FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Single mums

Single mums

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'm one, how do you manage to swing? My daughter , nearly 9 refuses to see her dad on very good grounds. How does a 24/7 mum manage. No negative comments please.

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By *o new WinksMan over a year ago

BSE

School time.

School hols get very quiet on here

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By *ilmiss75Woman over a year ago

Thornton

I've been a single mum for 18 years and managed lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Can you not get a babysitter?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No grandparents to look after her whilst you play ?

No sleepovers with cousins or friends ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm a single mum of 5 thankfully they are all thirteen and over......eldest being 23 ,I try to meet when younger ones are at school but if it's an evening meet I'm lucky that eldest babysits for me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Milf day at a club nearby. Check the listing and good luck. Xxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

School hours if im off work and granny came in handy too but lucky mines is 17 now so dusnt bother wen i go out

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When she's at school?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Im a single mum to a nearly 3 year old who sees her sperm donor rarely. I had a playmate but he is now in a relationship, I dont feel able to meet at the moment for various reasons - and it bites!

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

[Removed by poster at 15/10/15 20:36:21]

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

Wrong thread

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

No grandparents

not many men can meet in school hours when I'm not working.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Would you pay a babysitter?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Awww hunny its soooo hard and no one seems to get it, I don't even have grandparents to help xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Same way couples do i suspect.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I would if I could find a decent reliable one.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

They dont have any friends for sleepovers? And you dont have any friends you'd trust to look after them? My son does stay at his dads sometimes but he also has sleepovers at his friends houses and at my friends houses.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm one, how do you manage to swing? My daughter , nearly 9 refuses to see her dad on very good grounds. How does a 24/7 mum manage. No negative comments please."
baby sitters maybe

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

no sleepovers , long story.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"They dont have any friends for sleepovers? And you dont have any friends you'd trust to look after them? My son does stay at his dads sometimes but he also has sleepovers at his friends houses and at my friends houses."

It's not she [single] doesn't have any friends for sleepovers and it's not I don't have any friends I trust! Jeeze unless you know the full story and our reasons don't be so judgemental , not everyone has a super duper straightforward life.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

To be fair op you asked how others manage it, not how you could manage it with undisclosed issues

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By *epper123Woman over a year ago

London

I am a single mum who works full time (and more). I did not meet or date when my kids were younger - until my oldest could babysit. No family near and work during the day. I never went out on late meets and often only had a few hours on a Sunday.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Eh who stole your scone? There was no judgement and you asked how i managed it so i told you. Take a deep breath and calm down.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Single mum here with a full time job. My eldest looks after the youngest sometimes. Otherwise, I have to wait until they see their dad (irregularly) for some 'me time'.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm one, how do you manage to swing? My daughter , nearly 9 refuses to see her dad on very good grounds. How does a 24/7 mum manage. No negative comments please."

I'm a single dad of 3 in similar circumstances. The simple answer is - with great difficulty.

Thankfully though, mine are old enough that I can go out for an evening.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"To be fair op you asked how others manage it, not how you could manage it with undisclosed issues

To be fair I have to converse with other posters to give reasons to their questions wouldn't you say? They ask I answer.... It's how it works surely??

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"no sleepovers , long story."

a couple of suggestions that have worked for me over the years although they are not needed now..

contact an aupair agency.. and offer a local aupair who doesnt live with you to babysit for you..or for board and keep, you can get on for 35 pounds a week if they can attend college..

contact your local college.. there are usually loads of childcare training students or on similar courses, itching to get experience for their qualification...these can be mature and you can do your own vetting process x they tend to be reliable and professional as they want your testimony of them x

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By *emini1637Woman over a year ago

Warwickshire

I used to meet whilst mine was at school or weekends when my parents had her or she saw her father but I guess our circumstances are different to yours x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

*popcorn at the ready* Sits and reads in silence, can already see the tension brewing. This has the potential to be a CLASSIC!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"To be fair op you asked how others manage it, not how you could manage it with undisclosed issues

To be fair I have to converse with other posters to give reasons to their questions wouldn't you say? They ask I answer.... It's how it works surely?? "

Absolutely but you seemed to be a bit touchy in your responses to people who are merely giving you ideas

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/10/15 20:57:45]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you were in Cambridgeshire you'll be swamped by men lol. Start with quick booty calls and all of a sudden you get better at time management. Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Eh who stole your scone? There was no judgement and you asked how i managed it so i told you. Take a deep breath and calm down.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Grandparents

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Who put 50p in you?

Eh who stole your scone? There was no judgement and you asked how i managed it so i told you. Take a deep breath and calm down.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Grandparents "

Unfortunately none as said before

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Grandparents "

That's how hubby and i do it.....can't do it that often as they live miles away and it involves them having to have the kids for a weekend and there are only so many excuses we can come up with!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"To be fair op you asked how others manage it, not how you could manage it with undisclosed issues

To be fair I have to converse with other posters to give reasons to their questions wouldn't you say? They ask I answer.... It's how it works surely??

Absolutely but you seemed to be a bit touchy in your responses to people who are merely giving you ideas"

Not at all everyone but me is on their high horse I'm just saying it how it is. Really didn't expect this response.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Who's on their high horse on this thread?

Oh wait, here I am.

I think you just have to suck it up buttercup. You get the joy of having children, you have to put up with the 'inconvenience' too. Plenty of people can't, so my heart doesn't really bleed tbh. Some of the ideas like trying to meet during school hours sounded like good ideas to me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Grandparents

That's how hubby and i do it.....can't do it that often as they live miles away and it involves them having to have the kids for a weekend and there are only so many excuses we can come up with!"

As I've said I don't have living parents.., how many times do I have to type that until someone actually reads it !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Grandparents

That's how hubby and i do it.....can't do it that often as they live miles away and it involves them having to have the kids for a weekend and there are only so many excuses we can come up with!

As I've said I don't have living parents.., how many times do I have to type that until someone actually reads it !"

Then face facts that you can't meet until your kid has grown up.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Grandparents

That's how hubby and i do it.....can't do it that often as they live miles away and it involves them having to have the kids for a weekend and there are only so many excuses we can come up with!

As I've said I don't have living parents.., how many times do I have to type that until someone actually reads it !"

Wow. I totally understand why you're having problems finding someone to watch your child now. And i'm out.

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By *uxom redCouple over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Well I'm in Shrewsbury I'll baby sit for you. Red

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"To be fair op you asked how others manage it, not how you could manage it with undisclosed issues

To be fair I have to converse with other posters to give reasons to their questions wouldn't you say? They ask I answer.... It's how it works surely??

Absolutely but you seemed to be a bit touchy in your responses to people who are merely giving you ideas

Not at all everyone but me is on their high horse I'm just saying it how it is. Really didn't expect this response."

Welcome to the forums lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Who's on their high horse on this thread?

Oh wait, here I am.

Excuse me love my child is not an inconvenience and as a loving mother I would never refer to her as one so very politely wind your fat neck in and keep your opinions to yourself!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

One of the reasons I took a break for 4 years mine got to awkward ages and they come first x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think you are feeling a bit defensive OP, no one is attacking you.

I am a single mum- I meet when she isn't around Or get a babysitter. Ask around for one- take your time because trust is key x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Someone needs to chill the fuck out and maybe take stock of what's most important.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/10/15 21:14:59]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Who's on their high horse on this thread?

Oh wait, here I am.

Excuse me love my child is not an inconvenience and as a loving mother I would never refer to her as one so very politely wind your fat neck in and keep your opinions to yourself!!!"

Well don't act like she is one then. People are suggesting sensible options, none of them are possible - well maybe you'll just have to hold off from swinging till she grows up.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

To be honest, my child comes first before my sex life. I'm a single parent too so I would find it hard to get a babysitter but I'm not all that bothered at the minute.

However op, you did ask how single mums /dad's cope and they gave you their answers. No need to get shitty.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Blimey, this has escalated!

I'm a single mum too. 2 children. Diff dads. Eldest's dad is spot on and has him often. Littlest's dad is a dickhead and we rarely see him. I work FT but I have a nanny so sometimes she will stay late and baby sit. I have a friends daughter who is 17 and will sit for them too.

It's a juggle but I guess i would look into the baby sitter option if I were u xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Well I'm in Shrewsbury I'll baby sit for you. Red "

Thank you lovely for your kindness I really appreciate it buttttt after listening to the oracles on here I'm going to become a nun until she's left home

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Awww hunny its soooo hard and no one seems to get it, I don't even have grandparents to help xx"

When I was first alone I was 340 miles from my nearest relative. In a new area with no one I knew.

Tbh I just concentrated on being the best parent I could be.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Who's on their high horse on this thread?

Oh wait, here I am.

Excuse me love my child is not an inconvenience and as a loving mother I would never refer to her as one so very politely wind your fat neck in and keep your opinions to yourself!!!

Well don't act like she is one then. People are suggesting sensible options, none of them are possible - well maybe you'll just have to hold off from swinging till she grows up. "

I never have. Have you got kids?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Who's on their high horse on this thread?

Oh wait, here I am.

Excuse me love my child is not an inconvenience and as a loving mother I would never refer to her as one so very politely wind your fat neck in and keep your opinions to yourself!!!

Well don't act like she is one then. People are suggesting sensible options, none of them are possible - well maybe you'll just have to hold off from swinging till she grows up.

I never have. Have you got kids?"

Nope.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Well I'm in Shrewsbury I'll baby sit for you. Red

Thank you lovely for your kindness I really appreciate it buttttt after listening to the oracles on here I'm going to become a nun until she's left home

I don't think there a any need to be quite so obnoxious towards the people that have offered you advice. You're acting a bit like a kid who can't have her cake and eat it.

People set out to help you by giving you solutions that worked for them and you've feined offence and gone on the attack.

Not cool in my opinion.

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By *angerousEyesMan over a year ago

weston

Its difficult I'm sure but you will find time and deserve some, being a mother is the most important thing a human can do.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"To be honest, my child comes first before my sex life. I'm a single parent too so I would find it hard to get a babysitter but I'm not all that bothered at the minute.

However op, you did ask how single mums /dad's cope and they gave you their answers. No need to get shitty. "

My girl does come first, I asked, I answered, you all got shitty, it's not my fault my parents are dead and I'll not palm my daughter onto anyone. Why are you all like this? I'd heard negatives about this site, I guess it was true.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Have you got any mums at school that are friends maybe share childminding I would have sleepovers and we would take in turns gives rach other a break x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Blimey, this has escalated!

It's a juggle but I guess i would look into the baby sitter option if I were u xx"

Thanks

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Who's on their high horse on this thread?

Oh wait, here I am.

Excuse me love my child is not an inconvenience and as a loving mother I would never refer to her as one so very politely wind your fat neck in and keep your opinions to yourself!!!

Well don't act like she is one then. People are suggesting sensible options, none of them are possible - well maybe you'll just have to hold off from swinging till she grows up.

I never have. Have you got kids?

Nope."

Exactly, you have no idea at all.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/10/15 21:31:54]

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By *oxy_minxWoman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"To be honest, my child comes first before my sex life. I'm a single parent too so I would find it hard to get a babysitter but I'm not all that bothered at the minute.

However op, you did ask how single mums /dad's cope and they gave you their answers. No need to get shitty.

Nobody got shitty with you! You asked what other people do, not what would they do in your situation!

It seems some people can not comprehend that other people have different opinions to there's and chose to think they are being shitty against them!

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By *uxom redCouple over a year ago

Shrewsbury

[Removed by poster at 15/10/15 21:31:48]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm not sure why you've asked as you seem to know all the possible solutions to getting childcare and obviously all those with children will use the obvious childcare... Dad, parents, babysitter, School hours etc.

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"One of the reasons I took a break for 4 years mine got to awkward ages and they come first x"

this too xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Well I'm in Shrewsbury I'll baby sit for you. Red

Thank you lovely for your kindness I really appreciate it buttttt after listening to the oracles on here I'm going to become a nun until she's left home

I don't think there a any need to be quite so obnoxious towards the people that have offered you advice. You're acting a bit like a kid who can't have her cake and eat it.

People set out to help you by giving you solutions that worked for them and you've feined offence and gone on the attack.

Not cool in my opinion.

Jeeze nice then nasty... I was joking on the whole nun bit thing and paragraph. I give up I'll not ask in future."

Yeah, I'm a real Jeykl and Hyde...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When all else fails ... lock her in a cupboard

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Invest in some toys x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What about meeting at lunchtime during the week?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't swing lol I'm restricted to day time weekdays only on certain days, no evenings or weekends unless it's someone really special! Finding someone who I am attracted to is hard as it is without finding someone who can meet in the day.

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By *om and JennieCouple over a year ago

Chams or Socials

Mine are 9 & 14 - I play on my 1 night off a week when they reluctantly go to their dads. As a very rare treat I take a Friday off work to meet a special fab friend.

I've actually told the ex tonight if he thinks I'm using all my holiday to cover school holidays he can think again as I'm starting to take time out for me!

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't swing lol I'm restricted to day time weekdays only on certain days, no evenings or weekends unless it's someone really special! Finding someone who I am attracted to is hard as it is without finding someone who can meet in the day."

I also have no family nearby or friedns who'd babysit for me, so I live a very restricted life which means my social life is practically non existent, real depressing sometimes!

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By *ntirelyuptoyouCouple over a year ago

Aberdeen

I sympathise with not having grandparents support. My mum lives 400 miles away and we have no contact with in laws.

Are there any mummy friends who you can trade babysitting with? They do an evening for you and you return the favour.

If your daughter is at school could you put her to after school clubs so you have at least a couple of hours to yourself?

Try the notice boards on Netmum's and Mumsnet, quite often there will be other single parents in similar position who are looking for babysitter circles.

I get your frustration but I no one has been rude, everyone is giving their opinions.

Maybe you'll be less touchy when you get your leg over

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Exactly. Thanks for a nice reply. Much appreciated and makes a change x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I also have no family nearby or friedns who'd babysit for me, so I live a very restricted life which means my social life is practically non existent, real depressing sometimes! "

I can just relate as I'm in the same boat. Very hard to meet people but I shall not give up!

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By *ntirelyuptoyouCouple over a year ago

Aberdeen

And while I don't want to hijack the thread or cause upset I think it's very unfair to guilt trip a single parent and accuse them of saying their child is an inconvenience for admitting they need time away, because others are unable to bear children. I sympathise with anyone who struggles with infertility, I have very close family and friends who I have supported through the hells of IVF, miscarriage and stillbirth. But parenting is bloody hard, must be harder as a single parent. Just because we have the liberty of being parents doesn't mean we can't admit to struggling, and ending some time to ourselves every once in a while. A happy relaxed parent will raise a happy relaxed child. It does not mean our children are inconveniences!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"And while I don't want to hijack the thread or cause upset I think it's very unfair to guilt trip a single parent and accuse them of saying their child is an inconvenience for admitting they need time away, because others are unable to bear children. I sympathise with anyone who struggles with infertility, I have very close family and friends who I have supported through the hells of IVF, miscarriage and stillbirth. But parenting is bloody hard, must be harder as a single parent. Just because we have the liberty of being parents doesn't mean we can't admit to struggling, and ending some time to ourselves every once in a while. A happy relaxed parent will raise a happy relaxed child. It does not mean our children are inconveniences!"

Couldn't agree more. We all need me time, time out, time to be ourselves and not just mum/dad. Just because we're parents doesn't mean we have to sacrifice all sense of our identities and personal private space. I'm a single mum, I struggle, I have little to no free time and I don't feel bad for wanting time away from my kids. They have 99% of me, I deserve 1% to myself.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No one was saying the op shouldn't meet or have time out....but every suggestion people came up with she had a reason why it wouldn't work so the only option seems to be not meeting.

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By *km45Man over a year ago

UTTOXETER

If im chatting to a single mum there is no way I am going to pressurise her into dumping her kids to see me. Her child/ren come first and I will fit in around her family life.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Its difficult I'm sure but you will find time and deserve some, being a mother is the most important thing a human can do."

Thank you.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

If you don't want people to answer your question maybe don't type it on the forum.

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