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Sexless marriage
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By *rtemisia OP Woman
over a year ago
Norwich |
"I imagine there's plenty of sexless marriages.
People will stay together for their kids, for financial reasons and just get the sex elsewhere."
It's what that sex elsewhere is like that troubles me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I imagine there's plenty of sexless marriages.
People will stay together for their kids, for financial reasons and just get the sex elsewhere."
and some just stay for the great sex as all the other things are shit |
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"Sounds terrible.
On the marriage.
Or the sexless bit.
Pass.
Hello Joe 
Hola!
Read anything good lately?"
No but I did buy a copy of Heroditus and a folio edition of the Rise and Fall of the House Medici in a charity shop yesterday |
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By *rtemisia OP Woman
over a year ago
Norwich |
"Sounds terrible.
On the marriage.
Or the sexless bit.
Pass.
Hello Joe
Hola!
Read anything good lately?
No but I did buy a copy of Heroditus and a folio edition of the Rise and Fall of the House Medici in a charity shop yesterday"
Herodotus is fascinating to read! Very early historian relaying some truly bonkers stories. He featured in The English Patient didn't he? Good book that is too. |
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"Sounds terrible.
On the marriage.
Or the sexless bit.
Pass.
Hello Joe
Hola!
Read anything good lately?
No but I did buy a copy of Heroditus and a folio edition of the Rise and Fall of the House Medici in a charity shop yesterday
Herodotus is fascinating to read! Very early historian relaying some truly bonkers stories. He featured in The English Patient didn't he? Good book that is too. "
As well u kno, I'm an ancient historian by trade. I've got 19th cent. bound edition but this is a Penguin Classic with all the notes for lazy people in it. |
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By *rtemisia OP Woman
over a year ago
Norwich |
"Mmm... tell a lie; got a txt from a contact in London on Monday. Reads:
"Hey big balls! When are you coming to London next? I need my mind blowing!"
Which I read and was good "
I had a dream last night about a guy with huge balls sharing some grapes with Noel Edmonds at a zoo full of miniaturised animals. |
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"Mmm... tell a lie; got a txt from a contact in London on Monday. Reads:
"Hey big balls! When are you coming to London next? I need my mind blowing!"
Which I read and was good
I had a dream last night about a guy with huge balls sharing some grapes with Noel Edmonds at a zoo full of miniaturised animals. "
LMAO
What happened? |
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By *rtemisia OP Woman
over a year ago
Norwich |
"Sounds terrible.
On the marriage.
Or the sexless bit.
Pass.
Hello Joe
Hola!
Read anything good lately?
No but I did buy a copy of Heroditus and a folio edition of the Rise and Fall of the House Medici in a charity shop yesterday
Herodotus is fascinating to read! Very early historian relaying some truly bonkers stories. He featured in The English Patient didn't he? Good book that is too.
As well u kno, I'm an ancient historian by trade. I've got 19th cent. bound edition but this is a Penguin Classic with all the notes for lazy people in it. "
Bees. Isn't there a story about bees in Herodotus? |
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"Sounds terrible.
On the marriage.
Or the sexless bit.
Pass.
Hello Joe
Hola!
Read anything good lately?
No but I did buy a copy of Heroditus and a folio edition of the Rise and Fall of the House Medici in a charity shop yesterday
Herodotus is fascinating to read! Very early historian relaying some truly bonkers stories. He featured in The English Patient didn't he? Good book that is too.
As well u kno, I'm an ancient historian by trade. I've got 19th cent. bound edition but this is a Penguin Classic with all the notes for lazy people in it.
Bees. Isn't there a story about bees in Herodotus?"
Bees? Is that the one where he asserts they make gold, or is that Pliny? |
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By *rtemisia OP Woman
over a year ago
Norwich |
"Sounds terrible.
On the marriage.
Or the sexless bit.
Pass.
Hello Joe
Hola!
Read anything good lately?
No but I did buy a copy of Heroditus and a folio edition of the Rise and Fall of the House Medici in a charity shop yesterday
Herodotus is fascinating to read! Very early historian relaying some truly bonkers stories. He featured in The English Patient didn't he? Good book that is too.
As well u kno, I'm an ancient historian by trade. I've got 19th cent. bound edition but this is a Penguin Classic with all the notes for lazy people in it.
Bees. Isn't there a story about bees in Herodotus?
Bees? Is that the one where he asserts they make gold, or is that Pliny?"
Gold rings a bell. Haven't read it in ages and I've lost my little copy. How did we get onto this ? If it was an essay, we would crash and burn for not answering the question. Still, bees making gold is much more interesting than marriage. |
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"Sounds terrible.
On the marriage.
Or the sexless bit.
Pass.
Hello Joe
Hola!
Read anything good lately?
No but I did buy a copy of Heroditus and a folio edition of the Rise and Fall of the House Medici in a charity shop yesterday
Herodotus is fascinating to read! Very early historian relaying some truly bonkers stories. He featured in The English Patient didn't he? Good book that is too.
As well u kno, I'm an ancient historian by trade. I've got 19th cent. bound edition but this is a Penguin Classic with all the notes for lazy people in it.
Bees. Isn't there a story about bees in Herodotus?
Bees? Is that the one where he asserts they make gold, or is that Pliny?
Gold rings a bell. Haven't read it in ages and I've lost my little copy. How did we get onto this ? If it was an essay, we would crash and burn for not answering the question. Still, bees making gold is much more interesting than marriage."
Yes, down with marriage!
Boo!
Hiss!
:D |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sounds terrible.
On the marriage.
Or the sexless bit.
Pass.
Hello Joe
Hola!
Read anything good lately?
No but I did buy a copy of Heroditus and a folio edition of the Rise and Fall of the House Medici in a charity shop yesterday
Herodotus is fascinating to read! Very early historian relaying some truly bonkers stories. He featured in The English Patient didn't he? Good book that is too.
As well u kno, I'm an ancient historian by trade. I've got 19th cent. bound edition but this is a Penguin Classic with all the notes for lazy people in it.
Bees. Isn't there a story about bees in Herodotus?
Bees? Is that the one where he asserts they make gold, or is that Pliny?
Gold rings a bell. Haven't read it in ages and I've lost my little copy. How did we get onto this ? If it was an essay, we would crash and burn for not answering the question. Still, bees making gold is much more interesting than marriage.
Yes, down with marriage!
Boo!
Hiss!
:D"
yes fuck marriage  |
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I have read accounts of sexless marriages and almost always think that one partner is less happy about it than the other. I also have friends in such relationships and they aren't happy.
If the partner asking for it to be celibate wouldnt at least to take the other persons wishes into account and try to find a compromise for them both I would think illness and infirmity aside, that the relationship was a very unequal one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It can work, depends if everyone is happy with it.
My 15 year marriage is pretty much sexless, maybe twice a year, which doesn't do it for me!
I remained faithful for 14 years but after his refusal to do anything about it, I now get my sex elsewhere.
I would never leave as we have 4 children that need their mum and dad here everyday and he is my best friend and aside from the sex our relationship is brilliant, we have a blast!
So, I'm having myself a summer of fun to see if this lifestyle works for me and if it does I'll tell him this is what I need and see what he says.
(I have warned him this is what would end up happening and offered an open marriage, him to have other women to get his mojo back, threesomes etc but he didn't take me up on the offers!)
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By *ommando4Man
over a year ago
South Co. Dublin |
"It can work, depends if everyone is happy with it.
My 15 year marriage is pretty much sexless, maybe twice a year, which doesn't do it for me!
I remained faithful for 14 years but after his refusal to do anything about it, I now get my sex elsewhere.
I would never leave as we have 4 children that need their mum and dad here everyday and he is my best friend and aside from the sex our relationship is brilliant, we have a blast!
So, I'm having myself a summer of fun to see if this lifestyle works for me and if it does I'll tell him this is what I need and see what he says.
(I have warned him this is what would end up happening and offered an open marriage, him to have other women to get his mojo back, threesomes etc but he didn't take me up on the offers!)
"
Sounds exactly like my situation only no sex at all for past 10 years. |
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"Marriage with out sex is like a day with out wine or sun"
For you I accept that and for others.
It's a little thoughtless to say that is so about everyone's sexless marriage.
There is one hell of a lot more to relationships than sex and if there isn't then it's not really a loving relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Marriage with out sex is like a day with out wine or sun
For you I accept that and for others.
It's a little thoughtless to say that is so about everyone's sexless marriage.
There is one hell of a lot more to relationships than sex and if there isn't then it's not really a loving relationship."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I imagine there's plenty of sexless marriages.
People will stay together for their kids, for financial reasons and just get the sex elsewhere.
It's what that sex elsewhere is like that troubles me."
Apparently it is excellent in a Malvern.... |
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By *P2903Couple
over a year ago
Rotherham |
"Bees. Isn't there a story about bees in Herodotus?
Bees? Is that the one where he asserts they make gold, or is that Pliny?
Gold rings a bell. Haven't read it in ages and I've lost my little copy. How did we get onto this ? If it was an essay, we would crash and burn for not answering the question. Still, bees making gold is much more interesting than marriage."
Ants, not bees |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Of course it can, you don't fall in love with someone for sex, sure sex helps you become close and intimate but once the NRE wears off sex always becomes less frequent.
If you both agree up front to open the relationship sexualy then you have an outlet for sex while the relationship you have stays in tact. |
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"Can it work?
Yes, my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary in April & they haven't shared a bedroom for the last 30 years."
That doesn't mean they don't have sex.
It could just as easily mean that your mum doesn't want to sleep on a wet patch or sleeps more soundly alone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If, in a marriage, one party does not want, or cannot have sex, is it reasonable for them to expect their partner to go without sex?
Love and sex are two different things but the absence of either can have adverse physical and psychological effects.
|
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"If, in a marriage, one party does not want, or cannot have sex, is it reasonable for them to expect their partner to go without sex?
Love and sex are two different things but the absence of either can have adverse physical and psychological effects.
"
Yes I agree, we see the evidence on here often. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can it work?
Yes, my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary in April & they haven't shared a bedroom for the last 30 years.
That doesn't mean they don't have sex.
It could just as easily mean that your mum doesn't want to sleep on a wet patch or sleeps more soundly alone. "
I know my parents & I know they do not have sex & have not for a very, very long time.
Whether my dad got sex when he was younger somewhere else I have no idea but my mum- definitely not. She is from the Catholic school that sex is to procreate only & things like oral sex are a sin. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sex without love is as equally ridiculous as love without sex?"
??
Not sure on that one.
I certainly don't expect to be in love with everyone I have sex with.
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"If, in a marriage, one party does not want, or cannot have sex, is it reasonable for them to expect their partner to go without sex?
Love and sex are two different things but the absence of either can have adverse physical and psychological effects.
"
That is something that can only be resolved by the people in question.
When someone considers their need for sex is greater than their love or respect for their partners wishes then tney leave the relationship or cheat behind their back.
When someone considers their need for fidelity in the relationship is greater than their partners need for sex then again they have put their own needs first.
Now I wouldn't say they lack 'love' for each other as they know it but it doesn't seem to be a selfless love with both putting ideology and ideals above their partner.
It is possible though that commitment respect and love are so strong that being together over rides the need for physical release through sex. ( which is no more than a wank away really )
I'd say if you do respect and 'love' each other, are capable of wanking and enjoy a laugh and a cuddle and love of family then you're in for an enriched fulfilled life together.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sex without love is as equally ridiculous as love without sex?
Both are possible."
Of course you can have sex without love it happens a trillion times a day. The comment was to emphasis the nothingness of mechanical sex? |
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"Sex without love is as equally ridiculous as love without sex?
Both are possible.Of course you can have sex without love it happens a trillion times a day. The comment was to emphasis the nothingness of mechanical sex?"
I very much enjoy mechanical sex. If by mechanical you mean N.S.A and not sitting on the spin dryer. |
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"Sex without love is as equally ridiculous as love without sex?
Both are possible.Of course you can have sex without love it happens a trillion times a day. The comment was to emphasis the nothingness of mechanical sex?"
Yeah I think the comment was specific to marriage - i.e. why would you have sex with your spouse if you didn't love them?
But both are possible, a lot of people are just happy to make do. |
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By *andy_tomMan
over a year ago
wolverhampton |
Yes , find a fuck buddy , theres no reason you should go with out sex , and there are lots on here in the same situation , that will be more than happy to hook up with you for mutual fun , me being one of them , lol ,  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I am understanding 'mechanical' a bit better now.
I call it RoRo sex.
Roll on Roll off. "
And the view is romance is dead!
Of course recreational sex is or can be fun.........but you actually say that closeness and cerebral stimulation is somewhat better in terms of fulfilment?
I know I am kind of special and a trifle uncool but I cannot help it I am a romantic fool? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I imagine there's plenty of sexless marriages.
People will stay together for their kids, for financial reasons and just get the sex elsewhere."
This. Although I'm not sure I believe all who say they are in that position. No matter how much I might want it to be true x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd go as far as saying cuddles and human touch and chat do far more to keep you happy, sane and content than all the sex in the universe. "
I'd agree with this too. I'd give up sex to have consistent closeness |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" When someone considers their need for sex is greater than their love or respect for their partners wishes then tney leave the relationship or cheat behind their back.
When someone considers their need for fidelity in the relationship is greater than their partners need for sex then again they have put their own needs first.
"
A balanced view but I would submit that you can love and respect someone with whom you do not have sex. In the same way as you can have sex with someone you do not love and respect.
Having sex with others does not mean you have lost love and respect for your partner. |
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"I imagine there's plenty of sexless marriages.
People will stay together for their kids, for financial reasons and just get the sex elsewhere.
This. Although I'm not sure I believe all who say they are in that position. No matter how much I might want it to be true x"
And in most cases you probably know it before the wife does.  |
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"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I am understanding 'mechanical' a bit better now.
I call it RoRo sex.
Roll on Roll off. And the view is romance is dead!
Of course recreational sex is or can be fun.........but you actually say that closeness and cerebral stimulation is somewhat better in terms of fulfilment?
I know I am kind of special and a trifle uncool but I cannot help it I am a romantic fool?"
I didn't 'actually say' anything of the sort. |
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" When someone considers their need for sex is greater than their love or respect for their partners wishes then tney leave the relationship or cheat behind their back.
When someone considers their need for fidelity in the relationship is greater than their partners need for sex then again they have put their own needs first.
A balanced view but I would submit that you can love and respect someone with whom you do not have sex. In the same way as you can have sex with someone you do not love and respect.
Having sex with others does not mean you have lost love and respect for your partner. "
At no time did I say or even intimate that it did.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sexless marriage Can it work?"
it would work for me if I was married and the lady I loved had an accident which left her disabled or the extent of the injury meant no sex;
if it was my soul mate then yes; still looking, but one day |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That's a very somber detailed reply! Jesus haha.
There's plenty of reasons people can't have sex, being crippled isn't the only one. Hormones can mean people lose interest, the relationship could still be perfect though. As long as everyone is honest and open then anything can work, it's communication that is key.
"Sexless marriage Can it work?
it would work for me if I was married and the lady I loved had an accident which left her disabled or the extent of the injury meant no sex;
if it was my soul mate then yes; still looking, but one day"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I am understanding 'mechanical' a bit better now.
I call it RoRo sex.
Roll on Roll off. And the view is romance is dead!
Of course recreational sex is or can be fun.........but you actually say that closeness and cerebral stimulation is somewhat better in terms of fulfilment?
I know I am kind of special and a trifle uncool but I cannot help it I am a romantic fool?
I didn't 'actually say' anything of the sort. "
What did you say then? |
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"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I am understanding 'mechanical' a bit better now.
I call it RoRo sex.
Roll on Roll off. And the view is romance is dead!
Of course recreational sex is or can be fun.........but you actually say that closeness and cerebral stimulation is somewhat better in terms of fulfilment?
I know I am kind of special and a trifle uncool but I cannot help it I am a romantic fool?"
That would imply there is only one category of sexual fulfilment.
For a lot of people recreational sex is very fulfilling.
And the idea of what constitutes romance is also open to interpretation. |
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"That's a very somber detailed reply! Jesus haha.
There's plenty of reasons people can't have sex, being crippled isn't the only one. Hormones can mean people lose interest, the relationship could still be perfect though. As long as everyone is honest and open then anything can work, it's communication that is key.
Sexless marriage Can it work?
it would work for me if I was married and the lady I loved had an accident which left her disabled or the extent of the injury meant no sex;
if it was my soul mate then yes; still looking, but one day"
He said exactly the same thing you did he just used different words. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I've been in a sexless relationship (not through lack of trying on my part) and no it doesn't work.
A physical connection is vital.
I know it's hip to say "relationships are all about personality, finding each other attractive and sec isn't that important " are kidding themselves.
Personality and emotional connection are important, but sex and physicality are just as much a big part.
But that's just my opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh im not scrolling up for you Charlie.
Read and digest. Im sipping chai."
You are happy to roll on and roll off but not scroll up. Sighs always the bridesmaid never the bride! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If, in a marriage, one party does not want, or cannot have sex, is it reasonable for them to expect their partner to go without sex?
Love and sex are two different things but the absence of either can have adverse physical and psychological effects.
That is something that can only be resolved by the people in question.
When someone considers their need for sex is greater than their love or respect for their partners wishes then tney leave the relationship or cheat behind their back.
When someone considers their need for fidelity in the relationship is greater than their partners need for sex then again they have put their own needs first.
Now I wouldn't say they lack 'love' for each other as they know it but it doesn't seem to be a selfless love with both putting ideology and ideals above their partner.
It is possible though that commitment respect and love are so strong that being together over rides the need for physical release through sex. ( which is no more than a wank away really )
I'd say if you do respect and 'love' each other, are capable of wanking and enjoy a laugh and a cuddle and love of family then you're in for an enriched fulfilled life together.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can it work?"
Of course it can work, if you both agree..... only a problem if the other wants sex.... But since time started, many people have made agreements with partners... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry it didn't work out, I'm guessing you guys didn't explore other avenues to fill the blanks which led to cheating and then splitting up?
"I've been in a sexless relationship (not through lack of trying on my part) and no it doesn't work.
A physical connection is vital.
I know it's hip to say "relationships are all about personality, finding each other attractive and sec isn't that important " are kidding themselves.
Personality and emotional connection are important, but sex and physicality are just as much a big part.
But that's just my opinion. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry it didn't work out, I'm guessing you guys didn't explore other avenues to fill the blanks which led to cheating and then splitting up?
I've been in a sexless relationship (not through lack of trying on my part) and no it doesn't work.
A physical connection is vital.
I know it's hip to say "relationships are all about personality, finding each other attractive and sec isn't that important " are kidding themselves.
Personality and emotional connection are important, but sex and physicality are just as much a big part.
But that's just my opinion. "
There was no cheating involved. I am fully against the idea.
She used sex as a weapon or control element and i decided I did want to be in that kind of relationship and left. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ahh well that's diff then, it wasn't a sexless marriage as such, more a marriage that wasn't working. A sexless marriage to me at least is one where you both still work but for whatever reason the sex has diminished, could be something you have no control over.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It has been suggested that wanking is a solution to a sexless but monogamous marriage. I believe it is not a solution as being desired and accepted for sex is more than just providing sexual release, it goes to reinforcing your worth as a human being and a procreational partner (even if pregnancy does not result). Otherwise why do we spend so much money and time on trying to look good?
Thus being desired is why making love, whilst anatomically the same as sex, is better than just sex. And why just sex is far better than wanking.
We are designed that way because those branches of human kind that found the convenient and effortless solution to sexual frustration in wanking died out millennia ago.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wonder what Herodotus would have made of the current Greek crisis.
There again these days he would be a Turk.
What were we talking about again?
Pot noodles. Remember ?"
I once rescued a pot noodle from the clutches of an evil galactic emperor. It involved me flying a giant black starship and crashing it into the heart of a dying sun to throw the emperors robot warriors off my path. I grabbed the pot noodle and leaped off at the last minute. I remember because it tore a hole in my favourite dress at the time. |
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