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Alcoholism
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"At the moment, wait her out till she wakes up. Well, give her time for you to have a coffee. When she is sober talk to her and ask her if she wants you as a friend. Go from there. " I'm in a restaurant. I've ordered coffee for her. I'm so embarrassed. I was going to buy a property with her. I've decided-based on today and previous alcoholic behaviour that i'm better on my own, even if I go broke. But I am worried about her. We've fallen out over her drinking before. I can't talk to her about it sensibly. | |||
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Then wait for her reaction and take it from there,,, | |||
"If they doesn't acknowledge the issue there's very little you can do. Sounds like you've been a good friend and been there for them, but as I will testify, eventually that can become too much and you can no longer watch the self destruction. I've lost several friends to drugs and I did all I could to help them to no avail." Agreed, its hard, but not a lot you can do, cruel to be kind ... | |||
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"If they doesn't acknowledge the issue there's very little you can do. Sounds like you've been a good friend and been there for them, but as I will testify, eventually that can become too much and you can no longer watch the self destruction. I've lost several friends to drugs and I did all I could to help them to no avail." This. It's hard. I did all I could and found that I could do no more. Nor could I sit by and watch. I removed myself. I'll always be there and I'd love to say my friendship is unconditional but until that person acknowledges that they need help it's too hard to watch and be useless. I think you need to think about yourself first sometimes. Good luck. | |||
"This is a difficult subject for me. One of my close friends is an alcoholic. Right now i'm sitting opposite her in a restaurant. It's her birthday, it's 2pm and she's fast asleep slumped in the corner. I've tried to talk to her before about her alcohol problems but she doesn't change. It has caused her to break bones before, and on a selfish level she's almost ruined 3 of my birthdays by being a nightmare d*unk. What can I do? " She needs to admit herself that she has a problem first. As long as she is in denial then she probably won't accept any help. | |||
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"What about a friend and family intervention. It mustn't be just hers and your life she is ruining,, get everybody together and talk to her bout what she doin to each one of you ... " Sadly her mother is also an alcoholic so i'm not sure it would help. | |||
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"What about a friend and family intervention. It mustn't be just hers and your life she is ruining,, get everybody together and talk to her bout what she doin to each one of you ... Sadly her mother is also an alcoholic so i'm not sure it would help. " I don't think some people understand the nature of ADDICTION. Is your friend a heavy drinker who needs to learn limitation or is your friend addicted to alcohol ? No number of people saying Look what you are doing can dissuade them. They have to plummet and then wish to live. Or die. | |||
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"This is a difficult subject for me. One of my close friends is an alcoholic. Right now i'm sitting opposite her in a restaurant. It's her birthday, it's 2pm and she's fast asleep slumped in the corner. I've tried to talk to her before about her alcohol problems but she doesn't change. It has caused her to break bones before, and on a selfish level she's almost ruined 3 of my birthdays by being a nightmare d*unk. What can I do? " sadly there is nothing you can do, you can only help people who want help and sadly some people do not my dad was an alcoholic he was offered all the help going, even on his death bed he used to ask people to get him drink, me and my sister was taken into care as young children because of his drinking and d*unken violent behaviour but even loosing his kids didn't make him stop, he would have sooner of had his drink than his kids people can over come alcoholism but some people simply do not want to | |||
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 She's lucky to have you but I would completely understand if one day you said enough is enough. We're not easy people to be around.
My thoughts are with you. Angela xx | |||
"as above. I know from experience. Though , NN , I believe he would have wanted his kids more than drink but when push comes to shove they reach for the drink....... " I don't believe he did simply because he didn't even try even when we was put into care he never asked for any help, went to any meetings or anything surely if you loved your kids you would have at least tried, even if you failed would you not keep picking yourself up and try again? the sad fact is some people just do not want help and drink comes before everything I know it's not easy fighting any addiction bit some people do manage, even if it takes them years they try and try and eventually beat it, but some don't even try I'm not expert on the subject I can only speak from my own personal experience | |||
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It's a very selfish disease, and there is very little you can do to change their ways  | |||
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"I have little time for d*unks or heavy drinkers. I grew up with one and it ruined plenty of what could have been great times. I personally cut all contact and leave them to their own device's." I'm not about to abandon my friend. I woke her up and have plied her with coffee. We've had a serious conversation about her issue. I have worked in the addiction field myself, so I do understand it, however applying principles of recovery with a stranger is easier than with a friend. We have discussed her taking steps to become healthier and happier and with discussion I have written down the details of her local AA group. I have also offered to go with her if she wants me to. She knows that I am only trying to intervene from a place of love. I hope she will be able to help herself get better. | |||
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"I watched a relative support another alcoholic relative, all they did was enable her to continue drinking because she knew that someone would always pick up the pieces. Its your call of course and you must do what you feel is best but in my opinion she will not help herself until everyone else stops."  | |||
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"most of us like a drink and may go out once or twice a week, as we go when we want, but people who drink everyday the drink controls them and when they are that stage they are alcoholics" Actually, alcoholism isn't just when someone needs a drink every day. Binge drinkers can also be alcoholics. | |||
"You are not responsible for her. That's mistake number 1. If you feel you have to do the 'friends talk' do it once and once only. Only she can change. Accept that she's an alcoholic but take control and lay your own ground rules. a) You will only meet when she's sober and that's in a coffee bar or at home or the park etc. b) If she decides she doesn't want your friendship - wish her well. Keep your grace. Don't lecture her. Offer advice only when it's sought. It doesn't mean you don't care. It means you don't let yourself be dragged down by someone who isn't yet ready to accept your help." This | |||
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"Thanks all. We've had a heart to heart today. The bottom line is that I've written the details for her local AA group down. " I'm glad you've had a talk. Don't expect too much. I personally found AA no good. I went on a recovery programme. I had a keyworker I had to see weekly also I had to attend a reduction group twice a week. It's a big commitment but it's been the only thing that worked for me. The reduction group was key for me. I reduced my alcohol over 5 weeks then stopped. Being with a wide variety of different people and different problems helped knowing you're not alone. It's been the first time I've been honest about why I drink. I'm hoping I never fall of the wagon again. It's too bloody hard to stop  | |||
"This is a difficult subject for me. One of my close friends is an alcoholic. Right now i'm sitting opposite her in a restaurant. It's her birthday, it's 2pm and she's fast asleep slumped in the corner. I've tried to talk to her before about her alcohol problems but she doesn't change. It has caused her to break bones before, and on a selfish level she's almost ruined 3 of my birthdays by being a nightmare d*unk. What can I do? " This is really tricky. Bottom line you can't change someone else's behaviour, only your own. A few times in my life it has been necessary to say to close friends that I think you have a problem that I can't be a part of, and have withdrawn from whatever behaviour, eg going to the pub. You can't stop your friend's self-destructive behaviour but you don't have to feed it either. I've had some professional experience of dealing with these matters, feel free to PM me. Maybe I can give some pointers. Good luck. | |||
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"Alcohol, like any drug, is an escape, without knowing what the persons trying to escape from, there's no solution, if you're a close friend, do you know what the underlying issue is, if it's not something you, as a friend, can help with maybe therapy can help, in any event, unless she realises the problem, she won't accept help. I feel for her "She has been having therapy for years for her underlying issues. Binge drinking when we were younger was pretty standard, it was just what we did socially. But she's 34 now and i'm 30. I drink once in a blue moon whereas she will regularly consume 3+ bottles of wine to herself. And she drinks alone. When I arrived at her house to pick her up today, just after 12, she was already totally wasted. | |||
"Alcohol, like any drug, is an escape, without knowing what the persons trying to escape from, there's no solution, if you're a close friend, do you know what the underlying issue is, if it's not something you, as a friend, can help with maybe therapy can help, in any event, unless she realises the problem, she won't accept help. I feel for her
She has been having therapy for years for her underlying issues.
Binge drinking when we were younger was pretty standard, it was just what we did socially.
But she's 34 now and i'm 30. I drink once in a blue moon whereas she will regularly consume 3+ bottles of wine to herself.
And she drinks alone. When I arrived at her house to pick her up today, just after 12, she was already totally wasted. "I've known several alcoholics, some better than others and I have only learned one thing from it and that is either accept their alcoholism and live with it or walk away. As I said before it sounds harsh but an alcoholic given the choice between you and drink will always choose drink, you will not be able to help them give it up until they have made that decision themselves and some never do. | |||
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"I still get ratted every now and again and I'm 52, but if she's doing it all the time, she needs to find an alternative, if she's 'self medicating' with alcohol because of mental or psychological issues, her doc need to prescribe her a safe and medically monitored alternative. Someone said earlier, liver failure in not a nice way to die, I've lost friends that way and, to be honest, they died in agony. Tell her from me, it ain't a good way to go and if she keeps doing what she's doing, she will kill herself, it ain't a good way to go "she probably already knows. It really isn't that simple, if it was nobody would smoke. | |||
"I still get ratted every now and again and I'm 52, but if she's doing it all the time, she needs to find an alternative, if she's 'self medicating' with alcohol because of mental or psychological issues, her doc need to prescribe her a safe and medically monitored alternative. Someone said earlier, liver failure in not a nice way to die, I've lost friends that way and, to be honest, they died in agony. Tell her from me, it ain't a good way to go and if she keeps doing what she's doing, she will kill herself, it ain't a good way to go
she probably already knows. It really isn't that simple, if it was nobody would smoke."She's also already on anti depressants. | |||
"This is a difficult subject for me. One of my close friends is an alcoholic. Right now i'm sitting opposite her in a restaurant. It's her birthday, it's 2pm and she's fast asleep slumped in the corner. I've tried to talk to her before about her alcohol problems but she doesn't change. It has caused her to break bones before, and on a selfish level she's almost ruined 3 of my birthdays by being a nightmare d*unk. What can I do? " Hugs. I don't normally comment in threads like this. I know this is difficult. | |||
"I still get ratted every now and again and I'm 52, but if she's doing it all the time, she needs to find an alternative, if she's 'self medicating' with alcohol because of mental or psychological issues, her doc need to prescribe her a safe and medically monitored alternative. Someone said earlier, liver failure in not a nice way to die, I've lost friends that way and, to be honest, they died in agony. Tell her from me, it ain't a good way to go and if she keeps doing what she's doing, she will kill herself, it ain't a good way to go
she probably already knows. It really isn't that simple, if it was nobody would smoke.
She's also already on anti depressants. "Its terribly sad isn't it. I'm afraid I've seen too much damage caused to innocent bystanders to be completely unbiased on this subject. | |||
"I still get ratted every now and again and I'm 52, but if she's doing it all the time, she needs to find an alternative, if she's 'self medicating' with alcohol because of mental or psychological issues, her doc need to prescribe her a safe and medically monitored alternative. Someone said earlier, liver failure in not a nice way to die, I've lost friends that way and, to be honest, they died in agony. Tell her from me, it ain't a good way to go and if she keeps doing what she's doing, she will kill herself, it ain't a good way to go
she probably already knows. It really isn't that simple, if it was nobody would smoke.
She's also already on anti depressants.
Its terribly sad isn't it. I'm afraid I've seen too much damage caused to innocent bystanders to be completely unbiased on this subject."It's utterly heartbreaking to be quite honest. I'm absolutely drained after today. The fact that she vomited down a wall then continued drinking despite the talk we'd had just finished me off. | |||
"I still get ratted every now and again and I'm 52, but if she's doing it all the time, she needs to find an alternative, if she's 'self medicating' with alcohol because of mental or psychological issues, her doc need to prescribe her a safe and medically monitored alternative. Someone said earlier, liver failure in not a nice way to die, I've lost friends that way and, to be honest, they died in agony. Tell her from me, it ain't a good way to go and if she keeps doing what she's doing, she will kill herself, it ain't a good way to go
she probably already knows. It really isn't that simple, if it was nobody would smoke.
She's also already on anti depressants. "Then she needs more help. If she was my friend, I'd tell her that I can't watch her do this to herself, and that she needs to go to her doc and get referred to a psychiatrist, seems to me the anti depressants aren't doing the job, something stronger perhaps. You are a nice person to be this concerned, I hope she gets a grip, but, you can't assume any responsibility, you can only point it out, the rest is up to her. What makes me so sad is that the government make a big to do about drugs, yet people can kill themselves with alcohol, as I say, first hand experience. I'm very sad for you...and her | |||
"I still get ratted every now and again and I'm 52, but if she's doing it all the time, she needs to find an alternative, if she's 'self medicating' with alcohol because of mental or psychological issues, her doc need to prescribe her a safe and medically monitored alternative. Someone said earlier, liver failure in not a nice way to die, I've lost friends that way and, to be honest, they died in agony. Tell her from me, it ain't a good way to go and if she keeps doing what she's doing, she will kill herself, it ain't a good way to go
she probably already knows. It really isn't that simple, if it was nobody would smoke.
She's also already on anti depressants.
Then she needs more help. If she was my friend, I'd tell her that I can't watch her do this to herself, and that she needs to go to her doc and get referred to a psychiatrist, seems to me the anti depressants aren't doing the job, something stronger perhaps. You are a nice person to be this concerned, I hope she gets a grip, but, you can't assume any responsibility, you can only point it out, the rest is up to her. What makes me so sad is that the government make a big to do about drugs, yet people can kill themselves with alcohol, as I say, first hand experience. I'm very sad for you...and her "I don't know that i'm a nice person, i'd hope anyone would do this for a close friend of 12 years. And yes, i've told her that I struggle to see her that way, and my reasons. And that she needs professional help. As others have said she won't change unless she wants to. No idea what might be a catalyst for that change. | |||
"I still get ratted every now and again and I'm 52, but if she's doing it all the time, she needs to find an alternative, if she's 'self medicating' with alcohol because of mental or psychological issues, her doc need to prescribe her a safe and medically monitored alternative. Someone said earlier, liver failure in not a nice way to die, I've lost friends that way and, to be honest, they died in agony. Tell her from me, it ain't a good way to go and if she keeps doing what she's doing, she will kill herself, it ain't a good way to go
she probably already knows. It really isn't that simple, if it was nobody would smoke.
She's also already on anti depressants.
Then she needs more help. If she was my friend, I'd tell her that I can't watch her do this to herself, and that she needs to go to her doc and get referred to a psychiatrist, seems to me the anti depressants aren't doing the job, something stronger perhaps. You are a nice person to be this concerned, I hope she gets a grip, but, you can't assume any responsibility, you can only point it out, the rest is up to her. What makes me so sad is that the government make a big to do about drugs, yet people can kill themselves with alcohol, as I say, first hand experience. I'm very sad for you...and her
I don't know that i'm a nice person, i'd hope anyone would do this for a close friend of 12 years.
And yes, i've told her that I struggle to see her that way, and my reasons. And that she needs professional help.
As others have said she won't change unless she wants to. No idea what might be a catalyst for that change. "The catalyst for that change will be when she wakes up one day with nobody and no one to turn to...or not. Again I'm sorry to be harsh but you can't turn her round on your own as much as you would like to and all the time you continue to support her you enable her alcoholism. I thought twice before I typed that but I've seen too much damage done. | |||
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"You can't help people that don't want to be helped. And in any relationship with an addict you are the third wheel, their relationship is primarily with whatever they are addicted to, everything else comes second. I wish you luck but I fear that you may have to step back from her for your own preservation x" Sadly I think those of you who have said walk away might be right. | |||
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"First: she won't change unless she wants to. Second - she won't see a need to change as long as people keep tolerating her. You have to decide if you want to be miserable watching her harm herself, or feel guilty by telling her you won't see her when she's been drinking. It's a really tough choice! Maybe your friend needs to hit rock-bottom before she can find her way back - and maybe all you can do is stay away until she is ready for help." Everything you need to know is written here. Excellent advice. The best thing you can do is speed up her path to rock bottom and then be there for her when she acknowledges it and is ready to change. | |||
"First: she won't change unless she wants to. Second - she won't see a need to change as long as people keep tolerating her. You have to decide if you want to be miserable watching her harm herself, or feel guilty by telling her you won't see her when she's been drinking. It's a really tough choice! Maybe your friend needs to hit rock-bottom before she can find her way back - and maybe all you can do is stay away until she is ready for help. Everything you need to know is written here. Excellent advice. The best thing you can do is speed up her path to rock bottom and then be there for her when she acknowledges it and is ready to change. " I'm not sure I want to be instrumental in her demise! | |||
"First: she won't change unless she wants to. Second - she won't see a need to change as long as people keep tolerating her. You have to decide if you want to be miserable watching her harm herself, or feel guilty by telling her you won't see her when she's been drinking. It's a really tough choice! Maybe your friend needs to hit rock-bottom before she can find her way back - and maybe all you can do is stay away until she is ready for help. Everything you need to know is written here. Excellent advice. The best thing you can do is speed up her path to rock bottom and then be there for her when she acknowledges it and is ready to change. I'm not sure I want to be instrumental in her demise! " you wont be. There are two things instrumental in her demise, herself and alcohol. You are not powerful enough to influence her or her fate. I hope you can read tone into this I'm not being harsh but you do need to see that you can't be responsible for her. However if you feel that if something bad happened to her and you had walked away you would feel guilty then stick by her but can you be with her 24/7? | |||
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"First: she won't change unless she wants to. Second - she won't see a need to change as long as people keep tolerating her. You have to decide if you want to be miserable watching her harm herself, or feel guilty by telling her you won't see her when she's been drinking. It's a really tough choice! Maybe your friend needs to hit rock-bottom before she can find her way back - and maybe all you can do is stay away until she is ready for help. Everything you need to know is written here. Excellent advice. The best thing you can do is speed up her path to rock bottom and then be there for her when she acknowledges it and is ready to change. I'm not sure I want to be instrumental in her demise! you wont be. There are two things instrumental in her demise, herself and alcohol. You are not powerful enough to influence her or her fate. I hope you can read tone into this I'm not being harsh but you do need to see that you can't be responsible for her. However if you feel that if something bad happened to her and you had walked away you would feel guilty then stick by her but can you be with her 24/7? " I know you're not being out of order. She has had accidents due to her drinking already. Been hospitalised with broken bones. I am worried that the next time she'll bash her head and crack her skull open. She lives alone. And yes I suppose I would feel terribly guilty, but at least I know I've tried. More than once. I've tried the softly softly approach, the more direct approach, the full on rows. I'm helpless and it's just so frustrating. | |||
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"First: she won't change unless she wants to. Second - she won't see a need to change as long as people keep tolerating her. You have to decide if you want to be miserable watching her harm herself, or feel guilty by telling her you won't see her when she's been drinking. It's a really tough choice! Maybe your friend needs to hit rock-bottom before she can find her way back - and maybe all you can do is stay away until she is ready for help. Everything you need to know is written here. Excellent advice. The best thing you can do is speed up her path to rock bottom and then be there for her when she acknowledges it and is ready to change. I'm not sure I want to be instrumental in her demise! you wont be. There are two things instrumental in her demise, herself and alcohol. You are not powerful enough to influence her or her fate. I hope you can read tone into this I'm not being harsh but you do need to see that you can't be responsible for her. However if you feel that if something bad happened to her and you had walked away you would feel guilty then stick by her but can you be with her 24/7? I know you're not being out of order. She has had accidents due to her drinking already. Been hospitalised with broken bones. I am worried that the next time she'll bash her head and crack her skull open. She lives alone. And yes I suppose I would feel terribly guilty, but at least I know I've tried. More than once. I've tried the softly softly approach, the more direct approach, the full on rows. I'm helpless and it's just so frustrating. " It is isn't it. About 15 years ago I told a family member I didn't want to speak to her or see her again unless she was sober and I haven't seen or heard from her since which is hard as she's married to a sibling. She's still drinking, still abusing my sibling, still neglecting the emotional and physical well being of her children, running up debt, passing out in the street, getting hospitalised.....the list goes on. She'll carry on now until she dies an early death but I wont feel responsible for that. | |||
"I still get ratted every now and again and I'm 52, but if she's doing it all the time, she needs to find an alternative, if she's 'self medicating' with alcohol because of mental or psychological issues, her doc need to prescribe her a safe and medically monitored alternative. Someone said earlier, liver failure in not a nice way to die, I've lost friends that way and, to be honest, they died in agony. Tell her from me, it ain't a good way to go and if she keeps doing what she's doing, she will kill herself, it ain't a good way to go
she probably already knows. It really isn't that simple, if it was nobody would smoke.
She's also already on anti depressants.
Then she needs more help. If she was my friend, I'd tell her that I can't watch her do this to herself, and that she needs to go to her doc and get referred to a psychiatrist, seems to me the anti depressants aren't doing the job, something stronger perhaps. You are a nice person to be this concerned, I hope she gets a grip, but, you can't assume any responsibility, you can only point it out, the rest is up to her. What makes me so sad is that the government make a big to do about drugs, yet people can kill themselves with alcohol, as I say, first hand experience. I'm very sad for you...and her
I don't know that i'm a nice person, i'd hope anyone would do this for a close friend of 12 years.
And yes, i've told her that I struggle to see her that way, and my reasons. And that she needs professional help.
As others have said she won't change unless she wants to. No idea what might be a catalyst for that change.
The catalyst for that change will be when she wakes up one day with nobody and no one to turn to...or not. Again I'm sorry to be harsh but you can't turn her round on your own as much as you would like to and all the time you continue to support her you enable her alcoholism. I thought twice before I typed that but I've seen too much damage done."Sometimes there is no catalyst. I'm sure if I'd been abandoned I would have just drank more in self pity and thought sod you all. Some people don't ever change. It's such a horrible addiction. One thing you could try is putting rules in on your friendship. Tell her you only want to speak or see her if she's sober and don't ever drink with her. Meet only for coffee. If she doesn't stick by the rules remind her of them and walk away if she's d*unk or drinking. At least you may have some quality sober time with your friend xx | |||
"I still get ratted every now and again and I'm 52, but if she's doing it all the time, she needs to find an alternative, if she's 'self medicating' with alcohol because of mental or psychological issues, her doc need to prescribe her a safe and medically monitored alternative. Someone said earlier, liver failure in not a nice way to die, I've lost friends that way and, to be honest, they died in agony. Tell her from me, it ain't a good way to go and if she keeps doing what she's doing, she will kill herself, it ain't a good way to go
she probably already knows. It really isn't that simple, if it was nobody would smoke.
She's also already on anti depressants.
Then she needs more help. If she was my friend, I'd tell her that I can't watch her do this to herself, and that she needs to go to her doc and get referred to a psychiatrist, seems to me the anti depressants aren't doing the job, something stronger perhaps. You are a nice person to be this concerned, I hope she gets a grip, but, you can't assume any responsibility, you can only point it out, the rest is up to her. What makes me so sad is that the government make a big to do about drugs, yet people can kill themselves with alcohol, as I say, first hand experience. I'm very sad for you...and her
I don't know that i'm a nice person, i'd hope anyone would do this for a close friend of 12 years.
And yes, i've told her that I struggle to see her that way, and my reasons. And that she needs professional help.
As others have said she won't change unless she wants to. No idea what might be a catalyst for that change.
The catalyst for that change will be when she wakes up one day with nobody and no one to turn to...or not. Again I'm sorry to be harsh but you can't turn her round on your own as much as you would like to and all the time you continue to support her you enable her alcoholism. I thought twice before I typed that but I've seen too much damage done.
Sometimes there is no catalyst. I'm sure if I'd been abandoned I would have just drank more in self pity and thought sod you all. Some people don't ever change. It's such a horrible addiction. One thing you could try is putting rules in on your friendship. Tell her you only want to speak or see her if she's sober and don't ever drink with her. Meet only for coffee. If she doesn't stick by the rules remind her of them and walk away if she's d*unk or drinking. At least you may have some quality sober time with your friend xx"I did that, see above...she chose drink. | |||
"I still get ratted every now and again and I'm 52, but if she's doing it all the time, she needs to find an alternative, if she's 'self medicating' with alcohol because of mental or psychological issues, her doc need to prescribe her a safe and medically monitored alternative. Someone said earlier, liver failure in not a nice way to die, I've lost friends that way and, to be honest, they died in agony. Tell her from me, it ain't a good way to go and if she keeps doing what she's doing, she will kill herself, it ain't a good way to go
she probably already knows. It really isn't that simple, if it was nobody would smoke.
She's also already on anti depressants.
Then she needs more help. If she was my friend, I'd tell her that I can't watch her do this to herself, and that she needs to go to her doc and get referred to a psychiatrist, seems to me the anti depressants aren't doing the job, something stronger perhaps. You are a nice person to be this concerned, I hope she gets a grip, but, you can't assume any responsibility, you can only point it out, the rest is up to her. What makes me so sad is that the government make a big to do about drugs, yet people can kill themselves with alcohol, as I say, first hand experience. I'm very sad for you...and her
I don't know that i'm a nice person, i'd hope anyone would do this for a close friend of 12 years.
And yes, i've told her that I struggle to see her that way, and my reasons. And that she needs professional help.
As others have said she won't change unless she wants to. No idea what might be a catalyst for that change.
The catalyst for that change will be when she wakes up one day with nobody and no one to turn to...or not. Again I'm sorry to be harsh but you can't turn her round on your own as much as you would like to and all the time you continue to support her you enable her alcoholism. I thought twice before I typed that but I've seen too much damage done.
Sometimes there is no catalyst. I'm sure if I'd been abandoned I would have just drank more in self pity and thought sod you all. Some people don't ever change. It's such a horrible addiction. One thing you could try is putting rules in on your friendship. Tell her you only want to speak or see her if she's sober and don't ever drink with her. Meet only for coffee. If she doesn't stick by the rules remind her of them and walk away if she's d*unk or drinking. At least you may have some quality sober time with your friend xx"We were going to buy a house together. That's sooo not happening. I will have to introduce rules. If she can't abide by them i'll walk away. I can't say I expected her to be paralytic at 12 when I picked her up though...I anticipated this to be a sober day. | |||
"I still get ratted every now and again and I'm 52, but if she's doing it all the time, she needs to find an alternative, if she's 'self medicating' with alcohol because of mental or psychological issues, her doc need to prescribe her a safe and medically monitored alternative. Someone said earlier, liver failure in not a nice way to die, I've lost friends that way and, to be honest, they died in agony. Tell her from me, it ain't a good way to go and if she keeps doing what she's doing, she will kill herself, it ain't a good way to go
she probably already knows. It really isn't that simple, if it was nobody would smoke.
She's also already on anti depressants.
Then she needs more help. If she was my friend, I'd tell her that I can't watch her do this to herself, and that she needs to go to her doc and get referred to a psychiatrist, seems to me the anti depressants aren't doing the job, something stronger perhaps. You are a nice person to be this concerned, I hope she gets a grip, but, you can't assume any responsibility, you can only point it out, the rest is up to her. What makes me so sad is that the government make a big to do about drugs, yet people can kill themselves with alcohol, as I say, first hand experience. I'm very sad for you...and her
I don't know that i'm a nice person, i'd hope anyone would do this for a close friend of 12 years.
And yes, i've told her that I struggle to see her that way, and my reasons. And that she needs professional help.
As others have said she won't change unless she wants to. No idea what might be a catalyst for that change.
The catalyst for that change will be when she wakes up one day with nobody and no one to turn to...or not. Again I'm sorry to be harsh but you can't turn her round on your own as much as you would like to and all the time you continue to support her you enable her alcoholism. I thought twice before I typed that but I've seen too much damage done.
Sometimes there is no catalyst. I'm sure if I'd been abandoned I would have just drank more in self pity and thought sod you all. Some people don't ever change. It's such a horrible addiction. One thing you could try is putting rules in on your friendship. Tell her you only want to speak or see her if she's sober and don't ever drink with her. Meet only for coffee. If she doesn't stick by the rules remind her of them and walk away if she's d*unk or drinking. At least you may have some quality sober time with your friend xx
We were going to buy a house together. That's sooo not happening.
I will have to introduce rules. If she can't abide by them i'll walk away.
I can't say I expected her to be paralytic at 12 when I picked her up though...I anticipated this to be a sober day. "
Good luck. Make sure you stick to your rules too or they won't mean anything.
As an ex alcoholic who got themselves sorted when i was ready to i know what dicks we can be, and i have cut other alcoholics out of my life because that's not my life any more and i can do without their crap at the end of everything. | |||
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"Perhaps through no fault of your own you have become an enabler. You sound like an amazing friend. Alcoholism is an illness and although your friend needs your love and support she also has to take responsibility for her own behaviour. Good luck always xxx" I rarely drink around her and she is well aware of my disdain for her d*unkeness. So I hope I'm not an enabler! | |||
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"Perhaps through no fault of your own you have become an enabler. You sound like an amazing friend. Alcoholism is an illness and although your friend needs your love and support she also has to take responsibility for her own behaviour. Good luck always xxx I rarely drink around her and she is well aware of my disdain for her d*unkeness. So I hope I'm not an enabler! " Thats not an enabler it basically means no matter what she does you are still there for x | |||
"Have you looked at Al Anon? Its for people whose lives are being affected by alcoholics. Maybe they could help." I have written down her local AA group details for her and offered to go with her. | |||
"Perhaps through no fault of your own you have become an enabler. You sound like an amazing friend. Alcoholism is an illness and although your friend needs your love and support she also has to take responsibility for her own behaviour. Good luck always xxx I rarely drink around her and she is well aware of my disdain for her d*unkeness. So I hope I'm not an enabler! " Enabling is when you shield them from the consequences of their drinking. For instance in your first post you say she's ruined three of your birthdays the fact that she was allowed to ruin the second means that she was enabled to turn up and ruin the third...like I say its harsh and hard but real. | |||
"Have you looked at Al Anon? Its for people whose lives are being affected by alcoholics. Maybe they could help. I have written down her local AA group details for her and offered to go with her. " Al Anon is for you, its for people whose lives are affected by alcoholics. | |||
"Perhaps through no fault of your own you have become an enabler. You sound like an amazing friend. Alcoholism is an illness and although your friend needs your love and support she also has to take responsibility for her own behaviour. Good luck always xxx I rarely drink around her and she is well aware of my disdain for her d*unkeness. So I hope I'm not an enabler! Enabling is when you shield them from the consequences of their drinking. For instance in your first post you say she's ruined three of your birthdays the fact that she was allowed to ruin the second means that she was enabled to turn up and ruin the third...like I say its harsh and hard but real." She got a right bloody bollocking about it. I don't let her get away with her bad behaviour, but at the same time I wouldn't uninvite her to my birthday when she's one of my best friends. | |||
"Have you looked at Al Anon? Its for people whose lives are being affected by alcoholics. Maybe they could help. I have written down her local AA group details for her and offered to go with her. Al Anon is for you, its for people whose lives are affected by alcoholics." | |||
"Perhaps through no fault of your own you have become an enabler. You sound like an amazing friend. Alcoholism is an illness and although your friend needs your love and support she also has to take responsibility for her own behaviour. Good luck always xxx I rarely drink around her and she is well aware of my disdain for her d*unkeness. So I hope I'm not an enabler! Enabling is when you shield them from the consequences of their drinking. For instance in your first post you say she's ruined three of your birthdays the fact that she was allowed to ruin the second means that she was enabled to turn up and ruin the third...like I say its harsh and hard but real. She got a right bloody bollocking about it. I don't let her get away with her bad behaviour, but at the same time I wouldn't uninvite her to my birthday when she's one of my best friends." She's not your friend. A friend wouldn't do that, no matter how blitzed they were. telling off someone with an illness is pointless - she needs treatment. | |||
"Have you looked at Al Anon? Its for people whose lives are being affected by alcoholics. Maybe they could help. I have written down her local AA group details for her and offered to go with her. Al Anon is for you, its for people whose lives are affected by alcoholics." Sorry I thought al anon was just an abbreviation of alcoholics anonymous... I'm not sure that I have the energy to go to a support group which doesn't directly help her. Or the time. I do have my own shit in life to deal with too. | |||
"Perhaps through no fault of your own you have become an enabler. You sound like an amazing friend. Alcoholism is an illness and although your friend needs your love and support she also has to take responsibility for her own behaviour. Good luck always xxx I rarely drink around her and she is well aware of my disdain for her d*unkeness. So I hope I'm not an enabler! Enabling is when you shield them from the consequences of their drinking. For instance in your first post you say she's ruined three of your birthdays the fact that she was allowed to ruin the second means that she was enabled to turn up and ruin the third...like I say its harsh and hard but real. She got a right bloody bollocking about it. I don't let her get away with her bad behaviour, but at the same time I wouldn't uninvite her to my birthday when she's one of my best friends." You did let her get away with it she did it three times. I can see that you want to stick by her and I wish you the best of luck but please protect yourself. | |||
"Have you looked at Al Anon? Its for people whose lives are being affected by alcoholics. Maybe they could help. I have written down her local AA group details for her and offered to go with her. Al Anon is for you, its for people whose lives are affected by alcoholics. Sorry I thought al anon was just an abbreviation of alcoholics anonymous... I'm not sure that I have the energy to go to a support group which doesn't directly help her. Or the time. I do have my own shit in life to deal with too. " they will speak to you on the phone, or they used to. | |||
"Perhaps through no fault of your own you have become an enabler. You sound like an amazing friend. Alcoholism is an illness and although your friend needs your love and support she also has to take responsibility for her own behaviour. Good luck always xxx I rarely drink around her and she is well aware of my disdain for her d*unkeness. So I hope I'm not an enabler! Enabling is when you shield them from the consequences of their drinking. For instance in your first post you say she's ruined three of your birthdays the fact that she was allowed to ruin the second means that she was enabled to turn up and ruin the third...like I say its harsh and hard but real. She got a right bloody bollocking about it. I don't let her get away with her bad behaviour, but at the same time I wouldn't uninvite her to my birthday when she's one of my best friends. She's not your friend. A friend wouldn't do that, no matter how blitzed they were. telling off someone with an illness is pointless - she needs treatment." She purports to be my friend. But the more I think of it she's always happy to offload on me and rarely listens when I have issues. | |||
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"Perhaps through no fault of your own you have become an enabler. You sound like an amazing friend. Alcoholism is an illness and although your friend needs your love and support she also has to take responsibility for her own behaviour. Good luck always xxx I rarely drink around her and she is well aware of my disdain for her d*unkeness. So I hope I'm not an enabler! Enabling is when you shield them from the consequences of their drinking. For instance in your first post you say she's ruined three of your birthdays the fact that she was allowed to ruin the second means that she was enabled to turn up and ruin the third...like I say its harsh and hard but real. She got a right bloody bollocking about it. I don't let her get away with her bad behaviour, but at the same time I wouldn't uninvite her to my birthday when she's one of my best friends. She's not your friend. A friend wouldn't do that, no matter how blitzed they were. telling off someone with an illness is pointless - she needs treatment." I had plenty of bollockings but they got over it until the next time. I've donesome terrible things over the years and now I'm sober I am taking responsibility for my actions. I can't change the past I just have to makesure I stay sober x | |||
"Perhaps through no fault of your own you have become an enabler. You sound like an amazing friend. Alcoholism is an illness and although your friend needs your love and support she also has to take responsibility for her own behaviour. Good luck always xxx I rarely drink around her and she is well aware of my disdain for her d*unkeness. So I hope I'm not an enabler! Enabling is when you shield them from the consequences of their drinking. For instance in your first post you say she's ruined three of your birthdays the fact that she was allowed to ruin the second means that she was enabled to turn up and ruin the third...like I say its harsh and hard but real. She got a right bloody bollocking about it. I don't let her get away with her bad behaviour, but at the same time I wouldn't uninvite her to my birthday when she's one of my best friends. She's not your friend. A friend wouldn't do that, no matter how blitzed they were. telling off someone with an illness is pointless - she needs treatment. I had plenty of bollockings but they got over it until the next time. I've donesome terrible things over the years and now I'm sober I am taking responsibility for my actions. I can't change the past I just have to makesure I stay sober x" Good for you I wish you well | |||
"Perhaps through no fault of your own you have become an enabler. You sound like an amazing friend. Alcoholism is an illness and although your friend needs your love and support she also has to take responsibility for her own behaviour. Good luck always xxx I rarely drink around her and she is well aware of my disdain for her d*unkeness. So I hope I'm not an enabler! Enabling is when you shield them from the consequences of their drinking. For instance in your first post you say she's ruined three of your birthdays the fact that she was allowed to ruin the second means that she was enabled to turn up and ruin the third...like I say its harsh and hard but real. She got a right bloody bollocking about it. I don't let her get away with her bad behaviour, but at the same time I wouldn't uninvite her to my birthday when she's one of my best friends. She's not your friend. A friend wouldn't do that, no matter how blitzed they were. telling off someone with an illness is pointless - she needs treatment. I had plenty of bollockings but they got over it until the next time. I've donesome terrible things over the years and now I'm sober I am taking responsibility for my actions. I can't change the past I just have to makesure I stay sober x" I'm glad you're in a better place, I hope you keep the strength and faith in yourself to succeed. Well done! Don't look back x | |||
"Perhaps through no fault of your own you have become an enabler. You sound like an amazing friend. Alcoholism is an illness and although your friend needs your love and support she also has to take responsibility for her own behaviour. Good luck always xxx I rarely drink around her and she is well aware of my disdain for her d*unkeness. So I hope I'm not an enabler! Enabling is when you shield them from the consequences of their drinking. For instance in your first post you say she's ruined three of your birthdays the fact that she was allowed to ruin the second means that she was enabled to turn up and ruin the third...like I say its harsh and hard but real. She got a right bloody bollocking about it. I don't let her get away with her bad behaviour, but at the same time I wouldn't uninvite her to my birthday when she's one of my best friends. She's not your friend. A friend wouldn't do that, no matter how blitzed they were. telling off someone with an illness is pointless - she needs treatment. I had plenty of bollockings but they got over it until the next time. I've donesome terrible things over the years and now I'm sober I am taking responsibility for my actions. I can't change the past I just have to makesure I stay sober x I'm glad you're in a better place, I hope you keep the strength and faith in yourself to succeed. Well done! Don't look back x" Thanks.It's best thing I've ever done. Life is so much easier. You take care of yourself and sometimes you do have to walk away xx | |||
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"Alcoholic = severe addiction both mentally and physically. So even if the person can get through a detox and become free from being alcohol dependent they can't control the urges and addiction especialy if they take that first drink that ends up being labbeled a bender!! Alcoholism = the body and mind uncontrollably craves alcohol and this is mostly related to being an illness . Heavy drinker /binge / problem drinker = can have a drink and or leave it there but when on one they end up arrested or passed out and this can be anywhere or become violent and abusive. They work have hobbys but basically embarrassing arsholes when d*unk . I could give a few more just saying to labell someone may not be the way to go but hope your friend regardless gets help xx" I'm sorry, you're wrong. I have actually worked in addiction. Anyway, thanks for the bit about her getting help. | |||
"Whilst I do feel a level of sympathy for alcoholics and being in the spiral of addiction, my complete empathy lies with those family members and loved ones that support them, those who have had their lives damaged by the actions of the alcoholic. It's a very selfish disease. if it was my friend then I would walk away. This sounds awful I know, but if you hang around to support and pick up the pieces then she will continue to drink. My other advice would also be not to get into any financial business with her, like buying houses together. " Yep. There's no way I'm doing that now! I'm going to call her later. Although she's probably be d*unk again. I might wait to try to catch her when she hasn't topped up. | |||
"Alcoholic = severe addiction both mentally and physically. So even if the person can get through a detox and become free from being alcohol dependent they can't control the urges and addiction especialy if they take that first drink that ends up being labbeled a bender!! Alcoholism = the body and mind uncontrollably craves alcohol and this is mostly related to being an illness . Heavy drinker /binge / problem drinker = can have a drink and or leave it there but when on one they end up arrested or passed out and this can be anywhere or become violent and abusive. They work have hobbys but basically embarrassing arsholes when d*unk . I could give a few more just saying to labell someone may not be the way to go but hope your friend regardless gets help xx I'm sorry, you're wrong. I have actually worked in addiction. Anyway, thanks for the bit about her getting help." Do you still have contacts from the time you worked in addiction? Perhaps they could advise you. | |||
"Alcoholic = severe addiction both mentally and physically. So even if the person can get through a detox and become free from being alcohol dependent they can't control the urges and addiction especialy if they take that first drink that ends up being labbeled a bender!! Alcoholism = the body and mind uncontrollably craves alcohol and this is mostly related to being an illness . Heavy drinker /binge / problem drinker = can have a drink and or leave it there but when on one they end up arrested or passed out and this can be anywhere or become violent and abusive. They work have hobbys but basically embarrassing arsholes when d*unk . I could give a few more just saying to labell someone may not be the way to go but hope your friend regardless gets help xx I'm sorry, you're wrong. I have actually worked in addiction. Anyway, thanks for the bit about her getting help. Do you still have contacts from the time you worked in addiction? Perhaps they could advise you." One of my other best friends now runs a charity for alcoholics. He's been helpful but it's all rather hard to deal with from a distance. | |||
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"Administer tough love..... explain to her that her addiction to alcohol is destroying other people...
Then wait for her reaction and take it from there,,, "You need to be prepared to walk away......you are not a professional and you will be dragged down by her. A friend of mine is in a relationship with an alcoholic. We (her other friend and I) have tried to get her away from him.....we have had to walk away. But prepared to walk back at some point. Alcoholism destroys those around you! | |||
"Alcoholic = severe addiction both mentally and physically. So even if the person can get through a detox and become free from being alcohol dependent they can't control the urges and addiction especialy if they take that first drink that ends up being labbeled a bender!! Alcoholism = the body and mind uncontrollably craves alcohol and this is mostly related to being an illness . Heavy drinker /binge / problem drinker = can have a drink and or leave it there but when on one they end up arrested or passed out and this can be anywhere or become violent and abusive. They work have hobbys but basically embarrassing arsholes when d*unk . I could give a few more just saying to labell someone may not be the way to go but hope your friend regardless gets help xx I'm sorry, you're wrong. I have actually worked in addiction. Anyway, thanks for the bit about her getting help." I think everyone deserves help and it can be a horrible, scary and awfull thing for loved ones to go through and those who try to help . I understand you have worked in addiction services and it's something I have thought about getting into, however I'm a firm believer that if was to get help in any aspect of life it would be from someone who has real life experience not someone that has gained experience through college , uni and text books | |||
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"OP I have/had a gambling problem and up until last year kept it secret from my friends and family. I've been bankrupt twice and this was when I decided enough was enough. Only with the support of my nearest and dearest have I been finally able to come to terms with what I've done and why I gambled. Don't give up on her yet but make it quite clear to her that you'll be there for her if she acknowledges her problems and tries to deal with them. If she doesn't then tell her it's last chance saloon as far as you're concerned. Tough love. I'd be interested to know what happens x Kelly" I know my story is about gambling but addiction is addiction, regardless of what it is. | |||
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"This is a difficult subject for me. One of my close friends is an alcoholic. Right now i'm sitting opposite her in a restaurant. It's her birthday, it's 2pm and she's fast asleep slumped in the corner. I've tried to talk to her before about her alcohol problems but she doesn't change. It has caused her to break bones before, and on a selfish level she's almost ruined 3 of my birthdays by being a nightmare d*unk. What can I do? " The only way an alcoholic will get help is they have to hit rock bottom. And then have the guts to drag themselves back to reality and realise that they have a problem. Just be a friend and supportive x | |||
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"If they doesn't acknowledge the issue there's very little you can do. Sounds like you've been a good friend and been there for them, but as I will testify, eventually that can become too much and you can no longer watch the self destruction. I've lost several friends to drugs and I did all I could to help them to no avail. Agreed, its hard, but not a lot you can do, cruel to be kind ..." Agree with this, until she herself acknowledges her problem and wants to change or get help there really isn't much else you can do, it's not a nice situation to be in | |||
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"Does anyone know why booze is legal? Apart from the obvious revenue it produces? it's a pretty horrible drug and I'm from a family with a lot of historical drug abuse in it...booze Is definitely one of the more destructive. I look at drinkers as drug users the same as any other....how could anyone not? " I suspect that far too many legislators enjoy a drink for it to ever be made illegal. | |||
"Does anyone know why booze is legal? Apart from the obvious revenue it produces? it's a pretty horrible drug and I'm from a family with a lot of historical drug abuse in it...booze Is definitely one of the more destructive. I look at drinkers as drug users the same as any other....how could anyone not? " People protested for alcohol to be made legal. Pubs were the centres of communities also and considered important. when alcohol was made illegal it never stopped usage, it just drove profits into the mafias hands instead (just like illegal drugs now). | |||
"I have little time for d*unks or heavy drinkers. I grew up with one and it ruined plenty of what could have been great times. I personally cut all contact and leave them to their own device's." Hi, I agree, do a runner. Jim | |||
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"Boxing day A good friend of my son and I died alone in a hotel room. We had spoken to him Xmas eve and he was excited to be going away to his friends in lebanon,yesterday he was found. We are not sure yet the actual cause until the results of the autopsy but Alcohol had been an increasing problem over some time we tried to help advise and support but he would not stop. He was 38 He was inteligent had numerous degrees but depressed we were his family. We now have to repatriate him and sort out a funeral. He will be greatly missed. Sadly nothing you do can help your friend.Just be there when she calls.If se is holding down a job and running a home she will be ok. Moaning at her will only alianate you. If you can get her to AA meetings she will find some support.You could also join an AA Friends. Good luck ." Sorry to hear this. This thread was resurrected from your post. I have to admit that since I posted originally in August things went downhill in our friendship. I haven't spoken to the girl in question since the 14th of November, and I don't anticipate talking to her any time soon. The reality is that I can't cope with her behaviour, much as I tried, so I walked away. | |||
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"when you get into chat mode with her - dont let the drink thing be the main focus - shes in denial and you wont get anywhere - ask her about her behaviour - for instance falling asleep in a restuarant - does she think thats acceptable - what would she think if she saw someone like that - she can react with oh thats fkn dreadful which puts her in the fkn dreadful pile - or pour soul needs some help for sure - which puts her there - takeit from there - you cannot do anything - she has to accept and then want to change " The big thing is finding the cause of the problem. Even if its something you cannot help with personally there are people who can help. The biggest hurdle is getting someone to accept the help. I wish the person concerned good luck and hope it all sorts otself out. | |||
"Boxing day A good friend of my son and I died alone in a hotel room. We had spoken to him Xmas eve and he was excited to be going away to his friends in lebanon,yesterday he was found. We are not sure yet the actual cause until the results of the autopsy but Alcohol had been an increasing problem over some time we tried to help advise and support but he would not stop. He was 38 He was inteligent had numerous degrees but depressed we were his family. We now have to repatriate him and sort out a funeral. He will be greatly missed. Sadly nothing you do can help your friend.Just be there when she calls.If se is holding down a job and running a home she will be ok. Moaning at her will only alianate you. If you can get her to AA meetings she will find some support.You could also join an AA Friends. Good luck . Sorry to hear this. This thread was resurrected from your post. I have to admit that since I posted originally in August things went downhill in our friendship. I haven't spoken to the girl in question since the 14th of November, and I don't anticipate talking to her any time soon. The reality is that I can't cope with her behaviour, much as I tried, so I walked away. " xx Don't feel bad. You tried. | |||
"Boxing day A good friend of my son and I died alone in a hotel room. We had spoken to him Xmas eve and he was excited to be going away to his friends in lebanon,yesterday he was found. We are not sure yet the actual cause until the results of the autopsy but Alcohol had been an increasing problem over some time we tried to help advise and support but he would not stop. He was 38 He was inteligent had numerous degrees but depressed we were his family. We now have to repatriate him and sort out a funeral. He will be greatly missed. Sadly nothing you do can help your friend.Just be there when she calls.If se is holding down a job and running a home she will be ok. Moaning at her will only alianate you. If you can get her to AA meetings she will find some support.You could also join an AA Friends. Good luck . Sorry to hear this. This thread was resurrected from your post. I have to admit that since I posted originally in August things went downhill in our friendship. I haven't spoken to the girl in question since the 14th of November, and I don't anticipate talking to her any time soon. The reality is that I can't cope with her behaviour, much as I tried, so I walked away. xx Don't feel bad. You tried. " Thank you. I may get in touch with her at some point in the new year. I'd like to find out if she's made any changes. | |||
"Boxing day A good friend of my son and I died alone in a hotel room. We had spoken to him Xmas eve and he was excited to be going away to his friends in lebanon,yesterday he was found. We are not sure yet the actual cause until the results of the autopsy but Alcohol had been an increasing problem over some time we tried to help advise and support but he would not stop. He was 38 He was inteligent had numerous degrees but depressed we were his family. We now have to repatriate him and sort out a funeral. He will be greatly missed. Sadly nothing you do can help your friend.Just be there when she calls.If se is holding down a job and running a home she will be ok. Moaning at her will only alianate you. If you can get her to AA meetings she will find some support.You could also join an AA Friends. Good luck . Sorry to hear this. This thread was resurrected from your post. I have to admit that since I posted originally in August things went downhill in our friendship. I haven't spoken to the girl in question since the 14th of November, and I don't anticipate talking to her any time soon. The reality is that I can't cope with her behaviour, much as I tried, so I walked away. " Thank you xx
It was I am afraid much the same with our friend we all took a step back because we really couldnt handle the way things were going.. We realsised that nothing that was said was helping. He wouldnt go to AA imagining the scenario on TV to be the way the groups were handled . He felt humiliated enough without joining in with what he thought it would be. My son saw him less and less the new friends just encouraged the drinking He hid the fact he was starting at breakfast time and was not in work... We have since discovered that the flat mate said he had become very yellow unkempt not like him at all .. Usually so proud and funny.
He went off on this final jaunt where people just thought it was the way he behaved on holiday.. They are so shocked at what happened.
I think if you want to help contact an AA group and get some advise.It is so damn hard to stand and watch them hurting themselves. Another course I spose is residential help. But it cannot be forced. Dont let yourself get down or feel guilty this is not your fault xx | |||
"Does anyone know why booze is legal? Apart from the obvious revenue it produces? it's a pretty horrible drug and I'm from a family with a lot of historical drug abuse in it...booze Is definitely one of the more destructive. I look at drinkers as drug users the same as any other....how could anyone not? " Nice proletysing there. I look at it from the other side - Why are other drugs (most safer than alcohol) illegal? At last people don't have to take risks to get alcohol unlike illegal drugs (I don't think that the fact that illegal drugs are illegal put anyone off, ever). People can become addicted to anything (almost) Drugs (inc. alcohol), sex, gambling, diet (or lack thereof - see:eating disorders). Do you view sex addicts in the same way as you use drug addicts and if so, why not? | |||
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"It must be horrible for you to watch your friend pressing her self-destruct button. Consider yourself hugged xx" Thank you. She's so nice when she's not pissed. Just wish she could be not pissed all the time! | |||
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"It must be horrible for you to watch your friend pressing her self-destruct button. Consider yourself hugged xx Thank you. She's so nice when she's not pissed. Just wish she could be not pissed all the time! " Have you looked at adfam.org.uk suppirt for families affected by alcohol or drug addiction? Hugs xx | |||
"Well, I started speaking with my alcoholic friend again a few weeks ago. She came up to my new home today for the first time. She came to help me with my fence. After just a few minutes in the garden raking away the old hedge she had a serious seizure. All hell ensued and I spent a number of hours in hospital with her. Due to her alcohol dependence she could have died today (had she hit her head much harder on the concrete path). I had to drive her home in her car as her insurance was invalidated by the doctor. I've just got home. Thankful she didn't have the seizure and hour earlier whilst driving. I'm hoping THIS might at last be the wake up call she needs. "
Sometimes it can take a shock like that to sort someone out.
Hugs xx | |||
"Well, I started speaking with my alcoholic friend again a few weeks ago. She came up to my new home today for the first time. She came to help me with my fence. After just a few minutes in the garden raking away the old hedge she had a serious seizure. All hell ensued and I spent a number of hours in hospital with her. Due to her alcohol dependence she could have died today (had she hit her head much harder on the concrete path). I had to drive her home in her car as her insurance was invalidated by the doctor. I've just got home. Thankful she didn't have the seizure and hour earlier whilst driving. I'm hoping THIS might at last be the wake up call she needs. " I hope so too but be prepared for it not to be. One of the most damaging aspects of being in any kind of relationship with an alcoholic is the constant high of hope followed by the low of disappointment. | |||
"One of the most damaging aspects of being in any kind of relationship with an alcoholic is the constant high of hope followed by the low of disappointment."
I have learned to harden my heart, your first duty is to yourself. | |||
"Well, I started speaking with my alcoholic friend again a few weeks ago. She came up to my new home today for the first time. She came to help me with my fence. After just a few minutes in the garden raking away the old hedge she had a serious seizure. All hell ensued and I spent a number of hours in hospital with her. Due to her alcohol dependence she could have died today (had she hit her head much harder on the concrete path). I had to drive her home in her car as her insurance was invalidated by the doctor. I've just got home. Thankful she didn't have the seizure and hour earlier whilst driving. I'm hoping THIS might at last be the wake up call she needs.
Sometimes it can take a shock like that to sort someone out.
Hugs xx"Thanks. She's already making excuses! | |||
"One of the most damaging aspects of being in any kind of relationship with an alcoholic is the constant high of hope followed by the low of disappointment.
I have learned to harden my heart, your first duty is to yourself." You have to cut them off or they will depend on you forever and use you as an excuse. From the outside it looks heartless. | |||
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"Most cases a big drinker drinks a lot more than alcoholic,the massive difference is an alcoholic needs a drink and a big drinker wants a drink" I don't think there is any noticeable difference between the two. The big drinker is a functionin alcoholic. | |||
"One of the most damaging aspects of being in any kind of relationship with an alcoholic is the constant high of hope followed by the low of disappointment.
I have learned to harden my heart, your first duty is to yourself.
You have to cut them off or they will depend on you forever and use you as an excuse. From the outside it looks heartless. "It does but it's the only thing you can do x | |||
"Most cases a big drinker drinks a lot more than alcoholic,the massive difference is an alcoholic needs a drink and a big drinker wants a drink I don't think there is any noticeable difference between the two. The big drinker is a functionin alcoholic. " Note the 2 words want and need there is the difference | |||
"Most cases a big drinker drinks a lot more than alcoholic,the massive difference is an alcoholic needs a drink and a big drinker wants a drink I don't think there is any noticeable difference between the two. The big drinker is a functionin alcoholic. Note the 2 words want and need there is the difference" And trust me when i say i know the difference | |||
"Well, I started speaking with my alcoholic friend again a few weeks ago. She came up to my new home today for the first time. She came to help me with my fence. After just a few minutes in the garden raking away the old hedge she had a serious seizure. All hell ensued and I spent a number of hours in hospital with her. Due to her alcohol dependence she could have died today (had she hit her head much harder on the concrete path). I had to drive her home in her car as her insurance was invalidated by the doctor. I've just got home. Thankful she didn't have the seizure and hour earlier whilst driving. I'm hoping THIS might at last be the wake up call she needs.
Sometimes it can take a shock like that to sort someone out.
Hugs xx
Thanks. She's already making excuses!"I'd someone has reached the point of seizures and is still in denial the harsh reality is that they are almost certainly going to drink themselves to death
You probably need to prepare yourself for that outcome | |||
"Most cases a big drinker drinks a lot more than alcoholic,the massive difference is an alcoholic needs a drink and a big drinker wants a drink I don't think there is any noticeable difference between the two. The big drinker is a functionin alcoholic. Note the 2 words want and need there is the difference And trust me when i say i know the difference" A big drinker is a functioninin alcoholic. Defining an alcoholic by the need to drink rather than the volumes they drink is a symptom of Britain's relationship with alcohol. | |||
"Most cases a big drinker drinks a lot more than alcoholic,the massive difference is an alcoholic needs a drink and a big drinker wants a drink I don't think there is any noticeable difference between the two. The big drinker is a functionin alcoholic. Note the 2 words want and need there is the difference" i know loads of big drinkers who still function properly, they still hold down a job and lead a normal life but they go out of a weekend and get pissed up and have a few tins in the house after work I wouldnt class them as alcoholics as i mentioned in the thread some 6 months or so again when it started
My dad was an alcoholic, he couldnt function without a drink, he packed up work because of his drinking, was very violant and abusive if he hadnt had a drink, family stopped buying us bithday and christman gifts when we were kids because my dad would sell them for beer money, even when me and my sister was took into care he never stopped drinking, his drink took over his life to the point it was more important than his children
the word alcoholic is thrown around to easy now days, you only have to go out drinking a few times a week and people are calling you one
the thing is theres a fine line between when wanting a drink turns into needing a drink, remember all alcoholics only wanted to drink at some point  | |||
"Most cases a big drinker drinks a lot more than alcoholic,the massive difference is an alcoholic needs a drink and a big drinker wants a drink I don't think there is any noticeable difference between the two. The big drinker is a functionin alcoholic. Note the 2 words want and need there is the difference i know loads of big drinkers who still function properly, they still hold down a job and lead a normal life but they go out of a weekend and get pissed up and have a few tins in the house after work I wouldnt class them as alcoholics as i mentioned in the thread some 6 months or so again when it started
My dad was an alcoholic, he couldnt function without a drink, he packed up work because of his drinking, was very violant and abusive if he hadnt had a drink, family stopped buying us bithday and christman gifts when we were kids because my dad would sell them for beer money, even when me and my sister was took into care he never stopped drinking, his drink took over his life to the point it was more important than his children
the word alcoholic is thrown around to easy now days, you only have to go out drinking a few times a week and people are calling you one
the thing is theres a fine line between when wanting a drink turns into needing a drink, remember all alcoholics only wanted to drink at some point "My dad was an alcoholic also and i am quoting him when i said want and need,he sadly passed away because of drink....i will now leave this thread. | |||
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"Well, I started speaking with my alcoholic friend again a few weeks ago. She came up to my new home today for the first time. She came to help me with my fence. After just a few minutes in the garden raking away the old hedge she had a serious seizure. All hell ensued and I spent a number of hours in hospital with her. Due to her alcohol dependence she could have died today (had she hit her head much harder on the concrete path). I had to drive her home in her car as her insurance was invalidated by the doctor. I've just got home. Thankful she didn't have the seizure and hour earlier whilst driving. I'm hoping THIS might at last be the wake up call she needs.
Sometimes it can take a shock like that to sort someone out.
Hugs xx
Thanks. She's already making excuses!
I'd someone has reached the point of seizures and is still in denial the harsh reality is that they are almost certainly going to drink themselves to death
You probably need to prepare yourself for that outcome"She was even advised that her liver function is abnormal and she said 'yeah well i've been eating too much junk food'. I'm obese, I asked if the dr would do one on me for comparison but they wouldn't of course as there's nothing 'wrong' with me! Since writing the follow up however she has been in contact with a 1-1 alcohol service in her local area and seen her GP. She is awaiting a neurology appointment and is still convinced however that she will need meds to stop the seizures and that it's a nuero problem! 
She still hadn't had a drink though since I spoke to her. Not sure if that's a good thing or not-last thing she needs is another seizure...
Her mother is a recovering addict and has brain damage and emphysema as well as irreversible liver damage. I really just hope she doesn't follow suit. | |||
"Well, I started speaking with my alcoholic friend again a few weeks ago. She came up to my new home today for the first time. She came to help me with my fence. After just a few minutes in the garden raking away the old hedge she had a serious seizure. All hell ensued and I spent a number of hours in hospital with her. Due to her alcohol dependence she could have died today (had she hit her head much harder on the concrete path). I had to drive her home in her car as her insurance was invalidated by the doctor. I've just got home. Thankful she didn't have the seizure and hour earlier whilst driving. I'm hoping THIS might at last be the wake up call she needs.
Sometimes it can take a shock like that to sort someone out.
Hugs xx
Thanks. She's already making excuses!
I'd someone has reached the point of seizures and is still in denial the harsh reality is that they are almost certainly going to drink themselves to death
You probably need to prepare yourself for that outcome
She was even advised that her liver function is abnormal and she said 'yeah well i've been eating too much junk food'. I'm obese, I asked if the dr would do one on me for comparison but they wouldn't of course as there's nothing 'wrong' with me!
Since writing the follow up however she has been in contact with a 1-1 alcohol service in her local area and seen her GP. She is awaiting a neurology appointment and is still convinced however that she will need meds to stop the seizures and that it's a nuero problem!
She still hadn't had a drink though since I spoke to her. Not sure if that's a good thing or not-last thing she needs is another seizure...
Her mother is a recovering addict and has brain damage and emphysema as well as irreversible liver damage. I really just hope she doesn't follow suit. "The liver can repair itself if their is not too much damage...if she gets numbness/tingling to her hands or feet that could be alcohol related rather than a deep seated neuro issue... Its is always very difficult determining neuro problems when problematic drinking is present.. Take care and good luck x | |||
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"Can you keep a diary of her behaviour and photos And just leave them for only her to see. Or wrote her a letter " I've confronted her about her behaviour numerous times. She accepts that her behaviour isn't as it should be but she's in denial. | |||
"This is a difficult subject for me. One of my close friends is an alcoholic. Right now i'm sitting opposite her in a restaurant. It's her birthday, it's 2pm and she's fast asleep slumped in the corner. I've tried to talk to her before about her alcohol problems but she doesn't change. It has caused her to break bones before, and on a selfish level she's almost ruined 3 of my birthdays by being a nightmare d*unk. What can I do? " Unless they want to help themselves, sadly there is nothing you can do | |||
"Well, I started speaking with my alcoholic friend again a few weeks ago. She came up to my new home today for the first time. She came to help me with my fence. After just a few minutes in the garden raking away the old hedge she had a serious seizure. All hell ensued and I spent a number of hours in hospital with her. Due to her alcohol dependence she could have died today (had she hit her head much harder on the concrete path). I had to drive her home in her car as her insurance was invalidated by the doctor. I've just got home. Thankful she didn't have the seizure and hour earlier whilst driving. I'm hoping THIS might at last be the wake up call she needs.
Sometimes it can take a shock like that to sort someone out.
Hugs xx
Thanks. She's already making excuses!
I'd someone has reached the point of seizures and is still in denial the harsh reality is that they are almost certainly going to drink themselves to death
You probably need to prepare yourself for that outcome
She was even advised that her liver function is abnormal and she said 'yeah well i've been eating too much junk food'. I'm obese, I asked if the dr would do one on me for comparison but they wouldn't of course as there's nothing 'wrong' with me!
Since writing the follow up however she has been in contact with a 1-1 alcohol service in her local area and seen her GP. She is awaiting a neurology appointment and is still convinced however that she will need meds to stop the seizures and that it's a nuero problem!
She still hadn't had a drink though since I spoke to her. Not sure if that's a good thing or not-last thing she needs is another seizure...
Her mother is a recovering addict and has brain damage and emphysema as well as irreversible liver damage. I really just hope she doesn't follow suit. "Considering the level of denial she is probably is still drinking. If she is detoxing without medical support she is putting her self at risk. If she is detoxing and succeeds she is at real risk of death if she relapses and starts drinking again particularly if she drinks at the same volumes If it is obvious that alcohol is the likely cause of the seizures neurologists are unlikely to investigate which will probably make things worse as she will be able to deny the cause and blame doctors Ultimately is she denies she has a problem it can't be tackled | |||
"This is a difficult subject for me. One of my close friends is an alcoholic. Right now i'm sitting opposite her in a restaurant. It's her birthday, it's 2pm and she's fast asleep slumped in the corner. I've tried to talk to her before about her alcohol problems but she doesn't change. It has caused her to break bones before, and on a selfish level she's almost ruined 3 of my birthdays by being a nightmare d*unk. What can I do? Unless they want to help themselves, sadly there is nothing you can do "Thanks but we're 6 months down the line now! | |||
"This is a difficult subject for me. One of my close friends is an alcoholic. Right now i'm sitting opposite her in a restaurant. It's her birthday, it's 2pm and she's fast asleep slumped in the corner. I've tried to talk to her before about her alcohol problems but she doesn't change. It has caused her to break bones before, and on a selfish level she's almost ruined 3 of my birthdays by being a nightmare d*unk. What can I do? Unless they want to help themselves, sadly there is nothing you can do
Thanks but we're 6 months down the line now!"It may sound selfish but if you have spoken to them and they aren't willing to change then I would distance myself, it is what I have had to do with a family member. You have to protect yourself and your family. | |||
"This is a difficult subject for me. One of my close friends is an alcoholic. Right now i'm sitting opposite her in a restaurant. It's her birthday, it's 2pm and she's fast asleep slumped in the corner. I've tried to talk to her before about her alcohol problems but she doesn't change. It has caused her to break bones before, and on a selfish level she's almost ruined 3 of my birthdays by being a nightmare d*unk. What can I do? Unless they want to help themselves, sadly there is nothing you can do
Thanks but we're 6 months down the line now!
It may sound selfish but if you have spoken to them and they aren't willing to change then I would distance myself, it is what I have had to do with a family member. You have to protect yourself and your family."Thank you for the advice but as I said we're quite a bit further down the line from there now. | |||
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"Until she acknowledges she had a problem you are only hurting yourself by worrying about it. Going into property no way. Time is not right all you can do is offer support but stay strong yourself if the friendship means that much to you. " Very well said. It is hard but you have to wait till she gets in the right frame of mind to want to tackle the problem herself. Then you back her to the hilt. | |||
