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Undeniable Adult Truths
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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1. Part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning joined up writing really necessary?
7. Google maps really needs to start their directions on number 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my street.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection, again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well..
16. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an idiot from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
20. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
21. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their mobile phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1 .7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"first thing my best friend needs to do, is get rid of the ridiculous amount if sex toys and bondage gear when I die! "
Haha, too right
And chuck it all in with me too, if I'am going to hell I may as well go equipped, haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"1. Part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning joined up writing really necessary?
7. Google maps really needs to start their directions on number 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my street.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection, again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well..
16. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an idiot from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
20. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
21. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their mobile phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1 .7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time."
mostly true, all exceptionally brilliant. I find the time I realise I will do nothing productive at work is about the moment I wake up and realise I can't be arsed getting out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"1. Part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning joined up writing really necessary?
7. Google maps really needs to start their directions on number 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my street.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection, again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well..
16. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an idiot from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
20. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
21. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their mobile phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1 .7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time."
5,11,15,17,20  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"1. Part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning joined up writing really necessary?
7. Google maps really needs to start their directions on number 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my street.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection, again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well..
16. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an idiot from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
20. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
21. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their mobile phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1 .7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
5,11,15,17,20 "
one more number and that's my lottery sorted this week |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"1. Part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning joined up writing really necessary?
7. Google maps really needs to start their directions on number 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my street.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection, again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well..
16. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an idiot from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
20. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
21. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their mobile phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1 .7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
5,11,15,17,20 one more number and that's my lottery sorted this week "
45 with a bonus of 32 |
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"first thing my best friend needs to do, is get rid of the ridiculous amount if sex toys and bondage gear when I die! "
I'll need all my friends to delete my phone history, ipad, computer and sat nav as well!
It'll take them a fortnight too find all the condoms I've hidden too lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I would like to add the following:
1. Waiters/waitresses will always wait until everyone has their mouthful before asking 'Is everything OK?'
2.The person on the next table will always have something far better than you, creating a sense of food envy.
3. At a work gathering, people will make polite chit chat then revert to talking about work, or football.
4. When shopping for clothes you will always find the perfect outfit...in every size but your own.
5. When you have to panic buy that one thing....it will be sold out. Everywhere.
6. Lego and sharp objects will always appear on an unknown floor in the dark.
7. Kebabs do not exist before 11pm
8. That person that randomly stops and asks you directions will stink.
9. On the day you want to just pop in to town for some shopping, it will be a nightmare assault course of charity muggers and old people.
10. That late night phone call is never good.
11. That point in the gym...when you are on a final drop set and struggling to get the last couple of reps out with the tiniest dumbbells. Thats when the hot girl walks in.
12. That moment on a POF date when you realise their pics are 10 years and 7 stone out of date. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would like to add the following:
1. Waiters/waitresses will always wait until everyone has their mouthful before asking 'Is everything OK?'
2.The person on the next table will always have something far better than you, creating a sense of food envy.
3. At a work gathering, people will make polite chit chat then revert to talking about work, or football.
4. When shopping for clothes you will always find the perfect outfit...in every size but your own.
5. When you have to panic buy that one thing....it will be sold out. Everywhere.
6. Lego and sharp objects will always appear on an unknown floor in the dark.
7. Kebabs do not exist before 11pm
8. That person that randomly stops and asks you directions will stink.
9. On the day you want to just pop in to town for some shopping, it will be a nightmare assault course of charity muggers and old people.
10. That late night phone call is never good.
11. That point in the gym...when you are on a final drop set and struggling to get the last couple of reps out with the tiniest dumbbells. Thats when the hot girl walks in.
12. That moment on a POF date when you realise their pics are 10 years and 7 stone out of date."
Or even on a POF date, the pic on their profile isn't even them  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I would like to add the following:
1. Waiters/waitresses will always wait until everyone has their mouthful before asking 'Is everything OK?'
2.The person on the next table will always have something far better than you, creating a sense of food envy.
3. At a work gathering, people will make polite chit chat then revert to talking about work, or football.
4. When shopping for clothes you will always find the perfect outfit...in every size but your own.
5. When you have to panic buy that one thing....it will be sold out. Everywhere.
6. Lego and sharp objects will always appear on an unknown floor in the dark.
7. Kebabs do not exist before 11pm
8. That person that randomly stops and asks you directions will stink.
9. On the day you want to just pop in to town for some shopping, it will be a nightmare assault course of charity muggers and old people.
10. That late night phone call is never good.
11. That point in the gym...when you are on a final drop set and struggling to get the last couple of reps out with the tiniest dumbbells. Thats when the hot girl walks in.
12. That moment on a POF date when you realise their pics are 10 years and 7 stone out of date."
I'm sorry but I completely disagree with no 7
Everything else is pretty much spot on though   |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Number 19.
No just let them in. Life is too short. No need to be Charles Bronson.
And if everyone merged in turn we would all get there quicker.
The rest are great. "
Although as I ride a motorbike everywhere |
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"
And if everyone merged in turn we would all get there quicker.
"
The only time I have seen this work properly was when the approaches said "USE BOTH LANES"
followed by
"MERGE IN TURN"
at the very end.
Mr ddc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Washing machine cycle timers lie worse than a watch bought from 'Mr Rolex' in a turkish market...a 39 min quick wash has currently taken 50 mins and with 4 left to go! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Excellent but don't forget. The irritating or smelly person will always sit next to you on one of the three buses that turn up at once when the first two were late. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"10. Bad decisions make good stories."
Lol I think that's gonna have to be on my headstone.
As others have said... some great ones... really made me smile. But 10's almost like my life mantra |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That moment when you think you have finished for the day and you look up just as the boss looks your way and you just know its going to be a fuck ton of work inbound. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a man there are few things more embarrassing than realising you have got into the same pint/piss timing cycle with a stranger.
This is only made worse if said stranger realises the same thing and
a. Tries to strike up a conversation
b. Thinks it makes you 'buddies' |
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