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great comedy quotes
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just been watching Only fools & Horses, where Rodney says hes' gone into the holiday trade with Micky Pearce, And Grandad says "With £200 what you got a Wendy House"  Classic
What one liners or Quotes do you love from the world of Comedy |
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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
Monty, you terrible cunt!
And Trigger made a face...
There's no real evidence for it, but it is scientific fact.
What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don't have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Whenever a male stripper takes their clothes off, they’ve still got, like, a fireman’s hat on, or a tool belt on, or a policeman’s gun on a holster, right? Because even when a man’s naked, a woman wants to know that he has a job!
I just love Jim |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"" please try to understand before one of us dies", Basil Fawlty to Manuel.
There is too much butter on those trays.
No. No, no, Uno, dos, tres "
 " I could spend the rest of my life having this conversation". |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Triggers Broom
Trigger claims that he's had his road sweeper's broom for 20 years. But then he adds that the broom has had 17 new heads and 14 new handles.
"How can it be the same bloody broom then?" asks Sid the café owner. Trigger produces a picture of him and his broom and asks: "what more proof do you need?"
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By *olgateMan
over a year ago
on the road to nowhere in particular |
"infamy infamy they've all got it in for mekenneth williams carry on screaming
Think it was frankie Howerd , in up Pompeii "
it was Kenneth Williams in carry on Cleo
C... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"infamy infamy they've all got it in for mekenneth williams carry on screaming
Think it was frankie Howerd , in up Pompeii it was Kenneth Williams in carry on Cleo
C...
Just beat me to it  "
it was keneth williams in carry on cleo
played the roman zeasar |
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"I'm not so good with the advice...can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
"No you didn't get me! You get me you kill me!!" Both chandler friends
I also loved carol when pregnant with Ben at birthing class "I'm not doing THAT" I was pregnant too and could so relate |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"" I was seventeen miles from Greybridge, before I was caught by the School Leopard", anybody?
Ripping Yarns. Ace."
Nice one, never understood why it didn't do very well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"'There's nobody here but us chickens'
That's a blast from the past, with the secutity guards  "
That quote was in an episode of Doctor Who as well in The Empty Child. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why don't you name him Rodney after dave
Good old Trig. "
In the Nags Head and Mike asked what Del is going to call his baby. Trigger replied
"if its a girl they are going to call it after Rachel but if its a boy they will call him Rodney after Dave" - absolute classic.
Another is when Del n Rodney became millionaires and Rodney bought Del a Rolls Royce. Back in Nags Head Rodney offered to buy everyone a drink and some sandwiches when Del intervenes and say " no Rodders I will buy the sandwiches after all you bought the Rolls" classic play on words. O'Sullivan was gifted!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why don't you name him Rodney after dave
Good old Trig.
In the Nags Head and Mike asked what Del is going to call his baby. Trigger replied
"if its a girl they are going to call it after Rachel but if its a boy they will call him Rodney after Dave" - absolute classic.
Another is when Del n Rodney became millionaires and Rodney bought Del a Rolls Royce. Back in Nags Head Rodney offered to buy everyone a drink and some sandwiches when Del intervenes and say " no Rodders I will buy the sandwiches after all you bought the Rolls" classic play on words. O'Sullivan was gifted!!!"
I remember it well, do you remember when he said he'd had the same broom since he started, in that time it's had 14 new heads, and seventeen new handles? lol, Trig was a classic . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bastard!!! All right, own up up who took it? It's not like they grow on trees or anything like that.
Calm down Rick, what've you lost?
I had half an apple in that fridge. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What about when their all sat round the table in the Nags Head and Rodney mentions things you dont see anymore.Trigger pipes up "Gandhi".They all look up and he says "yeah he only made one film and you never heard of him again".absolute classic British comedy at its best. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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'Twins' Danny DeVito and Arnie....Danny DeVito 'mess with me, mess with my family' (on Arnie throwing the bad guys into elevator). Only fools & horses, Rodney 'knowing my luck, I'll come back as me' (re-incarnation). Lots more out there but at the moment, they're the ones that spring to mind |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Alexei Sayle as a train driver being held up by Mexican bandits.
"...there's your Bourbons, your Garibaldi's and your Peak Frean Trotsky assortment. It's amazing when you think how many biscuits are named after Italian revolutionaries..." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Alexei Sayle as a train driver being held up by Mexican bandits.
"...there's your Bourbons, your Garibaldi's and your Peak Frean Trotsky assortment. It's amazing when you think how many biscuits are named after Italian revolutionaries...""
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"" I can smell her chips.." anyone know that one from Ade Edmonson?
Sounds like something from bottom to me. Ooer Mrs!"
' Gregory, diary of a nutcase', it was a Comic Strip film based on 'Silence of the lambs', " I can smell your chips", |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"" I can smell her chips.." anyone know that one from Ade Edmonson?
Sounds like something from bottom to me. Ooer Mrs!
' Gregory, diary of a nutcase', it was a Comic Strip film based on 'Silence of the lambs', " I can smell your chips", "
I haven't seen that one. The last one I saw was the four guys on a plane that crashes in the desert. Can't remember the name of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"" I can smell her chips.." anyone know that one from Ade Edmonson?
Sounds like something from bottom to me. Ooer Mrs!
' Gregory, diary of a nutcase', it was a Comic Strip film based on 'Silence of the lambs', " I can smell your chips",
I haven't seen that one. The last one I saw was the four guys on a plane that crashes in the desert. Can't remember the name of it."
I think it was called ' Four men in a plane', lol, check out Gregory if you can. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"" I can smell her chips.." anyone know that one from Ade Edmonson?
Sounds like something from bottom to me. Ooer Mrs!
' Gregory, diary of a nutcase', it was a Comic Strip film based on 'Silence of the lambs', " I can smell your chips",
I haven't seen that one. The last one I saw was the four guys on a plane that crashes in the desert. Can't remember the name of it.
I think it was called ' Four men in a plane', lol, check out Gregory if you can. "
Always happy to see Edmonson playing a nutter. It's his forte. Did you know Edina Monsoon was a play on his name,? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"" I can smell her chips.." anyone know that one from Ade Edmonson?
Sounds like something from bottom to me. Ooer Mrs!
' Gregory, diary of a nutcase', it was a Comic Strip film based on 'Silence of the lambs', " I can smell your chips",
I haven't seen that one. The last one I saw was the four guys on a plane that crashes in the desert. Can't remember the name of it.
I think it was called ' Four men in a plane', lol, check out Gregory if you can.
Always happy to see Edmonson playing a nutter. It's his forte. Did you know Edina Monsoon was a play on his name,?"
I didn't know that, bless 'em both. |
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By *ackspopCouple
over a year ago
Wymondham |
"All right... all right... but apart from better sanitation and medicine and education and irrigation and public health and roads and a freshwater system and baths and public order... what have the Romans done for us?"
Monty Python's The Life of Brian |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""All right... all right... but apart from better sanitation and medicine and education and irrigation and public health and roads and a freshwater system and baths and public order... what have the Romans done for us?"
Monty Python's The Life of Brian"
" brought peace" |
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By *ackspopCouple
over a year ago
Wymondham |
""All right... all right... but apart from better sanitation and medicine and education and irrigation and public health and roads and a freshwater system and baths and public order... what have the Romans done for us?"
Monty Python's The Life of Brian
" brought peace" "
"Oh,shut up" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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""All right... all right... but apart from better sanitation and medicine and education and irrigation and public health and roads and a freshwater system and baths and public order... what have the Romans done for us?"
Monty Python's The Life of Brian
" brought peace"
"Oh,shut up""
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have principles.....and if you don't like them I have others
Groucho Marx"
He came out with some great ones, " I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member", |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have principles.....and if you don't like them I have others
Groucho Marx
He came out with some great ones, " I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member", "
Either this man's dead, or my watch has stopped. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This man needs to get to a hospital!.
.
.
.
A hospital! What is it?
.
.
.
It's a big building with lots of doctors and nurses but that's not important right now, what is important is that he gets medical treatment.
.
.
.
Surely you can't be serious?
Yes I am, and don't call me Shirley
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.
.
Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have principles.....and if you don't like them I have others
Groucho Marx
He came out with some great ones, " I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member",
Either this man's dead, or my watch has stopped."
pmsl |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not intended as a comedy qozte but I will never forget that scene in Game of thrones when the slaver says "OK the dwarf lives, until we can find a cock merchant"
Cried with laughter for a good half hour |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This man needs to get to a hospital!.
.
.
.
A hospital! What is it?
.
.
.
It's a big building with lots of doctors and nurses but that's not important right now, what is important is that he gets medical treatment.
.
.
.
Surely you can't be serious?
Yes I am, and don't call me Shirley
.
.
.
Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
"
Airplane and apologies if someone already said this. I didnt scan all the way down. such a funny film |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cringey but bloody brilliant lines from Rita Sue and Bob Too:
Rita's Asian Boyfriend
"I can't help being a paki"
Rita's Racist Dad
"Yes you fucking can!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have principles.....and if you don't like them I have others
Groucho Marx
He came out with some great ones, " I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member",
Either this man's dead, or my watch has stopped.
pmsl "
or another Groucho classic."i didnt come here to be insulted"."why where do you normally go" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Homer: I am so smart. I am so smart. I am so smart. S-M-R-T. I mean, S-M-A-R-R-T
i had a dream that i was awake and i woke up to find myself asleep ? stan laurel |
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In Only Fools n Horses, Del n Rodney are in a club trying to impress a couple of females, Del makes out Rodney is semi pro tennis player.
Girl: so Rodney, which do you prefer, Grass or Astro turf
Rodney, eerr i dunno, i've never tried smoking Astro turf
Pmsl |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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listen sunshine. i am playing all of the rights notes, but not necessarily in the right order.
c'mon fletcher, tell me where you put the soil from the tunnel.- well mr mckay, we dug another tunnel and put it in there.  |
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Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night?
He's Caucasian....
...Caucasian?
..Yeah, you know, a white guy. A moustache. About six-foot-three.
...Thats an awfully big moustache. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Does your dog bite?
no my dog does not bite
(Goes to stroke the dog which tries to bite him)
You said your dog did not bite!!
that is not my dog "
My favourite Pink Panther film,lol |
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