FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How'd you let someone down gently...?
How'd you let someone down gently...?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Back story... I've known someone for seven or eight years - he lives down in Manchester so we don't see each other too often at all, twice a year at least. Anyway, he knows I'm on Fab, knows I'm seeing someone, knows I'm not interested in monogamous relationships... but now is the time he chooses to tell me how much he likes me. If he'd have told me that even just a year ago I'd have been over joyed -as I dropped never ending hints about how much I did like him - but now I've kind of moved on  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Awww that's really sweet but I'm sorry I'm with someone these days.
And I don't think we'd really work out anyway, hey how about my friend *insert whoever you want to throw under the rebound bus*" |
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This has happened to me too. The boat had sailed by the time he was ready and life is all about timing. You can't change the way you feel so if it's too late, it's too late. Just be kind and be honest.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This has happened to me too. The boat had sailed by the time he was ready and life is all about timing. You can't change the way you feel so if it's too late, it's too late. Just be kind and be honest. "
I think kind and honest are the key words here! How about just explaining it to him the way you did in the opening post? |
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"Back story... I've known someone for seven or eight years - he lives down in Manchester so we don't see each other too often at all, twice a year at least. Anyway, he knows I'm on Fab, knows I'm seeing someone, knows I'm not interested in monogamous relationships... but now is the time he chooses to tell me how much he likes me. If he'd have told me that even just a year ago I'd have been over joyed -as I dropped never ending hints about how much I did like him - but now I've kind of moved on "
just be honest and tell the truth, good luck OP hope all works out for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah I had this with my ex husband!! He decided to wait ten months to write me a bloody letter and when I was on a bloody date!!! Had the day of my life (maybe a little too over the top choice of words there) then I get back to see my kids, there he is flowers, letter and photos of us, no my dear too late!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh, that's better. I've just told him I've moved on and he said that's fine... after he gave me the "needy puppy" act last night I'm not too sure  "
What he says with his mouth will not be what he thinks, part of him is probably thinking "she only felt like that last year, she could feel that way again if I act the right way/say the right thing." If you don't want to string him along you need to make sure he knows you've closed the door. If he still carries on with the sad puppy act then you'll have to be harsh and cut contact for a while. It's kinder to him and you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had a few really lovely rejections on here, not quite the same I know, but basically saying 'you're not my type' without actually saying 'you're not my type'! 
Something along the lines of you're too busy right now or not ready for commitment etc etc should do the trick, something that doesn't actually say 'no way Jose' but but creates a diversion - most people *should* be savvy enough to understand the underlying message! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've had a few really lovely rejections on here, not quite the same I know, but basically saying 'you're not my type' without actually saying 'you're not my type'!
Something along the lines of you're too busy right now or not ready for commitment etc etc should do the trick, something that doesn't actually say 'no way Jose' but but creates a diversion - most people *should* be savvy enough to understand the underlying message! "
I think that would just give the guy false hopes. I think clarity is key. Say what you mean and mean what you say. |
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You don't need to explain that if he'd expressed this at some other point he may have been in with a chance.
Just reinforce your love for him as a friend, and that this is all it is. I know it may be hard biting your tongue but if you're not really clear and direct, you could leave him with regrets or hopes that things could still be different. You won't be leading him on this way, and it's the fairest and kindest thing to do. And you both can keep your relationship within boundaries. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've had a few really lovely rejections on here, not quite the same I know, but basically saying 'you're not my type' without actually saying 'you're not my type'!
Something along the lines of you're too busy right now or not ready for commitment etc etc should do the trick, something that doesn't actually say 'no way Jose' but but creates a diversion - most people *should* be savvy enough to understand the underlying message!
I think that would just give the guy false hopes. I think clarity is key. Say what you mean and mean what you say."
True. I guess it all depends how receptive they are to the underlying message. If they *still* think there's hope then I guess you're definitely right! |
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By *ochardMan
over a year ago
St. Ives |
"How about - you had your chance a year ago , and now I've moved on . So don't bother me again and hope you find what you really want , like I have .
"
Well, the best thing is to be honest, but yeah, maybe everything up until the first comma is fine. After that, seems confrontational and won't help matters.
Just say he's late, and you're happy with your life now. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Personally it sounds like he was in a relationship with someone, that has stopped so now he wants to try with the Op, maybe I too am being too cynical. "
Lol, no. He's been single for the past year.  |
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