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sex with other men
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By *olcpl77 OP Couple
over a year ago
halstead |
Kel and me had this talk last night and want other people's views on it, I love kel to bits, kel loves sex and has a higher sex drive then me so wants more sex which we don't seem to have the time. She loves being teased and the build up as well as having fun with other men but it always me she wants at the end. I get turned on by her being happy, she finds it hard to relax and let herself go as she is always worried about me and what I'm thinking. I've said to her with us it's passionate but if it's just sex she wants to fuck other guys. Is this normal? Kel c it as I don't want to have sex with her and I'm allowing other guys to so I don't have to, which isn't the case I just want her to b happy relaxed and enjoy life, she also c it as cheating and can't get her head round it. She's also worried I'll do the same |
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I am serious in my reply.
She clearly does not want other men.
It's you she wants. Give her more attention.
Keep it between you two.
There are ways of giving your partner sexual pleasure despite your lower drive.
I have a sneaking suspicion that your 'solution' is for your fun not hers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How can it be cheating if you know about it? Swinging is about wife sharing I think.-
Wife sharing ?? What century are you in this morning Shag ?"
He is a Viking! His idea of wife swapping is turning up on a beach like Scarborough and pinching all the good looking wenches and taking them home for a long scandic holiday. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am serious in my reply.
She clearly does not want other men.
It's you she wants. Give her more attention.
Keep it between you two.
There are ways of giving your partner sexual pleasure despite your lower drive.
I have a sneaking suspicion that your 'solution' is for your fun not hers. "
I agree with this. It doesn't sound like this is something she really wants. It's your relationship so you should probably discuss this together a lot more, but from what you have said, she isn't really interested in swinging. Otherwise she wouldn't see it as cheating, etc. Just my thoughts.
-Courtney |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am serious in my reply.
She clearly does not want other men.
It's you she wants. Give her more attention.
Keep it between you two.
There are ways of giving your partner sexual pleasure despite your lower drive.
I have a sneaking suspicion that your 'solution' is for your fun not hers. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How can it be cheating if you know about it? Swinging is about wife sharing I think.-
Wife sharing ?? What century are you in this morning Shag ?He is a Viking! His idea of wife swapping is turning up on a beach like Scarborough and pinching all the good looking wenches and taking them home for a long scandic holiday."
Thats right I am a viking, yeah you summed it up good there lol. |
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By *olcpl77 OP Couple
over a year ago
halstead |
It's kel here, I do enjoy fab and what we do, think some of it is know one as of yet has satisfied me like Dan does so I come away felling dissatisfied and wanting Dan which is where the problem is and what he can't understand. Tried talking to him but he can't c anything wrong. Think it doesn't help that I came out of a controling relationship and was cheated on as well as being accused of cheating. I know a lot of my past is affecting me and I've got low self esstem and lack confidence which doesn't help, which is y I c it like that. |
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By *olcpl77 OP Couple
over a year ago
halstead |
It's kel, I'll word dan message another way, is it normal for a man to allow his partner to go off and have sex with others to satisfy her needs and to keep her happy, which makes him happy and turns him on more because she is happy |
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"It's kel here, I do enjoy fab and what we do, think some of it is know one as of yet has satisfied me like Dan does so I come away felling dissatisfied and wanting Dan which is where the problem is and what he can't understand. Tried talking to him but he can't c anything wrong. Think it doesn't help that I came out of a controling relationship and was cheated on as well as being accused of cheating. I know a lot of my past is affecting me and I've got low self esstem and lack confidence which doesn't help, which is y I c it like that."
1. Get help to sort your low self esteem. ( incidentally there is only so long you can blame others for your low self esteem ) Find out the REAL reasons and being to change.
2. Build a rollicking , dirty , enjoyable sex life with a partner you love and trust.
3. Give up swinging until 1 and 2 are sorted.
Adding extra partners and doing the bidding of others for others won't fix anything that is holding you back as a person.
It's time for YOU time. If that is kel writing. |
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"It's kel, I'll word dan message another way, is it normal for a man to allow his partner to go off and have sex with others to satisfy her needs and to keep her happy, which makes him happy and turns him on more because she is happy"
There is no normal. Only more common or less common |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am serious in my reply.
She clearly does not want other men.
It's you she wants. Give her more attention.
Keep it between you two.
There are ways of giving your partner sexual pleasure despite your lower drive.
I have a sneaking suspicion that your 'solution' is for your fun not hers. "
Yup. |
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"It's kel, I'll word dan message another way, is it normal for a man to allow his partner to go off and have sex with others to satisfy her needs and to keep her happy, which makes him happy and turns him on more because she is happy"
No one can answer yes or no to this.
We don't know what really lies behind your relationship or Dan's low sex drive.
In a healthy fullfilling relationship what people agree on is 'normal' for them. It's acceptable. Especially if it works.
In a relationship that has poor underpinning..... hmmmmm don't go there.
Dan.... have you sought advice about YOU and your low sex drive? Or is all the fault laid at Kel's door ?
Do you actually have a low sex drive or does something else stop you having sex or encouraging your g/f to fuck others?
We don't know. We don't need to know but these are things you should ask yourself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's kel, I'll word dan message another way, is it normal for a man to allow his partner to go off and have sex with others to satisfy her needs and to keep her happy, which makes him happy and turns him on more because she is happy"
As long as all parties are happy with the outcome, it shouldn't be an issue. Maybe if Dan is there with you, supporting you, would that alleviate some of your misgivings? |
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By *olcpl77 OP Couple
over a year ago
halstead |
Dans not so much got a low sex drive it's more the build up, think we have sex once a week. Dan is always with me when we play, think his enjoying it, he tells me he is. I enjoy what we do, just have trouble relaxing at times, to scared to let myself go fully, it's the half part, I start worries about what dans thinking ect even when he says his fine |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Kel and me had this talk last night and want other people's views on it, I love kel to bits, kel loves sex and has a higher sex drive then me so wants more sex which we don't seem to have the time. She loves being teased and the build up as well as having fun with other men but it always me she wants at the end. I get turned on by her being happy, she finds it hard to relax and let herself go as she is always worried about me and what I'm thinking. I've said to her with us it's passionate but if it's just sex she wants to fuck other guys. Is this normal? Kel c it as I don't want to have sex with her and I'm allowing other guys to so I don't have to, which isn't the case I just want her to b happy relaxed and enjoy life, she also c it as cheating and can't get her head round it. She's also worried I'll do the same"
It's good to talk about insecurities before you start swinging. My hubby and I have some different sexual preferences and there are times when I have a very high sex drive so we find swining is working very well for us. We always have some very loving, private moments at a swinging meet as well as lots of raunchy fun with other people. We have a rule - if either is unhappy we say so and play stops/changes as needed. Since we started swinging we have had better sex life at home and away and any jealousy or insecurity issues have been talked through - this has brought us closer together and has strengthened what was already a strong bond between us. Hope you have as positive experience as us. m x  |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
You're asking people to perform pop psychology on a relationship and a sexual hangup that only you two can sort out with open chats. You know why you are, he knows how he is, have a chat, if you enjoy what you do then carry on with it but this is too complicated (it sounds) due to insecurity. |
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Granny is talking absolute sense. Swinging is portrayed by some people as something that one should be encouraged to do if one partner enjoys it, this is not so it isn't for everyone and can in time wreck a relationship of one of you is doing it reluctantly.
Address the issues Granny has highlighted. Build a strong relationship in which you are both confident in yourselves then think about introducing other men. |
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Been swinging many years swinging makes or brakes your marriage if you think about it,s because you think there is something
Missing by swinging you don,t go behind each other which most of our friends have done.
None are as happy as what we are and people we have met have all been nice people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's kel, I'll word dan message another way, is it normal for a man to allow his partner to go off and have sex with others to satisfy her needs and to keep her happy, which makes him happy and turns him on more because she is happy"
Define normal 
Do what makes YOU happy as a COUPLE
Stop worrying about what is perceived as normal
And be happy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You two must be very very close as you both construct your sentences the same way, Even down to typing See as in C..
True togetherness at its best
Gimp
Mr Gimp! What are you suggesting?  "
Moi? 
Just making an observation how a loving Couple can think and act as one 
Gimp |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's kel here, I do enjoy fab and what we do, think some of it is know one as of yet has satisfied me like Dan does so I come away felling dissatisfied and wanting Dan which is where the problem is and what he can't understand. Tried talking to him but he can't c anything wrong. Think it doesn't help that I came out of a controling relationship and was cheated on as well as being accused of cheating. I know a lot of my past is affecting me and I've got low self esstem and lack confidence which doesn't help, which is y I c it like that."
I'm similar to that. Although differences are i enjoy fucking the guys i fuck and don't have confidence issues, i do still want my boyfriend over anyone else coz i like him best and tbh i wouldn't even be on here looking for sex if i saw him more (cam sex doesn't do it for me at all, not even with him).
You're not cheating on your fella firstly, he has given you permission to do this, take your time to get this into your head and take the time to build up something that gives you an element of trust that feels right for you.
Secondly, the wanting your fella more is natural, especially if he satisfies you more than anyone else. If sex with others is leaving you unfulfilled then doing this stuff might not be right for you and your relationship anyway.
Not sure how you get your fella to understand this though. |
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