FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How do you know if you're sub or dom?
How do you know if you're sub or dom?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't fully understand the proper sub/dom relationship where there's contracts written and ownership and things. A guy I met before (the London one who douched my bottom then chatted to me whilst I sat on the toilet doing arse dribbles) He asked me if I was sub or dom and I said I didn't know, he said everybody is naturally either one or the other. Any proper people who understand this know how you decide if you're sub or dom? Should I start my own thread, yes I'll start my own!"
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"I don't fully understand the proper sub/dom relationship where there's contracts written and ownership and things. A guy I met before (the London one who douched my bottom then chatted to me whilst I sat on the toilet doing arse dribbles) He asked me if I was sub or dom and I said I didn't know, he said everybody is naturally either one or the other. Any proper people who understand this know how you decide if you're sub or dom? Should I start my own thread, yes I'll start my own!"
I'm not either. Just somewhere in the middle. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't fully understand the proper sub/dom relationship where there's contracts written and ownership and things. A guy I met before (the London one who douched my bottom then chatted to me whilst I sat on the toilet doing arse dribbles) He asked me if I was sub or dom and I said I didn't know, he said everybody is naturally either one or the other. Any proper people who understand this know how you decide if you're sub or dom? Should I start my own thread, yes I'll start my own!"
What do you enjoy? Do you enjoy being in control, being controlled, or a bit of both depending on the person and the situation? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Maybe you're just not into domination and submission.
You don't have to be, it's not compulsory."
I'm not am I because my friend had this strange relationship with a guy, had met socially but never had sex with each other, they would speak for hours on the phone and constantly message. She would tell him to wear certain clothes, tie rope around his penis and she'd let him know when he could take if off, sometimes we'd be watching a film and she'd be like shit need to tell him he can take the rope off, she'd message him and he would untie his penis and the picture of his knob looked like it was gonna die and drop off!
That to me is a dom sub style set up!
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
I don't agree. Not everyone is naturally either sub or Dom.
And many people who are very much Dom in their day-to-day lives enjoy being submissive privately.
Not everyone is into D/s and anyone who claims everyone is one or the other is a muppet.
Even of those who are into D/s, some start as one and become another, some switch (enjoy bith roles) from the outset, some people do it in the bedroom only, some people live that way 24/7.
The variety is virtually endless. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honestly? I don't get it either.
I don't really feel the need to dominate a women but at the same time I don't feel the need to take a submissive role.
Are the roles defined by who is taking the lead or who is doing the pushing?
I just play the situtation by ear and it works best with someone of the same mind. I wouldn't even call it switch. I just find they're blanket terms and I can't personally adhere to any of it. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Honestly? I don't get it either.
I don't really feel the need to dominate a women but at the same time I don't feel the need to take a submissive role.
Are the roles defined by who is taking the lead or who is doing the pushing?
I just play the situtation by ear and it works best with someone of the same mind. I wouldn't even call it switch. I just find they're blanket terms and I can't personally adhere to any of it."
Would it really confuse you if I mention that there is also Topping and bottoming which is different from Domination and submission? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Honestly? I don't get it either.
I don't really feel the need to dominate a women but at the same time I don't feel the need to take a submissive role.
Are the roles defined by who is taking the lead or who is doing the pushing?
I just play the situtation by ear and it works best with someone of the same mind. I wouldn't even call it switch. I just find they're blanket terms and I can't personally adhere to any of it.
Would it really confuse you if I mention that there is also Topping and bottoming which is different from Domination and submission?"
Are you meaning in the homosexual way?
Why would it confuse me anyway (irrespectively)?
I'm just saying I don't really feel you have to conform to 3 preset categories. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Honestly? I don't get it either.
I don't really feel the need to dominate a women but at the same time I don't feel the need to take a submissive role.
Are the roles defined by who is taking the lead or who is doing the pushing?
I just play the situtation by ear and it works best with someone of the same mind. I wouldn't even call it switch. I just find they're blanket terms and I can't personally adhere to any of it.
Would it really confuse you if I mention that there is also Topping and bottoming which is different from Domination and submission?
Are you meaning in the homosexual way?
Why would it confuse me anyway (irrespectively)?
I'm just saying I don't really feel you have to conform to 3 preset categories."
No, Topping and bottoming isn't limited to the gay world.
Confuse as in there are now four terms you don't understand (referring to the "Are the roles defined by who is taking the lead or who is doing the pushing?" comment)
I agree, like I said above, some people identify with certain roles, others don't. People with no interest in D/s won't identify with either role. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I do whatever my mood takes me at the time and what my men fancy. A very dominant man can feel a bit submissive now and then. I'm happy to stick my strap on up his bum,or a fist or two. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't know... I'm quite sub, but I'm quite careful about always being in control in all other aspects of my life. If I'm comfortable enough with someone to sub, I pass on some of my self imposed control to another person.
Also, being spanked relaxes me  |
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