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Humorous Epitaphs - What Will You Like On Your Headstone

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By *ptimusD OP   Man  over a year ago

Birmingham

Probably not the most pleasant topic of duscussion but we're all going to die one day so we might as well get used to the idea and consider how we'd like to be remembered.

I've often wondered what will be an ideal epitaph on my headstone. I cam across a few actual ones you may find interesting. So, what will you like yours to be x

____________________________

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia

Here lies

Ezekial Aikle

Age 102

The Good

Die Young.

***********

In a London cemetery

Here lies Ann Mann,

Who lived an old maid

But died an old Mann.

Dec. 8, 1767

************************

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery

The children of Israel wanted bread

And the Lord sent them manna,

Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,

And the Devil sent him Anna.

**********************

In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery

Here lies

Johnny Yeast

Pardon me

For not rising.

*************************

Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery

Here lies the body

of Jonathan Blake

Stepped on the gas

Instead of the brake.

********************************

A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery

Sacred to the memory of

my husband John Barnes

who died January 3, 1803

His comely young widow, aged 23, has

many qualifications of a good wife, and

yearns to be comforted.

*****************************

A lawyer's epitaph in England

Sir John Strange

Here lies an honest lawyer,

And that is Strange.

***************************

Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont

I was somebody.

Who, is no business

Of yours.

***********************

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont

Here lies the body of our Anna

Done to death by a banana

It wasn't the fruit that laid her low

But the skin of the thing that made her go.

******************

The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania

Who was fatally burned

March 21, 1870

by the explosion of a lamp

filled with "R.E. Danforth's

Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"

************************

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist

All dressed up

And no place to go.

***********************

And two I will never forget!

For a Scot:

Here lies Martin Elginbrod,

Hae mercy on my soul Lord God,

as I would do were I Lord God,

and ye were Martin Elginbrod!

or:

Here lies my wife.

Tears cannot bring

her back.

Therefore I cry!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago
Forum Mod

Does my bum look big in this?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

She came

She saw

She conquered

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By *ardybumsCouple  over a year ago

peekin under duvet is it safe?

"i told you i was ill"

thanks to spike milligan for alowing me the right to quote

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Knock 3 times and ring the bell. If no answer the key is under the headstone

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Here lies Soapy

Quiet at last xx

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Mad But Not Stupid!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

No good standing there, I'm not in.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

No longer available for play.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

On mine I'd like:

"If you hear tapping, get a bloody shovel!!!"

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Completely fucked.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Not Been This Stiff For So Long

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By *ptimusD OP   Man  over a year ago

Birmingham

I reckoned this topic needed reviving, so I found some more humorous epitaphs:

On the tombstone of a spinster Postmistress in a North Carolina cemetery:

Returned--Unopened

****************************************

Found on the tombstone in a churchyard in Streatham:

Here lies Elizabeth,

my wife for 47 years,

and this is the first damn thing

she ever done to oblige me.

************************************

And this highly suggestive notice at the entrance of a cemetery in North London:

All monumental erections must be observed & approved by a council official.

So guys, let's hear it for what you'd like written on your tombstone

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


""i told you i was ill"

thanks to spike milligan for alowing me the right to quote "

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman  over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Here lies Granny

She was truthful she was fair

She licked her pussy daily

And choked on a ball of hair

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I'll have:

Here lies Wishy,

The wife's over there,

Peace at last.

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By *ogart n BacallCouple  over a year ago

plymouth

You now stand

where once stood I

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman  over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

in front of ur own grave ?

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By *ogart n BacallCouple  over a year ago

plymouth

Only if I was choosing my own plot.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Check your Nitrox !!!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

"Her lamp bulb blew"

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Here Lies Martin

Sorely Missed

Seldom Sober

Often Pissed

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By *he_original_poloWoman  over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Here lies polo

On her back, now there's a surprise.

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