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Men and miscarriage
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
Woman's Hour has been running a series on men and families. This morning the interview featured an older father who discussed how difficult it was going through two miscarriages before his younger children were born.
It's something close to my heart and has affected my life and the relationships I have had. It made me wonder about what other people have experienced.
Men, have you experienced miscarriage and how did it make you feel? How does it affect you now?
Women, if you have been through a miscarriage did it affect your relationship with the father of that pregnancy?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I carried on regardless but ultimately it destroyed me and the relationship I was in at the time. But I made it through the other side, in some ways it was the making of me and in a strange way I think it was ultimately the best thing that ever happened to me. It changed me as a person in ways I can't quite articulate but very much for the better |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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2 yrs After our first child was born we had a miscarriage, I remained strong for my wife and supported her through the pain.
Only once was I asked how I was and how I was coping, seems sometimes the man gets forgotten |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I carried on regardless but ultimately it destroyed me and the relationship I was in at the time. But I made it through the other side, in some ways it was the making of me and in a strange way I think it was ultimately the best thing that ever happened to me. It changed me as a person in ways I can't quite articulate but very much for the better"
Did you feel you had to be strong for her?
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"2 yrs After our first child was born we had a miscarriage, I remained strong for my wife and supported her through the pain.
Only once was I asked how I was and how I was coping, seems sometimes the man gets forgotten "
I think that's true. Sometimes it's because the focus is on the physical affects on the mother - all those hormones and the pain make it understandable. Sometimes it's because the men bat away any concerns about them because they are 'being strong' for her.
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"It only affected our relationship in a positive way. It also surprised me to discover that while my father could support me my mother couldn't. "
Do you think your mother had her own miscarriage history that she had not dealt with?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I carried on regardless but ultimately it destroyed me and the relationship I was in at the time. But I made it through the other side, in some ways it was the making of me and in a strange way I think it was ultimately the best thing that ever happened to me. It changed me as a person in ways I can't quite articulate but very much for the better
Did you feel you had to be strong for her?
"
In the immediate aftermath I was just numb and she needed me to be strong for her and I used that as a coping mechanism, it gave me focus. I fell in to that role without feeling I had to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My husband had refused to believe the baby was his. When I lost it he rang me-I think one of my daughters must have told him-and asked if I was ok. We didn't speak about it again after. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I carried on regardless but ultimately it destroyed me and the relationship I was in at the time. But I made it through the other side, in some ways it was the making of me and in a strange way I think it was ultimately the best thing that ever happened to me. It changed me as a person in ways I can't quite articulate but very much for the better
Did you feel you had to be strong for her?
In the immediate aftermath I was just numb and she needed me to be strong for her and I used that as a coping mechanism, it gave me focus. I fell in to that role without feeling I had to."
Thanks for sharing.
There is a reason these W.B. Yeats lines mean so much to me:
"I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."
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"It only affected our relationship in a positive way. It also surprised me to discover that while my father could support me my mother couldn't.
Do you think your mother had her own miscarriage history that she had not dealt with?
"
No I don't, she got very upset when I talked to her about it and I didn't need to have to comfort her or hide my feelings to save hers, she is self aware enough to realise this. She was also given to saying things like "if you hadn't done all that running about.....". My dad just quietly got on with stuff and gave me a bread maker  . Mr N was excellent as always in times of crisis. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"My husband had refused to believe the baby was his. When I lost it he rang me-I think one of my daughters must have told him-and asked if I was ok. We didn't speak about it again after. "
That's very difficult. I assume you weren't together at that point?
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"It only affected our relationship in a positive way. It also surprised me to discover that while my father could support me my mother couldn't.
Do you think your mother had her own miscarriage history that she had not dealt with?
No I don't, she got very upset when I talked to her about it and I didn't need to have to comfort her or hide my feelings to save hers, she is self aware enough to realise this. She was also given to saying things like "if you hadn't done all that running about.....". My dad just quietly got on with stuff and gave me a bread maker . Mr N was excellent as always in times of crisis."
I'm glad Mr N was there for you both.
I had something similar with my mother.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My husband had refused to believe the baby was his. When I lost it he rang me-I think one of my daughters must have told him-and asked if I was ok. We didn't speak about it again after.
That's very difficult. I assume you weren't together at that point?
"
Still in the same house,had sex once in 18 months and I was lucky/unlucky enough to get pregnant. I'd not long started a new job and abortion was out of the question. I already had grandchildren and I was happy,scared,crying and full of hate for my husband. I tell myself now that it was for the good but my heart still breaks for my baby that never was. |
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"It only affected our relationship in a positive way. It also surprised me to discover that while my father could support me my mother couldn't.
Do you think your mother had her own miscarriage history that she had not dealt with?
No I don't, she got very upset when I talked to her about it and I didn't need to have to comfort her or hide my feelings to save hers, she is self aware enough to realise this. She was also given to saying things like "if you hadn't done all that running about.....". My dad just quietly got on with stuff and gave me a bread maker . Mr N was excellent as always in times of crisis.
I'm glad Mr N was there for you both.
I had something similar with my mother.
"
He's always got my back and I his.
I think that some women find it incredibly difficult to support other women for some reason. She isn't a bad mother by any means though. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"My husband had refused to believe the baby was his. When I lost it he rang me-I think one of my daughters must have told him-and asked if I was ok. We didn't speak about it again after.
That's very difficult. I assume you weren't together at that point?
Still in the same house,had sex once in 18 months and I was lucky/unlucky enough to get pregnant. I'd not long started a new job and abortion was out of the question. I already had grandchildren and I was happy,scared,crying and full of hate for my husband. I tell myself now that it was for the good but my heart still breaks for my baby that never was. "
I know that feeling. I can't imagine what my life would have been like if any of my pregnancies had survived and , mostly, I think it was for the best but how I used to long for them to have been in my arms.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It only affected our relationship in a positive way. It also surprised me to discover that while my father could support me my mother couldn't.
Do you think your mother had her own miscarriage history that she had not dealt with?
No I don't, she got very upset when I talked to her about it and I didn't need to have to comfort her or hide my feelings to save hers, she is self aware enough to realise this. She was also given to saying things like "if you hadn't done all that running about.....". My dad just quietly got on with stuff and gave me a bread maker . Mr N was excellent as always in times of crisis."
My mother told me more than once that she didn't like the way I had dealt with it but other than 1 brief conversation never actually asked how I was. When i pointed out that I was single so with hondsight I wasn't overly happy either she basically said it served me right. |
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By *rsIdiotWoman
over a year ago
Bedworth |
My ex husband and I endured 8 miscarriages in 8 years. Looking back now it's easy to see that this affected him far more than either of us realised at the time. Ultimately, it's what caused us to grow apart and cost us our marriage.
When I met my new husband I told him of my past and he went into a relationship with me knowing that our chances of having a child are tiny. We discussed the possibility of trying and decided that we will try only once, our relationship is too precious to risk it all for a tiny hope of a miracle. |
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"It only affected our relationship in a positive way. It also surprised me to discover that while my father could support me my mother couldn't.
Do you think your mother had her own miscarriage history that she had not dealt with?
No I don't, she got very upset when I talked to her about it and I didn't need to have to comfort her or hide my feelings to save hers, she is self aware enough to realise this. She was also given to saying things like "if you hadn't done all that running about.....". My dad just quietly got on with stuff and gave me a bread maker . Mr N was excellent as always in times of crisis.
My mother told me more than once that she didn't like the way I had dealt with it but other than 1 brief conversation never actually asked how I was. When i pointed out that I was single so with hondsight I wasn't overly happy either she basically said it served me right."
I think it's easier for some people to think that a person is to blame for their own misfortune because acknowledging that bad things happen to the people they love for no reason is too frightening. I know my mum prefers not to have to think about any of her loved ones suffering when she is unable to alleviate it.
Damn! I NEVER reveal personal on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It must be terrible for the father too. I can imagine that not only do they grieve for the baby they may feel a little helpless,seeing the person they love going through the physical part of the loss- pain and actually losing something that is growing inside and the after effects. |
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By *obka3Couple
over a year ago
bournemouth |
My first wife lost our third child, when she fell pregnant she blamed me and was really stroppy, she didnt realise for a few weeks until I said you are pregnant which is why you are so bad tempered, I was really pleased as always wanted three kids, well she lost it about 13 wks and went to pieces, somehow that was my fault too but tried to stay strong for the sake of our other two kids, many years later during our divorce she even said you never cared when I lost my child, I said it was MY child too. It still is an open sore for me |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"My ex husband and I endured 8 miscarriages in 8 years. Looking back now it's easy to see that this affected him far more than either of us realised at the time. Ultimately, it's what caused us to grow apart and cost us our marriage.
When I met my new husband I told him of my past and he went into a relationship with me knowing that our chances of having a child are tiny. We discussed the possibility of trying and decided that we will try only once, our relationship is too precious to risk it all for a tiny hope of a miracle. "
I hope all goes well for you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It only affected our relationship in a positive way. It also surprised me to discover that while my father could support me my mother couldn't.
Do you think your mother had her own miscarriage history that she had not dealt with?
No I don't, she got very upset when I talked to her about it and I didn't need to have to comfort her or hide my feelings to save hers, she is self aware enough to realise this. She was also given to saying things like "if you hadn't done all that running about.....". My dad just quietly got on with stuff and gave me a bread maker . Mr N was excellent as always in times of crisis.
My mother told me more than once that she didn't like the way I had dealt with it but other than 1 brief conversation never actually asked how I was. When i pointed out that I was single so with hondsight I wasn't overly happy either she basically said it served me right.
I think it's easier for some people to think that a person is to blame for their own misfortune because acknowledging that bad things happen to the people they love for no reason is too frightening. I know my mum prefers not to have to think about any of her loved ones suffering when she is unable to alleviate it.
Damn! I NEVER reveal personal on here. "
There's probably a lot of truth in that. I aslo had friends that never really asked and suspect the same logic applies. Sadly I think it was more a reflection on what a spiteful bitch my mother actually is!
But before it happened to me I would never have known what to say to someone. I think you are right that many people just don't like to see loved ones hurt but it is worsened by the whole stiff upper lip and people not really knowing how to empathise/sympathise with bereavement in general |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"It only affected our relationship in a positive way. It also surprised me to discover that while my father could support me my mother couldn't.
Do you think your mother had her own miscarriage history that she had not dealt with?
No I don't, she got very upset when I talked to her about it and I didn't need to have to comfort her or hide my feelings to save hers, she is self aware enough to realise this. She was also given to saying things like "if you hadn't done all that running about.....". My dad just quietly got on with stuff and gave me a bread maker . Mr N was excellent as always in times of crisis.
My mother told me more than once that she didn't like the way I had dealt with it but other than 1 brief conversation never actually asked how I was. When i pointed out that I was single so with hondsight I wasn't overly happy either she basically said it served me right.
I think it's easier for some people to think that a person is to blame for their own misfortune because acknowledging that bad things happen to the people they love for no reason is too frightening. I know my mum prefers not to have to think about any of her loved ones suffering when she is unable to alleviate it.
Damn! I NEVER reveal personal on here. "
Thank you.
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"My first wife lost our third child, when she fell pregnant she blamed me and was really stroppy, she didnt realise for a few weeks until I said you are pregnant which is why you are so bad tempered, I was really pleased as always wanted three kids, well she lost it about 13 wks and went to pieces, somehow that was my fault too but tried to stay strong for the sake of our other two kids, many years later during our divorce she even said you never cared when I lost my child, I said it was MY child too. It still is an open sore for me"
Have you grieved for your loss?
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"It only affected our relationship in a positive way. It also surprised me to discover that while my father could support me my mother couldn't.
Do you think your mother had her own miscarriage history that she had not dealt with?
No I don't, she got very upset when I talked to her about it and I didn't need to have to comfort her or hide my feelings to save hers, she is self aware enough to realise this. She was also given to saying things like "if you hadn't done all that running about.....". My dad just quietly got on with stuff and gave me a bread maker . Mr N was excellent as always in times of crisis.
My mother told me more than once that she didn't like the way I had dealt with it but other than 1 brief conversation never actually asked how I was. When i pointed out that I was single so with hondsight I wasn't overly happy either she basically said it served me right.
I think it's easier for some people to think that a person is to blame for their own misfortune because acknowledging that bad things happen to the people they love for no reason is too frightening. I know my mum prefers not to have to think about any of her loved ones suffering when she is unable to alleviate it.
Damn! I NEVER reveal personal on here.
There's probably a lot of truth in that. I aslo had friends that never really asked and suspect the same logic applies. Sadly I think it was more a reflection on what a spiteful bitch my mother actually is!
But before it happened to me I would never have known what to say to someone. I think you are right that many people just don't like to see loved ones hurt but it is worsened by the whole stiff upper lip and people not really knowing how to empathise/sympathise with bereavement in general"
Miscarriage is rarely discussed. It's not unusual (as many as 1 in 3 pregnancies is lost to miscarriage) and I think because of that it's one of those things we're supposed to be stiff upper lipped about. It's just not that easy when you lose your dream, even if you didn't realise it was your dream at the time.
Pregnancy brings potential into your life and how ever hard you try you start planning that new life and imagining what their life will be like.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It only affected our relationship in a positive way. It also surprised me to discover that while my father could support me my mother couldn't.
Do you think your mother had her own miscarriage history that she had not dealt with?
No I don't, she got very upset when I talked to her about it and I didn't need to have to comfort her or hide my feelings to save hers, she is self aware enough to realise this. She was also given to saying things like "if you hadn't done all that running about.....". My dad just quietly got on with stuff and gave me a bread maker . Mr N was excellent as always in times of crisis.
My mother told me more than once that she didn't like the way I had dealt with it but other than 1 brief conversation never actually asked how I was. When i pointed out that I was single so with hondsight I wasn't overly happy either she basically said it served me right.
I think it's easier for some people to think that a person is to blame for their own misfortune because acknowledging that bad things happen to the people they love for no reason is too frightening. I know my mum prefers not to have to think about any of her loved ones suffering when she is unable to alleviate it.
Damn! I NEVER reveal personal on here.
There's probably a lot of truth in that. I aslo had friends that never really asked and suspect the same logic applies. Sadly I think it was more a reflection on what a spiteful bitch my mother actually is!
But before it happened to me I would never have known what to say to someone. I think you are right that many people just don't like to see loved ones hurt but it is worsened by the whole stiff upper lip and people not really knowing how to empathise/sympathise with bereavement in general
Miscarriage is rarely discussed. It's not unusual (as many as 1 in 3 pregnancies is lost to miscarriage) and I think because of that it's one of those things we're supposed to be stiff upper lipped about. It's just not that easy when you lose your dream, even if you didn't realise it was your dream at the time.
Pregnancy brings potential into your life and how ever hard you try you start planning that new life and imagining what their life will be like.
"
You are right. It's one of the reasons I am so open about what happened to me and what I went through. If it helps reduce the stigma/taboo about it even by a tiny little bit then it;s a good thing |
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By *obka3Couple
over a year ago
bournemouth |
"My first wife lost our third child, when she fell pregnant she blamed me and was really stroppy, she didnt realise for a few weeks until I said you are pregnant which is why you are so bad tempered, I was really pleased as always wanted three kids, well she lost it about 13 wks and went to pieces, somehow that was my fault too but tried to stay strong for the sake of our other two kids, many years later during our divorce she even said you never cared when I lost my child, I said it was MY child too. It still is an open sore for me
Have you grieved for your loss?
"
Yes I have a very fatalistic approach to life what is meant to be will be, having two lovely kids already made it easier to deal with, I had a friend who's best friend had had 8 or 9 miscarriages and still wanted to try again, her husband said no as he couldnt take the stress anymore, it must have been heartbreaking |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"
But before it happened to me I would never have known what to say to someone. I think you are right that many people just don't like to see loved ones hurt but it is worsened by the whole stiff upper lip and people not really knowing how to empathise/sympathise with bereavement in general
Miscarriage is rarely discussed. It's not unusual (as many as 1 in 3 pregnancies is lost to miscarriage) and I think because of that it's one of those things we're supposed to be stiff upper lipped about. It's just not that easy when you lose your dream, even if you didn't realise it was your dream at the time.
Pregnancy brings potential into your life and how ever hard you try you start planning that new life and imagining what their life will be like.
You are right. It's one of the reasons I am so open about what happened to me and what I went through. If it helps reduce the stigma/taboo about it even by a tiny little bit then it;s a good thing"
Thank you for speaking out and sharing. If it enables even one man to open up or grieve properly or a woman to recognise her male partner may be feeling hurt too then you have done a service.
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"My first wife lost our third child, when she fell pregnant she blamed me and was really stroppy, she didnt realise for a few weeks until I said you are pregnant which is why you are so bad tempered, I was really pleased as always wanted three kids, well she lost it about 13 wks and went to pieces, somehow that was my fault too but tried to stay strong for the sake of our other two kids, many years later during our divorce she even said you never cared when I lost my child, I said it was MY child too. It still is an open sore for me
Have you grieved for your loss?
Yes I have a very fatalistic approach to life what is meant to be will be, having two lovely kids already made it easier to deal with, I had a friend who's best friend had had 8 or 9 miscarriages and still wanted to try again, her husband said no as he couldnt take the stress anymore, it must have been heartbreaking"
That must be hard.
I had 8 pregnancies, only one live birth and I have no living children. I know my desire to keep trying was hard on the men I was with then.
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By *obka3Couple
over a year ago
bournemouth |
"My first wife lost our third child, when she fell pregnant she blamed me and was really stroppy, she didnt realise for a few weeks until I said you are pregnant which is why you are so bad tempered, I was really pleased as always wanted three kids, well she lost it about 13 wks and went to pieces, somehow that was my fault too but tried to stay strong for the sake of our other two kids, many years later during our divorce she even said you never cared when I lost my child, I said it was MY child too. It still is an open sore for me
Have you grieved for your loss?
Yes I have a very fatalistic approach to life what is meant to be will be, having two lovely kids already made it easier to deal with, I had a friend who's best friend had had 8 or 9 miscarriages and still wanted to try again, her husband said no as he couldnt take the stress anymore, it must have been heartbreaking
That must be hard.
I had 8 pregnancies, only one live birth and I have no living children. I know my desire to keep trying was hard on the men I was with then.
"
I think there is a natural desire among many women to have kids and when they cant it seems to drive them on to try again and again, that can be very hard to understand for those not affected |
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The bloke who I was pregnant by did a runner and I suffered a miscarriage it is by far the most horrendous thing I have suffered and there is a day that doesn't go by I don't think of that child. It has completely changed me as a pEason but I'm slowly getting over the grief |
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"My first wife lost our third child, when she fell pregnant she blamed me and was really stroppy, she didnt realise for a few weeks until I said you are pregnant which is why you are so bad tempered, I was really pleased as always wanted three kids, well she lost it about 13 wks and went to pieces, somehow that was my fault too but tried to stay strong for the sake of our other two kids, many years later during our divorce she even said you never cared when I lost my child, I said it was MY child too. It still is an open sore for me
Have you grieved for your loss?
Yes I have a very fatalistic approach to life what is meant to be will be, having two lovely kids already made it easier to deal with, I had a friend who's best friend had had 8 or 9 miscarriages and still wanted to try again, her husband said no as he couldnt take the stress anymore, it must have been heartbreaking
That must be hard.
I had 8 pregnancies, only one live birth and I have no living children. I know my desire to keep trying was hard on the men I was with then.
"
That be very tough on you too Lickety. Life can be very hard. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"The bloke who I was pregnant by did a runner and I suffered a miscarriage it is by far the most horrendous thing I have suffered and there is a day that doesn't go by I don't think of that child. It has completely changed me as a pEason but I'm slowly getting over the grief "
I think I have said this to you before, but I think once we have been flooded with the pregnancy hormones it triggers something in us. When that isn't fulfilled with having a baby we end up craving those hormones again.
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"The bloke who I was pregnant by did a runner and I suffered a miscarriage it is by far the most horrendous thing I have suffered and there is a day that doesn't go by I don't think of that child. It has completely changed me as a pEason but I'm slowly getting over the grief
I think I have said this to you before, but I think once we have been flooded with the pregnancy hormones it triggers something in us. When that isn't fulfilled with having a baby we end up craving those hormones again.
"
So true that feeling never goes away...I think I crave a child far more now than I ever did before my pregnancy and the fact that my nephew questioned innocently why I haven't gotten kids |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"The bloke who I was pregnant by did a runner and I suffered a miscarriage it is by far the most horrendous thing I have suffered and there is a day that doesn't go by I don't think of that child. It has completely changed me as a pEason but I'm slowly getting over the grief
I think I have said this to you before, but I think once we have been flooded with the pregnancy hormones it triggers something in us. When that isn't fulfilled with having a baby we end up craving those hormones again.
So true that feeling never goes away...I think I crave a child far more now than I ever did before my pregnancy and the fact that my nephew questioned innocently why I haven't gotten kids "
I didn't want children AT ALL - EVER - until I became pregnant on the pill and then lost it. It was like a hunger.
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My marriage ended when I was 11 weeks pregnant and started bleeding. Rang my hubby who was out down the pub to tell him I was scared and upset. 2 hours later he stumbled through the door. Blood tests and a scan 2 days later on the morning of my 25th birthday confirmed the miscarriage and I didn't want him anywhere near me after that.
When you choose your mates and beer over your scared, bleeding, pregnant wife you're a scumbag!! |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"My marriage ended when I was 11 weeks pregnant and started bleeding. Rang my hubby who was out down the pub to tell him I was scared and upset. 2 hours later he stumbled through the door. Blood tests and a scan 2 days later on the morning of my 25th birthday confirmed the miscarriage and I didn't want him anywhere near me after that.
When you choose your mates and beer over your scared, bleeding, pregnant wife you're a scumbag!! "
Was it indicative of his other behaviours towards you during the marriage?
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"My marriage ended when I was 11 weeks pregnant and started bleeding. Rang my hubby who was out down the pub to tell him I was scared and upset. 2 hours later he stumbled through the door. Blood tests and a scan 2 days later on the morning of my 25th birthday confirmed the miscarriage and I didn't want him anywhere near me after that.
When you choose your mates and beer over your scared, bleeding, pregnant wife you're a scumbag!!
Was it indicative of his other behaviours towards you during the marriage?
"
No he was a Nice enough bloke (not the father to my boy) we got on fine. no idea what the hell possesed him to stay out instead of coming home (when he said he would come straight back) but I couldn't be anywhere near him after that. About 6 months after he moved out I felt guilty and asked to see him to talk things over maybe I was too harsh. But as soon as he came in the room it made my skin crawl thinking about what he did (or didn't do should I say!) |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"My marriage ended when I was 11 weeks pregnant and started bleeding. Rang my hubby who was out down the pub to tell him I was scared and upset. 2 hours later he stumbled through the door. Blood tests and a scan 2 days later on the morning of my 25th birthday confirmed the miscarriage and I didn't want him anywhere near me after that.
When you choose your mates and beer over your scared, bleeding, pregnant wife you're a scumbag!!
Was it indicative of his other behaviours towards you during the marriage?
No he was a Nice enough bloke (not the father to my boy) we got on fine. no idea what the hell possesed him to stay out instead of coming home (when he said he would come straight back) but I couldn't be anywhere near him after that. About 6 months after he moved out I felt guilty and asked to see him to talk things over maybe I was too harsh. But as soon as he came in the room it made my skin crawl thinking about what he did (or didn't do should I say!) "
I was like that with the father of my first pregnancy. He disappeared for two days and came back saying it was too much for him to cope with. We were young but I couldn't bear him touching me after that.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My wife had a ectopic pregnancy, which the doctors diagnosed as miscarriage and sent her home. We want back as she was in a lot of pain after a few days. Then doctor said our mistake its a ectopic pregnancy and said you are very luck she is still alive.
It took me 3 years to get it up as every time my wife wanted to try for a baby I could hear the doctors words. " that you are very luck that she is alive" I would lose my erection. I was fine with a condom.
It's hard for the women, but it's as hard for us blokes.
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"My wife had a ectopic pregnancy, which the doctors diagnosed as miscarriage and sent her home. We want back as she was in a lot of pain after a few days. Then doctor said our mistake its a ectopic pregnancy and said you are very luck she is still alive.
It took me 3 years to get it up as every time my wife wanted to try for a baby I could hear the doctors words. " that you are very luck that she is alive" I would lose my erection. I was fine with a condom.
It's hard for the women, but it's as hard for us blokes.
"
There was a part of you trying to protect her. I hope you worked through it.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My wife had a ectopic pregnancy, which the doctors diagnosed as miscarriage and sent her home. We want back as she was in a lot of pain after a few days. Then doctor said our mistake its a ectopic pregnancy and said you are very luck she is still alive.
It took me 3 years to get it up as every time my wife wanted to try for a baby I could hear the doctors words. " that you are very luck that she is alive" I would lose my erection. I was fine with a condom.
It's hard for the women, but it's as hard for us blokes.
There was a part of you trying to protect her. I hope you worked through it.
"
Yes we did we have a lovely girl, but took 4 years to get it out of my head. But every scan was making me sick in the stomach and also we changed hospital. Did not trust the first one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know this may sound a terrible thing to say to a lot of people but I'm being honest
I burried my son at 20 months old, a year later I had a miscarriage, after carrying a child for 9 months, loving him, loosing him and burring him, loosing a child at a few weeks gestation didn't feel that bad
Don't get me wrong I was sad that I lost the child but after feeling real devastation nothing will ever make me feel like that again
Maybe it was because it was so close to loosing my son and I was still greeving that shadowed my feelings |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"My wife had a ectopic pregnancy, which the doctors diagnosed as miscarriage and sent her home. We want back as she was in a lot of pain after a few days. Then doctor said our mistake its a ectopic pregnancy and said you are very luck she is still alive.
It took me 3 years to get it up as every time my wife wanted to try for a baby I could hear the doctors words. " that you are very luck that she is alive" I would lose my erection. I was fine with a condom.
It's hard for the women, but it's as hard for us blokes.
There was a part of you trying to protect her. I hope you worked through it.
Yes we did we have a lovely girl, but took 4 years to get it out of my head. But every scan was making me sick in the stomach and also we changed hospital. Did not trust the first one. "
Congratulations on your daughter.
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I know this may sound a terrible thing to say to a lot of people but I'm being honest
I burried my son at 20 months old, a year later I had a miscarriage, after carrying a child for 9 months, loving him, loosing him and burring him, loosing a child at a few weeks gestation didn't feel that bad
Don't get me wrong I was sad that I lost the child but after feeling real devastation nothing will ever make me feel like that again
Maybe it was because it was so close to loosing my son and I was still greeving that shadowed my feelings "
We don't all have to feel the same about every experience. Your losses and how you feel about them and how you have dealt with them are personal to you.
I am sorry for your losses.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have experienced this and it makes a man feel totally helpless the medical professionals seemed to just pass it off lightly at the time I lost it totally with the dr as his only comment was oh by the way mrs youve had a miscarriage I chased him around the hospital grounds and got locked up for the night the police were more understanding at the time this was 17 years ago and I think times have changed for the better but its still a heart reaching experience |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I never told anyone , Mrs P only told her mum. Her response was "never mind these things happen"
We dealt with it together and luckily she fell pregnant about four months later and everything went well.
But it was a tough time. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I have experienced this and it makes a man feel totally helpless the medical professionals seemed to just pass it off lightly at the time I lost it totally with the dr as his only comment was oh by the way mrs youve had a miscarriage I chased him around the hospital grounds and got locked up for the night the police were more understanding at the time this was 17 years ago and I think times have changed for the better but its still a heart reaching experience "
The doctors and nurses can be very casual about it. It is so common that if there aren't any complications it's just "one of those things".
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I never told anyone , Mrs P only told her mum. Her response was "never mind these things happen"
We dealt with it together and luckily she fell pregnant about four months later and everything went well.
But it was a tough time. "
Many people, women and men, don't tell anyone. I'm glad you were there for each other.
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By *ummersun99Woman
over a year ago
North Yorkshire by the Sea |
" I was happy,scared,crying and full of hate for my husband. I tell myself now that it was for the good but my heart still breaks for my baby that never was.
I know that feeling. I can't imagine what my life would have been like if any of my pregnancies had survived and , mostly, I think it was for the best but how I used to long for them to have been in my arms.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It was the beginning of the end for me and my ex. I called him at work when I found out and he told me he was really busy and he'd be home in a few hours.
As well as the obvious emotional difficulties I had complications and was losing lots of blood a few days on. Went back to work because he "couldn't afford for me to not be making money", ended up bleeding everywhere, passing out and getting rushed away in an ambulance. Again he was busy at work and would see me when he got in.
I didn't tell him when I miscarried again, took it as a blessing and broke up with him a few days later. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"It was the beginning of the end for me and my ex. I called him at work when I found out and he told me he was really busy and he'd be home in a few hours.
As well as the obvious emotional difficulties I had complications and was losing lots of blood a few days on. Went back to work because he "couldn't afford for me to not be making money", ended up bleeding everywhere, passing out and getting rushed away in an ambulance. Again he was busy at work and would see me when he got in.
I didn't tell him when I miscarried again, took it as a blessing and broke up with him a few days later."
I'm sorry to read that. I wonder if he ever regrets his actions? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I found out I was pregnant with our third child a week after my husband had a vasectomy.
I lost the baby at 16 weeks after an accident, he point blank refused to come to the hospital with me so I had to go alone. It was horrendous.
Was the end of our marriage, I couldn't stand being anywhere near him after that. |
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By *icketysplits OP Woman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I found out I was pregnant with our third child a week after my husband had a vasectomy.
I lost the baby at 16 weeks after an accident, he point blank refused to come to the hospital with me so I had to go alone. It was horrendous.
Was the end of our marriage, I couldn't stand being anywhere near him after that. "
16 weeks is tough, especially alone. Sorry to hear that he wasn't the person you had hoped he would be.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I doubt it. He told me I was dwelling on things and it "wasn't even a baby yet anyway".
I had a male doctor say that to me once.
"
That's what our doctor said. |
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