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Using the toilets at work..
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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And no i don't mean for wanking lol.
Does anyone else feel apprehensive about using the dunnies at work? I'm not talking about going for a wee but i mean a full on dump.
I never normally use them for anything other that a wee but last week i was sat at my desk and the pains came over me. 'Bugger' i though i'm gonna have to go and use the works crappers.
I walked in ,did a quick scout around luckily no one was in there so i quickly went into one of the traps and pulled down my kecks to let one go. All of a sudden the door to the toilets open and someone walks in. The bloke (bearing in mind there are 5 other empty traps) takes the one RIGHT FUCKING NEXT TO ME!!(i mean...why???). He then proceeds to plonk himself on the bog and let go one of the wettest sounding pan splattering shits i've ever heard in my life followed by a couple of squeaky farts and a satisfied groan.
The smell was fucking acrid and due to all this i got stage fright and was unable to crap myself, despite needing one.
I know i should have gone shit for shit with this monster but his pre-emptive dump caught me so off guard and had me chicken legging all over the ring of combat. There was no way i was going to be able to dump so i pulled up my trousers and went to wash my hands.
As i was washing them the door opens and out steps this filthy, fat bearded ricky tomlinson lookalike and he walked straight out without washing his hands!!!!!...how mank???
I started to gag and someone else walked in and had a look that said 'who the fuck has died in here??'. The fact that i smelt his poo still makes me gag as i sit here now. Oh and i still needed a shit but that twat ruined it for me and i had to hold it and wait til i got home.
Anyone else had any bad experiences using the works crappers? I thought i was an unwritten rule never to use the trap next to one that was taken if other are free? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Luckily i need to go when i wake up, so never needed to shit anywhere but home.
Did have the worst day out in Blackpool years ago (with 4 kids who needed the toilet a lot) and every single toilet stunk of shit.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I once went for a poo at a service station toilet while the cleaner was in there doing his job. After I came out of cubicle he went straight in to clean! I felt a bit sorry for him and wish I left a tip on the toilet seat |
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Omg I just laughed so much at that, I think I've just wet myself!
Anyway I've had a few episodes where I'm just sitting n chillin, then someone sits in the cubicle right next to me and unleashes hell!
Why choose the cubicle next to mine when there's at least ten is beyond me.  |
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Can't say I've ever had a problem with it - after all, it's what toilets are for and if I need to go, I need to go. We're all human and we all do it.
I do spray perfume or body spray afterwards though...it's not a nice smell to leave hanging around for others.
Bradley's more apprehensive than I am.
- Amy. x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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But there is certain etiquette to follow isn't there?
Taking the trap next to me should be a big no no. Seriously i've never heard a shit like the one he did. it sounded like once he had gotten the large lump he had chambered out the way it was like someone pouring a bucket of slop down the pan.
Fucking rank
I don't doubt he got serious splashback and god knows he's probably got some dingleberries as a result.
As for not washing his hands..... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I once went for a poo at a service station toilet while the cleaner was in there doing his job. After I came out of cubicle he went straight in to clean! I felt a bit sorry for him and wish I left a tip on the toilet seat "
Yep..i had this too. Like i said i was at a different location to normal. I think they are all f*cking weird here.
The next day i went in to take a leak and there was some strange little monkeyesque type bloke in there, obviously the cleaner. he was talking to himself saying "For fucks sake look at all the shit down there...dirty fuckers"
Very weird. he then came out of a trap and as i was weeing at one of the urinals took a j cloth and wiped round the INSIDE of another urinal (without gloves) he then kinda squeezed the j cloth, turned it round and wiped round the other side of the urinal. he was a little limpet looking type bloke all hunched over and shit.
Place was full of sickos ffs. I have to go back there in two weeks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can't say I've ever had a problem with it - after all, it's what toilets are for and if I need to go, I need to go. We're all human and we all do it.
I do spray perfume or body spray afterwards though...it's not a nice smell to leave hanging around for others.
Bradley's more apprehensive than I am.
- Amy. x"
I like going to a loo just after a womens been in there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always had this problem! Even in school I'd have to ring my grandfather to pick me up at lunchtime so I could go home for a poo.
I only work two 10 hour shifts a week 10pm till 8am so I'm usually ok in work, it's around 9:30am I have one after the school run when I've had a cuppa tea and a fag!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I once went for a poo at a service station toilet while the cleaner was in there doing his job. After I came out of cubicle he went straight in to clean! I felt a bit sorry for him and wish I left a tip on the toilet seat
Yep..i had this too. Like i said i was at a different location to normal. I think they are all f*cking weird here.
The next day i went in to take a leak and there was some strange little monkeyesque type bloke in there, obviously the cleaner. he was talking to himself saying "For fucks sake look at all the shit down there...dirty fuckers"
Very weird. he then came out of a trap and as i was weeing at one of the urinals took a j cloth and wiped round the INSIDE of another urinal (without gloves) he then kinda squeezed the j cloth, turned it round and wiped round the other side of the urinal. he was a little limpet looking type bloke all hunched over and shit.
Place was full of sickos ffs. I have to go back there in two weeks"
Ive got nothing but respect for toilet cleaners, someones gotta do it |
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The rule is
You don't take the next trap (or urinal) if there is one available further away the next trap rule is however secondary to the touching cloth rule where 'Jesus just made it' is the main thought |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The rule is
You don't take the next trap (or urinal) if there is one available further away the next trap rule is however secondary to the touching cloth rule where 'Jesus just made it' is the main thought"
He either did not know he rule or had no respect for it |
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By *nnyMan
over a year ago
Glasgow |
"And no i don't mean for wanking lol.
Does anyone else feel apprehensive about using the dunnies at work? I'm not talking about going for a wee but i mean a full on dump.
I..............."
You don't work on Excellent, do you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not the best subject matter but guess we have all been there. We had a period of time where im sure someone had a hole in their back as they left a rather large mess in the loo after they where done. It went on for weeks till I emailed the hr rep and asked her for help. We came up with a email sent to all personel explaining that it was a problem for the cleaner and if they had trouble going to the toilet properly they could arrange for someone to come in and do a group session on toilet etiquette and use. The problem was soon resolved! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The rule is
You don't take the next trap (or urinal) if there is one available further away the next trap rule is however secondary to the touching cloth rule where 'Jesus just made it' is the main thought"
Unless its your favourite trap! Then you gotta use it. |
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Just remembered, a office I worked in years ago, someone had a shit in the ladies toilets, then SOMEHOW managed to step in it and walk it through the office into reception! I was in another office when I got the global email from the receptionist complaining about it. She wasn't pleased when I rang and asked if it stank. I couldn't stop laughing.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you gotta go you gotta go, no point in holding in a feeling awful, cmon lads your big boys now, never understood why people are embarrased to go elsewhere, we all do it |
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"Can't say I've ever had a problem with it - after all, it's what toilets are for and if I need to go, I need to go. We're all human and we all do it.
I do spray perfume or body spray afterwards though...it's not a nice smell to leave hanging around for others.
Bradley's more apprehensive than I am.
- Amy. x
I like going to a loo just after a womens been in there"
Oh great, NOW I have a complex..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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it could have been worse.
A friend of mine, same situ - but the guy who came out and left, without washing his hands after dumping his toxic waste - was wearing a chef outfit.
Yep |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Never sit on anyone else's loo even to pee, toilets in work are rank and every morning someone goes in the guy's and drops his load.........the stench is rank, talk about fucking heaving.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The worst occasion I have ever known was in a rented shared house when I first started work. One of the lads was always pissed, every night he came home bladdered. Well seems one night he was bladdered and boweled as he decided in his stupor he ne needed a shit. My other housemates and I were watching TV in the Lounge just across the hallway from the only bog in the house. The was no door on the lounge so only the toilet door protecting us from what happened next.....
He proceeded to stumble into the dark toilet, leaving the door ajar. One of the lads shouted for fucks sake close the door and as he reached for it, he fell off the bog, shit himself with the most horrendously loud, sloppy wet fart I've ever heard, depositing his plastering his excrement all round the cubicle. Between pissing ourselves laughing and barfing with the disgusting stench it had to be simultaneously one of the most stomach churningly funny situations I've ever experienced.
Needless to say cleaning the room was a fucking nightmare requiring a cast iron stomach and no sense of smell. Thankfully one of the lads volunteered when we said we'd pay him £20 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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made me smile did all that - as for the fella feeling he should have left a tip on the loo seat - many do and s why i struggle to use a public loo fullstop |
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By *iggy1Woman
over a year ago
DORCHESTER |
The lights at work are motion sensitive... I'm sat there having a wee reading stuff on my phone and the lights go off... So I'm frantically waving my arms to get the lights to come on prying nobody walks in and thinks I'm a weirdo sat in the dark in a toilet cubicle  I got to live a nothing day as a sane person  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can't say I've ever had a problem with it - after all, it's what toilets are for and if I need to go, I need to go. We're all human and we all do it.
I do spray perfume or body spray afterwards though...it's not a nice smell to leave hanging around for others.
Bradley's more apprehensive than I am.
- Amy. x
I like going to a loo just after a womens been in there"
Jesus Christ.
Where did we, as humans, go wrong? |
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We've had to put signs up in the loos at work (the ladies ffs) asking people to ensure they flush and use the brush! Some real issues with people blocking the toilets and/or pebbledashing. It's disgusting and unnecessary! Makes me wonder what sort of state their toilets at home are in. 
I tend to go when I really have to. But I never leave a mess and I ALWAYS wash my hands. And dry them. So many people don't dry them. DO THEY NOT KNOW ABOUT BACTERIA?! |
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This made me laugh. Tried to get into the new toilets at work today when I arrived. I walk in and takes an hour, so I needed to go ... but there is a sort of hall into the ladies and there is a cleaning cupboard in there. The door was ajar and had blocked the door to the main toilet. Workmen all over the place ... hmmm, lucky there was a disabled one to nip into though .... was a bit of a madhouse |
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"Just remembered, a office I worked in years ago, someone had a shit in the ladies toilets, then SOMEHOW managed to step in it and walk it through the office into reception! I was in another office when I got the global email from the receptionist complaining about it. She wasn't pleased when I rang and asked if it stank. I couldn't stop laughing. "
That wasn't 118 118 was it? I had a temp job there once and that happened. One of the women took a dump on the toilet floor and someone else walked it back into the call centre office. They had to get emergency carpet cleaners out. |
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"Just remembered, a office I worked in years ago, someone had a shit in the ladies toilets, then SOMEHOW managed to step in it and walk it through the office into reception! I was in another office when I got the global email from the receptionist complaining about it. She wasn't pleased when I rang and asked if it stank. I couldn't stop laughing.
That wasn't 118 118 was it? I had a temp job there once and that happened. One of the women took a dump on the toilet floor and someone else walked it back into the call centre office. They had to get emergency carpet cleaners out."
Lol, no it wasnt. I also asked the receptionist, why didnt she follow the shit trail. She was so not amused. I was crying!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The worst occasion I have ever known was in a rented shared house when I first started work. One of the lads was always pissed, every night he came home bladdered. Well seems one night he was bladdered and boweled as he decided in his stupor he ne needed a shit. My other housemates and I were watching TV in the Lounge just across the hallway from the only bog in the house. The was no door on the lounge so only the toilet door protecting us from what happened next.....
He proceeded to stumble into the dark toilet, leaving the door ajar. One of the lads shouted for fucks sake close the door and as he reached for it, he fell off the bog, shit himself with the most horrendously loud, sloppy wet fart I've ever heard, depositing his plastering his excrement all round the cubicle. Between pissing ourselves laughing and barfing with the disgusting stench it had to be simultaneously one of the most stomach churningly funny situations I've ever experienced.
Needless to say cleaning the room was a fucking nightmare requiring a cast iron stomach and no sense of smell. Thankfully one of the lads volunteered when we said we'd pay him £20 "
LMAO! |
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I avoid using work toilets always have but sometimes you cant help it. Remember opening the door to trap #1 too find some dirty fucker had taken a shit against the wall! Yes the wall must have been desperate or something, looked like they had bent over and let fly. Poo on the wall above waist height running down the wall, makes Me gag just remembering it. On a slightly funnier note I once walked in too find a guy lying on the floor beneath the urinal in puddle of piss papper work in his hand also coverd in piss, I just laughed and walked out. |
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Due to a bowel problem if I can't get into the disabled loo I have to go as soon as I feel it so I'm proud to say I've crapped in a wide range of places: pubs, washing up bowls, restaurants, at work, in service stations and, all too often, the great outdoors.
The phobia I once had has been cured by having no choice! |
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in Kenya we built DTL's (deep trench latrines) which was basically an 8 foot deep x 6 foot wide x several cubicles long hole, one never sat down unless you checked for big fuckoff biting things and sprayed generously with fly spray..
one was'nt there long enough unless you had the squits to worry who was next door.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"you lot would hate my job 
proctologist?
carer
then respect..
OH is a nurse and thats another job i would not entertain.."
its copable with when people have lack of mental capcity or physical ability - but to those who are just plain filthy - gross |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
I can't go anywhere other than home. I was put off using public toilets at a very early age when we were on our way to somewhere and had to stop at the Dartford Tunnel crossing for wees. The first and only cubicle we went in was literally covered in poo on all walls and I can remember my mum saying 'oh my god V no way you'll have to hold on until we get to Aunty Jeans!' Lol.
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I try to not go at work, I prefer my own bathroom
However I used to work somewhere in a big office where no-one worked on the top floor, so if I couldn't wait I would go up there. Only one out of the two toilets worked though. I went up once and someone must have had the same idea as me.. Only she used the broken one with no water in (I say she, I frequently caught men in the ladies) it was vile. And had probably been sat there since the day before |
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"I once went for a poo at a service station toilet while the cleaner was in there doing his job. After I came out of cubicle he went straight in to clean! I felt a bit sorry for him and wish I left a tip on the toilet seat
Yep..i had this too. Like i said i was at a different location to normal. I think they are all f*cking weird here.
The next day i went in to take a leak and there was some strange little monkeyesque type bloke in there, obviously the cleaner. he was talking to himself saying "For fucks sake look at all the shit down there...dirty fuckers"
Very weird. he then came out of a trap and as i was weeing at one of the urinals took a j cloth and wiped round the INSIDE of another urinal (without gloves) he then kinda squeezed the j cloth, turned it round and wiped round the other side of the urinal. he was a little limpet looking type bloke all hunched over and shit.
Place was full of sickos ffs. I have to go back there in two weeks"
Lol, will you be keeping us updated and entertained with your toilet escapades in 2 weeks time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And no i don't mean for wanking lol.
Does anyone else feel apprehensive about using the dunnies at work? I'm not talking about going for a wee but i mean a full on dump.
I never normally use them for anything other that a wee but last week i was sat at my desk and the pains came over me. 'Bugger' i though i'm gonna have to go and use the works crappers.
I walked in ,did a quick scout around luckily no one was in there so i quickly went into one of the traps and pulled down my kecks to let one go. All of a sudden the door to the toilets open and someone walks in. The bloke (bearing in mind there are 5 other empty traps) takes the one RIGHT FUCKING NEXT TO ME!!(i mean...why???). He then proceeds to plonk himself on the bog and let go one of the wettest sounding pan splattering shits i've ever heard in my life followed by a couple of squeaky farts and a satisfied groan.
The smell was fucking acrid and due to all this i got stage fright and was unable to crap myself, despite needing one.
I know i should have gone shit for shit with this monster but his pre-emptive dump caught me so off guard and had me chicken legging all over the ring of combat. There was no way i was going to be able to dump so i pulled up my trousers and went to wash my hands.
As i was washing them the door opens and out steps this filthy, fat bearded ricky tomlinson lookalike and he walked straight out without washing his hands!!!!!...how mank???
I started to gag and someone else walked in and had a look that said 'who the fuck has died in here??'. The fact that i smelt his poo still makes me gag as i sit here now. Oh and i still needed a shit but that twat ruined it for me and i had to hold it and wait til i got home.
Anyone else had any bad experiences using the works crappers? I thought i was an unwritten rule never to use the trap next to one that was taken if other are free? "
This is one of the funniest posts I have seen on the forums. I'm still giggling.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I once went for a poo at a service station toilet while the cleaner was in there doing his job. After I came out of cubicle he went straight in to clean! I felt a bit sorry for him and wish I left a tip on the toilet seat
Yep..i had this too. Like i said i was at a different location to normal. I think they are all f*cking weird here.
The next day i went in to take a leak and there was some strange little monkeyesque type bloke in there, obviously the cleaner. he was talking to himself saying "For fucks sake look at all the shit down there...dirty fuckers"
Very weird. he then came out of a trap and as i was weeing at one of the urinals took a j cloth and wiped round the INSIDE of another urinal (without gloves) he then kinda squeezed the j cloth, turned it round and wiped round the other side of the urinal. he was a little limpet looking type bloke all hunched over and shit.
Place was full of sickos ffs. I have to go back there in two weeks
Lol, will you be keeping us updated and entertained with your toilet escapades in 2 weeks time. "
Will do but to be honest I am going t try and get out of it..I think that shitting episode has really put me off going back |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't poo at work and I can't wee if someone else is in the next cubicle because I don't like them hearing a flowing water sound. I always flush the loo first and then do it.
I hate it if someone has poo'd in one of the toilets though because you have to creep out of the toilets in case others think it's you. |
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All I can say is that this thread has had me crying with laughter tonight!
I'm sure I'll be visiting the office toilets at some point tomorrow, I just hope no one will be sitting in the cubicle next to me, because I'm gonna unleash hell, hahahaha!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All I can say is that this thread has had me crying with laughter tonight!
I'm sure I'll be visiting the office toilets at some point tomorrow, I just hope no one will be sitting in the cubicle next to me, because I'm gonna unleash hell, hahahaha!!!!"
might be able to tell who at work is on fab - see what the topic of chat is pmsl |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not a problem I suffer from, always have a pooh at 6am every morning, regular as clockwork.
Trouble is I don't get out bed till 7.
Baddum tshhhhhh. "
Haha, TIDY! |
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I used to care about that but we are all human and if you have to go then you have to go. I'm entirely comfortable shitting in any lav whether it be round a mates house or at work. I clean up after myself, many don't and there's nothing worse than having to sort out someone else's mess before you can go. 
Still, it's one of my favourite things when I come home from holidays... nothing quite like a shit in your own toilet.
Matches are the thing to carry. Nothing gets shot of the smell quicker.  |
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"I don't poo at work and I can't wee if someone else is in the next cubicle because I don't like them hearing a flowing water sound. I always flush the loo first and then do it.
I hate it if someone has poo'd in one of the toilets though because you have to creep out of the toilets in case others think it's you. "
You're overthinking this.
Just sit down, relax and let nature take its course.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't poo at work and I can't wee if someone else is in the next cubicle because I don't like them hearing a flowing water sound. I always flush the loo first and then do it.
I hate it if someone has poo'd in one of the toilets though because you have to creep out of the toilets in case others think it's you.
You're overthinking this.
Just sit down, relax and let nature take its course.
"
I know, I agree and it's an irrational silly thing, but it does bother me |
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"I don't poo at work and I can't wee if someone else is in the next cubicle because I don't like them hearing a flowing water sound. I always flush the loo first and then do it.
I hate it if someone has poo'd in one of the toilets though because you have to creep out of the toilets in case others think it's you.
You're overthinking this.
Just sit down, relax and let nature take its course.
I know, I agree and it's an irrational silly thing, but it does bother me "
... especially when you realise there's no toilet roll left |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Well..am back there tomorrow..can't wait!...fucks sake. Hopefully i can do a decent dump before i leave to go there so i don't need to go through that traumatic experience again! |
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"I have no problem using them, I see it as being paid to take a dump ??
I love that too. If I need one before I go to work, I hold on until I arrive. "
I do that but since I cycle to work it can be risky |
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