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Cheating the new therapy....
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Flicking through Glamour, this article catches my eye.
Infidelity was once the heart-shattering end of love. (I don't agree with the once bit) But with 42% of us open to forgiveness, experts now argue that it can make- not break- a relationship.
An example written here... In one married couple, the wife allows her husband of 9 years to pursue other women when he's out with him make teacher colleagues, he wants a baby, she wants a career, flings are their trade off until she is ready.
Are you for or against, cheating: the new therapy? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Flicking through Glamour, this article catches my eye.
Infidelity was once the heart-shattering end of love. (I don't agree with the once bit) But with 42% of us open to forgiveness, experts now argue that it can make- not break- a relationship.
An example written here... In one married couple, the wife allows her husband of 9 years to pursue other women when he's out with him make teacher colleagues, he wants a baby, she wants a career, flings are their trade off until she is ready.
Are you for or against, cheating: the new therapy? "
That's not cheating: the partner knows and accepts. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Flicking through Glamour, this article catches my eye.
Infidelity was once the heart-shattering end of love. (I don't agree with the once bit) But with 42% of us open to forgiveness, experts now argue that it can make- not break- a relationship.
An example written here... In one married couple, the wife allows her husband of 9 years to pursue other women when he's out with him make teacher colleagues, he wants a baby, she wants a career, flings are their trade off until she is ready.
Are you for or against, cheating: the new therapy?
That's not cheating: the partner knows and accepts. "
Yes that example isn't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Flicking through Glamour, this article catches my eye.
Infidelity was once the heart-shattering end of love. (I don't agree with the once bit) But with 42% of us open to forgiveness, experts now argue that it can make- not break- a relationship.
An example written here... In one married couple, the wife allows her husband of 9 years to pursue other women when he's out with him make teacher colleagues, he wants a baby, she wants a career, flings are their trade off until she is ready.
Are you for or against, cheating: the new therapy?
That's not cheating: the partner knows and accepts.
Yes that example isn't. "
Agreed. Its been written by someone vanilla I think |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The talking point of the AM exposure this summer wasn't so much the hacking but the fact that an adultery site had 37 million users. Recent data by research firm GWI found that 12% of the "singles" on Tin are in relationships, while a staggering 30% are married. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmm, I don't see how him having flings because he wants a baby and she wants to focus on her career can be providing any kind of satisfaction for either of them, but hey - whatever works for people.
I hate "relationship" articles in these magazines, they always seem to reinforce bad stereotypes even where they are claiming to write about something new and novel. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ok here's me: I cheated five years ago, he forgave me almost in an instant, to be fair he did pull me back from terrible decisions fuelled by alcohol. We had four lovely years, better that the first ten, it was like we were newlyweds again for four wonderful years, then the worst thing happened; he cheated on me.
the reason I cheated was because I was d*unk most of the time and I was living a seperate life, it was totally my fault, having said that the ex husband did say later if it wasn't me it would have been him, so who knows.
The reason he cheated he fell in love with our best friend m and yeah we broke up but his 'cheating' wasn't the reason, I only found out about the vast majority of it after we broke up, and yes I forgave him, why wouldn't I? What's the point of hate? (I'd like to point out; we have been friends 25 years and married for 15 of those years, so we've spent most of our lives together)
Would I take him back? No, I know he forgave me, I've forgiven him but while he loves someone else I can't and besides I'm having to much fun!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Flicking through Glamour, this article catches my eye.
Infidelity was once the heart-shattering end of love. (I don't agree with the once bit) But with 42% of us open to forgiveness, experts now argue that it can make- not break- a relationship.
An example written here... In one married couple, the wife allows her husband of 9 years to pursue other women when he's out with him make teacher colleagues, he wants a baby, she wants a career, flings are their trade off until she is ready.
Are you for or against, cheating: the new therapy? "
in a loving relationship I don't believe any good will come of it ,we as humans created monogamous relationships which in turn create a stable environment for families to be nurtured but monogamous is not a natural response its a psychological response based on guilt,morals and a social commitment ,meeting other people for sex creates a situation where you may meet someone you prefer to the person you are supposedly in a loving relationship with ,so sorry its a slippery road to seperation    hugs  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Flicking through Glamour, this article catches my eye.
Infidelity was once the heart-shattering end of love. (I don't agree with the once bit) But with 42% of us open to forgiveness, experts now argue that it can make- not break- a relationship.
An example written here... In one married couple, the wife allows her husband of 9 years to pursue other women when he's out with him make teacher colleagues, he wants a baby, she wants a career, flings are their trade off until she is ready.
Are you for or against, cheating: the new therapy? in a loving relationship I don't believe any good will come of it ,we as humans created monogamous relationships which in turn create a stable environment for families to be nurtured but monogamous is not a natural response its a psychological response based on guilt,morals and a social commitment ,meeting other people for sex creates a situation where you may meet someone you prefer to the person you are supposedly in a loving relationship with ,so sorry its a slippery road to seperation hugs "
Do you disagree with couples swinging in that case? |
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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
It's sounds like some of the profiles on here: "hubby knows I'm on here", "have partners permission"... They don't state why they are playing as singles so it could be for similar reasons. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Flicking through Glamour, this article catches my eye.
Infidelity was once the heart-shattering end of love. (I don't agree with the once bit) But with 42% of us open to forgiveness, experts now argue that it can make- not break- a relationship.
An example written here... In one married couple, the wife allows her husband of 9 years to pursue other women when he's out with him make teacher colleagues, he wants a baby, she wants a career, flings are their trade off until she is ready.
Are you for or against, cheating: the new therapy? in a loving relationship I don't believe any good will come of it ,we as humans created monogamous relationships which in turn create a stable environment for families to be nurtured but monogamous is not a natural response its a psychological response based on guilt,morals and a social commitment ,meeting other people for sex creates a situation where you may meet someone you prefer to the person you are supposedly in a loving relationship with ,so sorry its a slippery road to seperation hugs
Do you disagree with couples swinging in that case?"
no I don't disagree with personal choice I just think it will for most end in disaster ,its like smoking it doesn't kill everyone it doesn't do them any good health wise ,swinging can be great fun and some will survive but many will flounder but your choice ,swinging exists for a reason ,is that reason and I am referring that to couples because I see couples as the basis of swinging ,is the reason because your sex lives have become dull and theirs a need to spice them up ? I know a woman on here who's married and says she loves her husband ,he took her to a club one time watched several guys fuck his wife and hated it so refused to go again and said she wasn't to either but she loved it and has carried on doing it without his knowledge |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hmm, I don't see how him having flings because he wants a baby and she wants to focus on her career can be providing any kind of satisfaction for either of them, but hey - whatever works for people.
I hate "relationship" articles in these magazines, they always seem to reinforce bad stereotypes even where they are claiming to write about something new and novel. "
I agree with you're first paragraph. It dose ta make sense to me at all. |
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Glamour is a women's magazine published by Condé Nast Publications. Founded in 1939 and first published in April 1939 in the United States, it was originally called Glamour of Hollywood
*courtesy of the useless information department* |
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Cheating in a monogamous relationship is never going to help anyone, I'd have thought. I'm no expert but the key to any relationship's success is the ability to be open and honest with your partner about what exactly you want from the relationship. Doing something behind the other person's back can only end in tears. The key is you both have to be on the same page in what you want. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Flicking through Glamour, this article catches my eye.
Infidelity was once the heart-shattering end of love. (I don't agree with the once bit) But with 42% of us open to forgiveness, experts now argue that it can make- not break- a relationship.
An example written here... In one married couple, the wife allows her husband of 9 years to pursue other women when he's out with him make teacher colleagues, he wants a baby, she wants a career, flings are their trade off until she is ready.
Are you for or against, cheating: the new therapy? in a loving relationship I don't believe any good will come of it ,we as humans created monogamous relationships which in turn create a stable environment for families to be nurtured but monogamous is not a natural response its a psychological response based on guilt,morals and a social commitment ,meeting other people for sex creates a situation where you may meet someone you prefer to the person you are supposedly in a loving relationship with ,so sorry its a slippery road to seperation hugs "
But if a strange comment to put on a swingers site, in a roundabout way you've said all couples are likely to split through swinging. If that's what you believe then I'm going to assume you don't play with couples? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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...ooooooooor you could just skip all the heartache and be in a wonderfully loving relationship and still both be able to play with others consensually.
I really do think vanilla people are missing the trick! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Ok here's me: I cheated five years ago, he forgave me almost in an instant, to be fair he did pull me back from terrible decisions fuelled by alcohol. We had four lovely years, better that the first ten, it was like we were newlyweds again for four wonderful years, then the worst thing happened; he cheated on me.
the reason I cheated was because I was d*unk most of the time and I was living a seperate life, it was totally my fault, having said that the ex husband did say later if it wasn't me it would have been him, so who knows.
The reason he cheated he fell in love with our best friend m and yeah we broke up but his 'cheating' wasn't the reason, I only found out about the vast majority of it after we broke up, and yes I forgave him, why wouldn't I? What's the point of hate? (I'd like to point out; we have been friends 25 years and married for 15 of those years, so we've spent most of our lives together)
Would I take him back? No, I know he forgave me, I've forgiven him but while he loves someone else I can't and besides I'm having to much fun!!! "
Emotional betrayal hurts more than physical pain. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I met someone at my work that I preferred to my husband.
I would have thought more affairs start through meeting at work than because you've met through swinging. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think humans are naturally monogamous so I understand that it is difficult for couples to stick to it.
However I think there are two types of cheating: purely sexual (without emotional connection, these are more the anonymous types, one offs) and emotional cheating (where a relationship develops).
Only the second type is truly damaging. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Glamour is a women's magazine published by Condé Nast Publications. Founded in 1939 and first published in April 1939 in the United States, it was originally called Glamour of Hollywood
*courtesy of the useless information department*"
No one is saying its gospel |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think sometimes it can be about what's on offer, years ago I cheated on a girlfriend because the girl I was fucking loved to suck cock and anal the ex didn't do either. Ironically I never got the anal the excuse was your too big.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Flicking through Glamour, this article catches my eye.
Infidelity was once the heart-shattering end of love. (I don't agree with the once bit) But with 42% of us open to forgiveness, experts now argue that it can make- not break- a relationship.
An example written here... In one married couple, the wife allows her husband of 9 years to pursue other women when he's out with him make teacher colleagues, he wants a baby, she wants a career, flings are their trade off until she is ready.
Are you for or against, cheating: the new therapy? in a loving relationship I don't believe any good will come of it ,we as humans created monogamous relationships which in turn create a stable environment for families to be nurtured but monogamous is not a natural response its a psychological response based on guilt,morals and a social commitment ,meeting other people for sex creates a situation where you may meet someone you prefer to the person you are supposedly in a loving relationship with ,so sorry its a slippery road to seperation hugs
But if a strange comment to put on a swingers site, in a roundabout way you've said all couples are likely to split through swinging. If that's what you believe then I'm going to assume you don't play with couples?"
why is it strange to have an opinion about something ?I'm single I feel I can do as I please and I don't disagree with people's choices ,is my opinion any less valid than the next person's ,no it's not but obviously it can be contentious ,forums are about people having different views on a topic hugs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you're having a 'trade off' then you're not cheating as you've discussed the situation & I assume the possible outcomes of going down those routes. Was that more the theme of the article, couples being in 'open' relationships?
Not sure how that particular trade off dynamic works tho, sounds like they may have to revisit the baby chat at some point.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" The key is you both have to be on the same page in what you want."
Yes! Absolutely wonderful!
This is why everyone without exception that you know on and off this site is in a relationship like this. Because that is the key.
Or not.
Because life isn't perfect for everyone all the time. And so sometimes you make the best of what you have. In my case I make a great situation even better. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you're having a 'trade off' then you're not cheating as you've discussed the situation & I assume the possible outcomes of going down those routes. Was that more the theme of the article, couples being in 'open' relationships?
Not sure how that particular trade off dynamic works tho, sounds like they may have to revisit the baby chat at some point.
"
it's covering all sorts... A pre-nip for your heart, books "The New Monogamy"
That very few affairs actually last. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Flicking through Glamour, this article catches my eye.
Infidelity was once the heart-shattering end of love. (I don't agree with the once bit) But with 42% of us open to forgiveness, experts now argue that it can make- not break- a relationship.
An example written here... In one married couple, the wife allows her husband of 9 years to pursue other women when he's out with him make teacher colleagues, he wants a baby, she wants a career, flings are their trade off until she is ready.
Are you for or against, cheating: the new therapy? "
"Therapy" sounds a bit like swinging, no?
Permissive sex with others? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most people assume that discovering your partner is cheating is the end of a relationship. It isn't always. I think I depends on how strong the relationship is and the reasons behind the cheating. I think those people that are right for each other will stay together through pretty much anything. Those that fall apart were just not meant to be. I think it's a very blinkered view to say that cheating always harms a relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Flicking through Glamour, this article catches my eye.
Infidelity was once the heart-shattering end of love. (I don't agree with the once bit) But with 42% of us open to forgiveness, experts now argue that it can make- not break- a relationship.
An example written here... In one married couple, the wife allows her husband of 9 years to pursue other women when he's out with him make teacher colleagues, he wants a baby, she wants a career, flings are their trade off until she is ready.
Are you for or against, cheating: the new therapy? in a loving relationship I don't believe any good will come of it ,we as humans created monogamous relationships which in turn create a stable environment for families to be nurtured but monogamous is not a natural response its a psychological response based on guilt,morals and a social commitment ,meeting other people for sex creates a situation where you may meet someone you prefer to the person you are supposedly in a loving relationship with ,so sorry its a slippery road to seperation hugs
Do you disagree with couples swinging in that case?no I don't disagree with personal choice I just think it will for most end in disaster ,its like smoking it doesn't kill everyone it doesn't do them any good health wise ,swinging can be great fun and some will survive but many will flounder but your choice ,swinging exists for a reason ,is that reason and I am referring that to couples because I see couples as the basis of swinging ,is the reason because your sex lives have become dull and theirs a need to spice them up ? I know a woman on here who's married and says she loves her husband ,he took her to a club one time watched several guys fuck his wife and hated it so refused to go again and said she wasn't to either but she loved it and has carried on doing it without his knowledge "
I disagree with you there Hun!
I think whether a couple will survive and thrive swinging depends on their attitudes/motives! If one feels coerced into doing it for the other, or they're doing it to spice up a stagnant sex life - then yes I agree they're just delaying the inevitable split!
However - a lot of couples (and the only ones I'll play with) swing because, like me they adore sex! They have a great sex life with their partner and swinging is merely an extension of that - the icing on an already great cake! If you adore great sex and you and your partner don't have the 'jealousy gene' - then swinging is perfect for you!! Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't think humans are naturally monogamous so I understand that it is difficult for couples to stick to it.
However I think there are two types of cheating: purely sexual (without emotional connection, these are more the anonymous types, one offs) and emotional cheating (where a relationship develops).
Only the second type is truly damaging."
this makes good sense |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If they lie about it, sneak about behind someones back and neglect the relationship then it can break that relationship. Intimacy cannot happen without trust, you break trust and you've ruined everything.
Prearranged 'cheating' where everyone is happy with that seems to work for many couples on here i noticed. I wouldn't really call being honest with each other cheating anyway.
Sex isn't everything about a relationship, people have many different types of relationships with different people too. I can see how it would work.
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By *ndm4444Man
over a year ago
Tonbridge |
"If a relationship develops from an affair, then the marriage was already in trouble before the affair even started."
I agree the most important word being 'affair' that normally involves personal emotions (particularly from the female) whereas swinging is all about lust. Many famous men have been happy to let their wifes play whilst remaining faithful. In my view (some will shoot me down in flames)several one nighters with different partners is far easier to understand and forgive than an affair; even when it's short lived. |
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"
However I think there are two types of cheating: purely sexual (without emotional connection, these are more the anonymous types, one offs) and emotional cheating (where a relationship develops).
Only the second type is truly damaging."
I disagree, where there is broken trust, there is damage. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
However I think there are two types of cheating: purely sexual (without emotional connection, these are more the anonymous types, one offs) and emotional cheating (where a relationship develops).
Only the second type is truly damaging.
I disagree, where there is broken trust, there is damage."
I agree too, however if someone is strong enough and willing to forget and move on it could be fixed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most people assume that discovering your partner is cheating is the end of a relationship. It isn't always. I think I depends on how strong the relationship is and the reasons behind the cheating. I think those people that are right for each other will stay together through pretty much anything. Those that fall apart were just not meant to be. I think it's a very blinkered view to say that cheating always harms a relationship. "
I'm inclined to agree.I think people are far better at seperating sex from relationships these days.
BTW your profile picture is mesmerising. |
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I think people have always accepted or turned a blind eye to infidelity for any number of reasons.
In my opinion therapy would be honest discussion between partners and reaching a resolution both parties were comfortable with rather than one going off and the other ignoring it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Flicking through Glamour, this article catches my eye.
Infidelity was once the heart-shattering end of love. (I don't agree with the once bit) But with 42% of us open to forgiveness, experts now argue that it can make- not break- a relationship.
An example written here... In one married couple, the wife allows her husband of 9 years to pursue other women when he's out with him make teacher colleagues, he wants a baby, she wants a career, flings are their trade off until she is ready.
Are you for or against, cheating: the new therapy? in a loving relationship I don't believe any good will come of it ,we as humans created monogamous relationships which in turn create a stable environment for families to be nurtured but monogamous is not a natural response its a psychological response based on guilt,morals and a social commitment ,meeting other people for sex creates a situation where you may meet someone you prefer to the person you are supposedly in a loving relationship with ,so sorry its a slippery road to seperation hugs
Do you disagree with couples swinging in that case?no I don't disagree with personal choice I just think it will for most end in disaster ,its like smoking it doesn't kill everyone it doesn't do them any good health wise ,swinging can be great fun and some will survive but many will flounder but your choice ,swinging exists for a reason ,is that reason and I am referring that to couples because I see couples as the basis of swinging ,is the reason because your sex lives have become dull and theirs a need to spice them up ? I know a woman on here who's married and says she loves her husband ,he took her to a club one time watched several guys fuck his wife and hated it so refused to go again and said she wasn't to either but she loved it and has carried on doing it without his knowledge
I disagree with you there Hun!
I think whether a couple will survive and thrive swinging depends on their attitudes/motives! If one feels coerced into doing it for the other, or they're doing it to spice up a stagnant sex life - then yes I agree they're just delaying the inevitable split!
However - a lot of couples (and the only ones I'll play with) swing because, like me they adore sex! They have a great sex life with their partner and swinging is merely an extension of that - the icing on an already great cake! If you adore great sex and you and your partner don't have the 'jealousy gene' - then swinging is perfect for you!! Xx"
but that green eyed monster is the major floor in your argument ,you think it has alluded you but one day you will be affected by it it gets us all at some point x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most people assume that discovering your partner is cheating is the end of a relationship. It isn't always. I think I depends on how strong the relationship is and the reasons behind the cheating. I think those people that are right for each other will stay together through pretty much anything. Those that fall apart were just not meant to be. I think it's a very blinkered view to say that cheating always harms a relationship. "
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