FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Modern parenting??

Modern parenting??

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I was soaking up the sun rays outside my shop this afternoon when three young women came towards me with their very young kids in pushchairs.

One of the had a girl of about 2 and half to three years old by her side who obviously in her mothers eyes committed some heinous offence ..maybe bumping into her..because I didn't see anything that stood out ..

The mother then grabbed her daughter by both arms and threw her into her pushchair which was empty whilst shouting "you do that again..I'll punch you in your fucking face".

Ordinarily I would have said something but seeing as the other two girls didn't take any notice of this all as if it was totally normal I thought I'd be wasting my breath and likely to just be asking for a mouthful of vile abuse.

Though I can't help feeling I should have and that although it would have been futile it dies need to be pointed out that that's just not acceptable.

Is it? Am I missing something? Becoming a fuddy duddy dinosaur??

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

why is the action of one person an indication of how modern parenting is?

bad parents happened years ago too and will happen for years to come.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

That's true .I agree with you on that.

But I don't think you saw that sort of thing so regularly in the past and I definitely could say it wasn't commonplace when I was a child.

I have no problem with bad language in the slightest but I do believe there's a time and a place.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I concur with Evie. Some parents think bullying their kids is acceptable and that's the way some families have been for generations beyond measure. Unfortunately, there is very little to be done about it because inevitably the response will be "that's how I was brought up, and it never did me any harm"

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I also totally agree with that..some do sadly find it normal.

But I'm gonna guess you probably don't??

So in my position ..when you hear her threaten to to punch the three year old in the face would you say anything ..or just ignore it?

Smacking , punching.. It's all violence but I think its just a bit over the top and out of order.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"That's true .I agree with you on that.

But I don't think you saw that sort of thing so regularly in the past and I definitely could say it wasn't commonplace when I was a child.

I have no problem with bad language in the slightest but I do believe there's a time and a place."

how much people watching did you do as a child though? i was mainly concerned with brook jumping and monkey bars when i was a kid

as you get older you notice different things, its not that those things have become more commonplace, its just you are more aware of them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I concur with Evie. Some parents think bullying their kids is acceptable and that's the way some families have been for generations beyond measure. Unfortunately, there is very little to be done about it because inevitably the response will be "that's how I was brought up, and it never did me any harm""

This is spot on. There have always been parents who have never stopped to consider whether they're doing a good job or not. The legacy can last year's.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

One event from a shit mother doesn't equate to modern parenting.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Yes that's a good point.

But I think even forgetting as far back as my own childhood and probably yours I'm sure most people would say they see more of this stuff when their out and about..on the streets..in the supermarkets etc.

But what of my question?

Ignore it and act like its nothing..or no matter how futile and how much shit your gonna get back tell them their out of order??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes that's a good point.

But what of my question?

Ignore it and act like its nothing..or no matter how futile and how much shit your gonna get back tell them their out of order??"

I hate this question OP.

Say something and the kid might get a thrashing when they get home because the 'mother' is pissed off some stranger said something.

Say nothing and it might get worse over time. The kid might be in a horrendous home situation.

Or it may just be a one off and she had a really bad day.

I just don't know.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is what happens when kids have kids.

Most of them have only just learnt how to put a tampon in straight and then they start firing out sprogs for fun

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is what happens when kids have kids.

Most of them have only just learnt how to put a tampon in straight and then they start firing out sprogs for fun"

I don't think young parent automatically means bad parent at all. Just like not all older ones are good parents.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is what happens when kids have kids.

Most of them have only just learnt how to put a tampon in straight and then they start firing out sprogs for fun

I don't think young parent automatically means bad parent at all. Just like not all older ones are good parents."

i understand what you mean. Youre not wrong.

Statistics show that ny previous statement is somewhat true in the northwest

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

For me the most troubling things were the phrase "a punch in the face".. Cos even if I lost my rag and made threats I had no intention of actually carrying out it'd be the old chestnut " get a smack" or what not.

And the fact that the two other mothers carried on the conversation with her as if nothing was said or done.

I know for a fact if I was one of those two I'd be horrified.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That's true .I agree with you on that.

But I don't think you saw that sort of thing so regularly in the past and I definitely could say it wasn't commonplace when I was a child.

I have no problem with bad language in the slightest but I do believe there's a time and a place."

Pretty damp sure violence towards children was way more common in the past.

Hell it was pretty much an every day occur ace in every school.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No patience, nothing to do with 'modern' parenting.

You should've said something, kids need someone to stick up for them when it comes to being abused by their carers.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And it's pre-school children who are most likely to be abused. You could report it to the police? It might be on cam, depends where it happened.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That's true .I agree with you on that.

But I don't think you saw that sort of thing so regularly in the past and I definitely could say it wasn't commonplace when I was a child.

I have no problem with bad language in the slightest but I do believe there's a time and a place.

Pretty damp sure violence towards children was way more common in the past.

Hell it was pretty much an every day occur ace in every school."

Yep, I was regularly thrashed as a kid. It was definitely a more socially acceptable form of discipline than now.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

That's kinda the reason why I mentioned it and started this thread. Even though I'm sure it would have been completely futile and would just have resulted in all three of them screaming obscenities at me i do feel guilty that I decided not to.

After all isn't one of the main functions of a civilized society the protection of those unable or too young to protect themselves?

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"This is what happens when kids have kids.

Most of them have only just learnt how to put a tampon in straight and then they start firing out sprogs for fun

I don't think young parent automatically means bad parent at all. Just like not all older ones are good parents.

i understand what you mean. Youre not wrong.

Statistics show that ny previous statement is somewhat true in the northwest

what statistics are these then? i know lots of young mums who are brilliant parents.

OP - the decision is ultimately yours. personally, if it was a fleeting observation i would likely say nothing. all you know about that relationship is the snap shot you have seen.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"I also totally agree with that..some do sadly find it normal.

But I'm gonna guess you probably don't??

So in my position ..when you hear her threaten to to punch the three year old in the face would you say anything ..or just ignore it?

Smacking , punching.. It's all violence but I think its just a bit over the top and out of order."

I have said something before to a woman equally abusing her child....I got an even worse mouthful back which was probably to be expected. If I knew where the woman lived I would have reported her it was that bad. I did however regret saying anything as I was the worried all night thinking she may have taken it out on the child.

I also sat in my car once watching some women be a right bitch to her toddler, until she saw me watching her and she changed the way she was treating her.

There are lots of women about who don't deserve children and I am not sure why they had them in the first place. I feel very sad watching it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That's kinda the reason why I mentioned it and started this thread. Even though I'm sure it would have been completely futile and would just have resulted in all three of them screaming obscenities at me i do feel guilty that I decided not to.

After all isn't one of the main functions of a civilized society the protection of those unable or too young to protect themselves?"

Speaking from experience of an abused child, your attempt at intervention would probably have resulted in more grief for the child behind closed doors. I really don't know what alternative to suggest though.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

PS I don't believe it is to do with modern parenting though as most parents I am guessing don't abuse their children...I think it is more bad angry parenting.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"For me the most troubling things were the phrase "a punch in the face".. Cos even if I lost my rag and made threats I had no intention of actually carrying out it'd be the old chestnut " get a smack" or what not.

And the fact that the two other mothers carried on the conversation with her as if nothing was said or done.

I know for a fact if I was one of those two I'd be horrified."

trouble is, not everyone is like you though.

a fleeting observation is not enough to make a valid judgement on.

quite often when waiting around in queues etc i will jokingly hold a fist to my nephews face and ask if he 'want's one of them?!'. there is no way i would go through with it and he knows that but as a casual observer i guess you could think i was threatening to punch him. it's just something my dad has always done to us (again in jest, my father rarely laid a hand on us and if he did it was smacked legs and we had been really naughty)

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

And the fact that the two other mothers carried on the conversation with her as if nothing was said or done.

I know for a fact if I was one of those two I'd be horrified.

trouble is, not everyone is like you though.

a fleeting observation is not enough to make a valid judgement on.

From what was described I would hardly call that being mistaken for a joke.

Surely you can't disagree with that

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

And the fact that the two other mothers carried on the conversation with her as if nothing was said or done.

I know for a fact if I was one of those two I'd be horrified.

trouble is, not everyone is like you though.

a fleeting observation is not enough to make a valid judgement on.

From what was described I would hardly call that being mistaken for a joke.

Surely you can't disagree with that

no i guess not, was just trying to add depth to a discussion

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

what is it we say on here....3 sides to a story, your side, their side, and the truth....does this not apply here also?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

The angry way the child was forcefully thrown into the pushchair was enough to make it more than clear this wasn't a joke or anything less than a real threat.The tone of voice and her manner made it very clear.

I can imagine what your saying and we've all made jokes like that but this was very clearly not that kind of situation.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

After all isn't one of the main functions of a civilized society the protection of those unable or too young to protect themselves?"

No point in feeling guilty now, bit late for that and sometimes people don't know what to do in situations.

I doubt having a go at her would make her a better or more patient parent really, but yeah it would've likely transferred the abuse to you coz she was angry at the time of it happening.

I know someone who was always shouting at her kids and she used to mention people would look at her (and i know it made her feel bad) but she never changed because of feeling guilty herself. She was a bit thick and just didn't have any skills really.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

After all isn't one of the main functions of a civilized society the protection of those unable or too young to protect themselves?

No point in feeling guilty now, bit late for that and sometimes people don't know what to do in situations.

I doubt having a go at her would make her a better or more patient parent really, but yeah it would've likely transferred the abuse to you coz she was angry at the time of it happening.

I think I was as surprised by her friends reaction ..or lack of it to be honest.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"what is it we say on here....3 sides to a story, your side, their side, and the truth....does this not apply here also?"

Some say that yes. Normally when there is someone complaining about another not turning up.

Surely when someone tells us of an experience they have had in the real world we can't expect to have documented or video evidence before we take what is written on face value and have an opinion on it instead of questioning what they really saw.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I was soaking up the sun rays outside my shop this afternoon when three young women came towards me with their very young kids in pushchairs.

The mother then grabbed her daughter by both arms and threw her into her pushchair which was empty whilst shouting "you do that again..I'll punch you in your fucking face".

Though I can't help feeling I should have and that although it would have been futile it dies need to be pointed out that that's just not acceptable.

Is it? Am I missing something? Becoming a fuddy duddy dinosaur??"

Absolutely unacceptable behaviour. No excuses x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

After all isn't one of the main functions of a civilized society the protection of those unable or too young to protect themselves?

No point in feeling guilty now, bit late for that and sometimes people don't know what to do in situations.

I doubt having a go at her would make her a better or more patient parent really, but yeah it would've likely transferred the abuse to you coz she was angry at the time of it happening.

I think I was as surprised by her friends reaction ..or lack of it to be honest."

Idk why they did nothing either. I do know sometimes people put up with abuse if there was something better than that previously.

Might be they all think this way of doing things is acceptable, or they just don't have experience enough to handle this stuff?

Shame a lot of centres got shut down where parents of young children could get support and advice.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"what is it we say on here....3 sides to a story, your side, their side, and the truth....does this not apply here also?

Some say that yes. Normally when there is someone complaining about another not turning up.

but why is it so different? they are re-telling an experience just the same as someone complaining about an incident from here.

i am not saying that what the OP saw and has explained in writing is incorrect, how can i, i wasn't there. but equally i cannot corroborate his story for the same reason.

use of force is quite subjective and it is one of the reasons why police men and prison officers are having to wear body worn camera's to show that the 'violent shove' someone is suing them for was actually just a hand on the shoulder moving them to an arms length away.

Again, i am not saying that people need to video everything they see but as we were not there we cannot honestly comment on the actions of that women as seen by someone merely observing in a busy area.

if i had seen someone do that, would i have said anything? probably not. does that make me a bad person? in some people's eyes, more than likely.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'm just interested in peoples opinions so as much as its true and happened in old market Bristol at around 11.30 this morning...it doesn't actually matter if you believe it to be true or not..

Your opinions and points of view are most likely going to be the same I'd imagine..?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Report it to the police they can find them on cctv.

best not to confront the girl as more often not the child gets more abuse later for it xx

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Of course we can, we are commenting on what the OP said he saw. If we can't honestly comment on what we might do if we had saw it, then we can't honestly comment that he may have been mistaken either.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

just as those who claim to have been the victim of someone being a time waster is writing from their experience. i see no difference in either type post, that's all i am saying.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple over a year ago

in Lancashire

"One event from a shit mother doesn't equate to modern parenting.

this..

and shit parents have been around since err a long time..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would like to know what the OP hopes to achieve from this post?

If it is agreement that violence towards a child is unacceptable then you know that we are all going to agree with you.

If it had been an old lady being roughly treated by being pushed into her wheelchair would you have intervened then?

Why does an assault on a child get seen as not our problem. Children are the least protected members of our society and yet the most vulnerable.

If you want to Do something about it- do.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/08/15 22:27:40]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I would like to know what the OP hopes to achieve from this post?

If it is agreement that violence towards a child is unacceptable then you know that we are all going to agree with you.

If it had been an old lady being roughly treated by being pushed into her wheelchair would you have intervened then?

Why does an assault on a child get seen as not our problem. Children are the least protected members of our society and yet the most vulnerable.

If you want to Do something about it- do."

I don't really need that pointing out obviously I'm just interested to know other people's opinions and whether they might possibly be the same as my own..or not

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I would like to know what the OP hopes to achieve from this post?

If it is agreement that violence towards a child is unacceptable then you know that we are all going to agree with you.

If it had been an old lady being roughly treated by being pushed into her wheelchair would you have intervened then?

Why does an assault on a child get seen as not our problem. Children are the least protected members of our society and yet the most vulnerable.

If you want to Do something about it- do.

I don't really need that pointing out obviously I'm just interested to know other people's opinions and whether they might possibly be the same as my own..or not"

So why post it then?

I don't understand?

If its to imply that modern parenting differs from "your day"- then no.

One personal example is not going to fly in the face of evidence- based research now is it?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/08/15 22:38:34]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'm not actually suggesting that all modern parents differ from as you say " in my day"..quite obviously.

However, research to suggest things havent changed?

I believe it's a forum..where points of views and opinions are viewed and exchanged..

everybody else seems happy enough.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

I don't really need that pointing out obviously I'm just interested to know other people's opinions and whether they might possibly be the same as my own..or not"

Don't worry about it, most of us got the question and what it was about

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Evil things happen when good men stand by and do nothing.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

just as those who claim to have been the victim of someone being a time waster is writing from their experience. i see no difference in either type post, that's all i am saying.

Sorry didn't notice you answered last night.

If the OP was about a spat he had had with someone I would have agreed with you.

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By *ensualtouch15Man over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

I think the op is being given un due stick?

His op had two points

One has violence towards children in public by bad mothers become worse ? A fair question which my opinion would be probably not , I'd agree his example is not evidence for or against the hypothesis ?

His second point however is fair and poignant and sadly has been trashed , how should we react when a vulnerable person is in your opinion being abused?

Sometimes I say something sometimes I do not

Sometimes I feel guilty for not saying something and sometimes I might feel guilty for saying something

Point here i feel , is NOT concerning the exact phrasing of the op's point or even the truth behind it . The fact is as always there are some horrendous public examples of poor parenting and don't think it a flippant or needless debate to have with regards to a socitable solution

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is what happens when kids have kids.

Most of them have only just learnt how to put a tampon in straight and then they start firing out sprogs for fun"

Excuse me but don't talk such a Mouthful of nonsense. Just because someone is a young mum doesn't mean they haven't a clue.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think the op is being given un due stick?

His op had two points

His second point however is fair and poignant and sadly has been trashed , how should we react when a vulnerable person is in your opinion being abused?

Sometimes I say something sometimes I do not

Sometimes I feel guilty for not saying something and sometimes I might feel guilty for saying something

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is what happens when kids have kids.

Most of them have only just learnt how to put a tampon in straight and then they start firing out sprogs for fun"

I was 23 when I had my oldest daughter - and single!

The first thing I did when I found out I was pregnant was completely stop drinking and having sex (I was a 'wild child') I then started eating extra fruit etc, and reading classics/listening to classical music - as I figured that the more intelligent I was - the more intelligent my child would be!

From the day she was born she was the focus of my young adult life - and she had my attention every waking minute! She's now 23, has 2 younger siblings, got a first class maths degree and is taking her taxation exams in an international accountancy firm!

Young parent does not equal crap parent!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think the op is being given un due stick?

His op had two points

His second point however is fair and poignant and sadly has been trashed , how should we react when a vulnerable person is in your opinion being abused?

Sometimes I say something sometimes I do not

Sometimes I feel guilty for not saying something and sometimes I might feel guilty for saying something

Agree with this also!

Also - if a parent is willing to behave this badly/threateningly to a child in public - what on earth are they doing behind closed doors - where the vast majority of abuse takes place?

For what it's worth though - I don't think the number of bad/abusive parents has increased!

I think the opposite - that the general standard of parenting (perhaps with the exception of effective discipline) has increased so much in the last couple of generations (children are now nurtured and valued rather than just clothed and fed!) that bad parents stand out far more than they used to! Xx

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