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Telling People
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hello everyone!
So, I recently did what I never thought I would - I told a very good friend of mine that Marc and I swing.
She is pretty conservative sexually, and she was telling us about these awful sexual experiences she has had, and it somehow just seemed right to tell her about how much fun sex can be. And she actually reacted much better than I thought she would.
Anyway, I was wondering, for those of you who are open about this, why do you feel like you can be? And for those of you who aren't (like us), do you think you would ever tell someone you know from your everyday life?
Thanks for all of your insight!
-Courtney |
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I don't purposely not tell people, i just don't talk about my sex life in general, but I would have done the exact same as you because for me it would be an appropriate time to mention it. A lot of things depend on situations. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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a few really close friends know about my lifestyle choice, and also some family members. some found it interesting to know others were shocked but are cool about it. It comes down to if you trust and want to talk about it. the ones who know also know that I met my partner in the scene but friends and colleagues who don't know about my personal life I just said we met at a club, for me it comes down to who I feel comfortable talking to about it.  |
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By *-ManMan
over a year ago
Kark |
"a few really close friends know about my lifestyle choice, and also some family members. some found it interesting to know others were shocked but are cool about it. It comes down to if you trust and want to talk about it. the ones who know also know that I met my partner in the scene but friends and colleagues who don't know about my personal life I just said we met at a club, for me it comes down to who I feel comfortable talking to about it. "
Trust,yes. I told 3 friends, one said nothing he was just blank, the other told me her stories and the 3rd is getting so much mileage out of taking the piss out of me |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"a few really close friends know about my lifestyle choice, and also some family members. some found it interesting to know others were shocked but are cool about it. It comes down to if you trust and want to talk about it. the ones who know also know that I met my partner in the scene but friends and colleagues who don't know about my personal life I just said we met at a club, for me it comes down to who I feel comfortable talking to about it. "
Yes, trust does play a big part in it. I completely trust my friend to keep what I tell her in confidence private. But I did think she was going to have an issue with it, when it turned out she completely didn't. Or at least didn't seem too. And that really surprised me.
But yes, I agree with what you sat about trust 
-Courtney |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A good friend knows I'm on here but because of my ex I won't tell anyone else. She would twist and over exaggerate everything to make me look bad.
It's just not worth it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We don't tell anyone
Tbh the only one's who we worry about finding out is our kid's.
We have very few friends.
Our parents are quite old sisters scattered far and wide around the British Isles.
The closest people to us are our kid's.
I honestly don't know what they would say and I really don't want to find out. |
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I am a very private person, both in terms of being on here and in my every day life.
The only people who know I am on here are me, and the people I have met.
Sometimes I wish I could be more open about a lot of things, but for some reason I have this big fear of being judged, or worse, misjudged! |
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I once told a best friend who wasn't aware. She loved it and did it herself. Then we fell out and she told the new people she befriended about me.
I would never ever tell anyone again. Lesson well and truly learnt!!
|
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My close friends know but then I met them on here so doesn't make a difference. I date in the vanilla world and would never share with them if I got serious with someone I'm at the stage now where I would just delete my profile and not even introduce it to them. The less people know about my private life the better. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My close friends know but then I met them on here so doesn't make a difference. I date in the vanilla world and would never share with them if I got serious with someone I'm at the stage now where I would just delete my profile and not even introduce it to them. The less people know about my private life the better. "
So you wouldn't consider continuing to swing as a couple, then? |
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"a few really close friends know about my lifestyle choice, and also some family members. some found it interesting to know others were shocked but are cool about it. It comes down to if you trust and want to talk about it. the ones who know also know that I met my partner in the scene but friends and colleagues who don't know about my personal life I just said we met at a club, for me it comes down to who I feel comfortable talking to about it.
Yes, trust does play a big part in it. I completely trust my friend to keep what I tell her in confidence private. But I did think she was going to have an issue with it, when it turned out she completely didn't. Or at least didn't seem too. And that really surprised me.
But yes, I agree with what you sat about trust
-Courtney"
I think you have done completely the right thing by your friend, she was, as you said, having issues and you have now opened her eyes to a whole new world.
She will be grateful for your honesty and keep your confidence.
Well done you!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"a few really close friends know about my lifestyle choice, and also some family members. some found it interesting to know others were shocked but are cool about it. It comes down to if you trust and want to talk about it. the ones who know also know that I met my partner in the scene but friends and colleagues who don't know about my personal life I just said we met at a club, for me it comes down to who I feel comfortable talking to about it.
Yes, trust does play a big part in it. I completely trust my friend to keep what I tell her in confidence private. But I did think she was going to have an issue with it, when it turned out she completely didn't. Or at least didn't seem too. And that really surprised me.
But yes, I agree with what you sat about trust
-Courtney
I think you have done completely the right thing by your friend, she was, as you said, having issues and you have now opened her eyes to a whole new world.
She will be grateful for your honesty and keep your confidence.
Well done you! "
Thanks!
She did say it probably wasn't for her. But I hope she knows now that sex can and should be better than she has had so far.
-Courtney |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be honest it wouldn't bother me if anybody found out I was on here, a few people know already, people I wouldn't trust I wouldn't tell but them finding out themselves wouldn't bother, I think once you've told your mother you are bisexual telling other people pretty much anything is easy,
As for the female half,who is pretty shy, it would devastate her if some people she knows knew she was on here.
As for the op your friend reacted in a way good friends should.
Mr |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
I would say a few people know
4 from uni - told them a few years back no issues they are discreet. Bit of piss taking at first but cool now
5 football lads found out 2 weeks ago....due to another guy (a member) outing me....been given nickname Pervy Mike.....which I can live with but luckily that has been kept if social media just in whatsapp |
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"I once told a best friend who wasn't aware. She loved it and did it herself. Then we fell out and she told the new people she befriended about me.
I would never ever tell anyone again. Lesson well and truly learnt!!
"
This is what worries me.
Tbh I'm not bothered if anyone knows but I have a hobby which is in a very gossipy community, I have heard rumours of couples within it being swingers and I would hate to be the point of gossip like they are! |
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"My close friends know but then I met them on here so doesn't make a difference. I date in the vanilla world and would never share with them if I got serious with someone I'm at the stage now where I would just delete my profile and not even introduce it to them. The less people know about my private life the better.
So you wouldn't consider continuing to swing as a couple, then?"
No after 8 years I think it's time I got away from the scence for a while it's been a blast but I need to just be away from it all for a bit, I rarely meet anymore anyway |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I and my sister had a night out on Saturday with me glammed up. She was totally wonderful and supportive and we both had the night of our lives.  "
That is wonderful |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I once told a best friend who wasn't aware. She loved it and did it herself. Then we fell out and she told the new people she befriended about me.
I would never ever tell anyone again. Lesson well and truly learnt!!
This is what worries me.
Tbh I'm not bothered if anyone knows but I have a hobby which is in a very gossipy community, I have heard rumours of couples within it being swingers and I would hate to be the point of gossip like they are!"
Yeah, this worries me a bit too.
And its nice to see you again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex-wife threatened to tell everyone I know in an attempt to control me. So I took her perceived power away from her and told everyone before she could.
Most were pretty understanding if I'm honest. |
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I'm single and my friends know I have an active sex life but I'm sure the swinging thing has never been mentioned.
My mums 95 so I'm not telling her but my brother and my children know I have friends in the lifestyle. Nobody needs to know the minutiae though! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Oh and my son found out I was on here the other day, he connected my tablet up to the television and up popped fab on the big screen,  "
And what was his reaction?
If you don't want to share that's fine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I and my sister had a night out on Saturday with me glammed up. She was totally wonderful and supportive and we both had the night of our lives. "
I can imagine a night out with tina to be incredibly great fun lot's of attention and giggles. |
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"I once told a best friend who wasn't aware. She loved it and did it herself. Then we fell out and she told the new people she befriended about me.
I would never ever tell anyone again. Lesson well and truly learnt!!
This is what worries me.
Tbh I'm not bothered if anyone knows but I have a hobby which is in a very gossipy community, I have heard rumours of couples within it being swingers and I would hate to be the point of gossip like they are!
Yeah, this worries me a bit too.
And its nice to see you again "
Always good to be able to imagine the person who is typing a bit better hope you had a good night (it was very quiet!) |
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I don't imagine we would tell anyone about what we do, we don't tend to talk about our sex life in personal terms with anyone outside of swinging anyway. Our circle of friends are quite closed when it comes to sex and I'm already considered quite risque and shocking |
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"Oh and my son found out I was on here the other day, he connected my tablet up to the television and up popped fab on the big screen,
And what was his reaction?
If you don't want to share that's fine. "
nothing really, he kept it up for what seemed like bloody ages though while he was trying to talk me through something, it was obvious he was reading what it was saying it was the full front page, didn't bother him. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Oh and my son found out I was on here the other day, he connected my tablet up to the television and up popped fab on the big screen,
And what was his reaction?
If you don't want to share that's fine. nothing really, he kept it up for what seemed like bloody ages though while he was trying to talk me through something, it was obvious he was reading what it was saying it was the full front page, didn't bother him."
Good on him! Sounds like a good reaction |
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"Oh and my son found out I was on here the other day, he connected my tablet up to the television and up popped fab on the big screen,
And what was his reaction?
If you don't want to share that's fine. nothing really, he kept it up for what seemed like bloody ages though while he was trying to talk me through something, it was obvious he was reading what it was saying it was the full front page, didn't bother him.
Good on him! Sounds like a good reaction "
having had me as a mother for 25 years don't think he would be surprised by anything, oh and to top it all they had my bedroom and been looking in the draw for something and there is a packet of extra large condoms in there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People have long stopped being surprised by anything I do, though I don't tend to tell people about my private life (unless there's a funny story involved) as I'm quite a private person |
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"My sex life is private and I don't talk about it. I'm not Swedish
And all this time I never knew  lol yes, took some time to tell you  "
Although I've been in a couple of smorgasbord sessions - in a manner of speaking  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can be open with family and friends because they aren't closed-minded and judgmental and aren't looking for something to turn their noses up at. I wouldn't discuss my sex life with some in laws,purely because they would gossip and make things uncomfortable for my children. Although my children would defend my actions to the death I wouldn't want them to have to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I thought that was gonna turn into a threesome 'and then we all fucked' story.
All my (Mrs mffxxx) friends know about this and love hearing the stories. I wouldn't purposely tell just 'someone' though unless I thought it was gonna score me a result!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I can be open with family and friends because they aren't closed-minded and judgmental and aren't looking for something to turn their noses up at. I wouldn't discuss my sex life with some in laws,purely because they would gossip and make things uncomfortable for my children. Although my children would defend my actions to the death I wouldn't want them to have to. "
I don't have kids, but from what you and others on this thread have said, I can completely understand why that would bring another dimension to the issue of privacy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are very secretive about this, a couple of reasons, 1 we have a 17 and a 15 year old and would be mortified if they found out what we get up to
Secondly if the lads at rugby club found out, they would try taking the Mickey telling me I'm not man enough to satisfy her, and they wouldn't understand and think it is fair game to try and chat up whenever they bump I'm to her, and that she is some sort of easy target or a slut who Will shag any of them
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I thought that was gonna turn into a threesome 'and then we all fucked' story.
All my (Mrs mffxxx) friends know about this and love hearing the stories. I wouldn't purposely tell just 'someone' though unless I thought it was gonna score me a result!! "
Haha! No, but Marc would have loved the mff I personally wouldn't do anything sexual with my really good friends. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My close friends know but then I met them on here so doesn't make a difference. I date in the vanilla world and would never share with them if I got serious with someone I'm at the stage now where I would just delete my profile and not even introduce it to them. The less people know about my private life the better.
So you wouldn't consider continuing to swing as a couple, then?"
I'm the same as I date in the vanilla world too. If i got serious with that person, no I definitely wouldn't want to become a swinging couple. If it came to it I'd rather delete my fab account. |
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"My close friends know but then I met them on here so doesn't make a difference. I date in the vanilla world and would never share with them if I got serious with someone I'm at the stage now where I would just delete my profile and not even introduce it to them. The less people know about my private life the better. "
What happens when you want to introduce Mr Right to your close friends and he asks how you met?
I don't really swing any more but everyone in my life knows apart from my parents. I don't have anything to hide and there's such a big crossover of friends now it doesn't make any sense to me to lie. Apart from the fact I have such a bad memory, I'd never remember who I said what to so I'm painfully honest. |
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"My close friends know but then I met them on here so doesn't make a difference. I date in the vanilla world and would never share with them if I got serious with someone I'm at the stage now where I would just delete my profile and not even introduce it to them. The less people know about my private life the better.
What happens when you want to introduce Mr Right to your close friends and he asks how you met?
I don't really swing any more but everyone in my life knows apart from my parents. I don't have anything to hide and there's such a big crossover of friends now it doesn't make any sense to me to lie. Apart from the fact I have such a bad memory, I'd never remember who I said what to so I'm painfully honest. "
Then I hope that they would be discrete enough to not tell him we met via seinginh |
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"My close friends know but then I met them on here so doesn't make a difference. I date in the vanilla world and would never share with them if I got serious with someone I'm at the stage now where I would just delete my profile and not even introduce it to them. The less people know about my private life the better.
What happens when you want to introduce Mr Right to your close friends and he asks how you met?
I don't really swing any more but everyone in my life knows apart from my parents. I don't have anything to hide and there's such a big crossover of friends now it doesn't make any sense to me to lie. Apart from the fact I have such a bad memory, I'd never remember who I said what to so I'm painfully honest.
Then I hope that they would be discrete enough to not tell him we met via seinginh "
Swinging |
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"My close friends know but then I met them on here so doesn't make a difference. I date in the vanilla world and would never share with them if I got serious with someone I'm at the stage now where I would just delete my profile and not even introduce it to them. The less people know about my private life the better.
What happens when you want to introduce Mr Right to your close friends and he asks how you met?
I don't really swing any more but everyone in my life knows apart from my parents. I don't have anything to hide and there's such a big crossover of friends now it doesn't make any sense to me to lie. Apart from the fact I have such a bad memory, I'd never remember who I said what to so I'm painfully honest.
Then I hope that they would be discrete enough to not tell him we met via seinginh "
but if you was serious enough about someone where you where planning on being together long-term would you not tell them about your past?
It's a big chunk of your life youd have to keep secret, in couldn't imagine being with someone where I had to keep secrets right from the start |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex knows not by me.
I had booked a room at a well known hotel and the lady in question promptly phoned my ex hubby of the same name and confirmed the room with him. Of course he asked why a room had been booked in his name and she said "to visit a swinging club"
He canceled and phoned me and I went ballistic.
To this day I still don't know why my details were given away in that manner.
Then questions questions and more questions.
When I wouldn't open up he left me alone!!
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"My close friends know but then I met them on here so doesn't make a difference. I date in the vanilla world and would never share with them if I got serious with someone I'm at the stage now where I would just delete my profile and not even introduce it to them. The less people know about my private life the better.
What happens when you want to introduce Mr Right to your close friends and he asks how you met?
I don't really swing any more but everyone in my life knows apart from my parents. I don't have anything to hide and there's such a big crossover of friends now it doesn't make any sense to me to lie. Apart from the fact I have such a bad memory, I'd never remember who I said what to so I'm painfully honest.
Then I hope that they would be discrete enough to not tell him we met via seinginh but if you was serious enough about someone where you where planning on being together long-term would you not tell them about your past?
It's a big chunk of your life youd have to keep secret, in couldn't imagine being with someone where I had to keep secrets right from the start"
There are lots in my past I wouldn't disclose why because it's buried in the past and stuff that never needs to be brought up. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"We are very secretive about this, a couple of reasons, 1 we have a 17 and a 15 year old and would be mortified if they found out what we get up to
Secondly if the lads at rugby club found out, they would try taking the Mickey telling me I'm not man enough to satisfy her, and they wouldn't understand and think it is fair game to try and chat up whenever they bump I'm to her, and that she is some sort of easy target or a slut who Will shag any of them
"
Kinda though the same when footy lads found out...was said do you like cuming on a women's tits when her husband watches.....
I said yes but also like having 2 women one on my cock, one on my face....soon shut them up...... |
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I too learned a lesson after confiding in a 'best friend'.
I dont think anyone truly understands the concept of swinging unless they are involved themselves. Ive heard several conversations in work that have discussed their idea of what swinging is and its very far off the mark. My issue is,,,, once bitten by the bug its very hard to revert.
I enjoy the open conversation that i have with people ive met on here. To go back to discussing how much fish is in Tesco this week, or how my friends husband wants her to gve him a bj and she is so disgusted... would drive me insane,
so, i continue, I tell no one and I make friends of those who think the way I think .
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"My close friends know but then I met them on here so doesn't make a difference. I date in the vanilla world and would never share with them if I got serious with someone I'm at the stage now where I would just delete my profile and not even introduce it to them. The less people know about my private life the better.
What happens when you want to introduce Mr Right to your close friends and he asks how you met?
I don't really swing any more but everyone in my life knows apart from my parents. I don't have anything to hide and there's such a big crossover of friends now it doesn't make any sense to me to lie. Apart from the fact I have such a bad memory, I'd never remember who I said what to so I'm painfully honest.
Then I hope that they would be discrete enough to not tell him we met via seinginh
Swinging "
Yeah I can understand that. I just wouldn't want to have that secret. I've been messing round with this for ten years, it's a big part of my life and I'd hate to have that fear when I was out with friends that someone would get d*unk and say something they weren't supposed to. Then it's not so much a secret from your past, it's a massive lie.
I think if you meet the right person it won't matter what your past consists of, it's made you who you are today. I wouldn't base a long term, future relationship on a fib. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My close friends know but then I met them on here so doesn't make a difference. I date in the vanilla world and would never share with them if I got serious with someone I'm at the stage now where I would just delete my profile and not even introduce it to them. The less people know about my private life the better.
What happens when you want to introduce Mr Right to your close friends and he asks how you met?
I don't really swing any more but everyone in my life knows apart from my parents. I don't have anything to hide and there's such a big crossover of friends now it doesn't make any sense to me to lie. Apart from the fact I have such a bad memory, I'd never remember who I said what to so I'm painfully honest.
Then I hope that they would be discrete enough to not tell him we met via seinginh but if you was serious enough about someone where you where planning on being together long-term would you not tell them about your past?
It's a big chunk of your life youd have to keep secret, in couldn't imagine being with someone where I had to keep secrets right from the start"
Just the same as everyone has a past involving all manner of things. Does everyone know every little thing about your past? I don't think a lot of men would want to know about their new partners past sex life. I wouldn't care about my partners (when I have one). All that's important is how two people get on with each other and focus on their own future together. The past Is irrelevant. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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May have been said but my view is there are 3 people types
Like minded - those that partake
Tolerant - those that don't but don't concern themselves with the actions of others
Pigeon holers - those that don't, don't understand why others would and mostly need to pick and mock to find personal peace with it
Like-minded and tolerant I will discuss anything with, the latter group I avoid talking about anything with, I'am not here to educate although maybe share
Problem will be everyone is treated as a pigeon holer until confirmed otherwise
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"My close friends know but then I met them on here so doesn't make a difference. I date in the vanilla world and would never share with them if I got serious with someone I'm at the stage now where I would just delete my profile and not even introduce it to them. The less people know about my private life the better.
What happens when you want to introduce Mr Right to your close friends and he asks how you met?
I don't really swing any more but everyone in my life knows apart from my parents. I don't have anything to hide and there's such a big crossover of friends now it doesn't make any sense to me to lie. Apart from the fact I have such a bad memory, I'd never remember who I said what to so I'm painfully honest.
Then I hope that they would be discrete enough to not tell him we met via seinginh
Swinging
Yeah I can understand that. I just wouldn't want to have that secret. I've been messing round with this for ten years, it's a big part of my life and I'd hate to have that fear when I was out with friends that someone would get d*unk and say something they weren't supposed to. Then it's not so much a secret from your past, it's a massive lie.
I think if you meet the right person it won't matter what your past consists of, it's made you who you are today. I wouldn't base a long term, future relationship on a fib. "
I understand what you are saying and I'm not one to keep secrets but it would have to be under the right situation etc... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My close friends know but then I met them on here so doesn't make a difference. I date in the vanilla world and would never share with them if I got serious with someone I'm at the stage now where I would just delete my profile and not even introduce it to them. The less people know about my private life the better.
What happens when you want to introduce Mr Right to your close friends and he asks how you met?
I don't really swing any more but everyone in my life knows apart from my parents. I don't have anything to hide and there's such a big crossover of friends now it doesn't make any sense to me to lie. Apart from the fact I have such a bad memory, I'd never remember who I said what to so I'm painfully honest.
Then I hope that they would be discrete enough to not tell him we met via seinginh
Swinging
Yeah I can understand that. I just wouldn't want to have that secret. I've been messing round with this for ten years, it's a big part of my life and I'd hate to have that fear when I was out with friends that someone would get d*unk and say something they weren't supposed to. Then it's not so much a secret from your past, it's a massive lie.
I think if you meet the right person it won't matter what your past consists of, it's made you who you are today. I wouldn't base a long term, future relationship on a fib. "
Keeping your own past private business to yourself isn't fibbing. It's no one's business but your own. |
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"My close friends know but then I met them on here so doesn't make a difference. I date in the vanilla world and would never share with them if I got serious with someone I'm at the stage now where I would just delete my profile and not even introduce it to them. The less people know about my private life the better.
What happens when you want to introduce Mr Right to your close friends and he asks how you met?
I don't really swing any more but everyone in my life knows apart from my parents. I don't have anything to hide and there's such a big crossover of friends now it doesn't make any sense to me to lie. Apart from the fact I have such a bad memory, I'd never remember who I said what to so I'm painfully honest.
Then I hope that they would be discrete enough to not tell him we met via seinginh
Swinging
Yeah I can understand that. I just wouldn't want to have that secret. I've been messing round with this for ten years, it's a big part of my life and I'd hate to have that fear when I was out with friends that someone would get d*unk and say something they weren't supposed to. Then it's not so much a secret from your past, it's a massive lie.
I think if you meet the right person it won't matter what your past consists of, it's made you who you are today. I wouldn't base a long term, future relationship on a fib. "
I think I'm just to lazy, wouldn't be able to keep it up something would end up coming out my gob at some point |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"May have been said but my view is there are 3 people types
Like minded - those that partake
Tolerant - those that don't but don't concern themselves with the actions of others
Pigeon holers - those that don't, don't understand why others would and mostly need to pick and mock to find personal peace with it
Like-minded and tolerant I will discuss anything with, the latter group I avoid talking about anything with, I'am not here to educate although maybe share
Problem will be everyone is treated as a pigeon holer until confirmed otherwise
"
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"Keeping your own past private business to yourself isn't fibbing. It's no one's business but your own. "
Of course it's your own business. I've not said different.
What I did say was when your swinging life crosses over into your vanilla life (for want of a better expression) is that when you introduce those people to your new partner and you have to lie about how you know them, that's the lie I'm not comfortable with.
Your past is your own business. It's entirely up to you who you tell or don't tell. I can only speak for myself and I would choose not to lie about how I met my friends. I'm unlikely to point out who I've had sex with but I wouldn't keep this side of my life a secret. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Keeping your own past private business to yourself isn't fibbing. It's no one's business but your own.
Of course it's your own business. I've not said different.
What I did say was when your swinging life crosses over into your vanilla life (for want of a better expression) is that when you introduce those people to your new partner and you have to lie about how you know them, that's the lie I'm not comfortable with.
Your past is your own business. It's entirely up to you who you tell or don't tell. I can only speak for myself and I would choose not to lie about how I met my friends. I'm unlikely to point out who I've had sex with but I wouldn't keep this side of my life a secret. "
I do. And I will always keep all this secret. A massive fuck off lie that I'm as innocent as the driven snow. And I won't lose any sleep about it either. |
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"Keeping your own past private business to yourself isn't fibbing. It's no one's business but your own.
Of course it's your own business. I've not said different.
What I did say was when your swinging life crosses over into your vanilla life (for want of a better expression) is that when you introduce those people to your new partner and you have to lie about how you know them, that's the lie I'm not comfortable with.
Your past is your own business. It's entirely up to you who you tell or don't tell. I can only speak for myself and I would choose not to lie about how I met my friends. I'm unlikely to point out who I've had sex with but I wouldn't keep this side of my life a secret.
I do. And I will always keep all this secret. A massive fuck off lie that I'm as innocent as the driven snow. And I won't lose any sleep about it either. "
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that at all. I just choose not to. I don't feel the need to. No-one would ever believe that I'm as innocent as driven snow if they met me.
I just don't want to be with someone that I feel I have to lie to because they wouldn't accept me because of my past. That tells me that they're not the right person for me.
I asked Cheekychops the question just to see if she'd thought about it that way. It's entirely up to each individual how they live their life. If I felt the urge to keep a secret then I'd tell as many lies as it took. I just don't feel the need for myself. |
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"Keeping your own past private business to yourself isn't fibbing. It's no one's business but your own.
Of course it's your own business. I've not said different.
What I did say was when your swinging life crosses over into your vanilla life (for want of a better expression) is that when you introduce those people to your new partner and you have to lie about how you know them, that's the lie I'm not comfortable with.
Your past is your own business. It's entirely up to you who you tell or don't tell. I can only speak for myself and I would choose not to lie about how I met my friends. I'm unlikely to point out who I've had sex with but I wouldn't keep this side of my life a secret.
I do. And I will always keep all this secret. A massive fuck off lie that I'm as innocent as the driven snow. And I won't lose any sleep about it either.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that at all. I just choose not to. I don't feel the need to. No-one would ever believe that I'm as innocent as driven snow if they met me.
I just don't want to be with someone that I feel I have to lie to because they wouldn't accept me because of my past. That tells me that they're not the right person for me.
I asked Cheekychops the question just to see if she'd thought about it that way. It's entirely up to each individual how they live their life. If I felt the urge to keep a secret then I'd tell as many lies as it took. I just don't feel the need for myself. "
But I guess I wouldn't think someone is wrong for me because he didn't understand swinging it's a lot to take on board for some. |
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"
But I guess I wouldn't think someone is wrong for me because he didn't understand swinging it's a lot to take on board for some. "
Yup... we're all different. I just know me well enough to know that I don't want to hide bits of myself or my friends from someone I'm supposed to be in an equal, loving partnership with.
I don't expect someone to love my past, I expect them to love me despite my past.
If they were likely to have issue with that then chances are I'd not be fucking him in the first place cause he wouldn't be my sort of person if that makes sense.  |
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"
But I guess I wouldn't think someone is wrong for me because he didn't understand swinging it's a lot to take on board for some.
Yup... we're all different. I just know me well enough to know that I don't want to hide bits of myself or my friends from someone I'm supposed to be in an equal, loving partnership with.
I don't expect someone to love my past, I expect them to love me despite my past.
If they were likely to have issue with that then chances are I'd not be fucking him in the first place cause he wouldn't be my sort of person if that makes sense. "
I understand what you are saying I guess like what you said we are all different in our thought process it doesn't make anyone wrong it just makes is different |
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"
But I guess I wouldn't think someone is wrong for me because he didn't understand swinging it's a lot to take on board for some.
Yup... we're all different. I just know me well enough to know that I don't want to hide bits of myself or my friends from someone I'm supposed to be in an equal, loving partnership with.
I don't expect someone to love my past, I expect them to love me despite my past.
If they were likely to have issue with that then chances are I'd not be fucking him in the first place cause he wouldn't be my sort of person if that makes sense.
I understand what you are saying I guess like what you said we are all different in our thought process it doesn't make anyone wrong it just makes is different "
Of course we are. It's the way of the world and some of my swingy pals have made the same choice as you would make and we all behave impeccably well. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
But I guess I wouldn't think someone is wrong for me because he didn't understand swinging it's a lot to take on board for some.
Yup... we're all different. I just know me well enough to know that I don't want to hide bits of myself or my friends from someone I'm supposed to be in an equal, loving partnership with.
I don't expect someone to love my past, I expect them to love me despite my past.
If they were likely to have issue with that then chances are I'd not be fucking him in the first place cause he wouldn't be my sort of person if that makes sense.
I understand what you are saying I guess like what you said we are all different in our thought process it doesn't make anyone wrong it just makes is different
Of course we are. It's the way of the world and some of my swingy pals have made the same choice as you would make and we all behave impeccably well. "
Forget that!! I think you're all wrong!
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
But I guess I wouldn't think someone is wrong for me because he didn't understand swinging it's a lot to take on board for some.
Yup... we're all different. I just know me well enough to know that I don't want to hide bits of myself or my friends from someone I'm supposed to be in an equal, loving partnership with.
I don't expect someone to love my past, I expect them to love me despite my past.
If they were likely to have issue with that then chances are I'd not be fucking him in the first place cause he wouldn't be my sort of person if that makes sense. "
I do understand all that. Not saying either of you are wrong. I know it's me that's wrong. x |
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"
But I guess I wouldn't think someone is wrong for me because he didn't understand swinging it's a lot to take on board for some.
Yup... we're all different. I just know me well enough to know that I don't want to hide bits of myself or my friends from someone I'm supposed to be in an equal, loving partnership with.
I don't expect someone to love my past, I expect them to love me despite my past.
If they were likely to have issue with that then chances are I'd not be fucking him in the first place cause he wouldn't be my sort of person if that makes sense.
I do understand all that. Not saying either of you are wrong. I know it's me that's wrong. x"
Well then I must be wrong with you because I wouldn't tell a partner I met away from fab all about my time on fab if my friends choose to accept that and still be my friend then great if they don't then well that's their choice and I wouldn't hate them for it I just choose to keep a lot of my past in the past as some of it has taken me years to get over and not going to keep dragging in up if that makes me wrong then so be it I can live with that. |
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My husband has told his best friend of about 40 years what we do, he is fine with it, just asked a few questions and that has been it.
I won't be telling any of my friends, they are the biggest bunch of gossips I know!
And basically my sex life is no-ones business. |
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"
But I guess I wouldn't think someone is wrong for me because he didn't understand swinging it's a lot to take on board for some.
Yup... we're all different. I just know me well enough to know that I don't want to hide bits of myself or my friends from someone I'm supposed to be in an equal, loving partnership with.
I don't expect someone to love my past, I expect them to love me despite my past.
If they were likely to have issue with that then chances are I'd not be fucking him in the first place cause he wouldn't be my sort of person if that makes sense.
I do understand all that. Not saying either of you are wrong. I know it's me that's wrong. x
Well then I must be wrong with you because I wouldn't tell a partner I met away from fab all about my time on fab if my friends choose to accept that and still be my friend then great if they don't then well that's their choice and I wouldn't hate them for it I just choose to keep a lot of my past in the past as some of it has taken me years to get over and not going to keep dragging in up if that makes me wrong then so be it I can live with that. "
I don't think either of you are wrong. At all.
I do find it curious that you deflect it onto your friends accepting your decision though... I think a real friend will always accept your choices regardless of whether they agree or not. At least that's how my friendships are.
|
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"
But I guess I wouldn't think someone is wrong for me because he didn't understand swinging it's a lot to take on board for some.
Yup... we're all different. I just know me well enough to know that I don't want to hide bits of myself or my friends from someone I'm supposed to be in an equal, loving partnership with.
I don't expect someone to love my past, I expect them to love me despite my past.
If they were likely to have issue with that then chances are I'd not be fucking him in the first place cause he wouldn't be my sort of person if that makes sense.
I do understand all that. Not saying either of you are wrong. I know it's me that's wrong. x
Well then I must be wrong with you because I wouldn't tell a partner I met away from fab all about my time on fab if my friends choose to accept that and still be my friend then great if they don't then well that's their choice and I wouldn't hate them for it I just choose to keep a lot of my past in the past as some of it has taken me years to get over and not going to keep dragging in up if that makes me wrong then so be it I can live with that. "
that's good if it works for you, I just think for me its part of who I am and if I couldn't talk openly and honestly about my sex life in wouldnt be compatable with that person.
For me that's completly different from issues in my life, after nine years jays still finding stuff out.
But I could never get into a vanilla relationship and switch part of me off anyway so I will never know if I could keep part of my life a secret, id find it uncomfortable never being 100% myself around someone I loved in a relationship |
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"
But I guess I wouldn't think someone is wrong for me because he didn't understand swinging it's a lot to take on board for some.
Yup... we're all different. I just know me well enough to know that I don't want to hide bits of myself or my friends from someone I'm supposed to be in an equal, loving partnership with.
I don't expect someone to love my past, I expect them to love me despite my past.
If they were likely to have issue with that then chances are I'd not be fucking him in the first place cause he wouldn't be my sort of person if that makes sense.
I do understand all that. Not saying either of you are wrong. I know it's me that's wrong. x
Well then I must be wrong with you because I wouldn't tell a partner I met away from fab all about my time on fab if my friends choose to accept that and still be my friend then great if they don't then well that's their choice and I wouldn't hate them for it I just choose to keep a lot of my past in the past as some of it has taken me years to get over and not going to keep dragging in up if that makes me wrong then so be it I can live with that.
I don't think either of you are wrong. At all.
I do find it curious that you deflect it onto your friends accepting your decision though... I think a real friend will always accept your choices regardless of whether they agree or not. At least that's how my friendships are.
"
And they likely would accept  |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
I still haven't told some of my best mates as not sure how they would react
I have a lot of ex swinging friends that I talk to but I might say I am going to a club or going to a meet and leave it at that
I haven't told anyone at work, God knows what they would say. I remember a conversation where my old manager was saying being gay is not correct.....
Again the way I see the people I have told I trust, and they were inquisitive |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'm open with those that count, eg eldest daughter, ex husband and bestie.couple close colleague's at work.
not announcing to the rooftops but prefer family to know where I am incase of emergancy etc
nobody that surprised or even shocked, more intrigued than anything |
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"
But I guess I wouldn't think someone is wrong for me because he didn't understand swinging it's a lot to take on board for some.
Yup... we're all different. I just know me well enough to know that I don't want to hide bits of myself or my friends from someone I'm supposed to be in an equal, loving partnership with.
I don't expect someone to love my past, I expect them to love me despite my past.
If they were likely to have issue with that then chances are I'd not be fucking him in the first place cause he wouldn't be my sort of person if that makes sense.
I do understand all that. Not saying either of you are wrong. I know it's me that's wrong. x
Well then I must be wrong with you because I wouldn't tell a partner I met away from fab all about my time on fab if my friends choose to accept that and still be my friend then great if they don't then well that's their choice and I wouldn't hate them for it I just choose to keep a lot of my past in the past as some of it has taken me years to get over and not going to keep dragging in up if that makes me wrong then so be it I can live with that.
I don't think either of you are wrong. At all.
I do find it curious that you deflect it onto your friends accepting your decision though... I think a real friend will always accept your choices regardless of whether they agree or not. At least that's how my friendships are.
And they likely would accept "
But you'd walk away from them if they didn't? |
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"
But I guess I wouldn't think someone is wrong for me because he didn't understand swinging it's a lot to take on board for some.
Yup... we're all different. I just know me well enough to know that I don't want to hide bits of myself or my friends from someone I'm supposed to be in an equal, loving partnership with.
I don't expect someone to love my past, I expect them to love me despite my past.
If they were likely to have issue with that then chances are I'd not be fucking him in the first place cause he wouldn't be my sort of person if that makes sense.
I do understand all that. Not saying either of you are wrong. I know it's me that's wrong. x
Well then I must be wrong with you because I wouldn't tell a partner I met away from fab all about my time on fab if my friends choose to accept that and still be my friend then great if they don't then well that's their choice and I wouldn't hate them for it I just choose to keep a lot of my past in the past as some of it has taken me years to get over and not going to keep dragging in up if that makes me wrong then so be it I can live with that.
I don't think either of you are wrong. At all.
I do find it curious that you deflect it onto your friends accepting your decision though... I think a real friend will always accept your choices regardless of whether they agree or not. At least that's how my friendships are.
And they likely would accept
But you'd walk away from them if they didn't? "
No of course not I value friendships and people |
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"
But I guess I wouldn't think someone is wrong for me because he didn't understand swinging it's a lot to take on board for some.
Yup... we're all different. I just know me well enough to know that I don't want to hide bits of myself or my friends from someone I'm supposed to be in an equal, loving partnership with.
I don't expect someone to love my past, I expect them to love me despite my past.
If they were likely to have issue with that then chances are I'd not be fucking him in the first place cause he wouldn't be my sort of person if that makes sense.
I do understand all that. Not saying either of you are wrong. I know it's me that's wrong. x
Well then I must be wrong with you because I wouldn't tell a partner I met away from fab all about my time on fab if my friends choose to accept that and still be my friend then great if they don't then well that's their choice and I wouldn't hate them for it I just choose to keep a lot of my past in the past as some of it has taken me years to get over and not going to keep dragging in up if that makes me wrong then so be it I can live with that.
I don't think either of you are wrong. At all.
I do find it curious that you deflect it onto your friends accepting your decision though... I think a real friend will always accept your choices regardless of whether they agree or not. At least that's how my friendships are.
And they likely would accept
But you'd walk away from them if they didn't?
No of course not I value friendships and people "
Good cause when you find a boyfriend we want regular updates on how it's going. |
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"But also I wouldn't be made to feel that if i don't tell him they will...I'm using that as an example I'm not saying they would."
Oh wow no!! That should never happen! Your life, your secrets. I would hope that no-one would make you feel that way. That's not a friendship. |
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"But also I wouldn't be made to feel that if i don't tell him they will...I'm using that as an example I'm not saying they would."
cheeky, sweetypie, in think your over complicating things when Mr right comes along he will except you warts and all and won't care that you where a swinger and might even join you, in shall watch out for the couples profile |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I have changed my view on personal disclosure. I have realised that my tendency to disclose too much personal information has been naive, so I am now of a mind to disclose little to anyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
But I guess I wouldn't think someone is wrong for me because he didn't understand swinging it's a lot to take on board for some.
Yup... we're all different. I just know me well enough to know that I don't want to hide bits of myself or my friends from someone I'm supposed to be in an equal, loving partnership with.
I don't expect someone to love my past, I expect them to love me despite my past.
If they were likely to have issue with that then chances are I'd not be fucking him in the first place cause he wouldn't be my sort of person if that makes sense.
I do understand all that. Not saying either of you are wrong. I know it's me that's wrong. x
Well then I must be wrong with you because I wouldn't tell a partner I met away from fab all about my time on fab if my friends choose to accept that and still be my friend then great if they don't then well that's their choice and I wouldn't hate them for it I just choose to keep a lot of my past in the past as some of it has taken me years to get over and not going to keep dragging in up if that makes me wrong then so be it I can live with that. "
Sorry MCC my comment wasn't aimed at you or anyone else, it was actually aimed at me. And I agree with what you said here. |
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"
But I guess I wouldn't think someone is wrong for me because he didn't understand swinging it's a lot to take on board for some.
Yup... we're all different. I just know me well enough to know that I don't want to hide bits of myself or my friends from someone I'm supposed to be in an equal, loving partnership with.
I don't expect someone to love my past, I expect them to love me despite my past.
If they were likely to have issue with that then chances are I'd not be fucking him in the first place cause he wouldn't be my sort of person if that makes sense.
I do understand all that. Not saying either of you are wrong. I know it's me that's wrong. x
Well then I must be wrong with you because I wouldn't tell a partner I met away from fab all about my time on fab if my friends choose to accept that and still be my friend then great if they don't then well that's their choice and I wouldn't hate them for it I just choose to keep a lot of my past in the past as some of it has taken me years to get over and not going to keep dragging in up if that makes me wrong then so be it I can live with that.
Sorry MCC my comment wasn't aimed at you or anyone else, it was actually aimed at me. And I agree with what you said here."
Don't say sorry my comment was just in reply to yours I guess |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hello everyone!
So, I recently did what I never thought I would - I told a very good friend of mine that Marc and I swing.
She is pretty conservative sexually, and she was telling us about these awful sexual experiences she has had, and it somehow just seemed right to tell her about how much fun sex can be. And she actually reacted much better than I thought she would.
Anyway, I was wondering, for those of you who are open about this, why do you feel like you can be? And for those of you who aren't (like us), do you think you would ever tell someone you know from your everyday life?
Thanks for all of your insight!
-Courtney"
Since I split from my husband I've changed a lot, and everyone knows I swing, some are vocal about it that I'm not being safe etc, some just say be careful and listens to my latest tales!
The ex knows everything and says he won't encourage it but gets off on it for sure, and he is the only one I tell where I'm going etc (most of the time anyway!) |
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Most of my friends know, and a few work colleagues that I'm close with. They've all been interested and curious, no one has been judgemental and will occasionally ask me questions.
Don't think my sister would be the same though, we don't really talk about our sex lives |
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"Hello everyone!
So, I recently did what I never thought I would - I told a very good friend of mine that Marc and I swing.
She is pretty conservative sexually, and she was telling us about these awful sexual experiences she has had, and it somehow just seemed right to tell her about how much fun sex can be. And she actually reacted much better than I thought she would.
Anyway, I was wondering, for those of you who are open about this, why do you feel like you can be? And for those of you who aren't (like us), do you think you would ever tell someone you know from your everyday life?
Thanks for all of your insight!
-Courtney"
I'm a private person. I would no sooner discuss my sex life than I would my bowel movements, bank details etc. "Private" for me is just that. |
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My best mate at work knows and thinks its great.
Her response was "Wow brilliant, I bet that's really liberating..."
I also told my sister who I always though was open minded... bad idea and will never bring the topic up again. She was horrified.
On the whole this is something personal to us. Doubt that many in the vanilla world will be told.
Nita |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never felt the need to discuss any other aspect of my sex life with anyone else, so I don't imagine ever telling friends or family about fab or swinging either.
Additionally we live in a small town, and there are a few couples we know that also swing, I've seen them gossiped about and wouldn't want to be in that position as they don't really come out of it well, they also don't know about us as their discretion leaves a lot to be desired |
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