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‘Let me take your coat. White wine or fizz?’
Good to see that, even at a sex party, people remember their manners.
On a Saturday night in Surrey, a group of complete strangers are about to strip naked and spend the evening drinking champagne and shagging like rabbits.
Welcome to the world of private swinging parties.
With apps like 3inder and events such as Killing Kittens and Fever Parties becoming more mainstream, swinging no longer carries the social stigma it once did.
I met the hosts of this party, David and Claudia, a good-looking couple in their early forties, through Twitter.
David said: ‘I first mentioned it a long time ago – but my wife wasn’t comfortable with the idea.
‘Fast forward nearly 15 years and the subject came up randomly when talking about Killing Kittens and there was a mutual agreement to start looking into bringing in others.
‘At first just Claudia with girls and then couples later.’
Now they are regulars on the scene.
‘It’s a complete roller-coaster for us,’ he says.
‘We tend to go for months with nothing then can have two or three meets in a week.
‘It’s all about balance for us – many other things in life take priority and we don’t let it rule our social and family lives.’
I was intrigued about the etiquette of the events.
Does one bring wine?
Expect canapés?
And is it considered bad manners to sleep with the host’s husband before she instigates the connection?
Yes, no, no. FYI.
There are also different levels of involvement ranging from same room couple fun with no swapping, to girl-on-girl only, to soft swap – where couples swap but oral-play only – to full swap, where pretty much anything goes with anyone.
I was welcomed to the party, at a beautiful detached house in an extremely affluent area in the Home Counties, with a glass of champagne and some small talk in the kitchen.
I was glad to see the dogs had been locked in the conservatory – nothing like the wet nose of a Labrador to put you off a sex party – and was similarly relieved to see, as the guests arrived, that far from being overweight, middle-aged and salivating at the mouth, the calibre of swingers, at this party at least, was high.
It wasn’t exactly the Playboy mansion but everyone was attractive and well-dressed: tight dresses for girls with a flash of stocking, well-pressed shirts and loafers for the men.
People chatted about how bad Network Rail was and how long they’d enjoyed watching their wives f**k other men.
I got talking to Paul, an IT worker from Tunbridge Wells.
Paul had been involved in the swinging scene for over 10 years, first exploring it with his girlfriend then as a single man (the hardest category to be in as a swinger, with most parties tending to only welcome couples or single girls.)
He told me just how huge the scene was, with private parties happening all over the country on a regular basis – not least of all now that the internet has made it easier to meet so many other like-minded couples.
Heathrow, he told me, is a particular hotbed of swinging activity.
I wasn’t sure if I felt sexy or like an extra in an Alan Partridge episode – I’ll never look at a Travelodge off the M25 in the same way again.
More guests arrived and, after a little chit-chat and plenty of booze, it didn’t take long for the party to find its way into the lounge area.
I was relieved to see this was less of a sex dungeon and more a suburban front room.
The only indication of any out of the ordinary activity was an extra large blanket laid out in the middle of the room and an L-shaped sofa up against the wall.
There was no bowl with car keys in.
Instead, the fun kicked off with a game of truth or dare and a bit of girl-on-girl kissing between Claudia and another guest.
Soon a pretty brunette, who’d made her way halfway across the country for the occasion, was having full sex with a guy in front of us all.
Before long, the party was in full swing.
Blow jobs, wife-swapping, girl-on-girl punctuated by a bit of chit-chat and some bubbly – it wasn’t hard to see why, while monogamy works for some, others prefer this kind of freedom and excitement.
However, while on paper it seems like a win-win situation, there must be absolute trust in order for swinging within a relationship to work.
David said: ‘There is only jealousy if we don’t communicate.
‘Heading into this lifestyle without being open, honest and above all, communicative can be disastrous.
‘There has to be trust and rules put in place at the beginning – debriefs after each meet-up are the key for us.’
Like all the couples at the party, they were relaxed, open and, well, pretty ordinary.
Perhaps that’s part of the joy of it – consenting adult fun that still carries a bit of mystery.
Swinging is fascinating, not just because people are curious about group sex, but because, when so many relationships are built on possessiveness, the idea that a married couple could be so sexually liberated and maintain a good relationship is intriguing.
The swinging scene isn’t for everyone, but it made a refreshing change to meet people so sexually open, who didn’t want to control each other but who got genuine pleasure from a little bit of naughtiness and a lot of trust.
Ok, a lot of naughtiness.
Would I recommend it? Hell yeah.
So long as you sort the playlist out.
I don’t care how high your sex drive is, nobody gets off on Smooth FM.
*names have been changed.
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