Let me share a gag with you folks, see if I can put a smile on a few faces?
How about we all contribute and have a giggle through the heavy rain and strong winds ( for those who have them ).
Ok here goes... |
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"I've currently got my head trapped in a vase after I tried to pick out a jelly baby off the bottom using just my teeth.
I told my son to call the fire brigade but, apparently, he doesn't know the number...
Honestly, I don't know where that fucking idiot gets his brains from sometimes!!!" |
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"A few months ago, my girlfriend decided we can't have sex until the lounge has been decorated.
I really hate decorating, so I've taken the drastic step of hiring a professional.
The lounge still isn't done, and that prostitute did gave me an incredible blow job!" |
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" I had a first date with a new girlfriend yesterday. It was going fine until I asked her, " Do you spit or swallow?".
She slapped me around the face, kicked me in the nuts and just stormed off!
That's the last time I'll take a bird to a wine tasting lesson!" |
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" I suggested to the wife that we try a little role play. ( to brighten things up!)
She came home a few days later with a nurses uniform. She went into the bedroom and asked me to wait outside.
I hadn't realised how realistic she would play this.
I've now been sitting out here for nearly seven hours!" |
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" I was showing the doctor a nasty rash on my cock the other day.
He looked really uncomfortable and certainly didn't want to touch it.
"Make an appointment at the surgery on Monday", he said. He then walked off with his kids and carried on shopping." |
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"My misses walked in on my son and I having a blazing row. He got up and left the room just as she asked what the problem was.
She was glaring at me and I said, " I should have worn a condom"...
" How can you say that about your own son?".
"I'm not talking about him...", I said, " I just got his girlfriend pregnant." |
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"My wife asked me to go shopping earlier.
" Get a pint of milk and, if they have tomatoes, get six."
A short while later I came back with six pints of milk.
" Why did you get six pints of milk? "
" They had tomatoes ", I replied.
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" Dear Dr. Phil,
I was watching my neighbour's wife sunbathing naked from my bedroom window.
As I was cracking one off I turned to noticethat my wife was stood behind me...watching me.
Is she a pervert?" |
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By *icky999Man
over a year ago
warrington |
""My wife asked me to go shopping earlier.
" Get a pint of milk and, if they have tomatoes, get six."
A short while later I came back with six pints of milk.
" Why did you get six pints of milk? "
" They had tomatoes ", I replied.
"
 |
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"You know you've still got it when your walking along the beach with the wife and a couple of gorgeous birds are in the sea waving at you when she ain't looking!
There was no way I was swimming out that far to talk to them though! " |
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" I'm a bit concerned that every time I look at your son, he's playing with himself ", my son's teacher said to me.
"Come on, we all enjoy a bit of a wank every now and then?", I replied.
"No, I meant that the other kids all hate him!" |
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