FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Too shallow?
Too shallow?
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Here's the thing - me and Mr are happily married, we have it all going for us. We do now and again have ffms which is great  but the rest of the time he's not as interested in having sex with me. I love him but I need more - there's only so much I can do with my toys. Am I too selfish and shallow? Throw it at me guys x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ark074Man
over a year ago
nottingham |
"Here's the thing - me and Mr are happily married, we have it all going for us. We do now and again have ffms which is great but the rest of the time he's not as interested in having sex with me. I love him but I need more - there's only so much I can do with my toys. Am I too selfish and shallow? Throw it at me guys x"
He is committing a crime against nature by not satisfying you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Here's the thing - me and Mr are happily married, we have it all going for us. We do now and again have ffms which is great but the rest of the time he's not as interested in having sex with me. I love him but I need more - there's only so much I can do with my toys. Am I too selfish and shallow? Throw it at me guys x"
No - you are not selfish or shallow. Sometimes couples have mismatched libidos.
If you asked him - would he give you permission to play away/get a FB?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Here's the thing - me and Mr are happily married, we have it all going for us. We do now and again have ffms which is great but the rest of the time he's not as interested in having sex with me. I love him but I need more - there's only so much I can do with my toys. Am I too selfish and shallow? Throw it at me guys x"
I for one feel sorry for you in that position...could i ask who instigates the FF/M you or him xxx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Here's the thing - me and Mr are happily married, we have it all going for us. We do now and again have ffms which is great but the rest of the time he's not as interested in having sex with me. I love him but I need more - there's only so much I can do with my toys. Am I too selfish and shallow? Throw it at me guys x"
No not shallow at all just you have needs and desires as does he. If you have tried FFM is he comfortable with the idea of MMF? An open communication between you both will be key and then you can both moved forward together. Good luck I hope the talk works out for you both. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Here's the thing - me and Mr are happily married, we have it all going for us. We do now and again have ffms which is great but the rest of the time he's not as interested in having sex with me. I love him but I need more - there's only so much I can do with my toys. Am I too selfish and shallow? Throw it at me guys x"
Maybe he's got too used to ffm threesomes and finds one on one sex not exciting anymore, you need to voice your concerns and refrain from bringing others into your bed until you are as one again or it might end up splitting you both apart. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Here's the thing - me and Mr are happily married, we have it all going for us. We do now and again have ffms which is great but the rest of the time he's not as interested in having sex with me. I love him but I need more - there's only so much I can do with my toys. Am I too selfish and shallow? Throw it at me guys x
Maybe he's got too used to ffm threesomes and finds one on one sex not exciting anymore, you need to voice your concerns and refrain from bringing others into your bed until you are as one again or it might end up splitting you both apart."
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
We've spoke about it a few times... He gets offended that I think he's not attracted by me anymore... I don't like arguing so we just leave it unresolved. When we do have sex he'll talk about us trying all different things but that only lasts till we fuck - when I ask him about it after that he's brushes off the subject. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We've spoke about it a few times... He gets offended that I think he's not attracted by me anymore... I don't like arguing so we just leave it unresolved. When we do have sex he'll talk about us trying all different things but that only lasts till we fuck - when I ask him about it after that he's brushes off the subject.
"
You have a valid point to ask why and he should be man enough to answer honestly and seems one way traffic with him enjoying ffm, how about you being able to have a mmf for a change. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We've spoke about it a few times... He gets offended that I think he's not attracted by me anymore... I don't like arguing so we just leave it unresolved. When we do have sex he'll talk about us trying all different things but that only lasts till we fuck - when I ask him about it after that he's brushes off the subject."
Just try to keep on talking....i know i went through the same thing with my ex wife..it split us up in the end...i wish now id had spoke more to her  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"We've spoke about it a few times... He gets offended that I think he's not attracted by me anymore... I don't like arguing so we just leave it unresolved. When we do have sex he'll talk about us trying all different things but that only lasts till we fuck - when I ask him about it after that he's brushes off the subject.
You have a valid point to ask why and he should be man enough to answer honestly and seems one way traffic with him enjoying ffm, how about you being able to have a mmf for a change."
He works very hard and I appreciate that. He says he's tired and I get that too. That's why I think I'm selfish and shallow |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"We've spoke about it a few times... He gets offended that I think he's not attracted by me anymore... I don't like arguing so we just leave it unresolved. When we do have sex he'll talk about us trying all different things but that only lasts till we fuck - when I ask him about it after that he's brushes off the subject.
Just try to keep on talking....i know i went through the same thing with my ex wife..it split us up in the end...i wish now id had spoke more to her "
I'm sorry to hear that x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We've spoke about it a few times... He gets offended that I think he's not attracted by me anymore... I don't like arguing so we just leave it unresolved. When we do have sex he'll talk about us trying all different things but that only lasts till we fuck - when I ask him about it after that he's brushes off the subject.
You have a valid point to ask why and he should be man enough to answer honestly and seems one way traffic with him enjoying ffm, how about you being able to have a mmf for a change.
He works very hard and I appreciate that. He says he's tired and I get that too. That's why I think I'm selfish and shallow "
Sounds like excuse to me, my man works hard long days but finds time for intimate moments and also given me my fantasy of a mmf, but we talk to each other lots and have boundaries we don't cross. He should respect you more to give you a honest answer as it's not fair on you thinking it's your fault. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We've spoke about it a few times... He gets offended that I think he's not attracted by me anymore... I don't like arguing so we just leave it unresolved. When we do have sex he'll talk about us trying all different things but that only lasts till we fuck - when I ask him about it after that he's brushes off the subject.
Just try to keep on talking....i know i went through the same thing with my ex wife..it split us up in the end...i wish now id had spoke more to her
I'm sorry to hear that x"
Thank you...but just try to talk to him...i think you have been given some good avdice...stop until you have sorted out your problems xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We've spoke about it a few times... He gets offended that I think he's not attracted by me anymore... I don't like arguing so we just leave it unresolved. When we do have sex he'll talk about us trying all different things but that only lasts till we fuck - when I ask him about it after that he's brushes off the subject.
You have a valid point to ask why and he should be man enough to answer honestly and seems one way traffic with him enjoying ffm, how about you being able to have a mmf for a change.
He works very hard and I appreciate that. He says he's tired and I get that too. That's why I think I'm selfish and shallow "
No you have been honest with him from the start and you have done the right thing in holding back from anything else here until you know 100% in your own mind what is going on. We all work hard and tiredness really should not be an excuse as that is nothing a short power nap would not sort out. Will have my fingers crossed for you though. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
it just always seems that I chase after him - I can't even remember last time he took the initiative to have sex with me... 10 years is a long time and I understand that things can get a bit repetitive and I do try to spice things up but I don't get nothing in return... I know it's just sex and there's far more important things in life... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It's only as shallow as anyone might perceive sexual satisfaction to be.
Id cut the misdirection of superficiality out - that's a valued judgment.
It all boils down to what you want and agree to. Relationship rules can be discussed and revised at any point, irrespective of what's happened before.
When you realise that you need something different, you just have to figure it out and negotiate from there. It's your relationship and rules. As well as your life. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Here's the thing - me and Mr are happily married, we have it all going for us. We do now and again have ffms which is great but the rest of the time he's not as interested in having sex with me. I love him but I need more - there's only so much I can do with my toys. Am I too selfish and shallow? Throw it at me guys x"
you're so shallow I can't even get my soles wet  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" it just always seems that I chase after him - I can't even remember last time he took the initiative to have sex with me... 10 years is a long time and I understand that things can get a bit repetitive and I do try to spice things up but I don't get nothing in return... I know it's just sex and there's far more important things in life..."
then you need to alter your way of doing things...just to see how he reacts with it...but im afraid after being married for such a longtime...its a fact in most couples lives that it happens..its called taking each other for granted |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It's only as shallow as anyone might perceive sexual satisfaction to be.
Id cut the misdirection of superficiality out - that's a valued judgment.
It all boils down to what you want and agree to. Relationship rules can be discussed and revised at any point, irrespective of what's happened before.
When you realise that you need something different, you just have to figure it out and negotiate from there. It's your relationship and rules. As well as your life."
This is very true, thanks x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
He needs to understand this is important to you as its a relationship where you should have equal share of things that you both want and desire. its not a small thing its a thing that you both need to connect more often. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" it just always seems that I chase after him - I can't even remember last time he took the initiative to have sex with me... 10 years is a long time and I understand that things can get a bit repetitive and I do try to spice things up but I don't get nothing in return... I know it's just sex and there's far more important things in life...
then you need to alter your way of doing things...just to see how he reacts with it...but im afraid after being married for such a longtime...its a fact in most couples lives that it happens..its called taking each other for granted "
Totally spot on, you are being taken for granted, your doing what you can to please him but he's not giving anything back, you really need a serious chat together, maybe even counseling. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"He needs to understand this is important to you as its a relationship where you should have equal share of things that you both want and desire. its not a small thing its a thing that you both need to connect more often. "
I just don't think he's that interested in sex anymore... I don't want him to take it as a chore that he has to do but it feels like it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
" it just always seems that I chase after him - I can't even remember last time he took the initiative to have sex with me... 10 years is a long time and I understand that things can get a bit repetitive and I do try to spice things up but I don't get nothing in return... I know it's just sex and there's far more important things in life...
then you need to alter your way of doing things...just to see how he reacts with it...but im afraid after being married for such a longtime...its a fact in most couples lives that it happens..its called taking each other for granted
Totally spot on, you are being taken for granted, your doing what you can to please him but he's not giving anything back, you really need a serious chat together, maybe even counseling."
I'll have to speak to him about it but can't handle a fight - somehow it always turns to be my fault and I can't fight my corner |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"He needs to understand this is important to you as its a relationship where you should have equal share of things that you both want and desire. its not a small thing its a thing that you both need to connect more often.
I just don't think he's that interested in sex anymore... I don't want him to take it as a chore that he has to do but it feels like it "
Well have you thought if turning the tap of so to speak. If you hold out for a while longer and he will start to think about it. If you do all the go getting maybe he has got used to you taking the lead in things. But if you can resist and I pray it does not take too long for you for him to think about starting to make demands and make you feel desired and not like something he has to do once a month. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" it just always seems that I chase after him - I can't even remember last time he took the initiative to have sex with me... 10 years is a long time and I understand that things can get a bit repetitive and I do try to spice things up but I don't get nothing in return... I know it's just sex and there's far more important things in life...
then you need to alter your way of doing things...just to see how he reacts with it...but im afraid after being married for such a longtime...its a fact in most couples lives that it happens..its called taking each other for granted
Totally spot on, you are being taken for granted, your doing what you can to please him but he's not giving anything back, you really need a serious chat together, maybe even counseling.
I'll have to speak to him about it but can't handle a fight - somehow it always turns to be my fault and I can't fight my corner "
You dont have to fight about it...but what you do need to be is grown up and not stubborn...i include both of you in that xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"He needs to understand this is important to you as its a relationship where you should have equal share of things that you both want and desire. its not a small thing its a thing that you both need to connect more often.
I just don't think he's that interested in sex anymore... I don't want him to take it as a chore that he has to do but it feels like it
Well have you thought if turning the tap of so to speak. If you hold out for a while longer and he will start to think about it. If you do all the go getting maybe he has got used to you taking the lead in things. But if you can resist and I pray it does not take too long for you for him to think about starting to make demands and make you feel desired and not like something he has to do once a month. "
That's a very good point! I might do that... I'll see how long it takes him to actually want me |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"He needs to understand this is important to you as its a relationship where you should have equal share of things that you both want and desire. its not a small thing its a thing that you both need to connect more often.
I just don't think he's that interested in sex anymore... I don't want him to take it as a chore that he has to do but it feels like it
Well have you thought if turning the tap of so to speak. If you hold out for a while longer and he will start to think about it. If you do all the go getting maybe he has got used to you taking the lead in things. But if you can resist and I pray it does not take too long for you for him to think about starting to make demands and make you feel desired and not like something he has to do once a month.
That's a very good point! I might do that... I'll see how long it takes him to actually want me "
Why play games? This is your marriage.
Talk it out, don't make it worse. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"He needs to understand this is important to you as its a relationship where you should have equal share of things that you both want and desire. its not a small thing its a thing that you both need to connect more often.
I just don't think he's that interested in sex anymore... I don't want him to take it as a chore that he has to do but it feels like it
Well have you thought if turning the tap of so to speak. If you hold out for a while longer and he will start to think about it. If you do all the go getting maybe he has got used to you taking the lead in things. But if you can resist and I pray it does not take too long for you for him to think about starting to make demands and make you feel desired and not like something he has to do once a month.
That's a very good point! I might do that... I'll see how long it takes him to actually want me "
Try talking as well as this will help. I'm off to bed but god luck with everything. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
No you're not shallow at all... We all need to feel and be loved (men as well!), of which, during a relationship, sex forms part of the feeling of being desired. I do agree that sometimes, libidos can be mismatched - ask couples who have kids (particularly when the kids are little) - many couples report their sex lives going from 'feast to famine'. Try having a weekend away, where you can have some fun, but also some private time, and be honest with him. There may be a valid reason,(stress, tired, unable to keep a hardon, etc etc) and blokes are the worst for hiding their heads in the sand and not wanting to admit a problem. Hope you get your spark back xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
" it just always seems that I chase after him - I can't even remember last time he took the initiative to have sex with me... 10 years is a long time and I understand that things can get a bit repetitive and I do try to spice things up but I don't get nothing in return... I know it's just sex and there's far more important things in life...
then you need to alter your way of doing things...just to see how he reacts with it...but im afraid after being married for such a longtime...its a fact in most couples lives that it happens..its called taking each other for granted
Totally spot on, you are being taken for granted, your doing what you can to please him but he's not giving anything back, you really need a serious chat together, maybe even counseling.
I'll have to speak to him about it but can't handle a fight - somehow it always turns to be my fault and I can't fight my corner
You dont have to fight about it...but what you do need to be is grown up and not stubborn...i include both of you in that xx"
It will end up with an argument for sure but will have to speak about it ... Just I'm not good at talking |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"He needs to understand this is important to you as its a relationship where you should have equal share of things that you both want and desire. its not a small thing its a thing that you both need to connect more often.
I just don't think he's that interested in sex anymore... I don't want him to take it as a chore that he has to do but it feels like it
Well have you thought if turning the tap of so to speak. If you hold out for a while longer and he will start to think about it. If you do all the go getting maybe he has got used to you taking the lead in things. But if you can resist and I pray it does not take too long for you for him to think about starting to make demands and make you feel desired and not like something he has to do once a month.
That's a very good point! I might do that... I'll see how long it takes him to actually want me
Why play games? This is your marriage.
Talk it out, don't make it worse. "
It cost me my marriage playing games like that...my advice is to talk |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"He needs to understand this is important to you as its a relationship where you should have equal share of things that you both want and desire. its not a small thing its a thing that you both need to connect more often.
I just don't think he's that interested in sex anymore... I don't want him to take it as a chore that he has to do but it feels like it
Well have you thought if turning the tap of so to speak. If you hold out for a while longer and he will start to think about it. If you do all the go getting maybe he has got used to you taking the lead in things. But if you can resist and I pray it does not take too long for you for him to think about starting to make demands and make you feel desired and not like something he has to do once a month.
That's a very good point! I might do that... I'll see how long it takes him to actually want me
Try talking as well as this will help. I'm off to bed but god luck with everything. "
Thank you! Xxx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" it just always seems that I chase after him - I can't even remember last time he took the initiative to have sex with me... 10 years is a long time and I understand that things can get a bit repetitive and I do try to spice things up but I don't get nothing in return... I know it's just sex and there's far more important things in life...
then you need to alter your way of doing things...just to see how he reacts with it...but im afraid after being married for such a longtime...its a fact in most couples lives that it happens..its called taking each other for granted
Totally spot on, you are being taken for granted, your doing what you can to please him but he's not giving anything back, you really need a serious chat together, maybe even counseling.
I'll have to speak to him about it but can't handle a fight - somehow it always turns to be my fault and I can't fight my corner
You dont have to fight about it...but what you do need to be is grown up and not stubborn...i include both of you in that xx
It will end up with an argument for sure but will have to speak about it ... Just I'm not good at talking "
But hes your partner...if you cant talk to him...then you cant talk to anyone |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" it just always seems that I chase after him - I can't even remember last time he took the initiative to have sex with me... 10 years is a long time and I understand that things can get a bit repetitive and I do try to spice things up but I don't get nothing in return... I know it's just sex and there's far more important things in life...
then you need to alter your way of doing things...just to see how he reacts with it...but im afraid after being married for such a longtime...its a fact in most couples lives that it happens..its called taking each other for granted
Totally spot on, you are being taken for granted, your doing what you can to please him but he's not giving anything back, you really need a serious chat together, maybe even counseling.
I'll have to speak to him about it but can't handle a fight - somehow it always turns to be my fault and I can't fight my corner
You dont have to fight about it...but what you do need to be is grown up and not stubborn...i include both of you in that xx
It will end up with an argument for sure but will have to speak about it ... Just I'm not good at talking "
Well if you don't feel comfortable talking writing a letter to him explaining every thing is an option so he can read and digest what you want. You have explained yourself really well in written form here so it might be and option.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"He needs to understand this is important to you as its a relationship where you should have equal share of things that you both want and desire. its not a small thing its a thing that you both need to connect more often.
I just don't think he's that interested in sex anymore... I don't want him to take it as a chore that he has to do but it feels like it
Well have you thought if turning the tap of so to speak. If you hold out for a while longer and he will start to think about it. If you do all the go getting maybe he has got used to you taking the lead in things. But if you can resist and I pray it does not take too long for you for him to think about starting to make demands and make you feel desired and not like something he has to do once a month.
That's a very good point! I might do that... I'll see how long it takes him to actually want me
Why play games? This is your marriage.
Talk it out, don't make it worse.
It cost me my marriage playing games like that...my advice is to talk "
Exactly. I've had exes and men I've dated do it to me. It could've been fixed with a chat and a change in approach, but instead they fucked up. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" it just always seems that I chase after him - I can't even remember last time he took the initiative to have sex with me... 10 years is a long time and I understand that things can get a bit repetitive and I do try to spice things up but I don't get nothing in return... I know it's just sex and there's far more important things in life...
then you need to alter your way of doing things...just to see how he reacts with it...but im afraid after being married for such a longtime...its a fact in most couples lives that it happens..its called taking each other for granted
Totally spot on, you are being taken for granted, your doing what you can to please him but he's not giving anything back, you really need a serious chat together, maybe even counseling.
I'll have to speak to him about it but can't handle a fight - somehow it always turns to be my fault and I can't fight my corner
You dont have to fight about it...but what you do need to be is grown up and not stubborn...i include both of you in that xx
It will end up with an argument for sure but will have to speak about it ... Just I'm not good at talking
Well if you don't feel comfortable talking writing a letter to him explaining every thing is an option so he can read and digest what you want. You have explained yourself really well in written form here so it might be and option.
"
what a good suggestion |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"He needs to understand this is important to you as its a relationship where you should have equal share of things that you both want and desire. its not a small thing its a thing that you both need to connect more often.
I just don't think he's that interested in sex anymore... I don't want him to take it as a chore that he has to do but it feels like it
Well have you thought if turning the tap of so to speak. If you hold out for a while longer and he will start to think about it. If you do all the go getting maybe he has got used to you taking the lead in things. But if you can resist and I pray it does not take too long for you for him to think about starting to make demands and make you feel desired and not like something he has to do once a month.
That's a very good point! I might do that... I'll see how long it takes him to actually want me
Why play games? This is your marriage.
Talk it out, don't make it worse.
It cost me my marriage playing games like that...my advice is to talk "
Thank you, we'd definitely talk but I might just wait and see how bad it really is. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"He needs to understand this is important to you as its a relationship where you should have equal share of things that you both want and desire. its not a small thing its a thing that you both need to connect more often.
I just don't think he's that interested in sex anymore... I don't want him to take it as a chore that he has to do but it feels like it
Well have you thought if turning the tap of so to speak. If you hold out for a while longer and he will start to think about it. If you do all the go getting maybe he has got used to you taking the lead in things. But if you can resist and I pray it does not take too long for you for him to think about starting to make demands and make you feel desired and not like something he has to do once a month.
That's a very good point! I might do that... I'll see how long it takes him to actually want me
Why play games? This is your marriage.
Talk it out, don't make it worse.
It cost me my marriage playing games like that...my advice is to talk
Thank you, we'd definitely talk but I might just wait and see how bad it really is. "
I don't understand why you'd let things get worse if you want to fix them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"He needs to understand this is important to you as its a relationship where you should have equal share of things that you both want and desire. its not a small thing its a thing that you both need to connect more often.
I just don't think he's that interested in sex anymore... I don't want him to take it as a chore that he has to do but it feels like it
Well have you thought if turning the tap of so to speak. If you hold out for a while longer and he will start to think about it. If you do all the go getting maybe he has got used to you taking the lead in things. But if you can resist and I pray it does not take too long for you for him to think about starting to make demands and make you feel desired and not like something he has to do once a month.
That's a very good point! I might do that... I'll see how long it takes him to actually want me
Why play games? This is your marriage.
Talk it out, don't make it worse.
It cost me my marriage playing games like that...my advice is to talk
Thank you, we'd definitely talk but I might just wait and see how bad it really is.
I don't understand why you'd let things get worse if you want to fix them. "
Sometimes you cant fix things...but if you dont talk then you will never know...i actually feel sorry for you...i had the very same feelings with my ex wife...she went off sex with me as well |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"He needs to understand this is important to you as its a relationship where you should have equal share of things that you both want and desire. its not a small thing its a thing that you both need to connect more often.
I just don't think he's that interested in sex anymore... I don't want him to take it as a chore that he has to do but it feels like it
Well have you thought if turning the tap of so to speak. If you hold out for a while longer and he will start to think about it. If you do all the go getting maybe he has got used to you taking the lead in things. But if you can resist and I pray it does not take too long for you for him to think about starting to make demands and make you feel desired and not like something he has to do once a month.
That's a very good point! I might do that... I'll see how long it takes him to actually want me
Why play games? This is your marriage.
Talk it out, don't make it worse.
It cost me my marriage playing games like that...my advice is to talk
Thank you, we'd definitely talk but I might just wait and see how bad it really is.
I don't understand why you'd let things get worse if you want to fix them.
Sometimes you cant fix things...but if you dont talk then you will never know...i actually feel sorry for you...i had the very same feelings with my ex wife...she went off sex with me as well "
There's no shame in ending the marriage if the compatibility has gone, but something doesn't sit right with me when one partner exacerbates the situation when they should be trying  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It doesn't say on your profile that your starched, you give the opinion your single, no verifications in 6 months? Guessing your fairly happy at home?
Maybe have hubby help you with your profile and mention he is happy for you to play away? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"He needs to understand this is important to you as its a relationship where you should have equal share of things that you both want and desire. its not a small thing its a thing that you both need to connect more often.
I just don't think he's that interested in sex anymore... I don't want him to take it as a chore that he has to do but it feels like it
Well have you thought if turning the tap of so to speak. If you hold out for a while longer and he will start to think about it. If you do all the go getting maybe he has got used to you taking the lead in things. But if you can resist and I pray it does not take too long for you for him to think about starting to make demands and make you feel desired and not like something he has to do once a month.
That's a very good point! I might do that... I'll see how long it takes him to actually want me
Why play games? This is your marriage.
Talk it out, don't make it worse.
It cost me my marriage playing games like that...my advice is to talk
Thank you, we'd definitely talk but I might just wait and see how bad it really is.
I don't understand why you'd let things get worse if you want to fix them.
Sometimes you cant fix things...but if you dont talk then you will never know...i actually feel sorry for you...i had the very same feelings with my ex wife...she went off sex with me as well
There's no shame in ending the marriage if the compatibility has gone, but something doesn't sit right with me when one partner exacerbates the situation when they should be trying "
I think unloved and taken for granted springs to mind here |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"All your advices and suggestions have been great! I can't thank you enough for the understanding... I'll think things through and will talk to him. "
Well i for one hope you sort things out..good luck x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"All your advices and suggestions have been great! I can't thank you enough for the understanding... I'll think things through and will talk to him.
Well i for one hope you sort things out..good luck x "
Thank you xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Here's the thing - me and Mr are happily married, we have it all going for us. We do now and again have ffms which is great but the rest of the time he's not as interested in having sex with me. I love him but I need more - there's only so much I can do with my toys. Am I too selfish and shallow? Throw it at me guys x"
Shallow in what way? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Here's the thing - me and Mr are happily married, we have it all going for us. We do now and again have ffms which is great but the rest of the time he's not as interested in having sex with me. I love him but I need more - there's only so much I can do with my toys. Am I too selfish and shallow? Throw it at me guys x
Shallow in what way?"
In a way that I demand sex more often when he's working so hard to provide for us to have a comfortable lifestyle. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Is your husband happy with you fucking other men? As you have recently met single guy."
No, he isn't but he has played solo too (although not for a while, or at least hadn't told me about it). |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My advice would be for both of you to stop fucking other people to start with.
Sit down and talk about your feelings and problems etc, and go from there. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My advice would be for both of you to stop fucking other people to start with.
Sit down and talk about your feelings and problems etc, and go from there. "
Good advice, thank you. X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Have you considered interrupting your kitching duties early one night and offering to orally copulate with him before the Port and Cheese course?
I am aware this goes against dining tradition but when desperate one has to be willing to attempt the extraordinary. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Have you considered interrupting your kitching duties early one night and offering to orally copulate with him before the Port and Cheese course?
I am aware this goes against dining tradition but when desperate one has to be willing to attempt the extraordinary. "
Not really, the kids would be quite shocked at the _iew x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My advice would be for both of you to stop fucking other people to start with.
Sit down and talk about your feelings and problems etc, and go from there.
Good advice, thank you. X"
You're welcome. The worst thing you can do is not talk to him for being afraid you will upset him. He NEEDS to know how you are feeling about this. X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"He needs to understand this is important to you as its a relationship where you should have equal share of things that you both want and desire. its not a small thing its a thing that you both need to connect more often.
I just don't think he's that interested in sex anymore... I don't want him to take it as a chore that he has to do but it feels like it
Well have you thought if turning the tap of so to speak. If you hold out for a while longer and he will start to think about it. If you do all the go getting maybe he has got used to you taking the lead in things. But if you can resist and I pray it does not take too long for you for him to think about starting to make demands and make you feel desired and not like something he has to do once a month.
That's a very good point! I might do that... I'll see how long it takes him to actually want me "
I tried that with my ex.. Gave up after 6 months...
Communication is the answer, maybe even specialist help like relate. Nip it in the bud |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"wait a minute, he doesn't wanna have sex with you? id be questioning his sexuality not your shallowness lol."
Why would you question his sexuality do you know the man? Met the man? Maybe it's not even his problem maybe it's all the OP fault but because she has tits and a flange the response is different |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Sorry but if a man had posted this he would have his penis stuffed in his gob...but for what it's worth maybe talk to your husband and discuss like adults the situation or decide if it's worth staying in a marriage that looks to me is a marriage of convenience at the moment. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I usually hate it when people say "if it were a man posting this he'd be flamed for it" but this thread is a prime example, even down to some of the individuals posting.
My advice OP is the same as it would be to any man, do what you feel you need to do for your relationship, because none of us know your circumstances or what's best, only you do. Hope things work out for you |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What if he's got something medically wrong with him? Like ED or something.
Then she ought to get permission to play away and not cheat. "
Isn't it funny how when men ask how to get their wife's interested in sex its all his fault, maybe she's tired, maybe he's not giving her enough attention etc but when it's a woman asking its still the man's fault maybe he's gay, maybe he's ill |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What if he's got something medically wrong with him? Like ED or something.
Then she ought to get permission to play away and not cheat.
Isn't it funny how when men ask how to get their wife's interested in sex its all his fault, maybe she's tired, maybe he's not giving her enough attention etc but when it's a woman asking its still the man's fault maybe he's gay, maybe he's ill "
I don't understand why so many cheaters on here don't talk to their partners. It's absurd they'd rather deceive them and fuck someone else instead. Don't know why any of them chose to be in a relationship which they clearly can't maintain. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What if he's got something medically wrong with him? Like ED or something.
Then she ought to get permission to play away and not cheat.
Isn't it funny how when men ask how to get their wife's interested in sex its all his fault, maybe she's tired, maybe he's not giving her enough attention etc but when it's a woman asking its still the man's fault maybe he's gay, maybe he's ill "
I agree totally with your first sentence and was going to write it myself, but people never listen |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Here's the thing - me and Mr are happily married, we have it all going for us. We do now and again have ffms which is great but the rest of the time he's not as interested in having sex with me. I love him but I need more - there's only so much I can do with my toys. Am I too selfish and shallow? Throw it at me guys x
Maybe he's got too used to ffm threesomes and finds one on one sex not exciting anymore, you need to voice your concerns and refrain from bringing others into your bed until you are as one again or it might end up splitting you both apart."
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What if he's got something medically wrong with him? Like ED or something.
Then she ought to get permission to play away and not cheat.
Isn't it funny how when men ask how to get their wife's interested in sex its all his fault, maybe she's tired, maybe he's not giving her enough attention etc but when it's a woman asking its still the man's fault maybe he's gay, maybe he's ill "
Women can still have sex if they have physical problems, they can use lube, but men can't have sex if they can't get hard. I'm not being sexist here. Was just offering an option she might not have thought about.
I didn't even see the topic as asking for permission to cheat either, she's not happy with her sex life and asking opinions. If she is asking for permission to cheat then it's not blatant or obvious to me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What if he's got something medically wrong with him? Like ED or something.
Then she ought to get permission to play away and not cheat.
Isn't it funny how when men ask how to get their wife's interested in sex its all his fault, maybe she's tired, maybe he's not giving her enough attention etc but when it's a woman asking its still the man's fault maybe he's gay, maybe he's ill
Women can still have sex if they have physical problems, they can use lube, but men can't have sex if they can't get hard. I'm not being sexist here. Was just offering an option she might not have thought about.
I didn't even see the topic as asking for permission to cheat either, she's not happy with her sex life and asking opinions. If she is asking for permission to cheat then it's not blatant or obvious to me."
The OP contains the sentence "I need more". She means she needs sex elsewhere. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If he is working hard, he could be under stress, stress is one of the main causes for loss of libido, you d need to talk to him though or it may only get worse |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
"Here's the thing - me and Mr are happily married, we have it all going for us. We do now and again have ffms which is great but the rest of the time he's not as interested in having sex with me. I love him but I need more - there's only so much I can do with my toys. Am I too selfish and shallow? Throw it at me guys x"
Talk to him....He is the only one who knows why he doesn't feel like sex.
I know both Mr B and I have gone through spells where one of us has lost interest in sex for a while. There has always been an underlining reason...
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What if he's got something medically wrong with him? Like ED or something.
Then she ought to get permission to play away and not cheat.
Isn't it funny how when men ask how to get their wife's interested in sex its all his fault, maybe she's tired, maybe he's not giving her enough attention etc but when it's a woman asking its still the man's fault maybe he's gay, maybe he's ill
Women can still have sex if they have physical problems, they can use lube, but men can't have sex if they can't get hard. I'm not being sexist here. Was just offering an option she might not have thought about.
I didn't even see the topic as asking for permission to cheat either, she's not happy with her sex life and asking opinions. If she is asking for permission to cheat then it's not blatant or obvious to me.
The OP contains the sentence "I need more". She means she needs sex elsewhere."
Or maybe, she mean she needs more sex with him? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What if he's got something medically wrong with him? Like ED or something.
Then she ought to get permission to play away and not cheat.
Isn't it funny how when men ask how to get their wife's interested in sex its all his fault, maybe she's tired, maybe he's not giving her enough attention etc but when it's a woman asking its still the man's fault maybe he's gay, maybe he's ill
Women can still have sex if they have physical problems, they can use lube, but men can't have sex if they can't get hard. I'm not being sexist here. Was just offering an option she might not have thought about.
I didn't even see the topic as asking for permission to cheat either, she's not happy with her sex life and asking opinions. If she is asking for permission to cheat then it's not blatant or obvious to me.
The OP contains the sentence "I need more". She means she needs sex elsewhere."
What I mean is I need more intimate time with my husband, that's the point of this post. I thought it was obvious. I have plenty of offers on here but that's not what I'm looking for. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What if he's got something medically wrong with him? Like ED or something.
Then she ought to get permission to play away and not cheat.
Isn't it funny how when men ask how to get their wife's interested in sex its all his fault, maybe she's tired, maybe he's not giving her enough attention etc but when it's a woman asking its still the man's fault maybe he's gay, maybe he's ill
Women can still have sex if they have physical problems, they can use lube, but men can't have sex if they can't get hard. I'm not being sexist here. Was just offering an option she might not have thought about.
I didn't even see the topic as asking for permission to cheat either, she's not happy with her sex life and asking opinions. If she is asking for permission to cheat then it's not blatant or obvious to me.
The OP contains the sentence "I need more". She means she needs sex elsewhere.
What I mean is I need more intimate time with my husband, that's the point of this post. I thought it was obvious. I have plenty of offers on here but that's not what I'm looking for. "
You have also said you have played alone and your husband isn't happy about it. That doesn't sound like you had permission. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If he's so stressed how about making life easier for him. Run him a bath when he gets home from work, maybe a massage, maybe a bit of oral with no expectations in return.
Stop talking about sex and adding others in your relationship and re-cement your relationship spend non sexual time, kissing and cuddling. It's really important you have a solid relationship before entering this lifestyle.
Relationships are really hard, family's and jobs get in the way. Paul and I try and do little things to help each other along the way as we both have demanding jobs and work shifts.
However quickies before work set you up for the day rather than having to find the energy in the evening after a stressfull day |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
While sex is not the be all and end all of a relationship. If one person isn't feeling right in the bedroom, then things aren't right in the living room either. If you are feeling like you can't talk to him without it becoming an argument I'd suggest writing it down in a letter to him.
I'd also refrain from any swinging until you are both comfortable with each other again.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What if he's got something medically wrong with him? Like ED or something.
Then she ought to get permission to play away and not cheat.
Isn't it funny how when men ask how to get their wife's interested in sex its all his fault, maybe she's tired, maybe he's not giving her enough attention etc but when it's a woman asking its still the man's fault maybe he's gay, maybe he's ill
Women can still have sex if they have physical problems, they can use lube, but men can't have sex if they can't get hard. I'm not being sexist here. Was just offering an option she might not have thought about.
I didn't even see the topic as asking for permission to cheat either, she's not happy with her sex life and asking opinions. If she is asking for permission to cheat then it's not blatant or obvious to me.
The OP contains the sentence "I need more". She means she needs sex elsewhere.
What I mean is I need more intimate time with my husband, that's the point of this post. I thought it was obvious. I have plenty of offers on here but that's not what I'm looking for.
You have also said you have played alone and your husband isn't happy about it. That doesn't sound like you had permission. "
He knows about it but isn't happy with it. She seems to be aware and isn't playing, possibly coz her husband isn't happy. I guess people can read things how they want to?
I like the advice about taking a break and more concentrating on him for a while so he's not as stressed OP. I'll add get someone else involved who might know how to handle your problems, like a relationship counselor (not sure if anyone else advised this). |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Thanks all, I've made a decision and your answers helped a lot. I'll leave fabs while I try sort this out... Thank you all xxx
Good luck to you both "
Thank you x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
These posts always bring out the swinging puritans; those that can justify their own lifestyle but can't accept others may want to find an alternative way to maintain their relationship without upsetting their domestic applecart.
I always thought swinging was about tolerance, NSA and no questions asked. Live how you want to live! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Am I too selfish and shallow? Throw it at me guys x
I have no idea based on one side of the the story"
Half naked female. Read the other males' replies.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"Am I too selfish and shallow? Throw it at me guys x
I have no idea based on one side of the the story
Half naked female. Read the other males' replies. "
exactly...... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Here's the thing - me and Mr are happily married, we have it all going for us. We do now and again have ffms which is great but the rest of the time he's not as interested in having sex with me. I love him but I need more - there's only so much I can do with my toys. Am I too selfish and shallow? Throw it at me guys x"
I'd leave this site if I were you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"He needs to understand this is important to you as its a relationship where you should have equal share of things that you both want and desire. its not a small thing its a thing that you both need to connect more often.
I just don't think he's that interested in sex anymore... I don't want him to take it as a chore that he has to do but it feels like it
Well have you thought if turning the tap of so to speak. If you hold out for a while longer and he will start to think about it. If you do all the go getting maybe he has got used to you taking the lead in things. But if you can resist and I pray it does not take too long for you for him to think about starting to make demands and make you feel desired and not like something he has to do once a month.
That's a very good point! I might do that... I'll see how long it takes him to actually want me
Why play games? This is your marriage.
Talk it out, don't make it worse. "
someone threw it at her so hard she left ,you people |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"He needs to understand this is important to you as its a relationship where you should have equal share of things that you both want and desire. its not a small thing its a thing that you both need to connect more often.
I just don't think he's that interested in sex anymore... I don't want him to take it as a chore that he has to do but it feels like it
Well have you thought if turning the tap of so to speak. If you hold out for a while longer and he will start to think about it. If you do all the go getting maybe he has got used to you taking the lead in things. But if you can resist and I pray it does not take too long for you for him to think about starting to make demands and make you feel desired and not like something he has to do once a month.
That's a very good point! I might do that... I'll see how long it takes him to actually want me
Why play games? This is your marriage.
Talk it out, don't make it worse.
someone threw it at her so hard she left ,you people "
She left coz she knows what she wants and thinks leaving will help her with that. Good on her, hope it goes well. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
