FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Deleting messages without reading them

Deleting messages without reading them

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

This may cause a bit of a stir,but what is the general opinion of people deleting messages without reading them? I get that there is bombarding and peoples inboxes getting full,but if you read a profile,fit the description and send a polite message,only to have it ignored and deleted,is that just a bit rude? or is that a normal practice?

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

it's normal for some......

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By *annooWoman over a year ago

Hastings

Normal

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It doesn't bother me as I never check the send folder lol.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This may cause a bit of a stir,but what is the general opinion of people deleting messages without reading them? I get that there is bombarding and peoples inboxes getting full,but if you read a profile,fit the description and send a polite message,only to have it ignored and deleted,is that just a bit rude? or is that a normal practice?"
They will have looked at your profile before reading or deciding not to.....its common practice really as who wants to engage into something they do not require

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why shouldn't people? Another thread which boils down to: people don't act the way I want so this must be wrong.

There are no norms of behaviour that people have to conform to in order to join this site.

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By *ome Social With UsCouple (FF) over a year ago

East Midlands

You can see from pre_iew text before opening a message how the message is going to go, if it's evident that profile hasn't been read I'll delete without reading.

I just find it rude to message people without taking the time to actually read the profile first to see if your a match etc

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its a bit like getting junk email, unsolicited phone calls etc-some will, some won't.

Look at it as a filtering process in reverse. If its something you consider impolite, would you want to meet them anyway? x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Even if you think you fit their description, you may not.

Attraction is entirely subjective and deletion is their way of advising that you're not for them.

Xxxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Normal. I don't interact with anyone i have no interest in.

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By *andybeachWoman over a year ago

In the middle

I just delete at the moment, I'm not looking for meets, it says it on my profile and it's not my fault if people can't take that in and simply don't send me a message

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By *sianmale89Man over a year ago

Stockport

everyone deals with their messages in which ever way they can mister wayne...

I take the approach of just mailing them back either a regular message to see where it goes or if its some thing i'm not looking for I just kindly state it really..

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By *gianMan over a year ago

newcastle

I think its probably different between men and women I always answer messages I think it's the polite thing to do. but if you are a female with 200 + messages its understandable to bulk delete messages or filter through them. If you reply to them all they could be on for ages

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You can see from pre_iew text before opening a message how the message is going to go, if it's evident that profile hasn't been read I'll delete without reading.

I just find it rude to message people without taking the time to actually read the profile first to see if your a match etc"

Well, as the op said, he's referring to polite messages sent having read the profile and he thinks he fits what they are looking for.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Send a message and then delete it, that way you will never know if its read deleted or just sat there, it takes the stress out of it, also that way its a nice surprise if you get a reply

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I look at the profile before deciding whether to open the message or delete it - Empty or crap profiles are an instant delete, or if the person really isn't what I'm looking for I just hit delete. I used to always send a nice "thanks for your message but you're not what I'm looking for" message but about 50% of the time this either led to a "Why not, Hun" or an abusive response ("how dare you not want to shag me!"). So I now no longer bother.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I look at the profile before deciding whether to open the message or delete it - Empty or crap profiles are an instant delete, or if the person really isn't what I'm looking for I just hit delete. I used to always send a nice "thanks for your message but you're not what I'm looking for" message but about 50% of the time this either led to a "Why not, Hun" or an abusive response ("how dare you not want to shag me!"). So I now no longer bother. "

I agree with this. When you reply to say you're not interested it opens a dialogue that can go in for a while.

There just aren't enough hours in the day for all that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree with this. When you reply to say you're not interested it opens a dialogue that can go in for a while.

There just aren't enough hours in the day for all that. "

One of the most frequent responses to my "thanks but no thanks" message was for the declined party to reply with "well I wouldn't fuck someone as ugly / fat / rude etc as you anyway" - chaaaaaaarming

Babies who throw toys out of the cot really aren't well suited to swinging.

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By *sianmale89Man over a year ago

Stockport

I feel a bit bad sometimes though..... I sometimes get messaged once in a while by some attractive verified TS/TV ladies who would like to meet me...

then I have to kindly reject, even though I find some of them attractive I'm not gay or bi etc though....

if I was I probably could have had 3 meets by now in my time being here.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I do it......or they just sit there unread

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By *ome Social With UsCouple (FF) over a year ago

East Midlands

You can see from pre_iew text before opening a message how the message is going to go, if it's evident that profile hasn't been read I'll delete without reading.

I just find it rude to message people without taking the time to actually read the profile first to see if your a match etc

Well, as the op said, he's referring to polite messages sent having read the profile and he thinks he fits what they are looking for. "

Most polite messages we get from men thinking they fit the bill, haven't read our profile.

So your point is?

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

how do yo know they are deleted without being read?

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By *aneandpaulCouple over a year ago

cleveleys

We try to get back to every one i like younger Paul loves watching me with younger says that on profile so the should take that as red

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Does it really matter if someone elects not to read every message they receive...

What's the value of trying to deduce why a disinterested stranger choose to delete without reading.

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By *ulie and PaulCouple over a year ago

stockportish

When messages only have about 4 or 5 words in them there is no reason to open them as you can see all of the message without opening them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Send me a message I promise I'll read it....then delete it

Haha only kidding

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When people decide to join fabswingers,or any other swinging site,at what point of the joining process do they get the impression everyone is well mannered?

Have a look around you,in your normal day to day life,is everyone living a utopian lifestyle of good manners and well being?

Swingers come from every walk of life,some better mannered than others,and some,just so intolerent of receiving the same drivel day in day out,they simply delete n don't give it a second thought.

The site rules say it's not ill mannered to not reply and to accept a no reply as not interested.

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By *oxy_minxWoman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

Most of my messages are so dire they are not worth reading, especially after checking out the profile to start with.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Always try and answer a message when we can. However currently engaged in a protracted 3 day long why won't you meet me conversation with a male. It's far easier sometimes to have a quick peak at the profile make a decision and either delete without opening or reply.

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

"You can see from pre_iew text before opening a message how the message is going to go, if it's evident that profile hasn't been read I'll delete without reading.

I just find it rude to message people without taking the time to actually read the profile first to see if your a match etc"

Totally agree with Miss D

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You can see from pre_iew text before opening a message how the message is going to go, if it's evident that profile hasn't been read I'll delete without reading.

I just find it rude to message people without taking the time to actually read the profile first to see if your a match etc

Well, as the op said, he's referring to polite messages sent having read the profile and he thinks he fits what they are looking for.

Most polite messages we get from men thinking they fit the bill, haven't read our profile.

So your point is?"

My point is that the op was refer the response he gets even though he's read the profile. Your response was about those that didn't even though you quoted him.

Perhaps you didn't read what he wrote?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

how do yo know they are deleted without being read?"

It shows in your 'sent' folder if it was read and if it's been deleted.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You can see from pre_iew text before opening a message how the message is going to go, if it's evident that profile hasn't been read I'll delete without reading.

I just find it rude to message people without taking the time to actually read the profile first to see if your a match etc

Well, as the op said, he's referring to polite messages sent having read the profile and he thinks he fits what they are looking for.

Most polite messages we get from men thinking they fit the bill, haven't read our profile.

So your point is?

My point is that the op was refer the response he gets even though he's read the profile. Your response was about those that didn't even though you quoted him.

Perhaps you didn't read what he wrote? "

We get many messages where folk say they have read the profile,when in fact they haven't,or else they just choose to see the parts they want to see and ignore the rest

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

the way we look at it is

in your regular email hotmail etc ,do you open all mail ?

i can bet you dont

thats why we just delete some without opening

shit pics or one liners all get booted

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I do this when you can read the entire message in the pre_iew, usually how's you or nice pics messages.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You can see from pre_iew text before opening a message how the message is going to go, if it's evident that profile hasn't been read I'll delete without reading.

I just find it rude to message people without taking the time to actually read the profile first to see if your a match etc

Well, as the op said, he's referring to polite messages sent having read the profile and he thinks he fits what they are looking for.

Most polite messages we get from men thinking they fit the bill, haven't read our profile.

So your point is?

My point is that the op was refer the response he gets even though he's read the profile. Your response was about those that didn't even though you quoted him.

Perhaps you didn't read what he wrote?

We get many messages where folk say they have read the profile,when in fact they haven't,or else they just choose to see the parts they want to see and ignore the rest"

Same here. Most only ever look at my pics. I get a lot of 'typed whilst wanking' messages.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Quite agree with you there, lot of people don,t seem to be able to read profiles properly.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sometimes people message from miles away, other times I read thier profile and they can,t host when I state I am looking for people who can. So I would delete without reading. Can,t reply to all messages, too time consuming.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Agree with you there, and I find also if I say too far away sender get stroppy and asks why.

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By *hortieWoman over a year ago

Northampton

If they have clearly read my profile (i.e they are local and what I am looking for) then I will reply even if its a no thanks.

If they are outside what I am looking for, I don't bother replying anymore.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I will reply to anyone but then again my inbox isnt rammed so i can lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I will reply to anyone but then again my inbox isnt rammed so i can lol "

My inbox is regularly rammed

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And don't forget messages are automatically deleted if left unread for a certain length of time !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

how do yo know they are deleted without being read?

It shows in your 'sent' folder if it was read and if it's been deleted. "

Unless, of course, people read the messages then go back in and mark them as unread

I wonder how many do this?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yep, that's normal practice, we do it all the time. Don't let it bother you too much.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

how do yo know they are deleted without being read?

It shows in your 'sent' folder if it was read and if it's been deleted.

Unless, of course, people read the messages then go back in and mark them as unread

I wonder how many do this?"

Does resetting it as unread do the same in the senders ent folder too? Did that make sense? I'm feeling confuffilated

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"If they have clearly read my profile (i.e they are local and what I am looking for) then I will reply even if its a no thanks.

If they are outside what I am looking for, I don't bother replying anymore. "

This!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You can often tell enough from the subject line and sender so that you don't have to read the message.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I look at profiles & have a sneaky look at photos first - if they're not what I like, bah bye.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I had an unsolicited friend request. I accepted, and sent a polite message saying 'Thank-you, it would be nice to find out a bit more about you'. Next time I checked, the message had been read and deleted, and the woman had removed me from her friend list. I thought that was a bit rude...

I can only figure she saw my (friends only) face pic and got put off.. I'm no Brad Pitt, but I'm no John Merrick either. Even so, having gone so far, I thought a short message of apology might've been nice.

Deleting without reading I can understand, for all the reasons above, but sometimes politeness is just the done thing.. in my humble opinion.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

It's been said a thousand times, and probably almost that on this thread.

The Fab guidelines state that the only thing that it's important to note about sent messages, are that no reply = no interest. It doesn't matter if it's unread, you're blocked, or the recipient is compiling a list of bad messages out of those that are received.

It doesn't matter what the norm is out in the wider world. The Fab norm is that you have to send a message and let go. If you get a response, just deal with it then as you see fit. Otherwise you need to have cast your interest elsewhere. And it doesn't matter if the recipient has had 1000 messages that day or just 1 message in the last 1000 days - if your message is not replied to, restrain yourself: recipients are fully appropriate if they have chosen to delete unread messages.

If people don't have thick skins to deal with this manner, then this site is probably not for them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This may cause a bit of a stir,but what is the general opinion of people deleting messages without reading them? I get that there is bombarding and peoples inboxes getting full,but if you read a profile,fit the description and send a polite message,only to have it ignored and deleted,is that just a bit rude? or is that a normal practice?"
it's a fairly regular complaint here but its a common problem that will fall on deaf ears, attractive women can have 400 messages plus that they can't possibly read or reply to so they delete without reading most of the time ,you will have to get used to it

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By *irtyGirlWoman over a year ago

Edinburgh

I only delete the shite.

I reply to the ones I open. Then I write a private note on their profile to amuse myself the next time they message me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Thank you Sophie! Filling in for BrightonSteve there!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I probably shouldn't say this but....

When I get messages, I first _iew there profile first and if I don't like them I won't read there message, and I leave it unread until it disappears off my inbox list

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Most people send messages that short you can read without opening them. If I check there profile and there not for me I delete. Perhaps it's rude but when i ve replied and politely declined not many take no for an answer

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If someone deletes a message I've sent them it's their choice. Doesn't bother me in the slightest.

What bothers me is when I see posts about people who can't take no for an answer. I'm only 20 so one of the younger guys on this site. Yet it seems to me that I'm more mature than alot of people here

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By *mmabluTV/TS over a year ago

upton wirral

When the message is 3 or 4 words you do not have to open it to read it,some messages are one word so I just delete it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hi, how's u - delete

No pic avatar - delete

Same guy as last week, doesn't even know who he's messaged - delete

Obviously not read a word of my profile - delete

Im in your area, lucky you - delete

...

The list is endless.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

how do yo know they are deleted without being read?

It shows in your 'sent' folder if it was read and if it's been deleted.

Unless, of course, people read the messages then go back in and mark them as unread

I wonder how many do this?

Does resetting it as unread do the same in the senders ent folder too? Did that make sense? I'm feeling confuffilated

perfect sense! Yes it does, I know this as I tried it with a friend I was messaging! First our messages showed as read, then we both reset our respective messages as unread, and our messages appeared as unread in each other's inboxes!

It's possibly a good tip if you dip in and read when they're offline?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"the way we look at it is

in your regular email hotmail etc ,do you open all mail ?

i can bet you dont

thats why we just delete some without opening

shit pics or one liners all get booted"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Send a message and then delete it, that way you will never know if its read deleted or just sat there, it takes the stress out of it, also that way its a nice surprise if you get a reply"

It's what I do

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If I get too many messages I'll sometimes delete the whole lot without reading. Think it's normal practice but unfortunately some guys take it to heart.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I hate this. It is rude! If at all possible one should show good grace and manners to reply even if it's a no Thankyou.

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By *aucy tiggerWoman over a year ago

Back where I belong

I currently have 200 unread messages in my in box - I have no option but to delete those with no profile pic, those that send 3 word comments and another's that rake my fancy without reading them ??

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"I had an unsolicited friend request. I accepted, and sent a polite message saying 'Thank-you, it would be nice to find out a bit more about you'. Next time I checked, the message had been read and deleted, and the woman had removed me from her friend list. I thought that was a bit rude...

Deleting without reading I can understand, for all the reasons above, but sometimes politeness is just the done thing.. in my humble opinion."

Sometimes people are their own worst enemy and leave themselves open. There are those who on the strength of one message will jump in their car, drive hundreds of miles hoping for a shag to turn up an industrial estate and not the Playboy mansion they were promised.

Then there are those, happy to get a friend request, accept expecting things to go further surprised when they're then blocked.

We all use the site to suit us, but honestly, if I went arse about face I wouldn't complain if things went tits up!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I probably shouldn't say this but....

When I get messages, I first _iew there profile first and if I don't like them I won't read there message, and I leave it unread until it disappears off my inbox list

I do the same

I also open some messages if there is no pics on their profile but one attached to message and if I don't like it mark the message as unread and leave it

Loads do it there's no shame

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By *errygTV/TS over a year ago

denton

soon as i see hi x, etc i delete block

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

they might have clicked on your profile - and decided youre not for them and deleted - some just get too many messages and get rid en masse

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