't need people who have been proven to have some kind of split personality or those that come across as weird.
How do you know what a particular woman wants and if you find what she wants how do you know its you she wants it from
Most of your posts take a similar theme op and that's that you can't get a relationship, so many posts from you must worded differently.
If I was really struggling as much as you appear to be I would have a hard look at myself as I would obviously be doing something wrong"
You jumped to an awful lot of conclusions there didn't you?
I always find it interesting how those who don't like me on here will so often take the whole 'been here so long, doing and saying the same things' approach, whilst overlooking the fact they do the exact same thing... |
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I find it more interesting to consider why people who attempt to give off a certain persona are shocked that others have the ability to question and the sense to be sure of their own minds and feelings.
It isn't cynical to be careful and weigh up a situation. It could be :- wisdom, caution, experience, confidence and strength.
Others label it to suit the explanation they need for their own ego.
It's a bit like expecting people to walk into the woods with the guide in the blood stained clothes and maniacal smile who promises you a safe path to the other side. |
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"
Why do men think we want to hear this rubbish?
It's declared in the forums all the time in one guise or another...
you just craft your lines to effect the connection, get what you want and move on
Yeah but endless disrespect and deception is such a fucking disappointment we get sick of it.
it's a cycle, people declare what they are looking for, sometimes their vulnerabilities, their 'desperation' to find someone to love..... the people who prey on this have rich pickings, they people preyed upon get hurt AGAIN....... and so on"
You are correct. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people will say what they think others want to hear to get what they want ..... there will be cynical people ( like us )who are not going to take a blind bit of notice of the flannel"
Alright, then at which point do you choose to let your guard down, and realise that the fluffy language someone uses to communicate, is really them? Do you not think that being excessively cynical will simply drive them away?
People attract who they want to attract though. If I'm excessively cynical and that drives someone away, they are not the person I want to be meeting. I like fellow cynical bastards.
Sounds like the emotional equivalent of sleeping in two separate beds to me."
How so? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people will say what they think others want to hear to get what they want ..... there will be cynical people ( like us )who are not going to take a blind bit of notice of the flannel"
Alright, then at which point do you choose to let your guard down, and realise that the fluffy language someone uses to communicate, is really them? Do you not think that being excessively cynical will simply drive them away?"
When they prove themselves to be genuine. Proof that their actions match up to their words is all that's needed.
I'm always cynical, but very open and honest so that people can understand me. I don't take others to be honest and genuine but hope that they are, and if their actions match what they say then i'm more likely to believe them.
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"I find it more interesting to consider why people who attempt to give off a certain persona are shocked that others have the ability to question and the sense to be sure of their own minds and feelings.
It isn't cynical to be careful and weigh up a situation. It could be :- wisdom, caution, experience, confidence and strength.
Others label it to suit the explanation they need for their own ego.
It's a bit like expecting people to walk into the woods with the guide in the blood stained clothes and maniacal smile who promises you a safe path to the other side. "
Wise words. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've found through life , that those people who insist repeatedly that they are trustworthy and honest are usually the opposite. Judge people on their behavior. Not on what slogan they choose to display on their T shirt. |
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"Some people will say what they think others want to hear to get what they want ..... there will be cynical people ( like us )who are not going to take a blind bit of notice of the flannel"
Alright, then at which point do you choose to let your guard down, and realise that the fluffy language someone uses to communicate, is really them? Do you not think that being excessively cynical will simply drive them away?
When they prove themselves to be genuine. Proof that their actions match up to their words is all that's needed.
I'm always cynical, but very open and honest so that people can understand me. I don't take others to be honest and genuine but hope that they are, and if their actions match what they say then i'm more likely to believe them.
"
Yup, whatever someone says, eventually their behaviour will demonstrate what they actually are and what they actually feel and believe. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fab exists and works so well for so many peoplewho get the principle of nsa sex .
Things only go tits up when people seek more . Not akways , but more often than not .
If guys took on board the comments made on the forums like do this and say that etc.... They would tailor their profile and messages as one would do on a dating site .
So in my opinion , the guys just looking for good old sex are doing it right |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Some people will say what they think others want to hear to get what they want ..... there will be cynical people ( like us )who are not going to take a blind bit of notice of the flannel"
Alright, then at which point do you choose to let your guard down, and realise that the fluffy language someone uses to communicate, is really them? Do you not think that being excessively cynical will simply drive them away?
People attract who they want to attract though. If I'm excessively cynical and that drives someone away, they are not the person I want to be meeting. I like fellow cynical bastards.
Sounds like the emotional equivalent of sleeping in two separate beds to me.
How so?"
Because cynicism comes from a lack of trust, if you like people who are also cynical, you're both putting walls up between each other. Sure, it sounds entertaining to sit down for coffee with one of those 'I could tell you a few stories...' types, but how do you know you're not just a future subject of those stories? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've found through life , that those people who insist repeatedly that they are trustworthy and honest are usually the opposite. Judge people on their behavior. Not on what slogan they choose to display on their T shirt. "
Couldn't have said so better myself  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I find it more interesting to consider why people who attempt to give off a certain persona are shocked that others have the ability to question and the sense to be sure of their own minds and feelings.
It isn't cynical to be careful and weigh up a situation. It could be :- wisdom, caution, experience, confidence and strength.
Others label it to suit the explanation they need for their own ego.
It's a bit like expecting people to walk into the woods with the guide in the blood stained clothes and maniacal smile who promises you a safe path to the other side. "
Of course, on further inspection you may find the blood is tomato juice, and the maniacal smile is laughter at their own clumsiness in opening the tin.
Sometimes, the things a person perceives, say more about the perceiver than the percievee. |
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This also happens the other way round of course. It's not just women who apply caution when faced with something unknown. We all learn from our experiences. We've all been hurt, let down or deceived in the past. That naturally causes us to be cautious. And it doesn't just apply to relationships. We apply it to all aspects of our lives. None of us like to be hurt or taken for a fool. We all live and learn. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people will say what they think others want to hear to get what they want ..... there will be cynical people ( like us )who are not going to take a blind bit of notice of the flannel"
Alright, then at which point do you choose to let your guard down, and realise that the fluffy language someone uses to communicate, is really them? Do you not think that being excessively cynical will simply drive them away?
People attract who they want to attract though. If I'm excessively cynical and that drives someone away, they are not the person I want to be meeting. I like fellow cynical bastards.
Sounds like the emotional equivalent of sleeping in two separate beds to me.
How so?
Because cynicism comes from a lack of trust, if you like people who are also cynical, you're both putting walls up between each other. Sure, it sounds entertaining to sit down for coffee with one of those 'I could tell you a few stories...' types, but how do you know you're not just a future subject of those stories?"
But I don't care - it's just sex on here. Sometimes with a side of friendship.
In a real relationship, you both share your cynicism and it becomes a wall around the two of you against everyone else. It works well. But for me trust is built on actions and experience, in real life, not in words and promises on a screen. |
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"I've found through life , that those people who insist repeatedly that they are trustworthy and honest are usually the opposite. Judge people on their behavior. Not on what slogan they choose to display on their T shirt. "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There will always be the hunter and the prey (all genders) some of us are neither."
And there are those who allow themselves to be the prey, over and over again. Sometimes it's hard to be sympathetic again and again and again. |
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"on the new last night, there was something about Dating sites and people being exploited out of money.. People preying on the vulnerable.
and people make it easy by declaring their vulnerabilities and then wonder 'why, did it happen'...
I was listening to something about that on radio 4 on Thursday, loneliness makes people desperate doesn't it
I am sure £1.6m was mentioned but I could be wrong
I don't remember the figures but they reckon the women who come forward are a fraction of those who are victims. It's the main source of income for some men.
and I have said many times, it's low hanging fruit if you are that was inclined ....... both sexes
Oh yes I agree. I think I've mentioned as many times a woman I know who has been fleeced of her entire savings, house and car over the years by a Cypriot man who keeps her dangling. It's sad but avoidable."
I end up shouting at the TV when I see these kinds of programmes. All I think is 'how stupid can these women be? Lonely or not I'd never give money to someone I didn't know and the first time they asked would be the last.... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Some people will say what they think others want to hear to get what they want ..... there will be cynical people ( like us )who are not going to take a blind bit of notice of the flannel"
Alright, then at which point do you choose to let your guard down, and realise that the fluffy language someone uses to communicate, is really them? Do you not think that being excessively cynical will simply drive them away?
People attract who they want to attract though. If I'm excessively cynical and that drives someone away, they are not the person I want to be meeting. I like fellow cynical bastards.
Sounds like the emotional equivalent of sleeping in two separate beds to me.
How so?
Because cynicism comes from a lack of trust, if you like people who are also cynical, you're both putting walls up between each other. Sure, it sounds entertaining to sit down for coffee with one of those 'I could tell you a few stories...' types, but how do you know you're not just a future subject of those stories?
But I don't care - it's just sex on here. Sometimes with a side of friendship."
In your own opinion perhaps.
"In a real relationship, you both share your cynicism and it becomes a wall around the two of you against everyone else. It works well. But for me trust is built on actions and experience, in real life, not in words and promises on a screen. "
Yet you had to drop your cynicism in order to build your relationship - how many other potential friends is your mistrust keeping out of your two man clique? |
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"There will always be the hunter and the prey (all genders) some of us are neither.
And there are those who allow themselves to be the prey, over and over again. Sometimes it's hard to be sympathetic again and again and again. "
Yes. I can spot them a mile off so scammers must see neon lights flashing. You only need to read the forums on any given day or watch how people behave in public. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people will say what they think others want to hear to get what they want ..... there will be cynical people ( like us )who are not going to take a blind bit of notice of the flannel"
Alright, then at which point do you choose to let your guard down, and realise that the fluffy language someone uses to communicate, is really them? Do you not think that being excessively cynical will simply drive them away?
People attract who they want to attract though. If I'm excessively cynical and that drives someone away, they are not the person I want to be meeting. I like fellow cynical bastards.
Sounds like the emotional equivalent of sleeping in two separate beds to me.
How so?
Because cynicism comes from a lack of trust, if you like people who are also cynical, you're both putting walls up between each other. Sure, it sounds entertaining to sit down for coffee with one of those 'I could tell you a few stories...' types, but how do you know you're not just a future subject of those stories?
But I don't care - it's just sex on here. Sometimes with a side of friendship.
In your own opinion perhaps.
In a real relationship, you both share your cynicism and it becomes a wall around the two of you against everyone else. It works well. But for me trust is built on actions and experience, in real life, not in words and promises on a screen.
Yet you had to drop your cynicism in order to build your relationship - how many other potential friends is your mistrust keeping out of your two man clique?"
You don't drop it,you allow people the opportunity to prove themselves. Give them an inch without letting them take the yard. |
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"I find it more interesting to consider why people who attempt to give off a certain persona are shocked that others have the ability to question and the sense to be sure of their own minds and feelings.
It isn't cynical to be careful and weigh up a situation. It could be :- wisdom, caution, experience, confidence and strength.
Others label it to suit the explanation they need for their own ego.
It's a bit like expecting people to walk into the woods with the guide in the blood stained clothes and maniacal smile who promises you a safe path to the other side.
Of course, on further inspection you may find the blood is tomato juice, and the maniacal smile is laughter at their own clumsiness in opening the tin.
Sometimes, the things a person perceives, say more about the perceiver than the percievee."
Yes. It says the perceiver has a foot in reality. |
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"on the new last night, there was something about Dating sites and people being exploited out of money.. People preying on the vulnerable.
and people make it easy by declaring their vulnerabilities and then wonder 'why, did it happen'...
I was listening to something about that on radio 4 on Thursday, loneliness makes people desperate doesn't it
I am sure £1.6m was mentioned but I could be wrong
I don't remember the figures but they reckon the women who come forward are a fraction of those who are victims. It's the main source of income for some men.
and I have said many times, it's low hanging fruit if you are that was inclined ....... both sexes
Oh yes I agree. I think I've mentioned as many times a woman I know who has been fleeced of her entire savings, house and car over the years by a Cypriot man who keeps her dangling. It's sad but avoidable.
I end up shouting at the TV when I see these kinds of programmes. All I think is 'how stupid can these women be? Lonely or not I'd never give money to someone I didn't know and the first time they asked would be the last...."
I do have a degree of sympathy but it's tempered by impatience. When asked this woman just said "you don't know what it's like to be lonely" the sad thing is she's even more lonely now than she might have been because waiting for him has prevented her from forming other relationships. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Women are bad at it too.. Excluding me.
Simply because none of us really know how to behave.
Internet has taken all social skills.
Women dish the pish also its not just males on here.
Its like is it really hard to be real on the net. Ive had upteen chats this last week. No guy has been real.
Chat is good banter is. Patience is.. Finding that one who is real and genuine without being false. Goes for both sexes.
Xhappy swingingx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people will say what they think others want to hear to get what they want ..... there will be cynical people ( like us )who are not going to take a blind bit of notice of the flannel"
Alright, then at which point do you choose to let your guard down, and realise that the fluffy language someone uses to communicate, is really them? Do you not think that being excessively cynical will simply drive them away?
People attract who they want to attract though. If I'm excessively cynical and that drives someone away, they are not the person I want to be meeting. I like fellow cynical bastards.
Sounds like the emotional equivalent of sleeping in two separate beds to me.
How so?
Because cynicism comes from a lack of trust, if you like people who are also cynical, you're both putting walls up between each other. Sure, it sounds entertaining to sit down for coffee with one of those 'I could tell you a few stories...' types, but how do you know you're not just a future subject of those stories?
But I don't care - it's just sex on here. Sometimes with a side of friendship.
In your own opinion perhaps.
In a real relationship, you both share your cynicism and it becomes a wall around the two of you against everyone else. It works well. But for me trust is built on actions and experience, in real life, not in words and promises on a screen.
Yet you had to drop your cynicism in order to build your relationship - how many other potential friends is your mistrust keeping out of your two man clique?"
I don't particularly care, if they don't prove themselves little by little to me/us then they aren't potential friends.
You don't need to drop the walls it just happens bit by bit. Going into something with all walls down is foolish. Trust developing naturally over time where it counts is what works for me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Women are bad at it too.. Excluding me.
Simply because none of us really know how to behave.
Internet has taken all social skills. "
I'd agree with that in part, but at the same time, believe that thanks to the internet, we now have access to so much more in terms of social interaction than we did without it, leading to all kinds of potential political juggling as we seek to maintain multiple relationships with people we don't really know, and keep them from those who we don't want to know about them.
I mean seriously, when I see these sites advertised saying 'This site will destroy your marriage!', but delivering that as a positive rather than a negative, it leads me to wonder 'why did you even GET married?' |
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By *ummersun99Woman
over a year ago
North Yorkshire by the Sea |
Brain are you assuming that the wariness lasts? I would guess that with time and action it would fade, once the trust is earnt.
Some people give trust until burnt and others reserve trust until they have observed that a person's words are backed up by their actions. Neither is wrong, just different. The people turned away from the slow burn cynical type are simply not compatible with them IMO.
No one is missing out for being themselves... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've posted this kind of thread before (with the exact same title, clearly my creative skills are dwindling), but it's an issue that I've been told about recently, so lets go round 2.
Why is it that women will often believe that guys who post certain kinds of pics, and use a particular set of words, are often assumed to have a hidden agenda? Ok, so this being a swinging site, it's a fair enough assumption that somewhere down the line, they'll be looking to have sex, but why is it that so many women will often judge that's all we want, and we're just wrapping up our rather simplistic, animal needs in fancy communications - same product, different packaging?
I understand that it's natural to maintain a little distance at first, though why do so many women find it so difficult to trust, especially when faced with something you might actually want? That flower may just be that - a flower, not a Venus flytrap trying to tempt you in with an intoxicating aroma.
Unfortunately alot of us women have been shit on from a great height. So if something seems too good to be true we believe that it generally is. I know we shouldn't tar people with the same brush but it's all about building trust. Getting to know someone. Walls have been put up as protection, they need to gradually be broken down. Over time. Yes, we all want the same thing in the end but as a woman playing on her own it's a scary world. You're putting trust into complete strangers, you don't know who you're meeting, so maybe it is just a case of getting to know the person a bit first. Don't know if any of that makes sense. I know im generalising too, just my take on things. "
Well Said |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"I find it more interesting to consider why people who attempt to give off a certain persona are shocked that others have the ability to question and the sense to be sure of their own minds and feelings.
It isn't cynical to be careful and weigh up a situation. It could be :- wisdom, caution, experience, confidence and strength.
Others label it to suit the explanation they need for their own ego.
It's a bit like expecting people to walk into the woods with the guide in the blood stained clothes and maniacal smile who promises you a safe path to the other side.
Of course, on further inspection you may find the blood is tomato juice, and the maniacal smile is laughter at their own clumsiness in opening the tin.
Sometimes, the things a person perceives, say more about the perceiver than the percievee."
I think your being just a tad naïve OP this is a foolish way to be thinking but then I am a cynical bitch for many reasons! |
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"I need to trust someone enough to allow them to my house.
I don't want or need any indepth shit, I don't need people who have been proven to have some kind of split personality or those that come across as weird.
How do you know what a particular woman wants and if you find what she wants how do you know its you she wants it from
Most of your posts take a similar theme op and that's that you can't get a relationship, so many posts from you must worded differently.
If I was really struggling as much as you appear to be I would have a hard look at myself as I would obviously be doing something wrong
You jumped to an awful lot of conclusions there didn't you?
I always find it interesting how those who don't like me on here will so often take the whole 'been here so long, doing and saying the same things' approach, whilst overlooking the fact they do the exact same thing..."
in all the time you've been here all you do is blame others and outside factors for your inability to get a relationship without taking responsibility for your own actions. Am I doing the same old thing, to bloody right cause it works perfectly for me, I get exactly what I want from the site and exactly what I want from my relationship so why would I change?
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God most men on the internet cannot be honest about their marital status and the size of their cock, let alone their intention to deceive and manipulate!!!
It occurs to me that what is lacking is any kind of peer judgement. Within actual social groups there are consequences to behaviour that are totally absent on the net - basically it is not on their doorstep, they can get away with it so they do it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I need to trust someone enough to allow them to my house.
I don't want or need any indepth shit, I don't need people who have been proven to have some kind of split personality or those that come across as weird.
How do you know what a particular woman wants and if you find what she wants how do you know its you she wants it from
Most of your posts take a similar theme op and that's that you can't get a relationship, so many posts from you must worded differently.
If I was really struggling as much as you appear to be I would have a hard look at myself as I would obviously be doing something wrong
You jumped to an awful lot of conclusions there didn't you?
I always find it interesting how those who don't like me on here will so often take the whole 'been here so long, doing and saying the same things' approach, whilst overlooking the fact they do the exact same thing...in all the time you've been here all you do is blame others and outside factors for your inability to get a relationship without taking responsibility for your own actions. Am I doing the same old thing, to bloody right cause it works perfectly for me, I get exactly what I want from the site and exactly what I want from my relationship so why would I change?
"
You make the mistake of thinking that's what this thread is about, hence my initial 'jumping to conclusions' comment.
You don't understand the way I think, and you never have done, notice that you're always the one attempting to interact with me, and not vice versa. Personally I make a point of not having anything to do with people I don't like and don't interest me, perhaps you should do the same. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why would anyone look for a relationship on a swinging site? "
Why not? It's another avenue for meeting people. I didn't join for anything other than sex but I've spoken to people who want something serious. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"God most men on the internet cannot be honest about their marital status and the size of their cock, let alone their intention to deceive and manipulate!!!
It occurs to me that what is lacking is any kind of peer judgement. Within actual social groups there are consequences to behaviour that are totally absent on the net - basically it is not on their doorstep, they can get away with it so they do it."
Yeah i don't really like how the internet makes it so people can be so devious because they can hide so much. |
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By *ummersun99Woman
over a year ago
North Yorkshire by the Sea |
"Women are bad at it too.. Excluding me.
Simply because none of us really know how to behave.
Internet has taken all social skills.
I'd agree with that in part, but at the same time, believe that thanks to the internet, we now have access to so much more in terms of social interaction than we did without it, leading to all kinds of potential political juggling as we seek to maintain multiple relationships with people we don't really know, and keep them from those who we don't want to know about them.
I mean seriously, when I see these sites advertised saying 'This site will destroy your marriage!', but delivering that as a positive rather than a negative, it leads me to wonder 'why did you even GET married?'"
The generations of much technological change. From childhood pre mobiles or internet or socialmedia to adult dating and communicating via all. The next generation won't have these social and communication issues I don't imagíne, perhaps different ones more fitting to the time. IMO. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why would anyone look for a relationship on a swinging site?
Why not? It's another avenue for meeting people. I didn't join for anything other than sex but I've spoken to people who want something serious. "
Seems to cause all sorts of problems for those who are. |
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"I need to trust someone enough to allow them to my house.
I don't want or need any indepth shit, I don't need people who have been proven to have some kind of split personality or those that come across as weird.
How do you know what a particular woman wants and if you find what she wants how do you know its you she wants it from
Most of your posts take a similar theme op and that's that you can't get a relationship, so many posts from you must worded differently.
If I was really struggling as much as you appear to be I would have a hard look at myself as I would obviously be doing something wrong
You jumped to an awful lot of conclusions there didn't you?
I always find it interesting how those who don't like me on here will so often take the whole 'been here so long, doing and saying the same things' approach, whilst overlooking the fact they do the exact same thing...in all the time you've been here all you do is blame others and outside factors for your inability to get a relationship without taking responsibility for your own actions. Am I doing the same old thing, to bloody right cause it works perfectly for me, I get exactly what I want from the site and exactly what I want from my relationship so why would I change?
You make the mistake of thinking that's what this thread is about, hence my initial 'jumping to conclusions' comment.
You don't understand the way I think, and you never have done, notice that you're always the one attempting to interact with me, and not vice versa. Personally I make a point of not having anything to do with people I don't like and don't interest me, perhaps you should do the same."
I will post on exactly what I bloody well like, I can't ever remember saying I don't like you.
I am interested in your threads as they amuse me, same thing over and over again just worded differently.
Your just someone who likes to play victim without taking responsibility for themselves.
But how can you expect me to take you seriously with the amount of personas you've had over the years.
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"
How do you know what a particular woman wants and if you find what she wants how do you know its you she wants it from..
If I was really struggling as much as you appear to be I would have a hard look at myself as I would obviously be doing something wrong"
For what it's worth, I don't feel the OP is doing anything wrong, maybe he's just looking in the wrong place or at the wrong profiles? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Women are bad at it too.. Excluding me.
Simply because none of us really know how to behave.
Internet has taken all social skills.
I'd agree with that in part, but at the same time, believe that thanks to the internet, we now have access to so much more in terms of social interaction than we did without it, leading to all kinds of potential political juggling as we seek to maintain multiple relationships with people we don't really know, and keep them from those who we don't want to know about them.
I mean seriously, when I see these sites advertised saying 'This site will destroy your marriage!', but delivering that as a positive rather than a negative, it leads me to wonder 'why did you even GET married?'
The generations of much technological change. From childhood pre mobiles or internet or socialmedia to adult dating and communicating via all. The next generation won't have these social and communication issues I don't imagíne, perhaps different ones more fitting to the time. IMO. "
You're probably right, however, it seems rather strange to think that somewhere in the future, our grandkids may be cheating on their partners with a CPU! |
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"Women are bad at it too.. Excluding me.
Simply because none of us really know how to behave.
Internet has taken all social skills.
I'd agree with that in part, but at the same time, believe that thanks to the internet, we now have access to so much more in terms of social interaction than we did without it, leading to all kinds of potential political juggling as we seek to maintain multiple relationships with people we don't really know, and keep them from those who we don't want to know about them.
"
Yeah, if you look at it logically the flaws are inherent to the system. In the end it all depends on personal integrity and authenticity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why would anyone look for a relationship on a swinging site?
Why not? It's another avenue for meeting people. I didn't join for anything other than sex but I've spoken to people who want something serious.
Seems to cause all sorts of problems for those who are."
By expecting more than someone is prepared to give and making promises and talking of a great future together that will never come to fruition. I think it's done out of loneliness. |
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I think that trust is something that has to be earned. If a completely unknown internet user contacts you then it is appropriate to not give 100% trust to them. And this is for all genders, not just guys.
When you realise that males are the ones finding it hardest - in general - her on fab, then it becomes more likely that they will be the ones who will try to play the rules somewhat. It's not a man thing, it's just situational. The reason that there are more guys needing fun here is a man thing but the wariness that us females have here is based on fab experience and out experience over the world we live in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Like looking for a quality glass of Champaign at a real ale festival. Everyone's drinking alcohol, but that's where the similarity ends."
Some people prefer beer to Champagne |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Like looking for a quality glass of Champaign at a real ale festival. Everyone's drinking alcohol, but that's where the similarity ends.
Some people prefer beer to Champagne "
Of course! But i wouldn't go to a wine tasting evening then complain that i couldn't get a nice pint of London pride.. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Some people will say what they think others want to hear to get what they want ..... there will be cynical people ( like us )who are not going to take a blind bit of notice of the flannel"
Alright, then at which point do you choose to let your guard down, and realise that the fluffy language someone uses to communicate, is really them? Do you not think that being excessively cynical will simply drive them away?"
It isn't about letting my guard down, it is about us deciding we don't need "fluffly language" to arrange a meet on a swinging site. If you believe that is the persons persona then that's fine,I happen to think it is people saying what they think a person wants to hear to get what they want.
You might think that is excessively cynical but it works for us, we have in the past found people who are as straight talking as us and for the people who we think were playing the game, we just got bored and say No thanks.
When our profile has its blurb on it , it does actually say I don't want wooing so if you are after a meet, don't soft soap it, just ask....if that is driving the people away, then they would not be suited to us anyway and they would be much better trying to woo someone who likes that sort of thing |
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