FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > do people in happy relationships "cheat"
do people in happy relationships "cheat"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can you be in a happy relationship and cheat?
Or does cheating indicate a deeper issue within the relationship?"
To me, there is a big difference between having nsa sex with someone while in a relationship & having a full blown affair with someone where emotions are involved & you see them for more than just sex. |
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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
"Can you be in a happy relationship and cheat?
Or does cheating indicate a deeper issue within the relationship?
To me, there is a big difference between having nsa sex with someone while in a relationship & having a full blown affair with someone where emotions are involved & you see them for more than just sex."
I agree  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People can fall in love with more than one person as well.
I don't think it's even reasonable to expect one person to fulfil your needs for the rest of your life. But to lie to someone, that is the cheating part. Not the fucking, not the love, but the dishonesty. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We've chatted about this and the conclusion is... there is no need to cheat.
If one of us wants to fuck someone else we only have to ask the other!!! The answer 99.9% of the time will be yes ok  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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And lying doens't necessarily mean issues in the relationship, it means the liar has issues themselves. They can't be honest themselves and maybe even get a kick out of lying to someone else, or they chose to be with someone they can't be honest with - which is fucked up in itself coz if you can't be you with someone you're trying to be intimate with then why bother? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We've chatted about this and the conclusion is... there is no need to cheat.
If one of us wants to fuck someone else we only have to ask the other!!! The answer 99.9% of the time will be yes ok "
Open communication. Best relationship to have ever.
Wish I found someone on same wave length |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Happy maybe, fulfilled.... No"
I agree with this and some of the other comments. Each relationship is different and I don't think anyone can judge anyone else. What works for some doesn't for others.
Nothing is ever black and white there are many shades of grey (50 apparently lol).
I also agree it is possible to love more than one person and that is where complications can arise |
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I would say that you can't be happy with every aspect of your relationship if you are looking elsewhere for what is generally accepted to be a fairly important part of it. However I don't think that anybody is 100% happy with every single aspect of their relationship .......are they? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I believe if you was really happy you wouldnt want to cheat
I just don't believe you would show your partner such a lack of respect if you were truely happy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I read an article about some people who are serial "chasers". The thrill of the chase is like a drug and they are addicted to it. So, yes they do cheat even when in a happy relationship.
Some people also have a self-destruct button. When things are going too well, they press the button |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I read an article about some people who are serial "chasers". The thrill of the chase is like a drug and they are addicted to it. So, yes they do cheat even when in a happy relationship.
Some people also have a self-destruct button. When things are going too well, they press the button"
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"I read an article about some people who are serial "chasers". The thrill of the chase is like a drug and they are addicted to it. So, yes they do cheat even when in a happy relationship.
Some people also have a self-destruct button. When things are going too well, they press the button"
True. Some people who've been hurt by infidelity will also make sure they get in first. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can you be in a happy relationship and cheat?
Or does cheating indicate a deeper issue within the relationship?"
That's why we're on here, K has a higher sex drive than D, so being on here she gets fulfilled and so do I but we do it together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I read an article about some people who are serial "chasers". The thrill of the chase is like a drug and they are addicted to it. So, yes they do cheat even when in a happy relationship.
Some people also have a self-destruct button. When things are going too well, they press the button"
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"Can you be in a happy relationship and cheat?
Or does cheating indicate a deeper issue within the relationship?
That's why we're on here, K has a higher sex drive than D, so being on here she gets fulfilled and so do I but we do it together."
what a refreshingly honest post enjoy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can you be in a happy relationship and cheat?
Or does cheating indicate a deeper issue within the relationship?
To me, there is a big difference between having nsa sex with someone while in a relationship & having a full blown affair with someone where emotions are involved & you see them for more than just sex."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There seems to be couples on here who fuck others together. I understand this.
There seems to be couples here that fuck others more than they fuck each other. when it comes across they both have high sex drives. I don't understand this.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes they can, I have a friend who is in a happy relationship, nothing wrong in it at all, if there was he would tell me, but he still cheats on his wife, I think its because he is insecure and craves the attention and hasn't quite grown up yet and still needs to know other women fancy him, |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
I know there are some people who would cheat anyway....but I personally think there has to be something missing in your relationship if you cheat behind their back, so you can't be truly happy with everything in your life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Happy maybe, fulfilled.... No
I agree with this and some of the other comments. Each relationship is different and I don't think anyone can judge anyone else. What works for some doesn't for others.
Nothing is ever black and white there are many shades of grey (50 apparently lol).
I also agree it is possible to love more than one person and that is where complications can arise"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would say if people are a 100% happy then they wouldn't need to look elsewhere.
Whether its for an emotional attachment, or 'just' sex.
I suppose you could meet someone else who you just click with and have the emotional and the sex. An affair.
In my opinion there is a big difference between swinging and having an affair. |
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In my opinion, no.
The CHEATER may believe their relationship is otherwise "happy" but I highly doubt their partner would agree if they found out, regardless of whether it was NSA or a full-blown affair. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes they can, I have a friend who is in a happy relationship, nothing wrong in it at all, if there was he would tell me, but he still cheats on his wife, I think its because he is insecure and craves the attention and hasn't quite grown up yet and still needs to know other women fancy him, "
I agree with this when it comes to men cheating. |
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By *opinovMan
over a year ago
Point Nemo, Cumbria |
"Yes they can, I have a friend who is in a happy relationship, nothing wrong in it at all, if there was he would tell me, but he still cheats on his wife, I think its because he is insecure and craves the attention and hasn't quite grown up yet and still needs to know other women fancy him,
I agree with this when it comes to men cheating. "
I'd guess that could apply equally to cheating women too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes they can, I have a friend who is in a happy relationship, nothing wrong in it at all, if there was he would tell me, but he still cheats on his wife, I think its because he is insecure and craves the attention and hasn't quite grown up yet and still needs to know other women fancy him,
I agree with this when it comes to men cheating.
I'd guess that could apply equally to cheating women too."
I disagree, women grow up far quicker than men. |
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By *opinovMan
over a year ago
Point Nemo, Cumbria |
"Yes they can, I have a friend who is in a happy relationship, nothing wrong in it at all, if there was he would tell me, but he still cheats on his wife, I think its because he is insecure and craves the attention and hasn't quite grown up yet and still needs to know other women fancy him,
I agree with this when it comes to men cheating.
I'd guess that could apply equally to cheating women too.
I disagree, women grow up far quicker than men."
Some do, some don't - I know some women in their 40s who've never got past acting like spoilt 14 year olds... every bit as much as men who haven't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes they can, I have a friend who is in a happy relationship, nothing wrong in it at all, if there was he would tell me, but he still cheats on his wife, I think its because he is insecure and craves the attention and hasn't quite grown up yet and still needs to know other women fancy him,
I agree with this when it comes to men cheating.
I'd guess that could apply equally to cheating women too.
I disagree, women grow up far quicker than men.
Some do, some don't - I know some women in their 40s who've never got past acting like spoilt 14 year olds... every bit as much as men who haven't."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can you be in a happy relationship and cheat?
Or does cheating indicate a deeper issue within the relationship?"
Yes you can be happy and cheat.
The relationship can be great.
Some people will just always want more.
Others just want it all : The house, the kids, the lifestyle ... and the 'perks' of being single.
That doesn't always equate to unhappiness.
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"We've chatted about this and the conclusion is... there is no need to cheat.
If one of us wants to fuck someone else we only have to ask the other!!! The answer 99.9% of the time will be yes ok "
A perfect solution..I feel you must both be of the same temprement and intellect x |
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"Can you be in a happy relationship and cheat?
Or does cheating indicate a deeper issue within the relationship?"
A1 If you can separate love and sex - then the answer is yes.
A2 'Cheating' is a consequence of otherwise happily attached people who have vastly different sex drives. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think people can be happy to an extent in relationships and still cheat.
I think people who cheat are craving something that's missing in their relationship... They don't always realise it's missing until an affair happens. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some people are constantly after the thrills of new people and physical experiences. They may well be in a stable relationship which they don't want to leave.
Everyone's wired different so don't try and understand others based on your own experiences....sometimes it's hard enough understanding yourself !! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can you be in a happy relationship and cheat?
Or does cheating indicate a deeper issue within the relationship?
To me, there is a big difference between having nsa sex with someone while in a relationship & having a full blown affair with someone where emotions are involved & you see them for more than just sex.
I agree "
Surely nsa sex in a relationship involves some feelings??
A one night stand is less personal but it's still cheating and the marriage /partnership must have some cracks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I read an article about some people who are serial "chasers". The thrill of the chase is like a drug and they are addicted to it. So, yes they do cheat even when in a happy relationship.
Some people also have a self-destruct button. When things are going too well, they press the button"
|
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"Can I just ask how people are defining cheating here? Surely if you are happy, you would not need the extra of swinging? That person would be enough?"
Eh?
Haddock is enough, but sometimes I like cod*. Neither is better, they are just different. Besides, when Mrs ddc fancies a bit of cod, it's no use if all I've got is saveloy.
I'm always amazed that on a swinging site there are people who think a little extra marital, or extra-marital, fun means something must be wrong. (Despite all evidence to the contrary)
Mr ddc
.
(* if I'm honest, I can't tell the difference between cod and haddock, but salmon sounded a bit posh, and I was worried tuna would leave me open to jokes about being a fiddler  ) |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Can I just ask how people are defining cheating here? Surely if you are happy, you would not need the extra of swinging? That person would be enough?"
So you are swinging because your OH isn't enough?
Swinging isn't cheating on your partner if that partner knows and is in full agreement of what you both do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can you be in a happy relationship and cheat?
Or does cheating indicate a deeper issue within the relationship?"
Can you be happy and cheat? Yes.
Can it mean something is fundamentally wrong? Yes.
Are the above true for everyone in every situation? No, of course not.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can you add "can you" or "could it" to pretty much any question about people and get a disagreement? Oh yes.
Can you ask an open, divisive and personal question in an open forum and get anything other than an argument? Well it's possible, but it ain't gonna happen here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can you be in a happy relationship and cheat?
Or does cheating indicate a deeper issue within the relationship?
Can you be happy and cheat? Yes.
Can it mean something is fundamentally wrong? Yes.
Are the above true for everyone in every situation? No, of course not.
"
and that, my friends, wins the Forum and closes the thread!
Until you know each individual circumstance and each different back story all we can do is make assumptions or respond from our own perspective. Just because one of us thinks either absolutely yes or absolutely not, it doesn't mean that applies across everyone! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can you be in a happy relationship and cheat?
Or does cheating indicate a deeper issue within the relationship?
Can you be happy and cheat? Yes.
Can it mean something is fundamentally wrong? Yes.
Are the above true for everyone in every situation? No, of course not.
and that, my friends, wins the Forum and closes the thread!
Until you know each individual circumstance and each different back story all we can do is make assumptions or respond from our own perspective. Just because one of us thinks either absolutely yes or absolutely not, it doesn't mean that applies across everyone!"
"and that, my friends, wins the Forum and closes the thread!"
... I fucking wish  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We've chatted about this and the conclusion is... there is no need to cheat.
If one of us wants to fuck someone else we only have to ask the other!!! The answer 99.9% of the time will be yes ok
A perfect solution..I feel you must both be of the same temprement and intellect x"
Same intellect?... ohhh no. I am much clevera than her x  Laugh |
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"Can I just ask how people are defining cheating here? Surely if you are happy, you would not need the extra of swinging? That person would be enough?
So you are swinging because your OH isn't enough?
Swinging isn't cheating on your partner if that partner knows and is in full agreement of what you both do"
I am asking a question, not saying anything about my situation. Are you assuming it is about me? I think the legal deviation of cheating, when you are married, is to have sexual relations with someone else - as society as a whole _iews it. I have no problem saying swinging is cheating, because I don't feel the need to take the moral high ground. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i don't know, I cheated on my ex husband we had problems, got married too young etc, (I'm not excusing myself here btw!)
I know someone that wants to cheat on their wife with me for 'meaningless sex' it doesn't sound like there is a problem within their marriage he just misses the nsa sex, having said that they've only been married two years and if he's itching now... |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Can I just ask how people are defining cheating here? Surely if you are happy, you would not need the extra of swinging? That person would be enough?
So you are swinging because your OH isn't enough?
Swinging isn't cheating on your partner if that partner knows and is in full agreement of what you both do
I am asking a question, not saying anything about my situation. Are you assuming it is about me? I think the legal deviation of cheating, when you are married, is to have sexual relations with someone else - as society as a whole _iews it. I have no problem saying swinging is cheating, because I don't feel the need to take the moral high ground.
)"
I didn't know who you were talking about and why I asked the question.
So because someone says swinging isn't cheating they are taking the moral high ground? ( I do assume this time that is what you mean ) |
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I think it can be seen as justifying cheating when in the real world, swinging would be seen as cheating with your partner's permission. I live mainly in the real world though, don't come into the swinging world too often, so I have perhaps a skewed perspective compared to most people here. If I did do anything sexual with someone other than my partner, with his knowledge, I have no problems calling it cheating. It does not bother me giving it that label - although anything either of us would do would be above board, I honestly don't see why people go to such lengths to deny its essentially cheating .... |
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"Maybe don't read into my posts something that wasn't there."
Its always difficult to read what is there because words mean different things to different people - and, most of the time I cannot remember what I have written in response to a post, as its just a fleeting comment - rather than something thought out in detail. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
" I honestly don't see why people go to such lengths to deny its essentially cheating .... "
Disagreeing with what you say isn't going to great lengths, surely that is what debate is about, accepting that others may not agree.
Cheating is deceiving , not being honest with your partner, in most cases of swinging that doesn't happen as all parties are consent of it.
You can obviously call it cheating if you want, but I think the definition says different |
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To me, there is a big difference between having nsa sex with someone while in a relationship & having a full blown affair with someone where emotions are involved & you see them for more than just sex."
This! As odd as it sounds I would much rather Mr Curious have a one night stand than a whole secret relationship with someone ... Plus if he asks me nicely if he can fuck another woman I'd probably say yes, but want pics  |
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By *ildt123Man
over a year ago
Huddersfield |
Mmmm different answer for different people as ever!
I think some can yes
I know couples who are very happy but the guy works away a lot and if he's out and a bit d*unk he will have a one night stand. He'd never consider an affair and all that entails as he has no need. Loves his mrs and she him but he cheats occasionally I don't believe this proves there's something wrong with his relationship, he may be flawed in his thinking you could argue but it does prove anything about their relationship.
Casual opportunistic sex with little if any chance of being caught. Oddly very not my thing and I turn down such opportunities on the very rare occasions they have been offered but most of my mate think I am extremely unusual in that regard and quite mad |
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"And most people on here would no matter what they say. That is part of the reason we are here
Would what? Cheat?
Yep"
So part of the reason you are on here is because otherwise one/the other/both would cheat? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can you be in a happy relationship and cheat?
Or does cheating indicate a deeper issue within the relationship?
To me, there is a big difference between having nsa sex with someone while in a relationship & having a full blown affair with someone where emotions are involved & you see them for more than just sex."
It's cheating all the same |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And most people on here would no matter what they say. That is part of the reason we are here
But you don't speak for most people only yourselves."
True but trying to be realistic and without the swinging can anyone know for sure how they would feel or how their other halves would feel?
And on another note, what is adultery then and is adultery cheating? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And most people on here would no matter what they say. That is part of the reason we are here
But you don't speak for most people only yourselves.
True but trying to be realistic and without the swinging can anyone know for sure how they would feel or how their other halves would feel?
And on another note, what is adultery then and is adultery cheating?"
Adultery is cheating, having sex with someone of the opposite sex whilst married & is grounds for divorce. |
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"And most people on here would no matter what they say. That is part of the reason we are here
But you don't speak for most people only yourselves.
True but trying to be realistic and without the swinging can anyone know for sure how they would feel or how their other halves would feel?
And on another note, what is adultery then and is adultery cheating?"
I know for sure how I would feel and I'm as sure as I can be about how my partner feels. Before we started swinging we talked about it in depth and avoiding infidelity wasn't one of our reasons for doing it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can you be in a happy relationship and cheat?
Or does cheating indicate a deeper issue within the relationship?
To me, there is a big difference between having nsa sex with someone while in a relationship & having a full blown affair with someone where emotions are involved & you see them for more than just sex."
Totally agree. Who said life was easy? Who said marriage and long term relationships were all sweetness, light and roses around the door? you cant deny what you are..a predatory animal that has basic instinctive desires and needs. I have met and fucked a few women who were married/in relationships simply because they wanted adventure, to know what it was like with another man, to ease the humdrum boredom of life..
I will bet the vast majority of happily married men could be persuaded into a womans bed to fuck them if she made herself available. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And most people on here would no matter what they say. That is part of the reason we are here
But you don't speak for most people only yourselves.
True but trying to be realistic and without the swinging can anyone know for sure how they would feel or how their other halves would feel?
And on another note, what is adultery then and is adultery cheating?
Adultery is cheating, having sex with someone of the opposite sex whilst married & is grounds for divorce."
Thats it you see, you class it as cheating but in the definition I just read there is no mention of cheating, just having sex with someone other than your spouse so don't most swingers commit adultery? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And most people on here would no matter what they say. That is part of the reason we are here
But you don't speak for most people only yourselves.
True but trying to be realistic and without the swinging can anyone know for sure how they would feel or how their other halves would feel?
And on another note, what is adultery then and is adultery cheating?
Adultery is cheating, having sex with someone of the opposite sex whilst married & is grounds for divorce.
Thats it you see, you class it as cheating but in the definition I just read there is no mention of cheating, just having sex with someone other than your spouse so don't most swingers commit adultery?"
But it's with their consent. If you discover your spouse has committed adultery but stay with them for more than 6 months since you discovered the adultery then you can't use it as grounds for divorce as its seen as you accepting it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can you be in a happy relationship and cheat?
Or does cheating indicate a deeper issue within the relationship?"
I am happy in my marriage and cheat because I can. There are no deep issues at all unless they are so deep rooted they have yet to surface.
Those I cheat with, to me it's only sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Surely if you are happy you don't cheat.
You DISCUSS and this does not mean you don't have sex with others....but with discussion and full knowledge it isn't cheating..... That's my take on it anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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These threads always come across that the person being cheated on is practically a saint.
To deny a partner any intimate physical connection without good reason is just as bad in my opinion & if it causes their partner to look for it elsewhere, then they only have themselves to blame. |
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"
To deny a partner any intimate physical connection without good reason is just as bad in my opinion & if it causes their partner to look for it elsewhere, then they only have themselves to blame."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Surely if you are happy you don't cheat.
You DISCUSS and this does not mean you don't have sex with others....but with discussion and full knowledge it isn't cheating..... That's my take on it anyway."
In an ideal world where everyone follows the same rules then perhaps this is the case. However we do not live in an ideal world, we all have differing opinions and ideas and this will never change. |
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"These threads always come across that the person being cheated on is practically a saint.
To deny a partner any intimate physical connection without good reason is just as bad in my opinion & if it causes their partner to look for it elsewhere, then they only have themselves to blame."
I am still of the opinion that if a situation makes you THAT unhappy and there is no rectifying it, the right thing to do is leave.
However, this thread specifically indicates that the relationship in this scenario is otherwise "happy". |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"These threads always come across that the person being cheated on is practically a saint.
To deny a partner any intimate physical connection without good reason is just as bad in my opinion & if it causes their partner to look for it elsewhere, then they only have themselves to blame."
just have happy interrelations...why is it so bad to be 'poly' anyway?
so people didnt work it out before they got into the relationship they are in..stay cos of kids and whatever else, usual social conformity issues surrounding lifestyle..straying from the norm...
the traditional 121 relationship is really only kept alive by those attempting to uphold its status as 'better' than anything else.
just think its out of date and the number of people 'cheating', knowing full well, no person is an island and expecting one person to fulfill all their desires, is actually a recipe for disaster..i feel proves that point..
no good going on about moral high ground ..and lying or deception.. most people lie to each other and themselves all the time about something or other.....most though want to do their best by their family partners or kids. i respect that.
one life..live it
you're a long time dead at which point, no one will give a shit about your sexual orientation or deviance from the norm
the question is , does anyone care really now. cheating is just a statement of denied ownership, based on what?..a promise..??
how many promises have you made and broken in your lifetime.. to anyone?
no one owns you, neither is it reasonable that anyone should..just some ramblings this monday morning...
|
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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
"These threads always come across that the person being cheated on is practically a saint.
To deny a partner any intimate physical connection without good reason is just as bad in my opinion & if it causes their partner to look for it elsewhere, then they only have themselves to blame.
just have happy interrelations...why is it so bad to be 'poly' anyway?
so people didnt work it out before they got into the relationship they are in..stay cos of kids and whatever else, usual social conformity issues surrounding lifestyle..straying from the norm...
the traditional 121 relationship is really only kept alive by those attempting to uphold its status as 'better' than anything else.
just think its out of date and the number of people 'cheating', knowing full well, no person is an island and expecting one person to fulfill all their desires, is actually a recipe for disaster..i feel proves that point..
no good going on about moral high ground ..and lying or deception.. most people lie to each other and themselves all the time about something or other.....most though want to do their best by their family partners or kids. i respect that.
one life..live it
you're a long time dead at which point, no one will give a shit about your sexual orientation or deviance from the norm
the question is , does anyone care really now. cheating is just a statement of denied ownership, based on what?..a promise..??
how many promises have you made and broken in your lifetime.. to anyone?
no one owns you, neither is it reasonable that anyone should..just some ramblings this monday morning...
"
Whilst you call it ramblings, you, as always make a lot of sense.
I personally believe that marriage is a state enforced on the humans race and not a natural one; such as some animals mating for life.
And, as its not natural, it's as likely to fail as it is to succeed; I believe that (in the uk) 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce. It would be interesting to know in how many of the 'successful' marriages, there a partner that's cheating.
My Monday ramblings. |
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"Can you be in a happy relationship and cheat?
Or does cheating indicate a deeper issue within the relationship?
Can you be happy and cheat? Yes.
Can it mean something is fundamentally wrong? Yes.
Are the above true for everyone in every situation? No, of course not.
and that, my friends, wins the Forum and closes the thread!
Until you know each individual circumstance and each different back story all we can do is make assumptions or respond from our own perspective. Just because one of us thinks either absolutely yes or absolutely not, it doesn't mean that applies across everyone!"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"These threads always come across that the person being cheated on is practically a saint.
To deny a partner any intimate physical connection without good reason is just as bad in my opinion & if it causes their partner to look for it elsewhere, then they only have themselves to blame.
just have happy interrelations...why is it so bad to be 'poly' anyway?
so people didnt work it out before they got into the relationship they are in..stay cos of kids and whatever else, usual social conformity issues surrounding lifestyle..straying from the norm...
the traditional 121 relationship is really only kept alive by those attempting to uphold its status as 'better' than anything else.
just think its out of date and the number of people 'cheating', knowing full well, no person is an island and expecting one person to fulfill all their desires, is actually a recipe for disaster..i feel proves that point..
no good going on about moral high ground ..and lying or deception.. most people lie to each other and themselves all the time about something or other.....most though want to do their best by their family partners or kids. i respect that.
one life..live it
you're a long time dead at which point, no one will give a shit about your sexual orientation or deviance from the norm
the question is , does anyone care really now. cheating is just a statement of denied ownership, based on what?..a promise..??
how many promises have you made and broken in your lifetime.. to anyone?
no one owns you, neither is it reasonable that anyone should..just some ramblings this monday morning...
"
So you're saying it's ok to make promises then break them because people just do? Ownership? You clearly misunderstand what marriage is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"These threads always come across that the person being cheated on is practically a saint.
To deny a partner any intimate physical connection without good reason is just as bad in my opinion & if it causes their partner to look for it elsewhere, then they only have themselves to blame.
just have happy interrelations...why is it so bad to be 'poly' anyway?
so people didnt work it out before they got into the relationship they are in..stay cos of kids and whatever else, usual social conformity issues surrounding lifestyle..straying from the norm...
the traditional 121 relationship is really only kept alive by those attempting to uphold its status as 'better' than anything else.
just think its out of date and the number of people 'cheating', knowing full well, no person is an island and expecting one person to fulfill all their desires, is actually a recipe for disaster..i feel proves that point..
no good going on about moral high ground ..and lying or deception.. most people lie to each other and themselves all the time about something or other.....most though want to do their best by their family partners or kids. i respect that.
one life..live it
you're a long time dead at which point, no one will give a shit about your sexual orientation or deviance from the norm
the question is , does anyone care really now. cheating is just a statement of denied ownership, based on what?..a promise..??
how many promises have you made and broken in your lifetime.. to anyone?
no one owns you, neither is it reasonable that anyone should..just some ramblings this monday morning...
So you're saying it's ok to make promises then break them because people just do? Ownership? You clearly misunderstand what marriage is. "
Aren't swingers breaking marriage vows? |
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"Aren't swingers breaking marriage vows?"
No.
I still love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and, forsaking all others, am faithful to her (on a deeper and more meaningful level than 'where my willy goes')
I can't speak for other denominations, but the C of E dropped "No swinging" years ago
Mr ddc |
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"Aren't swingers breaking marriage vows?
No.
I still love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and, forsaking all others, am faithful to her (on a deeper and more meaningful level than 'where my willy goes')
I can't speak for other denominations, but the C of E dropped "No swinging" years ago
Mr ddc"
Good post Mr ddc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i think some people will always cheat and lie - its the way they are and i think its sad "
And a reason not to marry, or indeed even entertain the idea of a long term relationship |
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"I believe that (in the uk) 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce. It would be interesting to know in how many of the 'successful' marriages, there a partner that's cheating."
Annoyingly I can't find the statistics, but while 42% of marriages currently end in divorce, divorce rates in subsequent marriages are supposed to be higher, so that, turning it around, 2/3rds of first-time marriages will succeed. Add to that statistics that show swingers are less likely to divorce on average, I doubt we're doing badly.
As for 'cheating' surely if, after 20 years, a couple still live happily together, with both of them still above the patio, that is a success on any measure? |
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"
Good post Mr ddc.
Not really, she knows I have to, no other buggar would have me
Yea I forgot about that, I didn't know you were after nuggets  "
Damnation and hell fire befall autocorrect!! Buggers not nuggets. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i think some people will always cheat and lie - its the way they are and i think its sad
And a reason not to marry, or indeed even entertain the idea of a long term relationship"
Only with people like that, pathological liars. Loads of decent people don't mess with others heads. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Aren't swingers breaking marriage vows?
No.
I still love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and, forsaking all others, am faithful to her (on a deeper and more meaningful level than 'where my willy goes')
I can't speak for other denominations, but the C of E dropped "No swinging" years ago
Mr ddc
Good post Mr ddc. "
It would be, except you're both still committing adultery |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Good post Mr ddc.
Not really, she knows I have to, no other buggar would have me
Yea I forgot about that, I didn't know you were after nuggets
Damnation and hell fire befall autocorrect!! Buggers not nuggets. "
Nuggets and rotting flies. Are you baking? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Aren't swingers breaking marriage vows?
No.
I still love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and, forsaking all others, am faithful to her (on a deeper and more meaningful level than 'where my willy goes')
I can't speak for other denominations, but the C of E dropped "No swinging" years ago
Mr ddc
Good post Mr ddc.
It would be, except you're both still committing adultery "
No they are not because they are both consenting to it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think the urge to stray, to go after what you want is there for a lot of people.
But the crux is what you do with that urge!
For the first time ever, I'm in a relationship where I have the utmost respect for my partner. I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt him.
So it wouldn't matter if I had a strong desire to shag someone outside of our rules, I just wouldn't. Not because of taking any vows, but because my lust is not as strong, as my respect and feelings for my otherhalf. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Aren't swingers breaking marriage vows?
No.
I still love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and, forsaking all others, am faithful to her (on a deeper and more meaningful level than 'where my willy goes')
I can't speak for other denominations, but the C of E dropped "No swinging" years ago
Mr ddc
Good post Mr ddc.
It would be, except you're both still committing adultery
No they are not because they are both consenting to it."
It makes no difference, |
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"
Good post Mr ddc.
Not really, she knows I have to, no other buggar would have me
Yea I forgot about that, I didn't know you were after nuggets
Damnation and hell fire befall autocorrect!! Buggers not nuggets. "
I did wonder if it was some kfc reference I'd missed
|
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",
It would be, except you're both still committing adultery "
Maybe we are, maybe we aren't. Technically all singles are too of course, but society has moved on from the old testament.
You asked about marriage vows, I simply showed how we didn't feel there is a conflict, and since our marriage is a contract between us, and us alone, who are you to tell us how to interpret our vows? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Aren't swingers breaking marriage vows?
No.
I still love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and, forsaking all others, am faithful to her (on a deeper and more meaningful level than 'where my willy goes')
I can't speak for other denominations, but the C of E dropped "No swinging" years ago
Mr ddc
Good post Mr ddc.
It would be, except you're both still committing adultery
No they are not because they are both consenting to it.
It makes no difference,"
Yes it does. For grounds for divorce it does. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
",
It would be, except you're both still committing adultery
Maybe we are, maybe we aren't. Technically all singles are too of course, but society has moved on from the old testament.
You asked about marriage vows, I simply showed how we didn't feel there is a conflict, and since our marriage is a contract between us, and us alone, who are you to tell us how to interpret our vows?"
I'm not, but why does there have to be witnesses to the vows then? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Aren't swingers breaking marriage vows?
No.
I still love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and, forsaking all others, am faithful to her (on a deeper and more meaningful level than 'where my willy goes')
I can't speak for other denominations, but the C of E dropped "No swinging" years ago
Mr ddc
Good post Mr ddc.
It would be, except you're both still committing adultery
No they are not because they are both consenting to it.
It makes no difference,
Yes it does. For grounds for divorce it does."
Who mentioned divorce? |
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",
I'm not, but why does there have to be witnesses to the vows then?"
Doesn't that date back to Jacob & Leah?
There are witnesses in every legal contract, in case one party tries to winkle out of it in future.
Plus some of them were paying for it, and others just wanted to share our day. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Aren't swingers breaking marriage vows?
No.
I still love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and, forsaking all others, am faithful to her (on a deeper and more meaningful level than 'where my willy goes')
I can't speak for other denominations, but the C of E dropped "No swinging" years ago
Mr ddc
Good post Mr ddc.
It would be, except you're both still committing adultery
No they are not because they are both consenting to it.
It makes no difference,
Yes it does. For grounds for divorce it does.
Who mentioned divorce? "
That's really the only time I see adultery mentioned in my line of work |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
",
I'm not, but why does there have to be witnesses to the vows then?
Doesn't that date back to Jacob & Leah?
There are witnesses in every legal contract, in case one party tries to winkle out of it in future.
Plus some of them were paying for it, and others just wanted to share our day."
So you've winkled out of the vows that the witnesses thought you were making. Winkled? |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Aren't swingers breaking marriage vows?
No.
I still love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and, forsaking all others, am faithful to her (on a deeper and more meaningful level than 'where my willy goes')
I can't speak for other denominations, but the C of E dropped "No swinging" years ago
Mr ddc
Good post Mr ddc.
It would be, except you're both still committing adultery
No they are not because they are both consenting to it.
It makes no difference,
Yes it does. For grounds for divorce it does.
Who mentioned divorce?
That's really the only time I see adultery mentioned in my line of work "
I'm sure but adultery just means having sex with someone other than your spouse doesn't it? And if someone wanted to be funny about it how could they prove consent was given? Do they have a note? |
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",
So you've winkled out of the vows that the witnesses thought you were making. Winkled? "
No, that's the point I made at the start!
I can't speak what the older generation thought we were signing up to, but bearing in mind they came through the swinging 60s and wife-swapping 70s, and my own mother was made pregnant by an American GI during the war, I suspect they're probably a bit more worldly wise than you give them credit for! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"i think some people will always cheat and lie - its the way they are and i think its sad
And a reason not to marry, or indeed even entertain the idea of a long term relationship
Only with people like that, pathological liars. Loads of decent people don't mess with others heads."
Unfortunately it's what I grew up with including my own parents |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
",
So you've winkled out of the vows that the witnesses thought you were making. Winkled?
No, that's the point I made at the start!
I can't speak what the older generation thought we were signing up to, but bearing in mind they came through the swinging 60s and wife-swapping 70s, and my own mother was made pregnant by an American GI during the war, I suspect they're probably a bit more worldly wise than you give them credit for!"
So did you mention your cock during the vows? |
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",
So you've winkled out of the vows that the witnesses thought you were making. Winkled?
No, that's the point I made at the start!
I can't speak what the older generation thought we were signing up to, but bearing in mind they came through the swinging 60s and wife-swapping 70s, and my own mother was made pregnant by an American GI during the war, I suspect they're probably a bit more worldly wise than you give them credit for!
So did you mention your cock during the vows? "
Nah, even though she's a Londoner, they still prefer it if you don't let her winkle out your little cockle during the ceremony
|
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"These threads always come across that the person being cheated on is practically a saint.
To deny a partner any intimate physical connection without good reason is just as bad in my opinion & if it causes their partner to look for it elsewhere, then they only have themselves to blame.
just have happy interrelations...why is it so bad to be 'poly' anyway?
so people didnt work it out before they got into the relationship they are in..stay cos of kids and whatever else, usual social conformity issues surrounding lifestyle..straying from the norm...
the traditional 121 relationship is really only kept alive by those attempting to uphold its status as 'better' than anything else.
just think its out of date and the number of people 'cheating', knowing full well, no person is an island and expecting one person to fulfill all their desires, is actually a recipe for disaster..i feel proves that point..
no good going on about moral high ground ..and lying or deception.. most people lie to each other and themselves all the time about something or other.....most though want to do their best by their family partners or kids. i respect that.
one life..live it
you're a long time dead at which point, no one will give a shit about your sexual orientation or deviance from the norm
the question is , does anyone care really now. cheating is just a statement of denied ownership, based on what?..a promise..??
how many promises have you made and broken in your lifetime.. to anyone?
no one owns you, neither is it reasonable that anyone should..just some ramblings this monday morning...
So you're saying it's ok to make promises then break them because people just do? Ownership? You clearly misunderstand what marriage is. "
no you clearly dont know where marriage comes from, and why it was invented ..it was to secure wealth through the groom taking hold of the bridle or bride and accumulating wealth. land and legacy, through his ownership of her, and her breeding from him...selling women to the best match for family title and status...
thats why its become such an 'important' 'promissory' note..that social status has been placed on it..its a mans world ... the women were currency. i just refuse to be anyones currency, whether they think they are doing it, to me or not..
it been bound up in morality, another control tool for the masses..but specifically women..
im just not into societal rules, or placing importance on them.. people make promises they dont keep all the time..marriage is a false set of security measures, of self importance..
the amount of people who expect you to put up with abuse/ no sex/ any other form of suppression, including 'permission' or 'with my blessing' due to 'being married'
are just proscribing to those reasons why it was invented, in the first place
unless of course you really do think it was an 'institution' ( their words not mine) created by god..in which case , i really cannot help you
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Aren't swingers breaking marriage vows?
No.
I still love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and, forsaking all others, am faithful to her (on a deeper and more meaningful level than 'where my willy goes')
I can't speak for other denominations, but the C of E dropped "No swinging" years ago
Mr ddc
Good post Mr ddc.
It would be, except you're both still committing adultery
No they are not because they are both consenting to it.
It makes no difference,
Yes it does. For grounds for divorce it does."
Fair point. |
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or View forums list | |
"
Good post Mr ddc.
Not really, she knows I have to, no other buggar would have me
Yea I forgot about that, I didn't know you were after nuggets
Damnation and hell fire befall autocorrect!! Buggers not nuggets.
Nuggets and rotting flies. Are you baking? "
I only use fresh flies in my baking  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"These threads always come across that the person being cheated on is practically a saint.
To deny a partner any intimate physical connection without good reason is just as bad in my opinion & if it causes their partner to look for it elsewhere, then they only have themselves to blame.
Interesting post, but we are not together for the kids or for anything else than we want to be together. We don't need to conform, but we don't need to go out of our way to be different. That is how we feel - I think the pressure these days is the reverse of marriage and staying together and being faithful, it is to play the field and get instant gratification. I don't and never have held up the traditional 1 to 1 relationship as better, it just works for us (yes, I am saying this on a swinging site) - and I think it could be inverse snobbery (for want of a better word) that says it isn't. I have never been a traditionalist and have always been independent and done my own thing - now I have found someone I am totally on a par with, and that is enough. Maybe that is the difference?
just have happy interrelations...why is it so bad to be 'poly' anyway?
so people didnt work it out before they got into the relationship they are in..stay cos of kids and whatever else, usual social conformity issues surrounding lifestyle..straying from the norm...
the traditional 121 relationship is really only kept alive by those attempting to uphold its status as 'better' than anything else.
just think its out of date and the number of people 'cheating', knowing full well, no person is an island and expecting one person to fulfill all their desires, is actually a recipe for disaster..i feel proves that point..
no good going on about moral high ground ..and lying or deception.. most people lie to each other and themselves all the time about something or other.....most though want to do their best by their family partners or kids. i respect that.
one life..live it
you're a long time dead at which point, no one will give a shit about your sexual orientation or deviance from the norm
the question is , does anyone care really now. cheating is just a statement of denied ownership, based on what?..a promise..??
how many promises have you made and broken in your lifetime.. to anyone?
no one owns you, neither is it reasonable that anyone should..just some ramblings this monday morning...
"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Aren't swingers breaking marriage vows?
No.
I still love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, and, forsaking all others, am faithful to her (on a deeper and more meaningful level than 'where my willy goes')
I can't speak for other denominations, but the C of E dropped "No swinging" years ago
Mr ddc
Good post Mr ddc.
It would be, except you're both still committing adultery
No they are not because they are both consenting to it.
It makes no difference,
Yes it does. For grounds for divorce it does.
Who mentioned divorce?
That's really the only time I see adultery mentioned in my line of work
I'm sure but adultery just means having sex with someone other than your spouse doesn't it? And if someone wanted to be funny about it how could they prove consent was given? Do they have a note? "
I totally agree with you here, but you are flogging a dead horse getting anyone to admit it is adultery .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"These threads always come across that the person being cheated on is practically a saint.
To deny a partner any intimate physical connection without good reason is just as bad in my opinion & if it causes their partner to look for it elsewhere, then they only have themselves to blame.
just have happy interrelations...why is it so bad to be 'poly' anyway?
so people didnt work it out before they got into the relationship they are in..stay cos of kids and whatever else, usual social conformity issues surrounding lifestyle..straying from the norm...
the traditional 121 relationship is really only kept alive by those attempting to uphold its status as 'better' than anything else.
just think its out of date and the number of people 'cheating', knowing full well, no person is an island and expecting one person to fulfill all their desires, is actually a recipe for disaster..i feel proves that point..
no good going on about moral high ground ..and lying or deception.. most people lie to each other and themselves all the time about something or other.....most though want to do their best by their family partners or kids. i respect that.
one life..live it
you're a long time dead at which point, no one will give a shit about your sexual orientation or deviance from the norm
the question is , does anyone care really now. cheating is just a statement of denied ownership, based on what?..a promise..??
how many promises have you made and broken in your lifetime.. to anyone?
no one owns you, neither is it reasonable that anyone should..just some ramblings this monday morning...
So you're saying it's ok to make promises then break them because people just do? Ownership? You clearly misunderstand what marriage is.
no you clearly dont know where marriage comes from, and why it was invented ..it was to secure wealth through the groom taking hold of the bridle or bride and accumulating wealth. land and legacy, through his ownership of her, and her breeding from him...selling women to the best match for family title and status...
thats why its become such an 'important' 'promissory' note..that social status has been placed on it..its a mans world ... the women were currency. i just refuse to be anyones currency, whether they think they are doing it, to me or not..
it been bound up in morality, another control tool for the masses..but specifically women..
im just not into societal rules, or placing importance on them.. people make promises they dont keep all the time..marriage is a false set of security measures, of self importance..
the amount of people who expect you to put up with abuse/ no sex/ any other form of suppression, including 'permission' or 'with my blessing' due to 'being married'
are just proscribing to those reasons why it was invented, in the first place
unless of course you really do think it was an 'institution' ( their words not mine) created by god..in which case , i really cannot help you
"
Here, here! |
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