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burning calories...why arent I anorexic?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The Act of Insertion
If the man is ready (same vice-versa) 1/4 calories
If the woman is not (same vice-versa) 274 calories
Satisfying Partner (organ size)
Normal size 22 calories
Oversize 15 calories
Tremendous 8 calories
Teensy-weensy 163 calories
Positions
Man on top, woman on bottom (facing each other) 20 calories
Woman on top, man on bottom
(Many women find that in addition to its inherent sexual possibilities, this position affords a better view of the clock.) 25 calories
From the rear (Mysterious variation) 40 1/2 calories
Standing: Both partners of equal height 18 calories
Standing: Woman 1 foot taller than a man 90 calories
While in traction
(very useful during ski season) 124 calories
Locations
On a bar stool 20 calories
Rear of a Honda Civic 38 calories
In a phone booth, standing 14 calories
In a phone booth, lying down 274 calories
On an airliner, aisle seat 24 calories
On an airliner, middle seat 42 calories
On an airliner, window seat 30 calories
On an airliner, in the lavatory 100 calories
Possible Side Effects of Intercourse
Bouncing 7 calories
Sliding around 9 calories
Serious Skidding 12 calories
Full cartwheel 20 calories
Whiplash 27 calories
Knee burn 6 calories
Chafed elbows 5 calories
Chafed nose 11 calories
Sex Related Noises
Short gasps (per gasp) 3 calories
Wheezing 5 calories
Squeals 4 calories
Ecstatic moaning 11 calories
Low growling 8 calories
Squishing 10 calories
Shouting 16 calories
Screaming 18 calories
Urgent begging 22 calories
Any short speech giving partner directions
("Please don't stop," "Faster," "Just a little more" are common examples.) 25 calories
Approaching Orgasm
Letting go 5.5 calories
Controlling yourself 79 calories
Digging nails into your partner's back 11 calories
Trembling 15 calories
Shaking 20 calories
Shuddering 25 calories
Trying to keep eyes open 33 calories
Orgasm
Real 27 calories
Faked 160 calories
Orgasmic Intensity Scale
Expression didn't change 1/2 calorie
Face turned purple 15 calories
Orchestra swelled 6 calories
Magical explosions 10 calories
Blazing Sheets 25 calories
Earth moved 30 calories
Vesuvius erupted 47 calories
You began moaning in Latin 60 calories
Pulling Out
After orgasm 1/4 calorie
A few moments before orgasm 500 calories
Special Orgasms
Clitoral. 15 calories
Vaginal 21 calories
Penile 21 calories
Scrotile 15 calories
Rectal 25 calories
Oral
(can also occur during an especially good meal) 30 calories
Consequences of Premature Ejaculation
For Women
Frustration 8 calories
Anger 15 calories
Violent mood swing 20 calories
Surpressing rage 25 calories
Not surpressing anger
(In extreme cases, this can include cursing, nose tweaks, and gently massaging partner's head with a tire iron.) 65 calories
For Men:
Cursing 10 calories
Apologising 3 calories
Snivelling 5 calories
Pleading for mercy 8 calories
Begging for another chance
(Note how unfair: Men never seem to mind if a woman has an orgasm after 3 seconds of sex.) 15 calories
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"FUCK me!!!
How many calories is that??????????
lol
thats only half the page lol, i got bored after that lol"
hehehe
I meant how many calories is just "fuck me"
lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"omg where do you get half of this stuff!
wonder if we can market a new diet plan on the back of this information?"
im very sad and enjoy looking at wierd and wonderful things on the internet when i am bored...unfortunately I have a mind that needs constant stimulation or I unleash havoc lol |
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"Well i reckon it must be because spunk has about a million calories in it lol
as per other thread - about 5 calories per mouthfull......lol"
Question for you. Does a person with Bulimia yack up after a BJ ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well i reckon it must be because spunk has about a million calories in it lol
as per other thread - about 5 calories per mouthfull......lol
what if you have a big mouth  "
Then less calories per sq metre.....lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well i reckon it must be because spunk has about a million calories in it lol
as per other thread - about 5 calories per mouthfull......lol
Question for you. Does a person with Bulimia yack up after a BJ ?"
No - they just do a massive Cum Burp |
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"Well i reckon it must be because spunk has about a million calories in it lol
as per other thread - about 5 calories per mouthfull......lol
Question for you. Does a person with Bulimia yack up after a BJ ?
No - they just do a massive Cum Burp"
oh i did a cum burp the other day in fact i did two hadnt noticed before lol. It was the cum burp thread that made me realize lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Anyone else think this rubytheridiculousrubenesquerodgerer is half female, half machine, here solely to overload the fab forums with the most random of banter?
Don't your fingers ever get tired hun? lol
....wait, please don't answer that!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Anyone else think this rubytheridiculousrubenesquerodgerer is half female, half machine, here solely to overload the fab forums with the most random of banter?
Don't your fingers ever get tired hun? lol
....wait, please don't answer that! "
lol...you will miss me when im gone lol
and no they dont
and yes I am lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyone else think this rubytheridiculousrubenesquerodgerer is half female, half machine, here solely to overload the fab forums with the most random of banter?
Don't your fingers ever get tired hun? lol
....wait, please don't answer that! "
 BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP |
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"Anyone else think this rubytheridiculousrubenesquerodgerer is half female, half machine, here solely to overload the fab forums with the most random of banter?
Don't your fingers ever get tired hun? lol
....wait, please don't answer that!
lol...you will miss me when im gone lol
and no they dont
and yes I am lol"
Me well i think she is a little dark yet angelic at the same time |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Anyone else think this rubytheridiculousrubenesquerodgerer is half female, half machine, here solely to overload the fab forums with the most random of banter?
Don't your fingers ever get tired hun? lol
....wait, please don't answer that!
lol...you will miss me when im gone lol
and no they dont
and yes I am lol
Me well i think she is a little dark yet angelic at the same time"
angelic!!!!!!....smiles |
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"Anyone else think this rubytheridiculousrubenesquerodgerer is half female, half machine, here solely to overload the fab forums with the most random of banter?
Don't your fingers ever get tired hun? lol
....wait, please don't answer that!
lol...you will miss me when im gone lol
and no they dont
and yes I am lol
Me well i think she is a little dark yet angelic at the same time
angelic!!!!!!....smiles"
Where are your wings and what colour are they then? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I am afraid I don;t have wings...im a fallen angel 
You can have mine as im scared of heights. That and the vicar giving me grief for low level bombing"
prefer to keep my feet on the ground |
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