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First love ....
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"Not for me. Not like the first. " I wish I could disagree with this.  | |||
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"For me i have fallen in love twice, had more relationships where i loved the person but not as intensely. Both times were great, slightly different kind of love but both were intense and i really enjoyed them. Weirdly though, one relationship was a lie, that person pretended to be everything i wanted so that might have made it so great. It really fucked up my head when i found out the truth about that relationship actually." Bless x | |||
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"For me i have fallen in love twice, had more relationships where i loved the person but not as intensely. Both times were great, slightly different kind of love but both were intense and i really enjoyed them. Weirdly though, one relationship was a lie, that person pretended to be everything i wanted so that might have made it so great. It really fucked up my head when i found out the truth about that relationship actually . Bless x" I'm ok now. Towards the end of our relationship i knew he was lying but couldn't prove it. I dumped him anyway and that wasn't too bad, it felt good to get rid of a liar. Unfortunately he came back to me early on this year, and i did still love him but didn't trust him, so i thought we'll stay friends and i'll see if i can trust him again, and because he'd asked me to get back with him i was honest with him about what i wanted from a relationship if we ever got back together. And we got back together after a few months, but then i found out all the truth... and everything he was up to behind my back was even worse than i'd initially suspected. It was a huge shock One thing i do know is if you love someone you'll always love them, i still love him now but my respect for myself, and my own self love, means i won't let someone like him use me. I don't regret getting back with him coz i found out everything and i know now to trust myself more. I feel a lot more like myself this week. | |||
"For me i have fallen in love twice, had more relationships where i loved the person but not as intensely. Both times were great, slightly different kind of love but both were intense and i really enjoyed them. Weirdly though, one relationship was a lie, that person pretended to be everything i wanted so that might have made it so great. It really fucked up my head when i found out the truth about that relationship actually." Yup, that's what narcissists do - pretend to be an idealised version of themselves, mirroring your desires. It really does fuck with your head when you realise it was all false. | |||
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"For me i have fallen in love twice, had more relationships where i loved the person but not as intensely. Both times were great, slightly different kind of love but both were intense and i really enjoyed them. Weirdly though, one relationship was a lie, that person pretended to be everything i wanted so that might have made it so great. It really fucked up my head when i found out the truth about that relationship actually. Yup, that's what narcissists do - pretend to be an idealised version of themselves, mirroring your desires. It really does fuck with your head when you realise it was all false. " What he was actually doing behind my back was worse than what i suspected, he was a covert narcissist. Really big shock though. I've only just learned about narcissist abuse. My dad was one and so was my first kids dad, and my mum a co-dependent (i'm similar to her). It's been good learning about it, i've been able to chat with my kids i had with a narc and explain a lot of stuff to them. How i only just managed to hear about them after my life i don't know. | |||
"For me i have fallen in love twice, had more relationships where i loved the person but not as intensely. Both times were great, slightly different kind of love but both were intense and i really enjoyed them. Weirdly though, one relationship was a lie, that person pretended to be everything i wanted so that might have made it so great. It really fucked up my head when i found out the truth about that relationship actually." fuck the police | |||
"For me i have fallen in love twice, had more relationships where i loved the person but not as intensely. Both times were great, slightly different kind of love but both were intense and i really enjoyed them. Weirdly though, one relationship was a lie, that person pretended to be everything i wanted so that might have made it so great. It really fucked up my head when i found out the truth about that relationship actually. Yup, that's what narcissists do - pretend to be an idealised version of themselves, mirroring your desires. It really does fuck with your head when you realise it was all false. What he was actually doing behind my back was worse than what i suspected, he was a covert narcissist. Really big shock though. I've only just learned about narcissist abuse. My dad was one and so was my first kids dad, and my mum a co-dependent (i'm similar to her). It's been good learning about it, i've been able to chat with my kids i had with a narc and explain a lot of stuff to them. How i only just managed to hear about them after my life i don't know." I know, and I even studied quite a bit of psychology, it beggars belief. Some of the Dark Triad stuff is very enlightening too. | |||
"For me i have fallen in love twice, had more relationships where i loved the person but not as intensely. Both times were great, slightly different kind of love but both were intense and i really enjoyed them. Weirdly though, one relationship was a lie, that person pretended to be everything i wanted so that might have made it so great. It really fucked up my head when i found out the truth about that relationship actually . Bless x I'm ok now. Towards the end of our relationship i knew he was lying but couldn't prove it. I dumped him anyway and that wasn't too bad, it felt good to get rid of a liar. Unfortunately he came back to me early on this year, and i did still love him but didn't trust him, so i thought we'll stay friends and i'll see if i can trust him again, and because he'd asked me to get back with him i was honest with him about what i wanted from a relationship if we ever got back together. And we got back together after a few months, but then i found out all the truth... and everything he was up to behind my back was even worse than i'd initially suspected. It was a huge shock One thing i do know is if you love someone you'll always love them, i still love him now but my respect for myself, and my own self love, means i won't let someone like him use me. I don't regret getting back with him coz i found out everything and i know now to trust myself more. I feel a lot more like myself this week." That is so true. Well I've only been in one relationship, though I was in that relationship for years! It was toxic and very unhealthy. I hope I can love again. I believe I will again soon. | |||
"Not for me. Not like the first. " Same | |||
"For me i have fallen in love twice, had more relationships where i loved the person but not as intensely. Both times were great, slightly different kind of love but both were intense and i really enjoyed them. Weirdly though, one relationship was a lie, that person pretended to be everything i wanted so that might have made it so great. It really fucked up my head when i found out the truth about that relationship actually. Yup, that's what narcissists do - pretend to be an idealised version of themselves, mirroring your desires. It really does fuck with your head when you realise it was all false. What he was actually doing behind my back was worse than what i suspected, he was a covert narcissist. Really big shock though. I've only just learned about narcissist abuse. My dad was one and so was my first kids dad, and my mum a co-dependent (i'm similar to her). It's been good learning about it, i've been able to chat with my kids i had with a narc and explain a lot of stuff to them. How i only just managed to hear about them after my life i don't know." What is narcissist abuse? | |||
"For me i have fallen in love twice, had more relationships where i loved the person but not as intensely. Both times were great, slightly different kind of love but both were intense and i really enjoyed them. Weirdly though, one relationship was a lie, that person pretended to be everything i wanted so that might have made it so great. It really fucked up my head when i found out the truth about that relationship actually. Yup, that's what narcissists do - pretend to be an idealised version of themselves, mirroring your desires. It really does fuck with your head when you realise it was all false. What he was actually doing behind my back was worse than what i suspected, he was a covert narcissist. Really big shock though. I've only just learned about narcissist abuse. My dad was one and so was my first kids dad, and my mum a co-dependent (i'm similar to her). It's been good learning about it, i've been able to chat with my kids i had with a narc and explain a lot of stuff to them. How i only just managed to hear about them after my life i don't know. I know, and I even studied quite a bit of psychology, it beggars belief. Some of the Dark Triad stuff is very enlightening too." I studied psychology too when my sister had her breakdown, but then i got more into the neurology side of it once i got interested then ended up focusing on memory and dementia. Never heard of NPD at all though until i split with my last fella and decided to google about things that didn't make sense and it turned up in searches. Tbh half of the behaviours have been normalised because of my upbringing, but there's a couple of people on youtube who explain a lot and i like listening to them when i feel like my head is going back to fucked up mode and stop focusing on the reality of that relationship. | |||
"For me i have fallen in love twice, had more relationships where i loved the person but not as intensely. Both times were great, slightly different kind of love but both were intense and i really enjoyed them. Weirdly though, one relationship was a lie, that person pretended to be everything i wanted so that might have made it so great. It really fucked up my head when i found out the truth about that relationship actually. Yup, that's what narcissists do - pretend to be an idealised version of themselves, mirroring your desires. It really does fuck with your head when you realise it was all false. What he was actually doing behind my back was worse than what i suspected, he was a covert narcissist. Really big shock though. I've only just learned about narcissist abuse. My dad was one and so was my first kids dad, and my mum a co-dependent (i'm similar to her). It's been good learning about it, i've been able to chat with my kids i had with a narc and explain a lot of stuff to them. How i only just managed to hear about them after my life i don't know. I know, and I even studied quite a bit of psychology, it beggars belief. Some of the Dark Triad stuff is very enlightening too. I studied psychology too when my sister had her breakdown, but then i got more into the neurology side of it once i got interested then ended up focusing on memory and dementia. Never heard of NPD at all though until i split with my last fella and decided to google about things that didn't make sense and it turned up in searches. Tbh half of the behaviours have been normalised because of my upbringing, but there's a couple of people on youtube who explain a lot and i like listening to them when i feel like my head is going back to fucked up mode and stop focusing on the reality of that relationship. " Oh I've never looked on youtube. Mine was a book called 'Stalking the Soul'. There was a list description of the narcissistic characteristics and I recognised it immediately! Everyone can have more or less narcissistic characteristics of course, but I reckon you can spot the truly full blown ones if you see their 'delusions of grandeur'. | |||
"What is narcissist abuse? " God...where to start? You know when someone is using you? It's that basically. Some people are happy to be narcissist, they're fine with it and openly abuse you. My dad was violent, treated us like shit, selfish, cheated on my mum, his alcohol and what he wanted came first. This is obvious narcissism, just selfish and people are objects to be used and controlled. It will be obvious you're being abused. My first kids dad was similar, he used his kids as weapons when we split up, he stole off me, cheated when we were together etc and it was obvious he was a dick. Yeah i stayed with him, as a co-dependent you will do that, as an empath you will look past their faults and make excuses for them...sometimes even blame yourself and possibly think you can fix them. And they don't abuse you all the time, often they act like they actually do like you and can behave normally, if they want something from you. They think their behaviour is right and don't feel a need to hide it from you, the are always right no matter what evidence says they aren't. Covert narcissists are worse. They're actors who won't abuse you outright, but they will abuse you covertly. They hide loads from you. They are the same as obvious narcissists but they're abuse is not obvious. They also know their behaviour is abusive and that's why they hide it. Both types are controlling. And you're just an object to them. Both types are always right despite evidence to say otherwise. Both types are massive hypocrites who will slag others off for doing what they do. They enjoy slagging other people off also, it makes them feel good. There's loads more to this, it's a personality disorder and a very dangerous one to victims of it. | |||
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"For me i have fallen in love twice, had more relationships where i loved the person but not as intensely. Both times were great, slightly different kind of love but both were intense and i really enjoyed them. Weirdly though, one relationship was a lie, that person pretended to be everything i wanted so that might have made it so great. It really fucked up my head when i found out the truth about that relationship actually. Yup, that's what narcissists do - pretend to be an idealised version of themselves, mirroring your desires. It really does fuck with your head when you realise it was all false. What he was actually doing behind my back was worse than what i suspected, he was a covert narcissist. Really big shock though. I've only just learned about narcissist abuse. My dad was one and so was my first kids dad, and my mum a co-dependent (i'm similar to her). It's been good learning about it, i've been able to chat with my kids i had with a narc and explain a lot of stuff to them. How i only just managed to hear about them after my life i don't know. I know, and I even studied quite a bit of psychology, it beggars belief. Some of the Dark Triad stuff is very enlightening too. I studied psychology too when my sister had her breakdown, but then i got more into the neurology side of it once i got interested then ended up focusing on memory and dementia. Never heard of NPD at all though until i split with my last fella and decided to google about things that didn't make sense and it turned up in searches. Tbh half of the behaviours have been normalised because of my upbringing, but there's a couple of people on youtube who explain a lot and i like listening to them when i feel like my head is going back to fucked up mode and stop focusing on the reality of that relationship. Oh I've never looked on youtube. Mine was a book called 'Stalking the Soul'. There was a list description of the narcissistic characteristics and I recognised it immediately! Everyone can have more or less narcissistic characteristics of course, but I reckon you can spot the truly full blown ones if you see their 'delusions of grandeur'." Yeah, everyone needs some narcissism to be able to assess and validate themselves, it's just the disorders that are a problem. I was with my ex 2 years, never really noticed it at all. He genuinely seemed humble, loving, kind, caring. He is none of those things now i know about the abuse and can see the little flags he had. Which i did see when with him but ignored them, as an empath you tend to make excuses for people. 
He also took up all my time so i had nothing to compare him to eventually.
I spent 2 months searching for answers and reading, listening to NPD stuff. So glad i did. So much makes sense now. | |||
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"Labels are put on us all but the ops thread is about loving someone else not narcissistic tendency "Shh, we know. Sometimes topics go off topic. People are posting about love too. | |||
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"Labels are put on us all but the ops thread is about loving someone else not narcissistic tendency
Shh, we know. Sometimes topics go off topic. People are posting about love too."oh right ok I love football and squash do you x | |||
"Oh fuck, I've just found a huge key to me on Utube!!! I think I may be up half the night lol! "What's a key to me? SPARTANLIFECOACH is the one i like. He seems to have come from similar background to me so i understand him better, plus the scouse accent is a bonus. What's weird though is he looks pretty much the same as my ex i just dumped and got over, especially his eyes. Sam Vaknin is also pretty good, but sometimes his voice means i drift off and stop listening, he's fairly monotonous, he tends to reply to comments. And there's a woman who's nice and will reply to your questions. Her channel is Show Boundaries. | |||
"Labels are put on us all but the ops thread is about loving someone else not narcissistic tendency
Shh, we know. Sometimes topics go off topic. People are posting about love too. oh right ok I love football and squash do you x "going off topic isn't changing the topic, it's talking about stuff that came up in the topic but isn't relevant to the OP. | |||
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"Oh fuck, I've just found a huge key to me on Utube!!! I think I may be up half the night lol!
What's a key to me?
SPARTANLIFECOACH is the one i like. He seems to have come from similar background to me so i understand him better, plus the scouse accent is a bonus. What's weird though is he looks pretty much the same as my ex i just dumped and got over, especially his eyes.
Sam Vaknin is also pretty good, but sometimes his voice means i drift off and stop listening, he's fairly monotonous, he tends to reply to comments.
And there's a woman who's nice and will reply to your questions. Her channel is Show Boundaries."I found a series by a psych. author that are fabulous, lol, pm me for more detail, my filters are down x | |||
"Oh fuck, I've just found a huge key to me on Utube!!! I think I may be up half the night lol!
What's a key to me?
SPARTANLIFECOACH is the one i like. He seems to have come from similar background to me so i understand him better, plus the scouse accent is a bonus. What's weird though is he looks pretty much the same as my ex i just dumped and got over, especially his eyes.
Sam Vaknin is also pretty good, but sometimes his voice means i drift off and stop listening, he's fairly monotonous, he tends to reply to comments.
And there's a woman who's nice and will reply to your questions. Her channel is Show Boundaries.
I found a series by a psych. author that are fabulous, lol, pm me for more detail, my filters are down x"i've ended up watching npd videos now. | |||
"Oh fuck, I've just found a huge key to me on Utube!!! I think I may be up half the night lol!
What's a key to me?
SPARTANLIFECOACH is the one i like. He seems to have come from similar background to me so i understand him better, plus the scouse accent is a bonus. What's weird though is he looks pretty much the same as my ex i just dumped and got over, especially his eyes.
Sam Vaknin is also pretty good, but sometimes his voice means i drift off and stop listening, he's fairly monotonous, he tends to reply to comments.
And there's a woman who's nice and will reply to your questions. Her channel is Show Boundaries.
I found a series by a psych. author that are fabulous, lol, pm me for more detail, my filters are down x
i've ended up watching npd videos now. "Haha, I have coffee and bedsocks, I may be some time.....  | |||
"Labels are put on us all but the ops thread is about loving someone else not narcissistic tendency
Shh, we know. Sometimes topics go off topic. People are posting about love too. oh right ok I love football and squash do you x
going off topic isn't changing the topic, it's talking about stuff that came up in the topic but isn't relevant to the OP."I included love ?? Where did the ops question include narcissisism | |||
"Labels are put on us all but the ops thread is about loving someone else not narcissistic tendency
Shh, we know. Sometimes topics go off topic. People are posting about love too. oh right ok I love football and squash do you x
going off topic isn't changing the topic, it's talking about stuff that came up in the topic but isn't relevant to the OP. I included love ?? Where did the ops question include narcissisism "it came up when i mentioned love and how i was in love with one and it felt just as intense as my first love. | |||
"Labels are put on us all but the ops thread is about loving someone else not narcissistic tendency
Shh, we know. Sometimes topics go off topic. People are posting about love too. oh right ok I love football and squash do you x
going off topic isn't changing the topic, it's talking about stuff that came up in the topic but isn't relevant to the OP. I included love ?? Where did the ops question include narcissisism
it came up when i mentioned love and how i was in love with one and it felt just as intense as my first love."oh ok you carry on about loving yourself then xx or your ex loving himself ,I do sometimes the people of fab are very selfish so it maybe is down to narcissism ,narcissists are selfish | |||
"Labels are put on us all but the ops thread is about loving someone else not narcissistic tendency
Shh, we know. Sometimes topics go off topic. People are posting about love too. oh right ok I love football and squash do you x
going off topic isn't changing the topic, it's talking about stuff that came up in the topic but isn't relevant to the OP. I included love ?? Where did the ops question include narcissisism
it came up when i mentioned love and how i was in love with one and it felt just as intense as my first love. oh ok you carry on about loving yourself then xx or your ex loving himself ,I do sometimes the people of fab are very selfish so it maybe is down to narcissism ,narcissists are selfish "sometimes think | |||
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"Labels are put on us all but the ops thread is about loving someone else not narcissistic tendency
Shh, we know. Sometimes topics go off topic. People are posting about love too. oh right ok I love football and squash do you x
going off topic isn't changing the topic, it's talking about stuff that came up in the topic but isn't relevant to the OP. I included love ?? Where did the ops question include narcissisism
it came up when i mentioned love and how i was in love with one and it felt just as intense as my first love. oh ok you carry on about loving yourself then xx or your ex loving himself ,I do sometimes the people of fab are very selfish so it maybe is down to narcissism ,narcissists are selfish "NPDs are more selfish than most on here. on here it's kind of a given that people are using each other for sex, but people have control over whether they want to be used for sex and who by, and some people like to have friends too so aren't completely using others for sex, although they might be using them for friendship also this is possible. and i'm sure most don't set out fuck with others heads or control them. a site where you can use others for sex though is a very attractive prospect to anyone who enjoys using people for sex, including narcissists, which is why you see some guys have that sense of entitlement to sex from people on here, they expect to get what they want without considering the other persons wants. someone with NPD will not be honest from the start, after all who wants to give themselves to an abuser or user for the rest of their life? and they want to control you completely so that you'll stay with them and be used. | |||
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"Great chat ladies .... NPD relationships can destroy part of our reasoning - takes awhile to rebuild - good reminder - ta X As to love - I have loved a number of times - each time different and each time deeply - each day we are given a limited number of heart beats ... We can choose to devote them to the past or we can embrace the future - love is with us or around the corner and Defo a night for bed socks and hot chocolate X " thanks. yeah can't believe i fell for it again, well he hid what a shit he was pretty well. NPDs can be female also, i said guys and entitlement but women can also be them. thought i'd best clarify that. | |||
"Labels are put on us all but the ops thread is about loving someone else not narcissistic tendency
Shh, we know. Sometimes topics go off topic. People are posting about love too. oh right ok I love football and squash do you x
going off topic isn't changing the topic, it's talking about stuff that came up in the topic but isn't relevant to the OP. I included love ?? Where did the ops question include narcissisism
it came up when i mentioned love and how i was in love with one and it felt just as intense as my first love. oh ok you carry on about loving yourself then xx or your ex loving himself ,I do sometimes the people of fab are very selfish so it maybe is down to narcissism ,narcissists are selfish
NPDs are more selfish than most on here. on here it's kind of a given that people are using each other for sex, but people have control over whether they want to be used for sex and who by, and some people like to have friends too so aren't completely using others for sex, although they might be using them for friendship also this is possible. and i'm sure most don't set out fuck with others heads or control them.
a site where you can use others for sex though is a very attractive prospect to anyone who enjoys using people for sex, including narcissists, which is why you see some guys have that sense of entitlement to sex from people on here, they expect to get what they want without considering the other persons wants.
someone with NPD will not be honest from the start, after all who wants to give themselves to an abuser or user for the rest of their life? and they want to control you completely so that you'll stay with them and be used."any abuse of a partner is a form of bullying and bullying can only take place if you allow them to bully ,if you are scared of a person because they bully you get out or stand up to them once you remove the reason for being able to bully you cure the problem ,hopefully | |||
"any abuse of a partner is a form of bullying and bullying can only take place if you allow them to bully ,if you are scared of a person because they bully you get out or stand up to them once you remove the reason for being able to bully you cure the problem ,hopefully "it really isn't as simple as that, unfortunately. firstly, i have no contact with my dad, and my ex bothers with his kids (when he can be bothered) but i don't speak to him at all. Both of them were obviously abusive and i don't care to bother with them now. When you're a kid you'll spend years wanting a parent to love you....dunno if you can even imagine not being loved by a parent? well your immature brain tells you it must be your fault coz everyone else has parents who love them, and as parents are an authority you take it as they might never be wrong so it's not their fault they don't love you. your immature brain tells you that your parents should love you, so you try to be loved. you don't associate yourself as a separate entity until about 7 yrs old (i think), so aren't capable of loving yourself. abuse will prolong that age, you can't mature properly if your not allowed to and not given healthy examples of love. Basically your groomed to be abused and neglected, this type of relationship is now normal to you, even though it leaves you feeling like shit. Also, abused people tend to dissociate more than non-abused people. You can switch off when the abuse happens, even forget about it, because as a child there isn't really any escape from it. So there you are groomed to not know when the abuse is happening, to forget about it, and to not escape it. Maybe even expect it and accept it. my last ex was a really good liar, he was a lovely guy to me, constantly nice, never did anything obviously abusive. he also took up all my spare time so i'd become addicted to him. it wasn't even obvious what he was doing. i figured a tiny bit out myself, but not much, and he lied outright to my face there and then when confronted with it...so it took over a year for him to show himself slightly for what he really was. Luckily i had already learned it was better to go no contact with your abusers, and lies are abuse to me so i fucked him off. thing is, he kept contacting me. covert narcissists soon get bored and need their old supplies and are always looking for new supplies, i used to be a supply but didn't like him and kept blanking him mostly, was polite but that was it. so he upped his game to get me to like him again, contacted me more and more. i stayed friend because what i knew he'd done didn't seem that bad and i felt i'd gone over the top, but i didn't know everything he had done otherwise i would've fucked him off completely (and when i found out everything i did fuck him off completely). Abused people (especially children) tend to be more sensitive to other peoples feelings, you have to be to avoid more abuse...you have to notice when someone is getting angry and maybe even try to prevent them from doing so, you have to notice when they're in a good mood so you can relax, you just need to protect yourself and start learning how to that way instead of leaving because as a child you cannot just leave...so you also become highly empathetic and know what it's like not to be cared about and don't want others to feel the same way, so sometimes you want to help your abuser, make them feel happy by being there for them...maybe you just don't want to be on your own because it's to painful to be neglected by others, you might also have been groomed to blame yourself coz you kept getting told it was. i learned it's better to love yourself and get the fuck out and never maintain contact. narcissists are only nice when they want something from you, and it can be anything but if you give it to them then they like you for that. they don't love you for who you are, they love you for what you give them and nothing more than that. they're also good at twisting things so that you're at fault. they are perfect humans, the obvious narcissist doesn't see themselves as an abuser even, they look at themselves as normal and perfect and entitled to special treatment. covert narcissists know they are fake perfection so hide that but they still use similar techniques as the obvious ones, just they aren't confident and doubt themselves as being perfect but want everyone to think they are indeed perfect. | |||
"any abuse of a partner is a form of bullying and bullying can only take place if you allow them to bully ,if you are scared of a person because they bully you get out or stand up to them once you remove the reason for being able to bully you cure the problem ,hopefully
it really isn't as simple as that, unfortunately.
firstly, i have no contact with my dad, and my ex bothers with his kids (when he can be bothered) but i don't speak to him at all. Both of them were obviously abusive and i don't care to bother with them now. When you're a kid you'll spend years wanting a parent to love you....dunno if you can even imagine not being loved by a parent? well your immature brain tells you it must be your fault coz everyone else has parents who love them, and as parents are an authority you take it as they might never be wrong so it's not their fault they don't love you. your immature brain tells you that your parents should love you, so you try to be loved. you don't associate yourself as a separate entity until about 7 yrs old (i think), so aren't capable of loving yourself. abuse will prolong that age, you can't mature properly if your not allowed to and not given healthy examples of love.
Basically your groomed to be abused and neglected, this type of relationship is now normal to you, even though it leaves you feeling like shit. Also, abused people tend to dissociate more than non-abused people. You can switch off when the abuse happens, even forget about it, because as a child there isn't really any escape from it. So there you are groomed to not know when the abuse is happening, to forget about it, and to not escape it. Maybe even expect it and accept it.
my last ex was a really good liar, he was a lovely guy to me, constantly nice, never did anything obviously abusive. he also took up all my spare time so i'd become addicted to him. it wasn't even obvious what he was doing. i figured a tiny bit out myself, but not much, and he lied outright to my face there and then when confronted with it...so it took over a year for him to show himself slightly for what he really was. Luckily i had already learned it was better to go no contact with your abusers, and lies are abuse to me so i fucked him off.
thing is, he kept contacting me. covert narcissists soon get bored and need their old supplies and are always olooking for new supplies, i used to be a supply but didn't like him and kept blanking him mostly, was polite but that was it. so he upped his game to get me to like him again, contacted me more and more. i stayed friend because what i knew he'd done didn't seem that bad and i felt i'd gone over the top, but i didn't know everything he had done otherwise i would've fucked him off completely (and when i found out everything i did fuck him off completely).
Abused people (especially children) tend to be more sensitive to other peoples feelings, you have to be to avoid more abuse...you have to notice when someone is getting angry and maybe even try to prevent them from doing so, you have to notice when they're in a good mood so you can relax, you just need to protect yourself and start learning how to that way instead of leaving because as a child you cannot just leave...so you also become highly empathetic and know what it's like not to be cared about and don't want others to feel the same way, so sometimes you want to help your abuser, make them feel happy by being there for them...maybe you just don't want to be on your own because it's to painful to be neglected by others, you might also have been groomed to blame yourself coz you kept getting told it was.
i learned it's better to love yourself and get the fuck out and never maintain contact.
narcissists are only nice when they want something from you, and it can be anything but if you give it to them then they like you for that. they don't love you for who you are, they love you for what you give them and nothing more than that.
they're also good at twisting things so that you're at fault. they are perfect humans, the obvious narcissist doesn't see themselves as an abuser even, they look at themselves as normal and perfect and entitled to special treatment. covert narcissists know they are fake perfection so hide that but they still use similar techniques as the obvious ones, just they aren't confident and doubt themselves as being perfect but want everyone to think they are indeed perfect."wow hey I read all that and am so sorry your parents didn't love you ,can't think of anything worse my parents didn't love eachother but they loved their kids and I in turn loved mine ,it must be hard to go through childhood without the proper nurturing of your parents xx | |||
"wow hey I read all that and am so sorry your parents didn't love you ,can't think of anything worse my parents didn't love eachother but they loved their kids and I in turn loved mine ,it must be hard to go through childhood without the proper nurturing of your parents xx "it was hard when i was a kid but i haven't been a child for a long time now, i'm well over it. did spend years looking for grandparents for my kids but never found any, feel they missed out a bit there coz i was close to my grandad, but i didn't want them to have an abuser for grandparents. none of the abuse that came my way was my fault either. when you understand that everything is a lot easier to deal with. | |||
"Great chat ladies .... NPD relationships can destroy part of our reasoning - takes awhile to rebuild - good reminder - ta X As to love - I have loved a number of times - each time different and each time deeply - each day we are given a limited number of heart beats ... We can choose to devote them to the past or we can embrace the future - love is with us or around the corner and Defo a night for bed socks and hot chocolate X " | |||
"any abuse of a partner is a form of bullying and bullying can only take place if you allow them to bully ,if you are scared of a person because they bully you get out or stand up to them once you remove the reason for being able to bully you cure the problem ,hopefully
it really isn't as simple as that, unfortunately.
firstly, i have no contact with my dad, and my ex bothers with his kids (when he can be bothered) but i don't speak to him at all. Both of them were obviously abusive and i don't care to bother with them now. When you're a kid you'll spend years wanting a parent to love you....dunno if you can even imagine not being loved by a parent? well your immature brain tells you it must be your fault coz everyone else has parents who love them, and as parents are an authority you take it as they might never be wrong so it's not their fault they don't love you. your immature brain tells you that your parents should love you, so you try to be loved. you don't associate yourself as a separate entity until about 7 yrs old (i think), so aren't capable of loving yourself. abuse will prolong that age, you can't mature properly if your not allowed to and not given healthy examples of love.
Basically your groomed to be abused and neglected, this type of relationship is now normal to you, even though it leaves you feeling like shit. Also, abused people tend to dissociate more than non-abused people. You can switch off when the abuse happens, even forget about it, because as a child there isn't really any escape from it. So there you are groomed to not know when the abuse is happening, to forget about it, and to not escape it. Maybe even expect it and accept it.
my last ex was a really good liar, he was a lovely guy to me, constantly nice, never did anything obviously abusive. he also took up all my spare time so i'd become addicted to him. it wasn't even obvious what he was doing. i figured a tiny bit out myself, but not much, and he lied outright to my face there and then when confronted with it...so it took over a year for him to show himself slightly for what he really was. Luckily i had already learned it was better to go no contact with your abusers, and lies are abuse to me so i fucked him off.
thing is, he kept contacting me. covert narcissists soon get bored and need their old supplies and are always looking for new supplies, i used to be a supply but didn't like him and kept blanking him mostly, was polite but that was it. so he upped his game to get me to like him again, contacted me more and more. i stayed friend because what i knew he'd done didn't seem that bad and i felt i'd gone over the top, but i didn't know everything he had done otherwise i would've fucked him off completely (and when i found out everything i did fuck him off completely).
Abused people (especially children) tend to be more sensitive to other peoples feelings, you have to be to avoid more abuse...you have to notice when someone is getting angry and maybe even try to prevent them from doing so, you have to notice when they're in a good mood so you can relax, you just need to protect yourself and start learning how to that way instead of leaving because as a child you cannot just leave...so you also become highly empathetic and know what it's like not to be cared about and don't want others to feel the same way, so sometimes you want to help your abuser, make them feel happy by being there for them...maybe you just don't want to be on your own because it's to painful to be neglected by others, you might also have been groomed to blame yourself coz you kept getting told it was.
i learned it's better to love yourself and get the fuck out and never maintain contact.
narcissists are only nice when they want something from you, and it can be anything but if you give it to them then they like you for that. they don't love you for who you are, they love you for what you give them and nothing more than that.
they're also good at twisting things so that you're at fault. they are perfect humans, the obvious narcissist doesn't see themselves as an abuser even, they look at themselves as normal and perfect and entitled to special treatment. covert narcissists know they are fake perfection so hide that but they still use similar techniques as the obvious ones, just they aren't confident and doubt themselves as being perfect but want everyone to think they are indeed perfect."My that took some writing! I feel asleep watching the fabby videos at 3.30 am I think lol! | |||
"Only fell in love once. Still in love, .. with my son... " | |||
-Courtney | |||
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"I fell in love once, and its been all I've needed
-Courtney"harlot can I have chips with mine | |||
"I married my first love , and still with him now "Same here | |||
"I fell in love once, and its been all I've needed
-Courtneyharlot can I have chips with mine "Always
-Chip | |||
"I fell in love once, and its been all I've needed
-Courtneyharlot can I have chips with mine
Always
-Chip"how's them sexy thighs xx   | |||
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"There's only so long you can love someone in my eyes, as you both grow and change things change. It's sad but true. Also the fact it's like having the same dinner for 10 years your going to want to change it every now and then "Thats rubbish , i love steve more and more | |||
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"There's only so long you can love someone in my eyes, as you both grow and change things change. It's sad but true. Also the fact it's like having the same dinner for 10 years your going to want to change it every now and then "Noo, I am lucky enough to have two parents who still love each other 70 years later. Of course it is possible. | |||
"There's only so long you can love someone in my eyes, as you both grow and change things change. It's sad but true. Also the fact it's like having the same dinner for 10 years your going to want to change it every now and then
Noo, I am lucky enough to have two parents who still love each other 70 years later. Of course it is possible."I'm not saying it isn't possible so people grow together others don't | |||
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"There's only so long you can love someone in my eyes, as you both grow and change things change. It's sad but true. Also the fact it's like having the same dinner for 10 years your going to want to change it every now and then "If it's true love you both evolve together and adapt to each other's changes. People rarely change that dramatically that they don't resemble their former self. | |||
"There's only so long you can love someone in my eyes, as you both grow and change things change. It's sad but true. Also the fact it's like having the same dinner for 10 years your going to want to change it every now and then "I have to disagree. For me it changes from time to time, more intense sometimes, less intense others. As you grow and change you may drift apart, but just as possible, is working things through and growing closer and deeper n love. Relationships need work and above all good communication. With both, love can thrive even when it seemed things were at their bleakest. | |||
"I married my first love , and still with him now
Same here "same here | |||
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"I fell in love twice this morning just looking through the photo gallery! "Who's gonna tell him that isn't love?? | |||
"Have you fallen in love more than once ? As they say it's a amazing feeling so if you've given your all to someone the very first time is there a second time ? " Still waiting to fall in love for the first time. From what I've heard it's a nice feeling. | |||
"I fell in love twice this morning just looking through the photo gallery!
Who's gonna tell him that isn't love?? "Oh me oh my!!! 3 times in one day! Fabulous gallery! That profile text though  | |||
"What is narcissist abuse? God...where to start? You know when someone is using you? It's that basically. Some people are happy to be narcissist, they're fine with it and openly abuse you. My dad was violent, treated us like shit, selfish, cheated on my mum, his alcohol and what he wanted came first. This is obvious narcissism, just selfish and people are objects to be used and controlled. It will be obvious you're being abused. My first kids dad was similar, he used his kids as weapons when we split up, he stole off me, cheated when we were together etc and it was obvious he was a dick. Yeah i stayed with him, as a co-dependent you will do that, as an empath you will look past their faults and make excuses for them...sometimes even blame yourself and possibly think you can fix them. And they don't abuse you all the time, often they act like they actually do like you and can behave normally, if they want something from you. They think their behaviour is right and don't feel a need to hide it from you, the are always right no matter what evidence says they aren't. Covert narcissists are worse. They're actors who won't abuse you outright, but they will abuse you covertly. They hide loads from you. They are the same as obvious narcissists but they're abuse is not obvious. They also know their behaviour is abusive and that's why they hide it. Both types are controlling. And you're just an object to them. Both types are always right despite evidence to say otherwise. Both types are massive hypocrites who will slag others off for doing what they do. They enjoy slagging other people off also, it makes them feel good. There's loads more to this, it's a personality disorder and a very dangerous one to victims of it." I'd never heard of the word until this summer, thank you | |||
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"I married my first love , and still with him now
Same here same here "So why not put it on your profile? | |||
" Only been in love once in my life,Love does not appear with any warning signs. You fall into it as if pushed from a high diving board. No time to think about what’s happening. It’s inevitable. An event you can’t control. A crazy, heart-stopping, roller-coaster. After that ended i closed myself up to letting anyone else in to hurt me again..being in love was the best feeling ever x" it is the best feeling ever! And fucking hurts when it ends. | |||
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" Only been in love once in my life,Love does not appear with any warning signs. You fall into it as if pushed from a high diving board. No time to think about what’s happening. It’s inevitable. An event you can’t control. A crazy, heart-stopping, roller-coaster. After that ended i closed myself up to letting anyone else in to hurt me again..being in love was the best feeling ever x it is the best feeling ever! And fucking hurts when it ends. " Still does when i look at my son x | |||
"There's only so long you can love someone in my eyes, as you both grow and change things change. It's sad but true. Also the fact it's like having the same dinner for 10 years your going to want to change it every now and then
Noo, I am lucky enough to have two parents who still love each other 70 years later. Of course it is possible."I say nooooo too. My parents have been together 50 years and still love each other. | |||
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" Only been in love once in my life,Love does not appear with any warning signs. You fall into it as if pushed from a high diving board. No time to think about what’s happening. It’s inevitable. An event you can’t control. A crazy, heart-stopping, roller-coaster. After that ended i closed myself up to letting anyone else in to hurt me again..being in love was the best feeling ever x it is the best feeling ever! And fucking hurts when it ends. Still does when i look at my son x" I love this .... The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere, they're in each other all along. | |||
" Only been in love once in my life,Love does not appear with any warning signs. You fall into it as if pushed from a high diving board. No time to think about what’s happening. It’s inevitable. An event you can’t control. A crazy, heart-stopping, roller-coaster. After that ended i closed myself up to letting anyone else in to hurt me again..being in love was the best feeling ever x it is the best feeling ever! And fucking hurts when it ends. Still does when i look at my son x I love this .... The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere, they're in each other all along. " Wish there was a heart emojo i love that xxx | |||
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" Only been in love once in my life,Love does not appear with any warning signs. You fall into it as if pushed from a high diving board. No time to think about what’s happening. It’s inevitable. An event you can’t control. A crazy, heart-stopping, roller-coaster. After that ended i closed myself up to letting anyone else in to hurt me again..being in love was the best feeling ever x it is the best feeling ever! And fucking hurts when it ends. Still does when i look at my son x I love this .... The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere, they're in each other all along. Wish there was a heart emojo i love that xxx" There is | |||
"There's only so long you can love someone in my eyes, as you both grow and change things change. It's sad but true. Also the fact it's like having the same dinner for 10 years your going to want to change it every now and then
Noo, I am lucky enough to have two parents who still love each other 70 years later. Of course it is possible.
I say nooooo too. My parents have been together 50 years and still love each other. "I agree. If you truly love someone then you'll be happy to stay with that person forever. Surely that's what true love is. You never grow tired of the other person. My parents have been together for over 50 years and love each other more than ever. If anything, their love grows stronger as time goes by. | |||
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" Only been in love once in my life,Love does not appear with any warning signs. You fall into it as if pushed from a high diving board. No time to think about what’s happening. It’s inevitable. An event you can’t control. A crazy, heart-stopping, roller-coaster. After that ended i closed myself up to letting anyone else in to hurt me again..being in love was the best feeling ever x it is the best feeling ever! And fucking hurts when it ends. Still does when i look at my son x I love this .... The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere, they're in each other all along. Wish there was a heart emojo i love that xxx There is "Thank you x | |||
" Only been in love once in my life,Love does not appear with any warning signs. You fall into it as if pushed from a high diving board. No time to think about what’s happening. It’s inevitable. An event you can’t control. A crazy, heart-stopping, roller-coaster. After that ended i closed myself up to letting anyone else in to hurt me again..being in love was the best feeling ever x it is the best feeling ever! And fucking hurts when it ends. Still does when i look at my son x I love this .... The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere, they're in each other all along. Wish there was a heart emojo i love that xxx" I love it so much I've incorporated it into a reading | |||
" Only been in love once in my life,Love does not appear with any warning signs. You fall into it as if pushed from a high diving board. No time to think about what’s happening. It’s inevitable. An event you can’t control. A crazy, heart-stopping, roller-coaster. After that ended i closed myself up to letting anyone else in to hurt me again..being in love was the best feeling ever x it is the best feeling ever! And fucking hurts when it ends. Still does when i look at my son x I love this .... The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere, they're in each other all along. Wish there was a heart emojo i love that xxx There is
Thank you x"( love ) without the spaces x | |||
" Only been in love once in my life,Love does not appear with any warning signs. You fall into it as if pushed from a high diving board. No time to think about what’s happening. It’s inevitable. An event you can’t control. A crazy, heart-stopping, roller-coaster. After that ended i closed myself up to letting anyone else in to hurt me again..being in love was the best feeling ever x it is the best feeling ever! And fucking hurts when it ends. Still does when i look at my son x I love this .... The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere, they're in each other all along. Wish there was a heart emojo i love that xxx There is
Thank you x
( love ) without the spaces x" | |||
"There's only so long you can love someone in my eyes, as you both grow and change things change. It's sad but true. Also the fact it's like having the same dinner for 10 years your going to want to change it every now and then
Noo, I am lucky enough to have two parents who still love each other 70 years later. Of course it is possible.
I say nooooo too. My parents have been together 50 years and still love each other. "I say no too, my parents have been together 35 years, and still love each other | |||
"Hey its easy for some and not for others ,women over think things sorry to generalise but they do keep it simple and its easy to love again ,trust again be loyal again "This kind of applies to me. I think since having my heart broken from my first love when i was very young, its never quite been the same since. I guess that's either I'm not as naive as a older adult or im just more worn down by my experiences. I know im not alone in this, so i dont mean it to sound like a pity party. I can't quite believe I'm agreeing with trademark for once! 
And ps thank you Affectionate Bitch and Frisky Mare for your posts in this thread, they've been a really interesting contribution x | |||
"There's only so long you can love someone in my eyes, as you both grow and change things change. It's sad but true. Also the fact it's like having the same dinner for 10 years your going to want to change it every now and then
Noo, I am lucky enough to have two parents who still love each other 70 years later. Of course it is possible.
I say nooooo too. My parents have been together 50 years and still love each other.
I agree. If you truly love someone then you'll be happy to stay with that person forever. Surely that's what true love is. You never grow tired of the other person. My parents have been together for over 50 years and love each other more than ever. If anything, their love grows stronger as time goes by."Don't get me wrong they bicker everyday, but it doesn't last long if they argue and have a fight (not lit) my told me, when she first got married their arguments would be horrendous and not speak for a week
They really wouldn't be without each other. | |||
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"Hey its easy for some and not for others ,women over think things sorry to generalise but they do keep it simple and its easy to love again ,trust again be loyal again
This kind of applies to me. I think since having my heart broken from my first love when i was very young, its never quite been the same since. I guess that's either I'm not as naive as a older adult or im just more worn down by my experiences. I know im not alone in this, so i dont mean it to sound like a pity party.
I can't quite believe I'm agreeing with trademark for once!
And ps thank you Affectionate Bitch and Frisky Mare for your posts in this thread, they've been a really interesting contribution x"Glad you found them so. I have been asked for the name of the book I mentioned - it is Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity by Marie-France Hirigoyen. Just ordered the one my wander round utube threw up at 3am, lol, 'The Human Magnet Syndrome' | |||
"Yes, the first time I ever saw him I felt a warm fuzzy feeling, it was joyous. I have felt the same everytime since.......... Many years have passed since my mum showed my reflection in the mirror as a baby and I pissed myself, but I still love me as much......" Haha, bloody narcissist! | |||
"There's only so long you can love someone in my eyes, as you both grow and change things change. It's sad but true. Also the fact it's like having the same dinner for 10 years your going to want to change it every now and then
Noo, I am lucky enough to have two parents who still love each other 70 years later. Of course it is possible.
I say nooooo too. My parents have been together 50 years and still love each other.
I say no too, my parents have been together 35 years, and still love each other"My parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary in April this year. If my mum wasn't so religious, I doubt they'd have celebrated their 1st anniversary. | |||
"Not for me. Not like the first. " This disappoints me hugely. I'm screwed. | |||
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"Hey its easy for some and not for others ,women over think things sorry to generalise but they do keep it simple and its easy to love again ,trust again be loyal again
This kind of applies to me. I think since having my heart broken from my first love when i was very young, its never quite been the same since. I guess that's either I'm not as naive as a older adult or im just more worn down by my experiences. I know im not alone in this, so i dont mean it to sound like a pity party.
I can't quite believe I'm agreeing with trademark for once!
And ps thank you Affectionate Bitch and Frisky Mare for your posts in this thread, they've been a really interesting contribution x"awwww you don't always !!!!,I'm hurt | |||
"Hey its easy for some and not for others ,women over think things sorry to generalise but they do keep it simple and its easy to love again ,trust again be loyal again
This kind of applies to me. I think since having my heart broken from my first love when i was very young, its never quite been the same since. I guess that's either I'm not as naive as a older adult or im just more worn down by my experiences. I know im not alone in this, so i dont mean it to sound like a pity party.
I can't quite believe I'm agreeing with trademark for once!
And ps thank you Affectionate Bitch and Frisky Mare for your posts in this thread, they've been a really interesting contribution x
Glad you found them so. I have been asked for the name of the book I mentioned - it is Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity by Marie-France Hirigoyen. Just ordered the one my wander round utube threw up at 3am, lol, 'The Human Magnet Syndrome' "it wasn't hard for me to contribute that, i've dissociated from my abuse anyway, it's sort of like it never happened to me. but you're welcome. and my mum actually did love me, but because she was a survivor of child abuse herself she found it hard to show it. she never hit us, she did look after us (despite being left in poverty by my dad most of the time), but affection was never shown. plus she got depressed from being with my dad...she's one of those 'you get married for life' people. i didn't bring my kids up the same way. i watched some videos done by the guy who did the human magnet, they were pretty good and mostly discussed the victims of NPD abuse. | |||
