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How do you motivate yourself?
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
I am looking to make some drastic changes to my life over the next six months. However, I can’t get past ‘the fear’ as a stumbling block.
Every time I keep thinking ‘I’m going to do this’ all I can think about is how difficult this will be and think of the risks rather than the possible benefits this change may/will bring to me and my life.
How can I get past this fear factor? Have you made any drastic changes to your life and are you glad you did it?
Any contribution is greatly appreciated.
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Yes we recently made huge life changes over the past year to eighteen months.
I'm afraid I can't give you ways to overcome the fear factor because I just dived in headfirst and trusted to luck/fate whatever you want to call it. I knew (we both knew) we needed to get off the treadmill and I compared it to stepping off a cliff and choosing to fly rather than fall.
We haven't looked back  .
Do it, take the plunge, step over the edge |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its a tough one.
Routine is comforting.
I sold my first house at 22 and went to Africa. Gave up my job. I planned to emigrate there but was back in a year.
I spunked all I had and came back with nothing.
My life would be different now, maybe better, but I don't regret it.
I like to think I'm a better person for it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Get a pen and piece of paper, write down the pros and cons of how your life is now, then write down the pros and cons of how your life would be after you make the changes. But when you do it, be honest. You say 'the fear' is stopping you, so when you do the llists don't miss anything off, you need to be able to see how these changes will benefit you, rather than thinking them and allowing yourself to talk yourself out if it.
If you have someone you could tell whatyyou'd like to change, then do it! When changes take place, you need people around supporting you and helping you where required. You need to have the benefits of these life changing events in your mind constantly, these should be the biggest influence for you to do it.
Maybe start of with one, which would bethe ssmallest and feel achievement from it, then you know you can pass that hurdle and continue, with the fear becoming less of an obstacle and more of a challenge that can be defeated |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I took it like the Chinese proverb...a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step!.
Fear of failure, is a human instinct, but so is picking yourself up and moving on.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Take a deep breath, think of the positives and ultimately whats the worse that can happen?
Try talking to the fear - I know that sounds strange but it never hurts
Good luck, I hope you conquer the fear - after all the only thing to fear, is fear itself xx
Sara |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have adult children so,if everything goes really bad for me I can live with one of them. I'm not afraid of having no money but I wouldn't like to be living on the street. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The fear is healthy, it tells you that you have things that you value and that you don't want to fail. Don't let the fear rule you though, let it keep you focussed and use it to be thorough. |
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I do lists and research and plan and organise - my way of attempting to control the uncontrollable as what I can't plan for is how other people will act or respond.
My advice? Just do it.  (with planning)  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always have a plan b , plan c.
If it involves a financial commitment...remember it works on paper.. You need an emergency fund, no matter what.
If you don't do what you're planning, will you regret it? If the answer is yes.. Go... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How do I do it?
I just take that first step and carry on from there.
You can sit and plan and think and prevarication all you like, but you'll get nothing done until you start. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Toss a coin. If you then want to do "2 out of 3", you know what your subconscious thinks you should do."
Should I take an afternoon off and fuck a fab friend blindfolded on the shower.... Heads...
Damn... 2 out of three
Heads...
Damn, best of 5... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wrote this on another thread a while ago but it will apply here as well,
I read an interview a while back with Jason Kenny (Olympic cycling gold medalist) and he said a sports psychologist told him motivation is an emotion and like all emotions it comes and it goes, don't ever rely on on motivation, to do anything because it will let you down, instead rely on your commitment to something, set out a plan and stick to it even when your motivation is low, in fact especially when your motivation is low because you will get more out of it if you do it even though your not motivated you will get a better feeling of pride and achievement than if you did it with motivation,
So don't wait for motivation to carry you through just do it and commit to it and you will feel amazing about all your accomplishments |
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By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago
North West |
"I am looking to make some drastic changes to my life over the next six months. However, I can’t get past ‘the fear’ as a stumbling block.
Every time I keep thinking ‘I’m going to do this’ all I can think about is how difficult this will be and think of the risks rather than the possible benefits this change may/will bring to me and my life.
How can I get past this fear factor? Have you made any drastic changes to your life and are you glad you did it?
Any contribution is greatly appreciated.
"
Look for a life coach. They may be able to help you with this. It really is about how you think about things and you can train your mind to think differently. If you want to change the way you think, a good life Coach will be able to help you do it. You must prepare and be willing to be challenged. |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"I am looking to make some drastic changes to my life over the next six months. However, I can’t get past ‘the fear’ as a stumbling block.
Every time I keep thinking ‘I’m going to do this’ all I can think about is how difficult this will be and think of the risks rather than the possible benefits this change may/will bring to me and my life.
How can I get past this fear factor? Have you made any drastic changes to your life and are you glad you did it?
Any contribution is greatly appreciated.
Look for a life coach. They may be able to help you with this. It really is about how you think about things and you can train your mind to think differently. If you want to change the way you think, a good life Coach will be able to help you do it. You must prepare and be willing to be challenged."
My main thing is I always put myself down as I work in accounts but I am not qualified in anyway apart form 20 years experience.....So yes I have had a life coach with work before and yes she did make a lot of sense and yes I did believe and understand her thinking at the time, unfortunately it doesn't take long before those nagging little doubts tend to creep back in.
And that I think is part of what is holding me back, and what I need to conquer |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
I am resurrecting this thread in case others have a thinking along the same lines:
Plus a forumite has threatened me for regular updates as I said I needed a constant kick up the arse!
So Yes now in the positive attitude: I have done job research in the area I am thinking of relocating to and whilst not in the same range it is a livable range until I find my feet. Unless they think I am over qualified  (who wouldn't want a Mercedes for the price of a Mini?
So the six month plan is under way! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am resurrecting this thread in case others have a thinking along the same lines:
Plus a forumite has threatened me for regular updates as I said I needed a constant kick up the arse!
So Yes now in the positive attitude: I have done job research in the area I am thinking of relocating to and whilst not in the same range it is a livable range until I find my feet. Unless they think I am over qualified (who wouldn't want a Mercedes for the price of a Mini?
So the six month plan is under way! "
There you go! You are already taking the first step well done |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wrote this on another thread a while ago but it will apply here as well,
I read an interview a while back with Jason Kenny (Olympic cycling gold medalist) and he said a sports psychologist told him motivation is an emotion and like all emotions it comes and it goes, don't ever rely on on motivation, to do anything because it will let you down, instead rely on your commitment to something, set out a plan and stick to it even when your motivation is low, in fact especially when your motivation is low because you will get more out of it if you do it even though your not motivated you will get a better feeling of pride and achievement than if you did it with motivation,
So don't wait for motivation to carry you through just do it and commit to it and you will feel amazing about all your accomplishments"
I like that. |
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"Toss a coin. If you then want to do "2 out of 3", you know what your subconscious thinks you should do.
This might be the best approach  "
home price comparisons, employment stats and well I'll email it when it's edited and makes sense.
You've talked about it years. I don't think you over come fear, more you acknowledge it, accept it but refuse to allow it to hold you back.
Do what you think is best for you, you know you x x |
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"I wrote this on another thread a while ago but it will apply here as well,
I read an interview a while back with Jason Kenny (Olympic cycling gold medalist) and he said a sports psychologist told him motivation is an emotion and like all emotions it comes and it goes, don't ever rely on on motivation, to do anything because it will let you down, instead rely on your commitment to something, set out a plan and stick to it even when your motivation is low, in fact especially when your motivation is low because you will get more out of it if you do it even though your not motivated you will get a better feeling of pride and achievement than if you did it with motivation,
So don't wait for motivation to carry you through just do it and commit to it and you will feel amazing about all your accomplishments"
I like this too!
I really need to try this too!
I have no advice OP but I can say that sometimes it takes the first step to make a start. If you do that then follow your gut because it's never wrong. If it feels right when you start the keep going. If not then you still have time to stop. Either way, at least you'll have tried.
Lots of luck x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am looking to make some drastic changes to my life over the next six months. However, I can’t get past ‘the fear’ as a stumbling block.
Every time I keep thinking ‘I’m going to do this’ all I can think about is how difficult this will be and think of the risks rather than the possible benefits this change may/will bring to me and my life.
How can I get past this fear factor? Have you made any drastic changes to your life and are you glad you did it?
Any contribution is greatly appreciated.
"
Google George Zaluki.
Find Profile of a Champion audio disc.
Purchase.
Listen.
Understand.
Do.
Read Rhinoceros Success.
That is all.
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I am crap at motivating myself. I wish I had the balls to just move away or jack my job in! Or even just sort my house out!
I've motivated myself to complete my qualification (nearly!) because I had it in my head that I wanted to do it ASAP in case settling down with someone and kids came along.
Right from the start I imposed a deadline of my 30th birthday on finishing my exams.. I overran that by 2 months but it was what kept me driving forwards
Just plan as much as you can. You seem similar to me, in that you need to know exactly what will happen. The more you plan, the more likely it will |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm sorry, I tried to write out some of my life to help you but some of the details I don't really want to post on a forum for all to see.
My life was really awful at once point, fat, suicidal and filled with rage, hate, shame and fear.
I hope you figure this out because even though i still have some fear my life is a 1000% better now xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm sorry, I tried to write out some of my life to help you but some of the details I don't really want to post on a forum for all to see.
My life was really awful at once point, fat, suicidal and filled with rage, hate, shame and fear.
I hope you figure this out because even though i still have some fear my life is a 1000% better now xx"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am looking to make some drastic changes to my life over the next six months. However, I can’t get past ‘the fear’ as a stumbling block.
Every time I keep thinking ‘I’m going to do this’ all I can think about is how difficult this will be and think of the risks rather than the possible benefits this change may/will bring to me and my life.
How can I get past this fear factor? Have you made any drastic changes to your life and are you glad you did it?
Any contribution is greatly appreciated.
"
Yes
Walked out of a job after around 15 years with nowhere to go and no idea what I wanted to do
Ended a relationship with a person I loved because it was destructive
Walked away from long standing friendship because that became overwhelming
Started a relationship with someone 24 years my junior despite protestations from friends and family alike
That was in about 4 months last year
My life is better and is enriched as a result
I regret not having the balls to do it earlier, but that said I do believe that things follow a sequence.
Sometimes you need a trigger to make you take that final leap of faith.
Hope you find the impetus to take that leap and that you realise the potential you crave and the liberties it brings x |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
Thank you to everyone who has contributed as I didn't expect any further posts.
I'm trying to remain positive and continue with research, job/house prices, will start to declutter in preparation and who knows what the future may hold x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you to everyone who has contributed as I didn't expect any further posts.
I'm trying to remain positive and continue with research, job/house prices, will start to declutter in preparation and who knows what the future may hold x"
Can you drive around the place you want to move to? I think it helps to get a feel for the place. It might give you more motivation as you'll be able to visualise yourself living there. Good luck. It's exciting. |
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By *plankyMan
over a year ago
Beeston |
Motivate yourself by imagining how it will be if it turns out well. Then put in the hard work to make it happen, and keep on trying.
But, if you sit down to list all the pros and cons, then ask a pack of advisers what to do about it ... then making a life changing decision is not really something you will ever do. Sorry. |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Thank you to everyone who has contributed as I didn't expect any further posts.
I'm trying to remain positive and continue with research, job/house prices, will start to declutter in preparation and who knows what the future may hold x
Can you drive around the place you want to move to? I think it helps to get a feel for the place. It might give you more motivation as you'll be able to visualise yourself living there. Good luck. It's exciting. "
This is going to sound stupid to a lot of people, but no I can't (I have a phobia about driving) And one of the reasons why I have put things off for so long.
So looking for an area with great transportation links etc. So all I need to do now is stick a pin in a map
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you to everyone who has contributed as I didn't expect any further posts.
I'm trying to remain positive and continue with research, job/house prices, will start to declutter in preparation and who knows what the future may hold x
Can you drive around the place you want to move to? I think it helps to get a feel for the place. It might give you more motivation as you'll be able to visualise yourself living there. Good luck. It's exciting.
This is going to sound stupid to a lot of people, but no I can't (I have a phobia about driving) And one of the reasons why I have put things off for so long.
So looking for an area with great transportation links etc. So all I need to do now is stick a pin in a map
"
Sorry I didn't know. It's not stupid at all. x
The map is a great idea, better than my daft car idea! Google maps is my favourite thing. Stick your pin in the map near a bus/ train station then get the Google guy walking around so you can see what the streets look like. All from the comfort of your sofa. |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Thank you to everyone who has contributed as I didn't expect any further posts.
I'm trying to remain positive and continue with research, job/house prices, will start to declutter in preparation and who knows what the future may hold x
Can you drive around the place you want to move to? I think it helps to get a feel for the place. It might give you more motivation as you'll be able to visualise yourself living there. Good luck. It's exciting.
This is going to sound stupid to a lot of people, but no I can't (I have a phobia about driving) And one of the reasons why I have put things off for so long.
So looking for an area with great transportation links etc. So all I need to do now is stick a pin in a map
Sorry I didn't know. It's not stupid at all. x
The map is a great idea, better than my daft car idea! Google maps is my favourite thing. Stick your pin in the map near a bus/ train station then get the Google guy walking around so you can see what the streets look like. All from the comfort of your sofa. "
I have been on google map but I didn't know you could do this! What a fantastic idea! Guess what I will be doing this weekend.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you to everyone who has contributed as I didn't expect any further posts.
I'm trying to remain positive and continue with research, job/house prices, will start to declutter in preparation and who knows what the future may hold x
Can you drive around the place you want to move to? I think it helps to get a feel for the place. It might give you more motivation as you'll be able to visualise yourself living there. Good luck. It's exciting.
This is going to sound stupid to a lot of people, but no I can't (I have a phobia about driving) And one of the reasons why I have put things off for so long.
So looking for an area with great transportation links etc. So all I need to do now is stick a pin in a map
Sorry I didn't know. It's not stupid at all. x
The map is a great idea, better than my daft car idea! Google maps is my favourite thing. Stick your pin in the map near a bus/ train station then get the Google guy walking around so you can see what the streets look like. All from the comfort of your sofa.
I have been on google map but I didn't know you could do this! What a fantastic idea! Guess what I will be doing this weekend.... "
Searching Fab in various postcode areas to figure out which ones have the hottest single guys...?   |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Thank you to everyone who has contributed as I didn't expect any further posts.
I'm trying to remain positive and continue with research, job/house prices, will start to declutter in preparation and who knows what the future may hold x
Can you drive around the place you want to move to? I think it helps to get a feel for the place. It might give you more motivation as you'll be able to visualise yourself living there. Good luck. It's exciting.
This is going to sound stupid to a lot of people, but no I can't (I have a phobia about driving) And one of the reasons why I have put things off for so long.
So looking for an area with great transportation links etc. So all I need to do now is stick a pin in a map
Sorry I didn't know. It's not stupid at all. x
The map is a great idea, better than my daft car idea! Google maps is my favourite thing. Stick your pin in the map near a bus/ train station then get the Google guy walking around so you can see what the streets look like. All from the comfort of your sofa.
I have been on google map but I didn't know you could do this! What a fantastic idea! Guess what I will be doing this weekend....
Searching Fab in various postcode areas to figure out which ones have the hottest single guys...? "
Now that reason for me moving was not my motivation in the slightest  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Excellent transport services etc in sunny Edinburgh......... 
Sorry but need to get out of Scotland! "
That bad eh!lol Fair dos Foxy,I hope it all works out for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I am looking to make some drastic changes to my life over the next six months. However, I can’t get past ‘the fear’ as a stumbling block.
Every time I keep thinking ‘I’m going to do this’ all I can think about is how difficult this will be and think of the risks rather than the possible benefits this change may/will bring to me and my life.
How can I get past this fear factor? Have you made any drastic changes to your life and are you glad you did it?
Any contribution is greatly appreciated.
"
There's this book, easy to use and you don't have to read it all, 'Mind over Mood'. |
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By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
Ok, I've been getting mixed views on this.
For work I could maybe get a transfer to Leeds, a friend has also suggested Liverpool, then someone else says to go Manchester!
Pro's and cons for each area if you have an opinion.....Where would you recommend starting over?
CV has been updated and looking to contact agencies soon so all input appreciated x |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
"Ok, I've been getting mixed views on this.
For work I could maybe get a transfer to Leeds, a friend has also suggested Liverpool, then someone else says to go Manchester!
Pro's and cons for each area if you have an opinion.....Where would you recommend starting over?
CV has been updated and looking to contact agencies soon so all input appreciated x"
Continuity of employment is a big plus... and Leeds is a great city. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Ok, I've been getting mixed views on this.
For work I could maybe get a transfer to Leeds, a friend has also suggested Liverpool, then someone else says to go Manchester!
Pro's and cons for each area if you have an opinion.....Where would you recommend starting over?
CV has been updated and looking to contact agencies soon so all input appreciated x"
You've definitely decided against Bristol then?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Get a pen and piece of paper, write down the pros and cons of how your life is now, then write down the pros and cons of how your life would be after you make the changes. But when you do it, be honest. You say 'the fear' is stopping you, so when you do the llists don't miss anything off, you need to be able to see how these changes will benefit you, rather than thinking them and allowing yourself to talk yourself out if it.
If you have someone you could tell whatyyou'd like to change, then do it! When changes take place, you need people around supporting you and helping you where required. You need to have the benefits of these life changing events in your mind constantly, these should be the biggest influence for you to do it.
Maybe start of with one, which would bethe ssmallest and feel achievement from it, then you know you can pass that hurdle and continue, with the fear becoming less of an obstacle and more of a challenge that can be defeated "
Sounds very much like what I was told to do when I eventually try and give up smoking.
Sound advice |
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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago
Stoke area |
I worked in Leeds as a nurse for 18 months and felt like an outsider. Not the friendliest of people ( ducks ready for angry Yorkshire folk ). But that was how I felt.
Manchester is a good area, for housing, jobs and things to do.
Liverpool would be my place of choice from those you suggested. House prices, culture and heritage and wonderful people.
But Sunny Stoke is great. Loads of cheap housing , brilliant countryside nearby, lots to do and lots of Sexy friendly people. Salaries not great, but suggest you include it in your research.
Good luck whatever you decide. |
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Over 4 years ago I left my ex of 22 years. I had planned to do it in year 1 
I lost my gorgeous home, my local support network, money, a beloved dog, my hot tub and for a while my sanity I think.
However, it was the BEST thing I could do and I am soooo happy now. In a tiny rented house too 
To get back on track I did a lot of 'work' on myself in terms of self help etc. Which got me to the point where I could start to fix things.
One step at a time. Or there is a '7 minute' theory. Set yourself only 7 minutes to work on a task. It's not that long at all. You can keep chipping away at them, or find you finish them anyway.
The thing I would say is, that no matter how hard it may seem, and for whatever reason, you have to just begin.
And if you are afraid of failure you need to learn that failure is an important part of personal/business etc. growth too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd suggest going to a larger city or one near others, that will be great for transport. Any of the northern ones are great, Manchester, Leeds etc.
I don't think the city will be the problem, I'm sure there are plenty of choices and you'll go with the right choice in the end
As for a target, think of what you want. If you can form a habit then you can achieve it a lot easier. A simple example would be to save better:
a) no spending during work hours - make your own lunch etc
b) book ahead for all planned journeys to save on trains etc
c) save 10% of wages each month for a treat fund / rainy day money
Basically break down the goal into achievable ones so you develop better habits, and stick to it. You'll get there, if you want it enough |
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"Ok, I've been getting mixed views on this.
For work I could maybe get a transfer to Leeds, a friend has also suggested Liverpool, then someone else says to go Manchester!
Pro's and cons for each area if you have an opinion.....Where would you recommend starting over?
CV has been updated and looking to contact agencies soon so all input appreciated x"
I like all 3 places not visited Leeds as much as the other 2. I would love to live in Manchester, but then I am more familiar with it having lived there for 3 years for uni. South Manchester would be my ideal location.. But then it is ridiculously expensive! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have friends and siblings who have moved to and settled in to all 3 of those cities. My preference based purely on visits would probably be Manchester, but I can imagine the stability of transferring your existing job could be quite helpful which is a big plus for Leeds. Either way it's exciting |
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I now mainly just do small steps, after a lifetime of huge leaps. I'm still up for the massive jumps but prefer to do this with stuff that I'm really excited about or when I can devote myself to things.
I don't berate myself if I decide to change course and this lessens the pressure and stresses. Nothing is that important that I can't take my time over it - for me the process is as important as the result.
But overall I do like to have things be really clear. I refocus on my objectives for doing things frequently. And I review and question myself all the time about how is whatever I'm doing helping me to achieve my objectives. If it's not, or isn't the best way to do that, then I adjust my behaviour. It's all about the objectives.
And coupled with that focus on my objectives, I also remain focused on what my motivation is for seeking them.
Overall if I'm not suitably motivated, I'd prefer to be honest with myself and question if I'm really wanting or ready for something.
And as I said, as I've matured I really do take my time over things generally. The secret is to find your own way and to be honest about any barriers you may have.
Good luck! |
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