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Public service information for the chaps...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Chaps,
When a woman is mad, simply tell her that she's overreacting.
She'll realise you're right and calm right down straight away.
Here to help, no need to thank me.
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Call her dear and suggest that she calm down and that it's probably the time of the month - we women love to hear that and will immediately see that you're right and make you a bacon sandwich and give you a bowie while you eat it.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When a woman says she's 'fine' she really means it  "
All these comments are perfectly right .
If a women says nothing's wrong she is usually right ,
Best thing to do is just go to the pub, fishing on bike till they apologize for upsetting you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Call her dear and suggest that she calm down and that it's probably the time of the month - we women love to hear that and will immediately see that you're right and make you a bacon sandwich and give you a bowie while you eat it. "
pat her head at the same time , don't forget that .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Call her dear and suggest that she calm down and that it's probably the time of the month - we women love to hear that and will immediately see that you're right and make you a bacon sandwich and give you a bow while you eat it. "
And hit you over the head with the frying pan as you bend down to take a bite.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Call her dear and suggest that she calm down and that it's probably the time of the month - we women love to hear that and will immediately see that you're right and make you a bacon sandwich and give you a bow while you eat it.
And hit you over the head with the frying pan as you bend down to take a bite. "
Babes as you are having your period, it's ok don't worry , make me a bacon sarnie , give me a bj and you will feel much better xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Call her dear and suggest that she calm down and that it's probably the time of the month - we women love to hear that and will immediately see that you're right and make you a bacon sandwich and give you a bow while you eat it.
And hit you over the head with the frying pan as you bend down to take a bite.
Babes as you are having your period, it's ok don't worry , make me a bacon sarnie , give me a bj and you will feel much better xx"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Call her dear and suggest that she calm down and that it's probably the time of the month - we women love to hear that and will immediately see that you're right and make you a bacon sandwich and give you a bowie while you eat it. "
At the risk of losing a few man points, I don't like bacon....
Shhhhh don't tell everyone.  |
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"Call her dear and suggest that she calm down and that it's probably the time of the month - we women love to hear that and will immediately see that you're right and make you a bacon sandwich and give you a bow while you eat it.
And hit you over the head with the frying pan as you bend down to take a bite. "
Why would I waste the energy - my frying pan is cast iron and very heavy! After all, he's willingly going to put his most prized part into my mouth.
Which has teeth! |
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The other evening, while lounging in front of the TV with a well earned beer, I observed the little woman looking rather drab and glum while pushing the vacuum cleaner around my armchair.
To raise her spirits, next day I bought her a new belt and a new bag. ...
The vacuum cleaner works much better now.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Chaps,
When a woman is mad, simply....
Eh?
"When"?
Don't they just veer from kooky-mad to angry-mad? You mean there is some El Dorado of normality on occasion?
{prepares to duck}
Mr ddc"
Good question, I bow to your greater experience.......
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The other evening, while lounging in front of the TV with a well earned beer, I observed the little woman looking rather drab and glum while pushing the vacuum cleaner around my armchair.
To raise her spirits, next day I bought her a new belt and a new bag. ...
The vacuum cleaner works much better now.
"
Wow, you're a keeper. Hope she realises how lucky she is to have you. |
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Well, you know every now and then as I'm filling the car with fuel and I buy the flowers on sale as they're about to go out of date.
She receives them in silence but as I've taken care to rip the Price tag off, we both know how much the gesture is appreciated |
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Guys, if your beloved wants you to go somewhere girly that you don't fancy - be it a flea market, or a soppy film, or her parents' 40th wedding anniversary - avoid upsetting her by utilising this simple line:
"I don't fancy it. Why don't you go and tell me what it was like when you get back?"
This will prove a double win. Not only will she appreciate your manly honesty in admitting that the things she likes hold no interest for you, but your willingness to hear her blather on about them anyway demonstrates that you are a good listener, which all women love.
(Damn, we should put these in a book.) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Call her dear and suggest that she calm down and that it's probably the time of the month - we women love to hear that and will immediately see that you're right and make you a bacon sandwich and give you a bow while you eat it.
And hit you over the head with the frying pan as you bend down to take a bite.
Babes as you are having your period, it's ok don't worry , make me a bacon sarnie , give me a bj and you will feel much better xx"
No no! Suggest Anal, much better idea |
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"also when you ask a woman what's wrong and she says "nothing" there truly is nothing at all wrong, whatsoever  "
so very true..
the 'nothing' reply is the oldest trick in the book, if you say 'oh ok then' and carry on doing whatever your not caring enough..
or if you question whether the 'nothing' needs further enquiries just to make double double sure your deemed to be not listening and don't care enough..
happy days |
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"also when you ask a woman what's wrong and she says "nothing" there truly is nothing at all wrong, whatsoever "
Come now, you KNOW that's not true, they hate being the centre of attention, so if one ever senses something isn't quite right, never ask them what's wrong, simply say "you seem a little down, would a suck on this cheer you up" while dropping your keks.
Always raises a smile, guaranteed.
Oh and Mr Markoh, I said 'duck' not 'bow'. You'll find the extra speed a life-saver... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"also when you ask a woman what's wrong and she says "nothing" there truly is nothing at all wrong, whatsoever
Come now, you KNOW that's not true, they hate being the centre of attention, so if one ever senses something isn't quite right, never ask them what's wrong, simply say "you seem a little down, would a suck on this cheer you up" while dropping your keks.
Always raises a smile, guaranteed.
Oh and Mr Markoh, I said 'duck' not 'bow'. You'll find the extra speed a life-saver... "
Noted..... Thanks for the tip.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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When out shopping with the little lady and she tries on a ridiculously expensive new frock, she will inevitably ask if you like it.
If you want to avoid the unseemly kerfuffle over the price tag try one of these replies;
"Yes it looks really (pause. pasue some more) comfortable......."
Or
"It's lovely, my favourite aunt has one just like it".
The frock will return to the rail sharpish. |
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"also when you ask a woman what's wrong and she says "nothing" there truly is nothing at all wrong, whatsoever
Also noted......."
Also if she has cooked for hours for guests it's often a great idea to point out any little flaws in the meal in front of the guests. It's an ideal opportunity for her to learn and she'll be eternally grateful to you. While you're at it mention anything about the outfit she's chosen that you don't like too.....we women appreciate any chance to improve |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Chaps,
When a woman is mad, simply tell her that she's overreacting.
She'll realise you're right and calm right down straight away.
Here to help, no need to thank me.
"
I think you'll find all women know men are always right anyway
*runs and gets tin hat* |
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"When out shopping with the little lady and she tries on a ridiculously expensive new frock, she will inevitably ask if you like it.
If you want to avoid the unseemly kerfuffle over the price tag try one of these replies;
"Yes it looks really (pause. pasue some more) comfortable......."
Or
"It's lovely, my favourite aunt has one just like it".
The frock will return to the rail sharpish."
I like this idea because I really appreciate a man guiding me with regard to how I spend my own hard earned money. Where would we be without you |
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"Chaps,
When a woman is mad, simply tell her that she's overreacting.
She'll realise you're right and calm right down straight away.
Here to help, no need to thank me.
I think you'll find all women know men are always right anyway
*runs and gets tin hat*"
We do. Its so reassuring |
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"When out shopping with the little lady and she tries on a ridiculously expensive new frock, she will inevitably ask if you like it.
If you want to avoid the unseemly kerfuffle over the price tag try one of these replies;
"Yes it looks really (pause. pasue some more) comfortable......."
Or
"It's lovely, my favourite aunt has one just like it".
."
Yes
They certainly work better than "What, with your bum?"
(Picture that smiley with one black eye for a more accurate record of the conversation) |
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"also when you ask a woman what's wrong and she says "nothing" there truly is nothing at all wrong, whatsoever
Come now, you KNOW that's not true, they hate being the centre of attention, so if one ever senses something isn't quite right, never ask them what's wrong, simply say "you seem a little down, would a suck on this cheer you up" while dropping your keks.
Always raises a smile, guaranteed.
Oh and Mr Markoh, I said 'duck' not 'bow'. You'll find the extra speed a life-saver... "
Yes. You men are selfless in your quest to keep us girlies happy |
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Gentlemen,
When you glance from your paper and notice your wifey has tired eyes from crying and red dish pan hands, put down your paper and call her to you. Tell her she may rest from the dishes and plump your cushions.
The moments rest will dry her hands and you will be more comfortable reading your paper.
She'll return to the dishes refreshed and respect you for it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"When out shopping with the little lady and she tries on a ridiculously expensive new frock, she will inevitably ask if you like it.
If you want to avoid the unseemly kerfuffle over the price tag try one of these replies;
"Yes it looks really (pause. pasue some more) comfortable......."
Or
"It's lovely, my favourite aunt has one just like it".
.
Yes
They certainly work better than "What, with your bum?"
(Picture that smiley with one black eye for a more accurate record of the conversation)"
An acceptable response is "Yes my dear it fits like a glove."
Never let her hear you say "five bulges"
One black eye is likely to become two...... |
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What to do if your wife asks about her weight...?
In this most precarious of situations... it is best to be prepared, so make sure you pre-order the bacon slicer you will want to give her when she asks a related question.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What to do if your wife asks about her weight...?
In this most precarious of situations... it is best to be prepared, so make sure you pre-order the bacon slicer you will want to give her when she asks a related question.
"
Tell her she is fat if she is fat and skinny if skinny
She will be cross but will respect you for being honest
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"When out shopping with the little lady and she tries on a ridiculously expensive new frock, she will inevitably ask if you like it.
If you want to avoid the unseemly kerfuffle over the price tag try one of these replies;
"Yes it looks really (pause. pasue some more) comfortable......."
Or
"It's lovely, my favourite aunt has one just like it".
.
Yes
They certainly work better than "What, with your bum?"
(Picture that smiley with one black eye for a more accurate record of the conversation)
An acceptable response is "Yes my dear it fits like a glove."
Never let her hear you say "five bulges"
One black eye is likely to become two...... "
Men do not go shopping with the women and children . If they do make a time to meet later and go find a gadget shop to go in and leave her to it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Gentlemen,
When you glance from your paper and notice your wifey has tired eyes from crying and red dish pan hands, put down your paper and call her to you. Tell her she may rest from the dishes and plump your cushions.
The moments rest will dry her hands and you will be more comfortable reading your paper.
She'll return to the dishes refreshed and respect you for it "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Gentlemen,
When you glance from your paper and notice your wifey has tired eyes from crying and red dish pan hands, put down your paper and call her to you. Tell her she may rest from the dishes and plump your cushions.
The moments rest will dry her hands and you will be more comfortable reading your paper.
She'll return to the dishes refreshed and respect you for it "
|
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|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"When out shopping with the little lady and she tries on a ridiculously expensive new frock, she will inevitably ask if you like it.
If you want to avoid the unseemly kerfuffle over the price tag try one of these replies;
"Yes it looks really (pause. pasue some more) comfortable......."
Or
"It's lovely, my favourite aunt has one just like it".
.
Yes
They certainly work better than "What, with your bum?"
(Picture that smiley with one black eye for a more accurate record of the conversation)
An acceptable response is "Yes my dear it fits like a glove."
Never let her hear you say "five bulges"
One black eye is likely to become two......
Men do not go shopping with the women and children . If they do make a time to meet later and go find a gadget shop to go in and leave her to it "
If you are falsely led into a shopping expedition for a new frock, upon leaving the first shop tell her you have a surprise planned.
Blindfold her, spin her round in circles, then when disorientated lead her back into the same shop and remove the blindfold, where she will most likely purchase the first frock she tried on.
This will save you both hours of frustration and dissapointment, allowing you more time for "romantic" overtures when you get home.
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When you say you will go shopping with a woman make sure its via weather spoons of such establishment then she will insist you go in there to watch the sport as long as you leave her with your credit card |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When you say you will go shopping with a woman make sure its via weather spoons of such establishment then she will insist you go in there to watch the sport as long as you leave her with your credit card "
Exactly because whatever they spend from the family money you can spend on drink or fishing or whatever it's only fair |
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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago
hertfordshire |
"Call her dear and suggest that she calm down and that it's probably the time of the month - we women love to hear that and will immediately see that you're right and make you a bacon sandwich and give you a bowie while you eat it.
pat her head at the same time , don't forget that .
my hubby does that annoys me like mad
"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Call her dear and suggest that she calm down and that it's probably the time of the month - we women love to hear that and will immediately see that you're right and make you a bacon sandwich and give you a bowie while you eat it.
pat her head at the same time , don't forget that .
my hubby does that annoys me like mad
"
I think you're overeacting. Refer yourself back to the first post.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Call her dear and suggest that she calm down and that it's probably the time of the month - we women love to hear that and will immediately see that you're right and make you a bacon sandwich and give you a bowie while you eat it.
pat her head at the same time , don't forget that .
my hubby does that annoys me like mad
"
Poor thing are you on your period . Let me par you on the head that will calm you down x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"youve obviously never lived with a women.if you except women are never wrong on the other hand then youll have a great time "
Women have no respect for door mats |
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