FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > It's ok to be rude online
It's ok to be rude online
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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From reading various threads I have learned that 'normal real life social etiquette rules' don't exist when interacting with people online. It's ok to be rude and ignorant.
Why is this? It's still a person online. Just because you can't see that person's reaction is it really ok to be rude? |
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By *ivnwcplCouple
over a year ago
liverpool |
"From reading various threads I have learned that 'normal real life social etiquette rules' don't exist when interacting with people online. It's ok to be rude and ignorant.
Why is this? It's still a person online. Just because you can't see that person's reaction is it really ok to be rude? "
Don't be so nosey ....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends what you class as rude
No I don't think it OK to be rude online but my idea of rude may not be the same as yours, so what I may see as OK you may not
That makes sence to me  |
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But yes, you're right - as much as t'internet can be a wonderful tool for bringing people together, it creates barriers, hysteria and group-think very easily.
I would just add that Fab is a *much* nicer place than where I was before.
Much. |
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15 mins of your life, highly illuminating:
Jamie Bartlett finds out that internet trolls can be surprisingly human.
The author of "The Dark Net", he says that demonising people behind shocking and hidden online subcultures may not be the best way to deal with them. Greater understanding of the complexity of their motivation could lead us to a more effective response.
Without condoning their disturbing and unacceptable behaviour, he tells the stories of his surprising encounters with them.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b05qgm1y |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been accused of being rude in the past. It's not my intention to be, I'm just a straight talker and exactly the same in real life.
Makes me laugh, people want you to be honest and when you are it's apparently rude! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think people should act any different online than in "real life." I certainly don't.
Seeing people act rudely online simply signals to me that that is how they would act in person as well, if the ramifications weren't an issue.
-Courtney |
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"From reading various threads I have learned that 'normal real life social etiquette rules' don't exist when interacting with people online. It's ok to be rude and ignorant.
Why is this? It's still a person online. Just because you can't see that person's reaction is it really ok to be rude? "
No... it's not.
I'm no different here than I am in reality. I don't think there's any excuse to behave like a bellend because you're not face to face with someone. I generally feel a bit sorry for angry people who hide behind a computer. Same goes for angry people in real life. They should find one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"there is when some c**ts being rude to you  
No there isn't... it's much more fun to be nice to an angry person. "
thats true... but that one works alot better in person i reckon |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Face to face you are accountable for your actions
Online especially behind a username you are not,
Remove accountability from face face and the online dick will be an everywhere dick, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"15 mins of your life, highly illuminating:
Jamie Bartlett finds out that internet trolls can be surprisingly human.
The author of "The Dark Net", he says that demonising people behind shocking and hidden online subcultures may not be the best way to deal with them. Greater understanding of the complexity of their motivation could lead us to a more effective response.
Without condoning their disturbing and unacceptable behaviour, he tells the stories of his surprising encounters with them.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b05qgm1y"
Just listened... it was fairly interesting I guess apart from the fact he spoke like he was reading a children's book. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Face to face you are accountable for your actions
Online especially behind a username you are not,
Remove accountability from face face and the online dick will be an everywhere dick,"
This 
|
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"15 mins of your life, highly illuminating:
Jamie Bartlett finds out that internet trolls can be surprisingly human.
The author of "The Dark Net", he says that demonising people behind shocking and hidden online subcultures may not be the best way to deal with them. Greater understanding of the complexity of their motivation could lead us to a more effective response.
Without condoning their disturbing and unacceptable behaviour, he tells the stories of his surprising encounters with them.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b05qgm1y
Just listened... it was fairly interesting I guess apart from the fact he spoke like he was reading a children's book. "
It's Radio 4, dummy! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Insulting someone online is like firing peas at an aircraft-carrier and hoping to dent it. Completely pointless!"
Not to those effected by online abuse it isn't though, Quite on target for them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Rudeness in whether online or in person is not acceptable, there is never a need to be rude. if someone is rude to you to lower your own standards a polite reply always works better for me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From reading various threads I have learned that 'normal real life social etiquette rules' don't exist when interacting with people online. It's ok to be rude and ignorant.
Why is this? It's still a person online. Just because you can't see that person's reaction is it really ok to be rude? "
no scarlet it's not ok to be rude but the people doing it are not accountable and its for the reason you stated they can't see you ,can't see your reaction and dont probably think about how you will react its all about them and what they want ,I'm never intentionally rude or sarcastic but messages can sometimes be ambiguous xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's easy to be rude online when they don't have the people there in front of them to react and kick their ass 
The same thing people have guts to chat people up online that they would be too nervous to do do face to face |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Face to face you are accountable for your actions
Online especially behind a username you are not,
Remove accountability from face face and the online dick will be an everywhere dick,
This
"
Yeah I'm always a dick so it makes no difference to me whether online or not.
I say whatever i like to whoever i like, whenever i like. However I do show some respect to few, this ecstasys got me standing next to you.Getting sentimental as fuck, spilling guts to you, we just met but I think I'm in love with you......... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No it's not right but some people will hide behind phones and keyboards to do it, yet face to face they don't.
I tend to ignore rudeness, there generally after a reaction and attention |
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I think a lot of people say things on here they wouldn't say in real life, well they can't do as they would be constantly getting a bop on the nose.
I have my "moments" on here it I do in real life as well.
There's a difference between straight talking and going out your way to be nasty and if some people don't realise there being nasty then they have a problem |
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I sometimes think being offended all depends on how strong a character you are in yourself, if someone wrote a snotty reply to me I would personally brush it of and think "fuck right off you twat" but someone of a more sensitive nature might take it all to heart and be truly offended, I deal with stroppy people face to face every day and I find it's best to smile and not show you are flustered and don't bite back, it soon takes the wind out of their sails |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are ramifications and consequences to online rudeness despite what some think. Being rude to people when there's no need just makes me look like a c**t. Its probably the reason i haven't, and probably won't meet anyone on here.
Do i give a fuck? Not in the slightest. I don’t need the approval of a bunch of ramdom strangers. People i know like me and thats all that matters. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"But yes, you're right - as much as t'internet can be a wonderful tool for bringing people together, it creates barriers, hysteria and group-think very easily.
I would just add that Fab is a *much* nicer place than where I was before.
Much. "
Fair point.
I'm not offended by online shit. Just kind of disappointed. |
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"But yes, you're right - as much as t'internet can be a wonderful tool for bringing people together, it creates barriers, hysteria and group-think very easily.
I would just add that Fab is a *much* nicer place than where I was before.
Much.
Fair point.
I'm not offended by online shit. Just kind of disappointed."
I would just add my big mouth gets me in to trouble in the real word just as often so to all the people I've offended on here, don;t feel special.
^ everything's alright if you put a smile afterwards. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
I am never intentionally rude but i do know some people are upset by my bluntness at times. That is not something I can influence without softening my words and I am not going to do that, as tough love is needed at times |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"I am never intentionally rude but i do know some people are upset by my bluntness at times. That is not something I can influence without softening my words and I am not going to do that, as tough love is needed at times I've never seen you be intentially rude, I've seen you being blunt some people need to be told things without it being sugarcoated, me included I respect someone far more but there are some people on here that do just post to be nasty.
"
cheers my dear |
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"I am never intentionally rude but i do know some people are upset by my bluntness at times. That is not something I can influence without softening my words and I am not going to do that, as tough love is needed at times "
Blunt is good.
I find that I'm too nice and sometimes have to fight the urge to slap myself.  |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
Opinions are sought here which would never be sought in the real world
Opinions offered (see above)
Compound that with a textual medium, disjointed 'conversation' and participation from a rather large group, comments can appear to be rude when it is probably not intentional
Then there are the professional 'offendees' |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
people expecting me to be rude, can always find a way of making me so.. calling people on their bullshit, is the most loving thing to do..as there is no definition of love, i would suggest that although there may be a million and one opinions, i, within all those, am still correct...
most of the time i am a loving happy, purring, pussycat, found happily snuggled somewhere on the nice and funny threads, being cooperative and friendly, no matter what anyone else is doing...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From reading various threads I have learned that 'normal real life social etiquette rules' don't exist when interacting with people online. It's ok to be rude and ignorant.
Why is this? It's still a person online. Just because you can't see that person's reaction is it really ok to be rude? "
As you;ve directly quoted me totally out of context can I just say that is clearly not what I said. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"From reading various threads I have learned that 'normal real life social etiquette rules' don't exist when interacting with people online. It's ok to be rude and ignorant.
Why is this? It's still a person online. Just because you can't see that person's reaction is it really ok to be rude?
As you;ve directly quoted me totally out of context can I just say that is clearly not what I said."
I couldn't think of a better way to say it/ find a better phrase. I wasn't intending to offend, sorry.
I was taking a lot of posts and trying to put them together to ask my question. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From reading various threads I have learned that 'normal real life social etiquette rules' don't exist when interacting with people online. It's ok to be rude and ignorant.
Why is this? It's still a person online. Just because you can't see that person's reaction is it really ok to be rude?
As you;ve directly quoted me totally out of context can I just say that is clearly not what I said.
I couldn't think of a better way to say it/ find a better phrase. I wasn't intending to offend, sorry.
I was taking a lot of posts and trying to put them together to ask my question. "
I'll be honest I'm not offended, I just expected better from you than taking a quote out of contect 
I never said it was okay to be rude. But I stand by my comment that when moaning about no replies online, you can;t compare it to real life. Particularly on a site like this. The social rules of reality simply don;t translate to here
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Opinions are sought here which would never be sought in the real world
Opinions offered (see above)
Compound that with a textual medium, disjointed 'conversation' and participation from a rather large group, comments can appear to be rude when it is probably not intentional
Then there are the professional 'offendees'"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends what you class as rude
No I don't think it OK to be rude online but my idea of rude may not be the same as yours, so what I may see as OK you may not
That makes sence to me "
This! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont act any different on here than in real life. Im never rude. I defend myself and others. Its got me into trouble but ive not done it out of rudeness. I accept that others have different personas online. And as has been said already, that's mainly down to anonymity. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"From reading various threads I have learned that 'normal real life social etiquette rules' don't exist when interacting with people online. It's ok to be rude and ignorant.
Why is this? It's still a person online. Just because you can't see that person's reaction is it really ok to be rude?
As you;ve directly quoted me totally out of context can I just say that is clearly not what I said.
I couldn't think of a better way to say it/ find a better phrase. I wasn't intending to offend, sorry.
I was taking a lot of posts and trying to put them together to ask my question.
I'll be honest I'm not offended, I just expected better from you than taking a quote out of contect
I never said it was okay to be rude. But I stand by my comment that when moaning about no replies online, you can;t compare it to real life. Particularly on a site like this. The social rules of reality simply don;t translate to here
"
I wasn't quoting you. I didn't say that you think it is ok to be rude.
My point I failed miserably to make. I'm in the minority on here anyway. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Just because you can't see that person's reaction is it really ok to be rude? "
No, and I realised a long time ago that there was a person with feelings on the other side of my laptop. My daughter was cyberbullied a few years ago and it was a bad thing to see. The problem is the feeling of helplessness - if you get angry people will tell you to calm down, its not serious, all in jest etc etc. But if you don't do something you are condoning bullying.
Most forum posters are decent people, and remember its the post they have a problem with, not the poster. But we do pile on some newbies or people who may have a less known fetish, and its uncomfortable _iewing. I do try to not join in but I know I fail. I just have to remember, how would I feel if it was done to me? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just because you can't see that person's reaction is it really ok to be rude?
No, and I realised a long time ago that there was a person with feelings on the other side of my laptop. My daughter was cyberbullied a few years ago and it was a bad thing to see. The problem is the feeling of helplessness - if you get angry people will tell you to calm down, its not serious, all in jest etc etc. But if you don't do something you are condoning bullying.
Most forum posters are decent people, and remember its the post they have a problem with, not the poster. But we do pile on some newbies or people who may have a less known fetish, and its uncomfortable _iewing. I do try to not join in but I know I fail. I just have to remember, how would I feel if it was done to me?"
That's what I was trying to say. 
Thank you. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Just because you can't see that person's reaction is it really ok to be rude?
No, and I realised a long time ago that there was a person with feelings on the other side of my laptop. My daughter was cyberbullied a few years ago and it was a bad thing to see. The problem is the feeling of helplessness - if you get angry people will tell you to calm down, its not serious, all in jest etc etc. But if you don't do something you are condoning bullying.
Most forum posters are decent people, and remember its the post they have a problem with, not the poster. But we do pile on some newbies or people who may have a less known fetish, and its uncomfortable _iewing. I do try to not join in but I know I fail. I just have to remember, how would I feel if it was done to me?
That's what I was trying to say.
Thank you."
Its like we're connected in some way. Oi, stop nicking my Wi-Fi! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just because you can't see that person's reaction is it really ok to be rude?
No, and I realised a long time ago that there was a person with feelings on the other side of my laptop. My daughter was cyberbullied a few years ago and it was a bad thing to see. The problem is the feeling of helplessness - if you get angry people will tell you to calm down, its not serious, all in jest etc etc. But if you don't do something you are condoning bullying.
Most forum posters are decent people, and remember its the post they have a problem with, not the poster. But we do pile on some newbies or people who may have a less known fetish, and its uncomfortable _iewing. I do try to not join in but I know I fail. I just have to remember, how would I feel if it was done to me?
That's what I was trying to say.
Thank you.
Its like we're connected in some way. Oi, stop nicking my Wi-Fi! "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Rudeness comes in many forms it's the way it's dished out that is the inponderable ,different people get so offended by the least little thing others it bounces off their leather backs but if you don't want to offend always consider the person you are messaging to be easily offended that way when they take offence you know it was your fault |
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"Rudeness comes in many forms it's the way it's dished out that is the inponderable ,different people get so offended by the least little thing others it bounces off their leather backs but if you don't want to offend always consider the person you are messaging to be easily offended that way when they take offence you know it was your fault "
I'm not sure if you have to be careful in case you offend someone, there's always someone going to be offended, a thread wouldn't be a thread these days if someone wasn't offended.
But noone should put up with abuse, or downright nastiness, people don't always no whose going to be offended but people know damn well when they are being downright nasty. Most people understand what's nasty and what's not.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From reading various threads I have learned that 'normal real life social etiquette rules' don't exist when interacting with people online. It's ok to be rude and ignorant.
Why is this? It's still a person online. Just because you can't see that person's reaction is it really ok to be rude? "
Things that are simple face to face are harder on the phone, and damned near impossible in writing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There was a thread the other night that was horrible reading. I don't like seeing people being unnecessarily mean. If you don't like someone, don't interact with them. It's not difficult. "
Your spot on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Although i have really good manners irl and know how to use them (and given them to my kids), i am not polite all the time.
People who HAVE to deal with me, i will be as pleasant as possible, not their fault they have to interact with me so why be a dick (shop staff etc).
People who are in my way, i don't barge past them or anything, i might like be slagging them off in my head though thinking ffs move. Maybe say excuse me if i think they're not deaf. Mostly i'll just try to get past them without speaking to them.
I hold doors open slightly for the person behind, but not in a way where i get stuck holding it open for the next 8 people who wanna walk through...can you see manners have disadvantages now?
I totally ignore people unwanted advances irl life as well, totally.
If anyone uses manners with me, like apologises for bumping into me or asks me politely to move out the way, i always acknowledge that.
I'd say most people tend to only use their manners when they've had a good day. I notice more people use them in summer than winter and it's coz they're more happy to interact with people.
Manners are just a way of interacting with people to make their day more pleasant and not yours, if i don't wanna interact with someone i won't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Yeah I'm always a dick so it makes no difference to me whether online or not.
I say whatever i like to whoever i like, whenever i like. However I do show some respect to few, this ecstasys got me standing next to you.Getting sentimental as fuck, spilling guts to you, we just met but I think I'm in love with you........."
but you're on here too so you tell me you love me too, wake up in the morning and like what the fuck we do, I gotta go bitch you know I got stuff to do, coz if I get caught cheating then I'm stuck with you. |
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"From reading various threads I have learned that 'normal real life social etiquette rules' don't exist when interacting with people online. It's ok to be rude and ignorant.
Why is this? It's still a person online. Just because you can't see that person's reaction is it really ok to be rude? "
No, it's not - it's just people can get away with it, and it's easier, so they do.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Although i have really good manners irl and know how to use them (and given them to my kids), i am not polite all the time.
People who HAVE to deal with me, i will be as pleasant as possible, not their fault they have to interact with me so why be a dick (shop staff etc).
People who are in my way, i don't barge past them or anything, i might like be slagging them off in my head though thinking ffs move. Maybe say excuse me if i think they're not deaf. Mostly i'll just try to get past them without speaking to them.
I hold doors open slightly for the person behind, but not in a way where i get stuck holding it open for the next 8 people who wanna walk through...can you see manners have disadvantages now?
I totally ignore people unwanted advances irl life as well, totally.
If anyone uses manners with me, like apologises for bumping into me or asks me politely to move out the way, i always acknowledge that.
I'd say most people tend to only use their manners when they've had a good day. I notice more people use them in summer than winter and it's coz they're more happy to interact with people.
Manners are just a way of interacting with people to make their day more pleasant and not yours, if i don't wanna interact with someone i won't."
Interesting. I'd not thought of it this way. |
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"One thought i'm having is 'is it poor manners to have expectations of others'?
Did google it, not really found any answer."
Not in my _iew - society runs on an expectation of largely cooperative behaviour. |
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It's never ok to be rude ....
You can always express your dissadisfaction without being rude !!
A well crafted sentence can make the other person feel totally guilty if they have been rude to you....
Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"One thought i'm having is 'is it poor manners to have expectations of others'?
Did google it, not really found any answer.
Not in my _iew - society runs on an expectation of largely cooperative behaviour."
I feel that expectations mess up how things work though and creates problems, especially as we all experience life differently. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"One thought i'm having is 'is it poor manners to have expectations of others'?
Did google it, not really found any answer."
not according to those that expect people to be at their level of manners..thats why they are socializing with you...
on the flipside,
manners move with the time dont they?- Victorians might class us as very poorly mannered..we would call many of them sexist pigs(males and females), they would think its very ill mannered us showing public affection..etc etc... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From reading various threads I have learned that 'normal real life social etiquette rules' don't exist when interacting with people online. It's ok to be rude and ignorant.
Why is this? It's still a person online. Just because you can't see that person's reaction is it really ok to be rude?
As you;ve directly quoted me totally out of context can I just say that is clearly not what I said.
I couldn't think of a better way to say it/ find a better phrase. I wasn't intending to offend, sorry.
I was taking a lot of posts and trying to put them together to ask my question.
I'll be honest I'm not offended, I just expected better from you than taking a quote out of contect
I never said it was okay to be rude. But I stand by my comment that when moaning about no replies online, you can;t compare it to real life. Particularly on a site like this. The social rules of reality simply don;t translate to here
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been accused of being rude in the past. It's not my intention to be, I'm just a straight talker and exactly the same in real life.
Makes me laugh, people want you to be honest and when you are it's apparently rude! "
That is so true.. xx |
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My tone changes slightly over different platforms (more camp on private Farcebook account, direct and pro on work FB page, Twatter and Instagram accounts).
I'm a little more reserved on here as only know a few of you in real life but still me. Wouldn't type anything I wouldn't say face-to-face, straight talking, no nonsense bla bla. I may come across as rude but it's never been my intention.
I've known a few angry forum users over the years. People who I feared to meet as they stalked boards like a big grumpy monster but in real life, quite meek and pathetic. Sad really. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"One thought i'm having is 'is it poor manners to have expectations of others'?
Did google it, not really found any answer.
not according to those that expect people to be at their level of manners..thats why they are socializing with you...
on the flipside,
manners move with the time dont they?- Victorians might class us as very poorly mannered..we would call many of them sexist pigs(males and females), they would think its very ill mannered us showing public affection..etc etc..."
True i suppose.
I invite people round to mine and expect not to be robbed or raped. This has only worked coz people respect that, and we talk about what we want from each other so have different excpectations.
In other ways though, when you expect something unagreed you can end up disappointed or lied to. |
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In response to the original op, then I suppose it is ok to be rude on line. I come across some folk who appear to think it is acceptable in real life, so why should this be any different?
I could go on, but at least I told you to your face you imbecilic smallminded timewasting twats |
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I am usually more polite on line as I cannot always get nuance across in prose.
I use the guideline..."if I said this to a lady in a bar, would I end up wearing her drink ?".
Too many people on tinterweb would spend their life smelling of Bacardi Breezer and sporting well slapped faces. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My tone changes slightly over different platforms (more camp on private Farcebook account, direct and pro on work FB page, Twatter and Instagram accounts).
I'm a little more reserved on here as only know a few of you in real life but still me. Wouldn't type anything I wouldn't say face-to-face, straight talking, no nonsense bla bla. I may come across as rude but it's never been my intention.
I've known a few angry forum users over the years. People who I feared to meet as they stalked boards like a big grumpy monster but in real life, quite meek and pathetic. Sad really."
it is but this type of messaging allows you to come out of your shell a little ,I have an out there personality and get on well with people in all walks of life young and old but some enjoy the freedom of messaging without recourse ok some are very abrupt and rude I've had many women reply like that and havnt even attempted to get to know me ,just make an on the spot decision that I'm the usual pervy guy from fab ,I mean even if you spend weeks and months texting someone you don't and won't know their true personality until you meet them ,rudeness is part of your personality it is only accentuated on here |
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You're so right... this too! 
