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By *ummy mummy OP Woman
over a year ago
southampton-ish |
I got a text last night from my ex telling me that the twins had gotten ahold of their brother's green marker and had drawn all ovr their hands and faces...he just sent me a pic and they are COVERED in it...hoping that when I get my winks back this evening that they will be back to their regular pinky flesh tones...lol on top of it I can see from the pic that daddy has had a stab at cutting their fringes...poor poor children...  |
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By *ummy mummy OP Woman
over a year ago
southampton-ish |
well, luckily as it was washable marker it had all come off. But then he goes and draws cat whiskers and noses on all 3 of them to come home with!! What kind of a message is that sending?What if next time they get hold of a permanent marker and think well, daddy drew on us with markers so it must be ok....arrrggg..I don't usually lose it with him lately as things have been good but I lost it tonight...lol...and I definately need to now make apt to get their hair cut too after the chop job he did on them |
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By *ummy mummy OP Woman
over a year ago
southampton-ish |
"Buy them face paints and make sure they understand the difference between permanent and non-permanent marker.
Face painting is cool at any age!  "
the funny thing is that I have face paints for them and they never let me do anything...lol...I did sit them down and have a chat saying that markers are for paper, not skin and facepaints are for faces...and I got "but daddy did it" all markers are on the top shelf in craft cupboard now...lol |
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"Buy them face paints and make sure they understand the difference between permanent and non-permanent marker.
Face painting is cool at any age! "
unless they get into the shed and find the grown ups face pain,or as my youngest once said,daddy why are you hiding the milkshakes,,,ooops |
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Hmmm.
He took them, mucked about with them, had a laugh with them, and rew stuff on their faces with marker pen.
I understand your frustration at getting 'painted' kids back!
But he spent time with them and tried to make it fun.
A lot of Dads don't.
Without knowing ANYTHING about your circumstances, he's going to piss you off with things he does with the kids. There will be stuff you don't approve of.
But he's there, and spending time with them.
That's the most important thing.
He may or may not be a complete dick. He may or may not have treated you badly either emotionally or otherwise.
But separate the differences the two of you have between each other out from the kids.
As they get older, they'll understand what happened and why.
And they'll make up their own minds.
BUT, the parent who tries to turn them against the other parent always loses.
So don't do that.
The most, and only, important thing is this - Did the kids have a good time?
*spoken with the benefit of experience*
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By *ummy mummy OP Woman
over a year ago
southampton-ish |
"Hmmm.
He took them, mucked about with them, had a laugh with them, and rew stuff on their faces with marker pen.
I understand your frustration at getting 'painted' kids back!
But he spent time with them and tried to make it fun.
A lot of Dads don't.
Without knowing ANYTHING about your circumstances, he's going to piss you off with things he does with the kids. There will be stuff you don't approve of.
But he's there, and spending time with them.
That's the most important thing.
He may or may not be a complete dick. He may or may not have treated you badly either emotionally or otherwise.
But separate the differences the two of you have between each other out from the kids.
As they get older, they'll understand what happened and why.
And they'll make up their own minds.
BUT, the parent who tries to turn them against the other parent always loses.
So don't do that.
The most, and only, important thing is this - Did the kids have a good time?
*spoken with the benefit of experience*
"
I have always been the first one to say what a good father he is, no matter what he has said or done to me.I have NEVER spoken badly about him in front of them and do not take out what he has done to me in the past on them.
And I do realise how lucky I am and they are that they have a dad that spends the time with them. There is mucking about and there is teaching them right and wrong. It is telling them off yesterday for doing it to themselves and then today him doing exactly what he has just told them was wrong. If he would have used facepaints great...THAT is having fun with appropriate materials.But sending mixed messages to them is not helping to teach them what is acceptable and what is not |
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I know.
You're not wrong.
From what you've said, i'm guessing the kids are young i.e primary age.
My son is 13.
He came back from ex-wifes last week.
They had died his hair red. For Charity.
He looks like something out of Glee.
But not in a good way.
Nothing to do, but laff it off and tell him he looks like a fanny.
Went through the whole thing you're talking about when he was younger, every single thing both me and his mum did was examined in minute detail for stuff we didnt like.
With the benefit of hindsight I would say this to you.
If something happens your not 100% about with the kids, let it slide.
Becasue if you make an issue out of it, then 100% it will happen again!
If you're on good enough terms with ex, have a word & suggest face painting kit.
As a single Dad to a pre skool age kid it was hard. Mums know about stuff like painting kits, Dads just think 'emulsion', that'll be fun!
Dads often get criticised for being 'useless' etc, but sometimes Dad is just trying the best he can.
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By *ummy mummy OP Woman
over a year ago
southampton-ish |
"I know.
You're not wrong.
From what you've said, i'm guessing the kids are young i.e primary age.
My son is 13.
He came back from ex-wifes last week.
They had died his hair red. For Charity.
He looks like something out of Glee.
But not in a good way.
Nothing to do, but laff it off and tell him he looks like a fanny.
Went through the whole thing you're talking about when he was younger, every single thing both me and his mum did was examined in minute detail for stuff we didnt like.
With the benefit of hindsight I would say this to you.
If something happens your not 100% about with the kids, let it slide.
Becasue if you make an issue out of it, then 100% it will happen again!
If you're on good enough terms with ex, have a word & suggest face painting kit.
As a single Dad to a pre skool age kid it was hard. Mums know about stuff like painting kits, Dads just think 'emulsion', that'll be fun!
Dads often get criticised for being 'useless' etc, but sometimes Dad is just trying the best he can.
"
yes my twin girls are 3 1/2 and my son is 5. We are on good terms now. And yes there have been loads of things that I do not agree with 100% that I have let slide because it is not worth getting on bad terms again. I guess just can not understand how after telling them off yesterday for doing it to themselves,he thought it was ok to do it...what message is that sending? I have never thought or said that he is useless as a Dad...far from it.But...saying all that matters is that they have fun...is not really on if the fun is teaching them to do things that they shouldn't |
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I know.
And i don't disagree with where you're coming from.
Maybe there's a bit of Devilment in him by doing it, knowing it will irk you.
But maybe 'breaking the rules' is a good way for him to have fun with them.
They are going to get bigger and they are going to get older.
And both of you are going to have to help and guide them through that process.
The advantage sometimes, with 'two' parents is kids can get two sets of information and it can help them to make better choices for themselves as they grow up, rather than a single 'parental front'.
You both have their best interests at heart.
Honestly, i know it's a pain in the ass, and i know it's the 'principle' -but take it from me, don't sweat the small stuff.
It's just not worth it.
You want and need to be seen as fun Mum too. Speak to hubby, suggest 'face-painting' kit, and maybe agree some LOOSE ground rules re 'rules' etc.
You've got a lot of rearing still to do.
I won't say it gets easier, but it changes.
And it's a LOT easier once the two of you are on something like the same page.
A few weeks ago, my son blithely announced that he had his 'young persons' card.
So, if I needed any condoms I should just let him know...
(oh to be worrying about face-painting again!!)
It's just not worth it.
And it gives one parent the opportunity to be 'fun' Dad, as opposed to 'strict' Mum. (for example)
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