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Worst thing you could hear or say at a swingers party?

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By *eanutButterJellyTime OP Couple over a year ago

the middle of the world

Eg: "is that you, mum?"

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By *r. JoystickMan over a year ago

London

"Are you finished with that condom? I need to borrow one as I forgot to bring own."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""Are you finished with that condom? I need to borrow one as I forgot to bring own.""

I read a story on here about someone at a club seeing a guy pick up a used condom off the floor, turn it inside out and then put it on

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By *r. JoystickMan over a year ago

London

"I read a story on here about someone at a club seeing a guy pick up a used condom off the floor, turn it inside out and then put it on

I hope it really was just a story... that is grim!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Good lord!Is that a crab in your crack!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Will we be playing soon,its just weve left Gran in the car

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Got my test back yesterday...wasn't good...

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Clothes on everyone. The children just woke up".

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I haven't just gushed, my waters have broken

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think I just shit in the hot tub.....I thought I'd was just a fart....

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By *eanutButterJellyTime OP Couple over a year ago

the middle of the world

Time for coronation Street

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""Are you finished with that condom? I need to borrow one as I forgot to bring own.""

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I remember at a club one night was playing in a open room and some woman was later with a guys head between her legs, everybody was playing when all of a sudden the woman sat up quick, looked at her husband and said

Shit I forgot to take that chicken out the freezer

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Right, all the Catholics over here....

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Seeing the house name is "Little Guantanamo"

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"I assumed she was over 16"

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

What a coincidence, I just located my biological parents too...

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

When the doorbell plays "Oldest Swinger in Town"

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By *r. JoystickMan over a year ago

London

"Why do I need to buy membership to purchase a swing?"

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

When the club's smoking area is a van parked outside in the alley.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When the club's smoking area is a van parked outside in the alley."

How many of these do you have?!?

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

When you go to get up and the sheet comes with you....before play.

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"When the club's smoking area is a van parked outside in the alley.

How many of these do you have?!?

How many do you want/need?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hi I'm Fred and this is Mrs West

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

When you arrive at a house and notice there are no front curtains

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By *o-jCouple over a year ago

Outskirts of Notts

I'm from next door, I only came to borrow a cup of sugar .

Jo x

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By *anejohnkent6263Couple over a year ago

canterbury

true ....woman let out a brown log in a club gangbang room ....nooooooooo

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Police lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When you arrive at a house and notice there are no front curtains "

More more more!!!

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

When you go into the lady's bedroom and discover her son has sneaked out of his own be and into hers

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

When her son's bed is IN her bedroom

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"When the club's smoking area is a van parked outside in the alley.

How many of these do you have?!?

How many do you want/need?"

Oh, you've been to Partners then.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"wgeres the swingset?"

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

When the hot tub starts leaking and the plumber next door offers to help

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"When the club's smoking area is a van parked outside in the alley.

How many of these do you have?!?

How many do you want/need?

Oh, you've been to Partners then."

in fairness, it was a nice enough place, and I wasn't impacted by it as not a smoker.

But I do love that amongst all that shit I posted, one of the two that have happened to me got the reaction.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's blue waffle ?

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"We're going to run our party like a speed dating evening... you each get five minutes then all ladies must rotate to the left..."

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By *eanutButterJellyTime OP Couple over a year ago

the middle of the world

"When the club's smoking area is a van parked outside in the alley.

How many of these do you have?!?

How many do you want/need?

Oh, you've been to Partners then.

in fairness, it was a nice enough place, and I wasn't impacted by it as not a smoker.

But I do love that amongst all that shit I posted, one of the two that have happened to me got the reaction. "

You going to make us guess which was the other one???

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"Welcome to our party. Here's the house map, the schedule of events..."

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"You going to make us guess which was the other one???"

I wouldn't dream of forcing anybody to do anything they weren't comfortable with...

But I'm not telling proactively!

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By *eanutButterJellyTime OP Couple over a year ago

the middle of the world

When the party venue is the local McDonald's and the host asked what u want in YOUR happy meal????

Kev

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is that were its meant to go...well ive been doing that qrong for years

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Oh we had the party last night. You're here to clean up for us.

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

On arrival, please go directly to the motorhome in the front garden. Don't knock on the house door, we don't have swingers in the house.

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"Mum, will new Dad be staying for breakfast?"

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By *eanutButterJellyTime OP Couple over a year ago

the middle of the world

What's a swingers party?????

Kev

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

When th condoms provided are out of date

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

When all the condoms are too big, and a small rubber band is supplied to keep it in place

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

When all play is stopped at midnight for the playing of the National Anthem

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why is that guy fucking the Pringles tube? It's not even empty

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is great timing I'm ovulating.

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

When the starey woman in the corner suddenly reveals her full back tattoo...

... of your face.

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Pretzel anyone....aaaaaa choooo

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Eg: "is that you, mum?""
aids he's got aids

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By *aveandkate35Couple over a year ago

telford

"I remember at a club one night was playing in a open room and some woman was later with a guys head between her legs, everybody was playing when all of a sudden the woman sat up quick, looked at her husband and said

Shit I forgot to take that chicken out the freezer

That made me just genuinely laugh out loud!

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

You want some lube? I've got some WD40 in t'shed.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ah, vicar, yes I will be in confessional this week

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"If the dog tries to join in, just shoo him away"

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"When the starey woman in the corner suddenly reveals her full back tattoo...

... of your face."

Did this happen?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Blow jobs on tap so who's nicked the bloody dyson?

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By *eanutButterJellyTime OP Couple over a year ago

the middle of the world

Shit.... It's the wife on the phone!!!

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"I'm soo sorry, but look at it from the cat's point of view...."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Everyone take a ticket. You get 5 minutes each in the cupboard.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh shit the condom broke.

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"When the starey woman in the corner suddenly reveals her full back tattoo...

... of your face.

Did this happen?

"
all the time...

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

When the glory hole is two feet of the floor

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is it supposed to turn that colour?

Ah so that's what grandma meant by 'banging party' I just thought she was a hippy.

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By *eanutButterJellyTime OP Couple over a year ago

the middle of the world

Oh yeah... I forgot to tell you I house share .....

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

When there's a note on the front door " gone dogging "

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

I thought YOU brought the keys to the handcuffs?

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By *eanutButterJellyTime OP Couple over a year ago

the middle of the world

When you arrive at the venue using say nav to find the sign outside saying " sheltered housing for the over 70 s "

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

When their idea of play is a dungeons and dragons marathon

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

If anybody is still reading, I've added a further true event.

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Welcome, let me introduce you to the Farages...

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By *eanutButterJellyTime OP Couple over a year ago

the middle of the world

"If anybody is still reading, I've added a further true event.

Glory hole?

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"If anybody is still reading, I've added a further true event.

Glory hole?"

No.

I'm not sure which is worse, me thinking of it, or you being willing to consider it!

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By *eanutButterJellyTime OP Couple over a year ago

the middle of the world

"If anybody is still reading, I've added a further true event.

Glory hole?

No.

I'm not sure which is worse, me thinking of it, or you being willing to consider it!

Probably you.......

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By *eanutButterJellyTime OP Couple over a year ago

the middle of the world

"If anybody is still reading, I've added a further true event.

Glory hole?

No.

I'm not sure which is worse, me thinking of it, or you being willing to consider it!

Gotta be d n d

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Right, I'm spent, so here are the three that happened.

Smoking van, as spotted.

The dog

And the seven year old moving into the adult bed. Quickest 180 turn of my life...

Sorry for the hijack, what was the question again?

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By *eanutButterJellyTime OP Couple over a year ago

the middle of the world

"Right, I'm spent, so here are the three that happened.

Smoking van, as spotted.

The dog

And the seven year old moving into the adult bed. Quickest 180 turn of my life...

Sorry for the hijack, what was the question again?

Eeeeeeeeekkkkk!!!!!!!

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By *LCCCouple over a year ago

Cambridge

Forgive me father for I have sinned

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

There are, inevitably, back stories to both.

Says he, realising that animals and kids in the same post I going to go very badly....

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By *LCCCouple over a year ago

Cambridge

Is this a good time to chat about little jimmys school report?

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By *eanutButterJellyTime OP Couple over a year ago

the middle of the world

Aren't you my social worker???

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By *eanutButterJellyTime OP Couple over a year ago

the middle of the world

"Aren't you my social worker??? "

Yes

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""Mum, will new Dad be staying for breakfast?""

Creased.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Shit I forgot to take that chicken out the freezer

I love your stories.

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By *eanutButterJellyTime OP Couple over a year ago

the middle of the world

"Aren't you my social worker???

Yes"

Oh yeah.... I'm fucking MY social worker.... And laid next to her ... Kev

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""Mum, will new Dad be staying for breakfast?""

There's a Welsh Fabber who's actually done this with a fab meet and her 3 year old.

Ironically thinks she's Royalty

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If anybody is still reading, I've added a further true event.

I also love your stories. I think they are ALL true!

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By *eanutButterJellyTime OP Couple over a year ago

the middle of the world

""Mum, will new Dad be staying for breakfast?"

There's a Welsh Fabber who's actually done this with a fab meet and her 3 year old.

Ironically thinks she's Royalty

Things people will stoop to for a meet..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have actually heard this from a couple we (my ex when we swung as a couple) were asked....

Cancel have a shower, we have been working all day!

This was the first play meet after a social.......

They turned up in working clothes....

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By *nFairnessMan over a year ago

The Four Corners

"Got my test back yesterday...wasn't good..."

got my test result back yesterday and they were positive :D

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Can we#

Learn to proof read drons psml @ me....

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"If anybody is still reading, I've added a further true event.

I also love your stories. I think they are ALL true!

How dare you suggest I'd take part in any such shenanigans!

*Holds on to cherry-coloured "swinging virgin " badge

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

May I could combine them into an actual story, stick it in the fantasy section..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"May I could combine them into an actual story, stick it in the fantasy section..

Do it Do it Do it Do it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If anybody is still reading, I've added a further true event.

I also love your stories. I think they are ALL true!

How dare you suggest I'd take part in any such shenanigans!

*Holds on to cherry-coloured "swinging virgin " badge "

Cough "bull" cough!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"May I could combine them into an actual story, stick it in the fantasy section..

Yessssss!

I heard a story about someone peeing themselves in a smoking area too!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Stop - I'm gonna throw up!

Marry Me!

I had a shit today so we can do anal.

I've not heard any of these personally but they have happened. Really.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When you go as a single *male/female* (delete as appropriate)-

and you bump into your "vanilla" current *boyfriend/husband/ wife/girlfriend* (delete as appropriate)

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"May I could combine them into an actual story, stick it in the fantasy section..

Do it Do it Do it Do it

...if I thought I could string the "Oh yes, best story ever, what next" crowd on long enough, I would.

And, if I didn't get a better offer in the meantime...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"May I could combine them into an actual story, stick it in the fantasy section..

Do it Do it Do it Do it

...if I thought I could string the "Oh yes, best story ever, what next" crowd on long enough, I would.

And, if I didn't get a better offer in the meantime..."

You Are trying!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm the man...........I'm THE man...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

quite alot of you are fat aintya!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do I have to change the condom to fuck you after fucking the other one a min ago?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You still got aids

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have underwear that would suit you, since I've lost weight

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"You Are trying!"

Have you been reading my verifications?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's not Julie licking your balls, it's the dog

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Now I've got you all here under false pretences, I will begin the ritual to cleanse you all of your impure thoughts. I can guarantee you'll never want to have casual sex again.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

"I read a story on here about someone at a club seeing a guy pick up a used condom off the floor, turn it inside out and then put it on

I hope it really was just a story... that is grim!

It's sometimes linked to dredging and is a reality, I'm sorry to say.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

"I have actually heard this from a couple we (my ex when we swung as a couple) were asked....

Cancel have a shower, we have been working all day!

This was the first play meet after a social.......

They turned up in working clothes....

Two bi hot secretaries or nurses turned up and you blew them out?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""Mum, will new Dad be staying for breakfast?"

There's a Welsh Fabber who's actually done this with a fab meet and her 3 year old.

Ironically thinks she's Royalty

Can confirm.... "I even let him meet my daughter... had breakfast together..then he went all quiet on me"

Ermmmmmm...... :-/

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""Mum, will new Dad be staying for breakfast?"

There's a Welsh Fabber who's actually done this with a fab meet and her 3 year old.

Ironically thinks she's Royalty

Can confirm.... "I even let him meet my daughter... had breakfast together..then he went all quiet on me"

Ermmmmmm...... :-/"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Overheard by me at a club. Said by a single guy to a couple. "No I'd never let my wife do this, I want her to stay sweet not be a slut"......

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

I won't sit on your face due to a bowel infection - a little rimming won't go amiss though.

I don't use condoms since my hysterectomy and he's had a vasectomy, so no worries there with us.q

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A single guy we know once had

" Just tell our 17 and 13 year old sons you work with their Dad, don't worry they'll go to bed soon..."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Now I've got you all here under false pretences, I will begin the ritual to cleanse you all of your impure thoughts. I can guarantee you'll never want to have casual sex again.

See, all that says to me is that they suck at sex... And not in a good way

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Shit I forgot to take that chicken out the freezer

hahahaahah how funnyx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A single guy we know once had

" Just tell our 17 and 13 year old sons you work with their Dad, don't worry they'll go to bed soon..."

get this all.the time!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Will you be paying by cash or cheque ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"hope I don't end up with yours mate"

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By *inaTitzTV/TS over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Isn't Tina meant to be here? - Half and hour after I've arrived. It's not happened yet...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

''Where did you get that penis'' ! '' A joke shop''

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Wasn't I your English teacher?"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Will we be playing soon,its just weve left Gran in the car

It's OK, she couldn't wait - is it OK if Gran joins us!

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By *icky999Man over a year ago

warrington

ribbed condom? no, I think thats my warts

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Was at a club last year, heard the staff saying a member is HIV positive. I'm not naming the club etc but think the staff may have had a issue with management. We left straight away never to return. Heard a lot about the way that clubs staff treats there customers! There's just certain things you don't say and that is one of them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

....'is it in yet' lol.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your just like your dad.. In more ways than one!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hi, Im BrightonSteve. Can I show you my peope carrier?"

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By *opinovMan over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

"Has anyone seen my colostomy plug?"

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By *dventuroususCouple over a year ago

sunderland

""I assumed she was over 16""

really!! Some things shouldnt be joked about.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can see the head, one more push and its out!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is big brother. You have successfully completed your mission to host an intimate gathering. Your shopping budget for this week is...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Couples arguing

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry I like a size bigger

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""Mum, will new Dad be staying for breakfast?"

There's a Welsh Fabber who's actually done this with a fab meet and her 3 year old.

Ironically thinks she's Royalty

think I might know who that is!

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By *opinovMan over a year ago

Point Nemo, Cumbria

Oi!... that's not a magnum - it's my butt plug.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You aren't a bad fuck for a backup plan. Oh yeah, the hottie I really wanted was busy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Oi!... that's not a magnum - it's my butt plug.

Ice cream or very large bottle

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By *o new WinksMan over a year ago

BSE

Go on...give it a suck, before it starts weeping again

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By *ust RachelTV/TS over a year ago

Horsham

Hurry up kids the taxi is waiting.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Right, who's up for watching cash in the attic ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Honest, all those warts were not there when I set off

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

""I assumed she was over 16"

really!! Some things shouldnt be joked about."

Remember, the thread was about bad things that could happen in a swinging situation, and there's been no suggestion that underage participants would be a good thing.

By the way very little should "not be joked about", and while this wasn't particularly funny, if it had happened, it would have been an underage girl at either a swinging club, or an adult house party. In either of those situations it SHOULD be a fair assumption that all participants are of consensual age.

So technically it was more accurate (as an answer) than it was funny.

Hope that reassures.

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By *dventuroususCouple over a year ago

sunderland

""I assumed she was over 16"

really!! Some things shouldnt be joked about.

Remember, the thread was about bad things that could happen in a swinging situation, and there's been no suggestion that underage participants would be a good thing.

So technically it was more accurate (as an answer) than it was funny.

Hope that reassures.

the thread was actually about things you would hear at a swinging party, I just thought it was bad taste to try and joke about something like that, some things should just be left alone.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""Mum, will new Dad be staying for breakfast?"

There's a Welsh Fabber who's actually done this with a fab meet and her 3 year old.

Ironically thinks she's Royalty

think I might know who that is! "

Tell us then...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

WHERE'S MY FUCKING WIFE!!!

By the 7ft 20 stone boxer with the huge arms,broken nose and hammer in his hand as he comes crashing through the patio doors,crushing the pampas grass under foot.

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By *an_WoodMan over a year ago

Stafford

That was a filthy orgy. Thanks you were great especially as my new HD cam is streaming to anyone on the internet. Why the long face ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

mmmm, your daughter is better at giving head, but you give better deepthroat. plus, your mum has tastier cum

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Couldn't find a dry spot on the curtains so had to use the rug

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When you arrive at a house and notice there are no front curtains "

this would be here then

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"the thread was actually about things you would hear at a swinging party, I just thought it was bad taste to try and joke about something like that, some things should just be left alone."

Er...first word of thread title is fairly unambiguous...

And the first post set the tone, almost implying incest.

Bad taste jokes (whether I cracked one or not) always have and always will exist. Jethro, Roy Chubby Brown, a hundred 21st century YouTube wannabees... Jimmy Carr, Frankie Boyle - it's almost unavoidable.

If I say any more I'll get banned, so...have a nice day.

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"When you arrive at a house and notice there are no front curtains

this would be here then

Do the flashlights from the neighbours' cameras not distract you?

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By *eanutButterJellyTime OP Couple over a year ago

the middle of the world

Who's wedding ring is this??

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

NOBODY IS HAVING A SHIT UNTIL MY WEDDING RING IS FOUND!

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By *dventuroususCouple over a year ago

sunderland

"the thread was actually about things you would hear at a swinging party, I just thought it was bad taste to try and joke about something like that, some things should just be left alone.

Er...first word of thread title is fairly unambiguous...

And the first post set the tone, almost implying incest.

If I say any more I'll get banned, so...have a nice day.

I am fully aware of that but I go back to my original point that some things just should not be joked about, sex with minors been 1 of them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Eg: "is that you, mum?""
it's a daytime meet one guy gets up after bareback and says " shit I'm late for my appointment at sexual health clinic ,think I've got ...........!!!!!!!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" It's okay, I've picked the warts off".

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By *he horny kinkstersCouple over a year ago

North West

Ok I've taken my clothes off. Now remind me again, what goes in where and do I have to wiggle it about or will it go off on its own?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you mean you're not interested in freedom of movement...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yay!....I'm down to one AID!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"When all play is stopped at midnight for the playing of the National Anthem"

Absolutely nothing wrong with that

It use to be played on telly every night , had to stand up when it was on

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By *eanutButterJellyTime OP Couple over a year ago

the middle of the world

what u mean the party is sponsored by saga???

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By *ill74Man over a year ago

New forest area

Anybody seen my bottle of beer?

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By *eanutButterJellyTime OP Couple over a year ago

the middle of the world

Shit... Wrong house... I wanted the Tupperware party across the road.......

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

"No, it's men only tonight"

*sound of knuckles being cracked*

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Eg: "is that you, mum?""

I've just spat my tea out laughing!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

any grapes?

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By *eanutButterJellyTime OP Couple over a year ago

the middle of the world

Can i put corrie on the TV??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Wait...

Stop everyone...

Where the fuck is my contact lens?

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

When you turn up to a house and their front room is plastered in pics of their kids - and there's a mattress on the living room floor.

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

We tattoo all our guests, didn't you know?

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By *harpDressed ManMan over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

[Removed by poster at 11/09/15 22:27:02]

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