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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A woman, who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.
In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.
In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her.
She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"
He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area.
I'm sorry, but they turned me down."
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By *ig badMan
over a year ago
Up North :-) |
A cucumber, an olive and a penis are talking.
The cucumber says "I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."
The olive says "That's nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."
The penis says "You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up" |
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By *aravancoupleMan
over a year ago
A Secret Hideaway In the caravan of love |
An Irishman's Affair
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A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put £50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in."  |
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"An Irishman's Affair
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/
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put £50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in." "
Lol Love the Irish ones! |
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By *h1lMan
over a year ago
runcorn |
8 things girl should say to men
1. I am bored lets shave my fanny
2. Are you sure you have had enough to drink.
3. That fart was great do another.
4. Of course i swolloaw, i love it
5. No thats ok, you drink beer and watch porn I will do the washing up.
6. Just for a change put it in my ass.
7. How about you get that girl from work to join us.
8. Marriage no way !
Sadly carlsberg dont do girlfriends
But thialand does |
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I spent £5000 on a boob job for the wife and she was delighted. I spent £3000 on a nose job for her, she was ecstatic. I spent £30 on a blowjob for myself and she went bloody ballistic!! Women are so selfish!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dave and sarah invited a male friend over for a 3some. After some drinks, they went to the bedroom and stripped off , put the lights out and got on the bed. After some fumbeling, sarah said "move over dave, your toes in my arse". The voice came back " its not dave, and its not me toe " !  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dave and sarah invited a male friend over for a 3some. After some drinks, they went to the bedroom and stripped off , put the lights out and got on the bed. After some fumbeling, sarah said "move over dave, your toes in my arse". The voice came back " its not dave, and its not me toe " ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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An man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the
effects it has on the human body."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this
time of night?"
The man replies, "My wife." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Shaz and trace are walking through John Lewis' perfume dept when an assistant calls em over and askes em to try one some scent. She sprays it on Shaz's wrist and she takes a sniff. "Oooh, that's nice she says, what's it called?" "It's called venois et moi", she answers. Trace grunts, "Oh teah nd what does that mean than?" "It means Come to me", answers the assistant demurely. "Cum to me, cum to fuckin me??? It don't smell like cum to me, does it smell like cum to you our our Trace". Apologies to all the Sharons and traceys out there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...A Jehovas Witness knocked on my door last night. I asked him in, sat him down and said "Right, what do you want to talk about?" He said "Fuck knows - I've never got this far before" "
Bet they were the same ones who sent me a jehova advent calender..#
everytime you open one of the little doors...someone tells you to fook off  |
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"...A Jehovas Witness knocked on my door last night. I asked him in, sat him down and said "Right, what do you want to talk about?" He said "Fuck knows - I've never got this far before"
Bet they were the same ones who sent me a jehova advent calender..#
everytime you open one of the little doors...someone tells you to fook off "
Lol I hide when they come round for a visit! |
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Im sick of the double standards in my relationship - wife comes home with a rampant rabbit.. and shes a naughty fun girl with a special new toy.. but whan I order a 240 volt fistmaster 5000 latex pussy with realistic elasticated arsehole and spunk collector tray then im some kind of sick bastard xx |
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I'm not normally suspicious, but I've got the car!! 