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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Many partners versus a few select partners and the likelihood of ever settling with "the one"
My question is, Do people who have lots of long term relationships ever settle down with 'the one'? And people that have only had a couple/few long term partners and been single for a long time, are they destined to not find " the one"?
Some people hop from one relationship to the next (like my sister). She always has a boyfriend and stays with them for a good couple years or so, but they always end. And then there's me, I've only had two relationships my whole life. The rest of the time Iv been single.
Obviously, everyonw has their own ideas of what true love is and some people don't even appear to be looking for it anyway. So are people who change partners more times than they change their underwear more likey to find 'the one'? And are people like me more likely never to find it?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was once told that by the 3 month period you know if your feelings for someone are likely to develop further or eventually fade. and that in fairness to the other person if it's the latter then that's ultimately the time you should call it off ...
Some hang onto the threads of hope or settle with caring deeply for someone knowing they're not in love but thinking the other person loves them.
Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.
In real life true reciprocated love is much harder to find...
I'm a romantic not a cynic. x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Many partners versus a few select partners and the likelihood of ever settling with "the one"
My question is, Do people who have lots of long term relationships ever settle down with 'the one'? And people that have only had a couple/few long term partners and been single for a long time, are they destined to not find " the one"?
Some people hop from one relationship to the next (like my sister). She always has a boyfriend and stays with them for a good couple years or so, but they always end. And then there's me, I've only had two relationships my whole life. The rest of the time Iv been single.
Obviously, everyonw has their own ideas of what true love is and some people don't even appear to be looking for it anyway. So are people who change partners more times than they change their underwear more likey to find 'the one'? And are people like me more likely never to find it?
"
I've got several long term relationships, I've no desire to pick one of them to be monogamous with. I don't find monogamy works for me, so I'm happy how I am.
I've not found 'the one'. I've found both of 'the ones'. I'm very lucky. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
I think we have unrealistic expectations of a) wanting "the one" and b) what "the one" can give us.
Some people don't like being on their own and feel a better sense of fulfillment when with someone. If they can move on without acrimony and baggage then good for them.
I'm terminally single. I'm neither the sort of person any one considers "the one" nor am I yet capable of committing enough to allow someone to use my bathroom 24/7.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had a few long term monogamous relationships, but when they ended I didn't feel the urge to be in another one. I was quite happy being single. Then, without wanting it or looking for it, I bumped into someone and thought, ooo hello 
I'm more one for connection rather than love, but saying I connect deeply with you doesn't have the same ring to it!
So, to finally answer your question; I think if you're actively looking then you have a set idea of what (or who) it is you're looking for, whereas if you're not, you're more open to having a 'ooo hello' moment.
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I'm on my sixth ltr in 33 years not including jay adding my other ltr up it comes to roughly 15 years so half my adult life I've been single and half in a relationship.
First one I believed I loved him although he was a bastard, but knew it wouldn't be "the one" as I had no intention of being someone's third wife.
Next was the one I married but still never really saw me growing old with him
3,4,5th all lasted 18 months, they where fine just happened and just really fizzled out, never really thought anything was going to come of any of them.
Sixth one, jay, never loved anyone like it, cannot imagine anything splitting us up apart from death. So yes I've now found "the one". Tenth anniversary next year
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm on my sixth ltr in 33 years not including jay adding my other ltr up it comes to roughly 15 years so half my adult life I've been single and half in a relationship.
First one I believed I loved him although he was a bastard, but knew it wouldn't be "the one" as I had no intention of being someone's third wife.
Next was the one I married but still never really saw me growing old with him
3,4,5th all lasted 18 months, they where fine just happened and just really fizzled out, never really thought anything was going to come of any of them.
Sixth one, jay, never loved anyone like it, cannot imagine anything splitting us up apart from death. So yes I've now found "the one". Tenth anniversary next year
"
That's really lovely  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've had a few long term monogamous relationships, but when they ended I didn't feel the urge to be in another one. I was quite happy being single. Then, without wanting it or looking for it, I bumped into someone and thought, ooo hello
I'm more one for connection rather than love, but saying I connect deeply with you doesn't have the same ring to it!
So, to finally answer your question; I think if you're actively looking then you have a set idea of what (or who) it is you're looking for, whereas if you're not, you're more open to having a 'ooo hello' moment.
"
My sister actively looked, Went on loads of dates, she didn't connect or fancy any of them though, then she met her recent one (been a year) on a social group to the cinema, but he is nothing like her "type" (her words, not mine) |
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"I think if you're actively looking then you have a set idea of what (or who) it is you're looking for, whereas if you're not, you're more open to having a 'ooo hello' moment.
"
I reckon you've hit the nail on the head here.
I've never had a type and had several short term relationships before meeting my first husband. Things didn't work out for many reasons but we remain friends.
Cal and I met through a mutual friend, neither of us was looking for a long term relationship. We moved from friendship to sex, soon realised we had met "the one" and the rest is history  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think if you're actively looking then you have a set idea of what (or who) it is you're looking for, whereas if you're not, you're more open to having a 'ooo hello' moment.
I reckon you've hit the nail on the head here.
I've never had a type and had several short term relationships before meeting my first husband. Things didn't work out for many reasons but we remain friends.
Cal and I met through a mutual friend, neither of us was looking for a long term relationship. We moved from friendship to sex, soon realised we had met "the one" and the rest is history "
I'm not looking for anything other than sex right now, but totally agree too |
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"I was once told that by the 3 month period you know if your feelings for someone are likely to develop further or eventually fade. and that in fairness to the other person if it's the latter then that's ultimately the time you should call it off ...
Some hang onto the threads of hope or settle with caring deeply for someone knowing they're not in love but thinking the other person loves them.
Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.
In real life true reciprocated love is much harder to find...
I'm a romantic not a cynic. x
"
My sister had a three month rule. It got to the point I asked her not to bring them round as my kids were confused by Aunty's new friends and although my husband never said a word I was embarrassed.
Only really had one relationship with my husband until I met Ben 21 months ago on here. I wasn't looking for a relationship even though I'd been alone for ten years.
I'd got used to my own company and still find it hard sharing my space and struggle with "our" and "we"...Ben doesn't. |
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I was mostly single till I was about 24, met a guy, got married, that didn't last long, then had a 4 year relationship, then another 4 year one with the guy who's the father to my son.
Since I split with him ive not been looking at all. He's put me off relationships for life! Clearly that didn't work both ways as in 3 years he's had 3 relationships and 2 of those have been pregnant!
I think now it's because I have my son, don't really get much free time with him and work and so don't feel im in a position to date people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm on my sixth ltr in 33 years not including jay adding my other ltr up it comes to roughly 15 years so half my adult life I've been single and half in a relationship.
First one I believed I loved him although he was a bastard, but knew it wouldn't be "the one" as I had no intention of being someone's third wife.
Next was the one I married but still never really saw me growing old with him
3,4,5th all lasted 18 months, they where fine just happened and just really fizzled out, never really thought anything was going to come of any of them.
Sixth one, jay, never loved anyone like it, cannot imagine anything splitting us up apart from death. So yes I've now found "the one". Tenth anniversary next year
"
Congratulations x |
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"Many partners versus a few select partners and the likelihood of ever settling with "the one"
My question is, Do people who have lots of long term relationships ever settle down with 'the one'? And people that have only had a couple/few long term partners and been single for a long time, are they destined to not find " the one"?
Some people hop from one relationship to the next (like my sister). She always has a boyfriend and stays with them for a good couple years or so, but they always end. And then there's me, I've only had two relationships my whole life. The rest of the time Iv been single.
Obviously, everyonw has their own ideas of what true love is and some people don't even appear to be looking for it anyway. So are people who change partners more times than they change their underwear more likey to find 'the one'? And are people like me more likely never to find it?
I've got several long term relationships, I've no desire to pick one of them to be monogamous with. I don't find monogamy works for me, so I'm happy how I am.
I've not found 'the one'. I've found both of 'the ones'. I'm very lucky."
You are indeed! |
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I think some people just don't like being alone so they quite happily hop from one relationship to another. I've never been that kind of person so find it hard to get my head around it but it seems some people just don't like being on their own. I'm quite happy being in my own company so can go very long periods without being with anyone.
I do sometimes wonder if I'll ever meet that special person. Maybe I'm too fussy. Maybe it's never meant to be but I'll never stop looking or hoping.
I'd like to find 'the one' but don't want to go through the shit of a lot of pointless relationships to get there  |
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"I think some people just don't like being alone so they quite happily hop from one relationship to another. I've never been that kind of person so find it hard to get my head around it but it seems some people just don't like being on their own. I'm quite happy being in my own company so can go very long periods without being with anyone.
I do sometimes wonder if I'll ever meet that special person. Maybe I'm too fussy. Maybe it's never meant to be but I'll never stop looking or hoping.
I'd like to find 'the one' but don't want to go through the shit of a lot of pointless relationships to get there "
I know so many people who are always in a relationship. They just don't know how to be single.
I've spent the majority of my life single, I'm happy single. I would love to find someone who fits in with what I already have and enhances it. I'm not willing to settle for anyone, and give up things, just so that I can conform and be in a relationship. |
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"
I'd like to find 'the one' but don't want to go through the shit of a lot of pointless relationships to get there "
I don't believe any relationship I've had has been pointless. If I love them and they love me then I think it is worth running with it to see where it leads, there are always precious memories. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When i was younger i often had many relationships at once, none of them lasted long and i wasn't even bothered because i had other relationships to fall back on, as well as friends, and everything was casual and i liked that.
Then i progressed to proper relationships, had a couple of those, with flings chucked in too, then went back to being single coz my priorities changed and i had kids to focus on.
I suppose it depends what you want from life and what you prioritise, because that can change over time for some people, others remain stagnant and like the stability that brings them.
I'm sure anyone can find an exclusive yet satisfying relationship when they're ready to have one. I've been in love before and stayed with him for 11 years, fell out of love eventually, stayed single for a while and in love again right now. All love means (when it comes to relationships) for me is willingness to compromise because it's worth it, enjoying their company, and being attracted to someone sexually. Pretty simple traits so i find love easily. Some people will be more attractive, personality wise, and those people i would be sad to lose.
I don't think there's only 'the one' out there but obviously some people are gonna be more of your whole package than others, in different ways.
I reckon people who can't cope with being single will struggle to find love more than those who can because they'll latch onto the first person they find suitable instead of waiting for something better to come along. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think some people just don't like being alone so they quite happily hop from one relationship to another. I've never been that kind of person so find it hard to get my head around it but it seems some people just don't like being on their own. I'm quite happy being in my own company so can go very long periods without being with anyone.
I do sometimes wonder if I'll ever meet that special person. Maybe I'm too fussy. Maybe it's never meant to be but I'll never stop looking or hoping.
I'd like to find 'the one' but don't want to go through the shit of a lot of pointless relationships to get there
I know so many people who are always in a relationship. They just don't know how to be single.
I've spent the majority of my life single, I'm happy single. I would love to find someone who fits in with what I already have and enhances it. I'm not willing to settle for anyone, and give up things, just so that I can conform and be in a relationship."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I'd like to find 'the one' but don't want to go through the shit of a lot of pointless relationships to get there
I don't believe any relationship I've had has been pointless. If I love them and they love me then I think it is worth running with it to see where it leads, there are always precious memories. "
I have a far lower bar. Just "am I enjoying this?" If I am then we carry on. If I'm not, then we stop. No pressure for feelings. |
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