FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > First message?
First message?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I see a lot of people who moan about people who message with "hi how are you?" Or just a quick hello? What's the problem with that and what are people expecting? If you meet someone out you don't just reel off a paragraph from 50 shades of grey! I would of thought a quick hello and asking how you were would be a good opener to a conversation no? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I see a lot of people who moan about people who message with "hi how are you?" Or just a quick hello? What's the problem with that and what are people expecting? If you meet someone out you don't just reel off a paragraph from 50 shades of grey! I would of thought a quick hello and asking how you were would be a good opener to a conversation no?"
amen |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think as us women get a lot of messages..hi..doesn't pop out at you. So gets lost amongst the others. It shows little effort and the possibility that person will be hard to make a conversation with. As I usually find is the case. Thats just me personally. First impressions count. A good intro goes a long way. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think as us women get a lot of messages..hi..doesn't pop out at you. So gets lost amongst the others. It shows little effort and the possibility that person will be hard to make a conversation with. As I usually find is the case. Thats just me personally. First impressions count. A good intro goes a long way."
So you'd say put an introduction on the message? But then wouldn't that make the profile pointless? It's an odd one really but then I suppose each to their own |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I appreciate a little effort. Personally, on my profile there's a short bit about my favourite music, books & films, so I appreciate an opening message related to that. I got one a few weeks ago asking what my favourite 76-80 punk band is, and that was a good opening. I like it when people understand the pop culture reference in my user name 
All depends on who you message really, but the generic "hi how are you" message tends to get lost. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I appreciate a little effort. Personally, on my profile there's a short bit about my favourite music, books & films, so I appreciate an opening message related to that. I got one a few weeks ago asking what my favourite 76-80 punk band is, and that was a good opening. I like it when people understand the pop culture reference in my user name
That's fair enough a good answer
All depends on who you message really, but the generic "hi how are you" message tends to get lost."
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"I think as us women get a lot of messages..hi..doesn't pop out at you. So gets lost amongst the others. It shows little effort and the possibility that person will be hard to make a conversation with. As I usually find is the case. Thats just me personally. First impressions count. A good intro goes a long way.
So you'd say put an introduction on the message? But then wouldn't that make the profile pointless? It's an odd one really but then I suppose each to their own"
Only if people have written a decent profile. Which they often haven't! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No because you don't just expect someone to read your profile and then exchange numbers without a good chat would you? You won't stimulate a woman's mind without decent conversation and that usually starts with a good introduction. Maybe try it and see what happens. But also obviously physical attraction counts too so you could write a good intro and still be ignored if they don't like the face pic! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No because you don't just expect someone to read your profile and then exchange numbers without a good chat would you? You won't stimulate a woman's mind without decent conversation and that usually starts with a good introduction. Maybe try it and see what happens. But also obviously physical attraction counts too so you could write a good intro and still be ignored if they don't like the face pic! "
Yeah I suppose and I do see your point, so what I'm kinda getting is to stand out you've got to put something a bit more than hello |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes..it definitely shows they've taken the time to reas your profile and taking a personal interest in you and what you like. Always goes down well.
"I appreciate a little effort. Personally, on my profile there's a short bit about my favourite music, books & films, so I appreciate an opening message related to that. I got one a few weeks ago asking what my favourite 76-80 punk band is, and that was a good opening. I like it when people understand the pop culture reference in my user name
All depends on who you message really, but the generic "hi how are you" message tends to get lost."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I see a lot of people who moan about people who message with "hi how are you?" Or just a quick hello? What's the problem with that and what are people expecting? If you meet someone out you don't just reel off a paragraph from 50 shades of grey! I would of thought a quick hello and asking how you were would be a good opener to a conversation no?"
I agree xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't mind a hi, as long as its backed up with pics and a decent profile to read so I know if its worth messaging back. Unfortunately usually there isn't and its apparent they haven't read my profile as they aren't what I'm looking for. However, I do prefer a message where they show the have read and understood my profile... It make me feel happy and appreciated instead of just part of a numbers game |
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"I see a lot of people who moan about people who message with "hi how are you?" Or just a quick hello? What's the problem with that and what are people expecting? If you meet someone out you don't just reel off a paragraph from 50 shades of grey! I would of thought a quick hello and asking how you were would be a good opener to a conversation no?"
I often ask if she 'stands up to fart in the bath' and I still get 'Un read / Deleted'.
Fuck me, I was only trying to find out if your a lady like it says on your profile. |
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"I see a lot of people who moan about people who message with "hi how are you?" Or just a quick hello? What's the problem with that and what are people expecting? If you meet someone out you don't just reel off a paragraph from 50 shades of grey! I would of thought a quick hello and asking how you were would be a good opener to a conversation no?"
Depends on the brainlessness of the original PM or how cheeky I'm feeling.
* 'Sup bitch?
* Good [afternoon] caller, you have reached DiamondJoe's house of pain, how may we direct your call?
* What's up, cold caller?
Are all possible retorts. |
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It makes little difference what you wright in an opener, it will probably be ignored anyway. I have tried everything from one liners to detailed scenario's and its about equal to what type are answered. I have to say I no long write more than a few lines, I refuse to waste anymore time on writing long individual messages only for them to be ignored. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The "hi, how are you" opener isn't neccesarily an issue, it's the lack of ability to get past that in following messages that's a bit dull to be honest."
I agree with you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always have a look their profile and try to work out what they want. My wife for instance wants articulate black men so those who aren't that, will get deleted. There's nothing wrong with sending a "how are you?" message, but you have to have something to say afterwards otherwise it'll be "fine" then "i am also fine" which would be weird and doomed to fail. If a woman doesn't reply to a simple, polite one line opener then simply assume she is damaged goods, block and move on.
You're welcome. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It makes little difference what you wright in an opener, it will probably be ignored anyway. I have tried everything from one liners to detailed scenario's and its about equal to what type are answered. I have to say I no long write more than a few lines, I refuse to waste anymore time on writing long individual messages only for them to be ignored. "
It makes a difference but you have to bare in mind physical attraction too. |
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"The "hi, how are you" opener isn't neccesarily an issue, it's the lack of ability to get past that in following messages that's a bit dull to be honest.
I agree with you. "
It might not be the sender's fault, for eg.
(Him) Hi, How are you?
(you) Ok.
I probably wouldnt reply back |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The "hi, how are you" opener isn't neccesarily an issue, it's the lack of ability to get past that in following messages that's a bit dull to be honest."
Totally agree, I often just reply with hi too (why make an effort if they don't) then I get "how are you".... Me: " fine thanks" them "what you up to". By this point I'm bored senseless and move on to the next guy regardless how gorgeous he his.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It makes little difference what you wright in an opener, it will probably be ignored anyway. I have tried everything from one liners to detailed scenario's and its about equal to what type are answered. I have to say I no long write more than a few lines, I refuse to waste anymore time on writing long individual messages only for them to be ignored. "
Detailed scenarios, from strangers out of the blue, boarder on creepy in my experience. |
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By *ll 4 herCouple
over a year ago
Bury/Bolton |
From our perspective, a "hi how are you" message can get any number of responses depending on circumstances, if it's from a single guy with no verifications no pic (or mostly/all cock pics) and one sentence, if that, in his description, then that will get little to no attention commensurate with the level of effort he's put in.
If he has good verifications, tells us plenty about himself on the profile and has good pics (0-1 cock pic) especially face pic then he will get a response, as he has used the profile to tell us about himself and we're not exchanging 20 messages to find out what he is about.
The same as our profile states he should be tall preferably not bald unless it's his chest and back, so when we get a "hi" from a 5'6, hairy chested skinhead, he's obviously not read our profile, which to us means he's ignored our first message (our profile) so then we will ignore him. It's common sense as we see it.
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The problem I have with 'how are you' is I always want to answer it with the ugly truth.
'Well actually im not great coz I didnt sleep well, ive got a cold so my nose is pouring snot and ive spent the day In my xmas pjs feeling sorry for myself waiting in for a delivery that never arrived' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The "hi, how are you" opener isn't neccesarily an issue, it's the lack of ability to get past that in following messages that's a bit dull to be honest.
Totally agree, I often just reply with hi too (why make an effort if they don't) then I get "how are you".... Me: " fine thanks" them "what you up to". By this point I'm bored senseless and move on to the next guy regardless how gorgeous he his. "
Spot on |
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"I appreciate a little effort. Personally, on my profile there's a short bit about my favourite music, books & films, so I appreciate an opening message related to that. I got one a few weeks ago asking what my favourite 76-80 punk band is, and that was a good opening. I like it when people understand the pop culture reference in my user name
All depends on who you message really, but the generic "hi how are you" message tends to get lost."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You want to stand out from the rest of the guys ,so a wee bit effort shows.
We don't mind 'hello' messages , but as we really enjoy the social side , showing that you can strike up conversation easily is very appealing to us.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From our perspective, a "hi how are you" message can get any number of responses depending on circumstances, if it's from a single guy with no verifications no pic (or mostly/all cock pics) and one sentence, if that, in his description, then that will get little to no attention commensurate with the level of effort he's put in.
If he has good verifications, tells us plenty about himself on the profile and has good pics (0-1 cock pic) especially face pic then he will get a response, as he has used the profile to tell us about himself and we're not exchanging 20 messages to find out what he is about.
The same as our profile states he should be tall preferably not bald unless it's his chest and back, so when we get a "hi" from a 5'6, hairy chested skinhead, he's obviously not read our profile, which to us means he's ignored our first message (our profile) so then we will ignore him. It's common sense as we see it.
"
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Well, I suspect it would depend on who you are messaging. If you send it to a single lady who gets dozens of messages a day then I'd say you need to make the effort to stand out from the crowd. If you message a couple, then they may check you out to see if they're interested.
Personally we have a policy of always responding to messages,but if the message says "hi, how are you" the reply will probably be "Fine thanks".
Ultimately, I find that what you get out of this site is proportional to what you put into it
Cal |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It makes little difference what you wright in an opener, it will probably be ignored anyway. I have tried everything from one liners to detailed scenario's and its about equal to what type are answered. I have to say I no long write more than a few lines, I refuse to waste anymore time on writing long individual messages only for them to be ignored. "
I think you are thinking about this all wrong, those who don't want a "hi" also don't want a scenerio of your personal fantasy, which is set to dozen of other. I think on the whole we want a personal message to make us feel you have chosen us because you liked somethingabout the profile/pics and not that we just have the right genitalia. Still this ddoesn't have to be long just a line or two to show you've read. |
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My first meet on here and a guy I still see often the first message was 2 sentences. The first was among the lines of 'hi, my names..., im ..years old, the second was something funny which was in reference to my profile. Just enough that I could see he had bothered to read it and made me smile.
Mesaages don't need to be war and peace. But a little more than hi that gives us something to want to reply to is perfect. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
I don't mind these sort of messages esp if the sender is local and has an avatar I'll usually check out the profile. I'll decide whether to reply then or not. It's a woman's world this fab game |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
"I think as us women get a lot of messages..hi..doesn't pop out at you. So gets lost amongst the others. It shows little effort and the possibility that person will be hard to make a conversation with. As I usually find is the case. Thats just me personally. First impressions count. A good intro goes a long way.
So you'd say put an introduction on the message? But then wouldn't that make the profile pointless? It's an odd one really but then I suppose each to their own
Only if people have written a decent profile. Which they often haven't! "
Agree,if its a one line profile and a hi,i delete nothing to interest me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The other day I got a hi.... I clicked on their profile and there wasn't any pics, verifications, green flag and I swear this is what the profile "said"
.
A full stop!
My perfect message would be along the lines of "I'm a tall guy who accommodate in Manchester" or as simple as "I love green eyes". Just shows they have read and understood. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't mind a quick message like that, but it's got to be backed up with a good profile, a picture with the message perhaps. It doesn't have to be a willy pic, I do like a nice torso for instance. Every little helps. |
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"It makes little difference what you wright in an opener, it will probably be ignored anyway. I have tried everything from one liners to detailed scenario's and its about equal to what type are answered. I have to say I no long write more than a few lines, I refuse to waste anymore time on writing long individual messages only for them to be ignored.
I think you are thinking about this all wrong, those who don't want a "hi" also don't want a scenerio of your personal fantasy, which is set to dozen of other. I think on the whole we want a personal message to make us feel you have chosen us because you liked somethingabout the profile/pics and not that we just have the right genitalia. Still this ddoesn't have to be long just a line or two to show you've read."
I have only ever sent the fantasy scenario when the person has asked for that sort of thing on the profile, dito with pictures!
I always make a point of reading a profile and only contact those that apeal to me and only then if I think we have something in commen. And yes I will always try and mention things I like about the profile or their pictures. Though that is bloody difficult if the profile consists of one blurry photo and a one line description. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Try and think of a message as an e-mail and not a conversation.
I have received messages, both here and elsewhere, that have been of the 'Hi, how are you' variety and i'm often left thinking 'what do you actually want?' as well as 'oh, that's original - yawn'
Yes, if you meet someone face to face you would start with 'Hi' etc but the interaction is entirely different - you get an instant response.
Just think for a moment that your message is probably one in over a hundred that your recipient has received that day. Imagine if all those messages are 'Hi, how are you?'
How would ANY of them stand out? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I see a lot of people who moan about people who message with "hi how are you?" Or just a quick hello? What's the problem with that and what are people expecting? If you meet someone out you don't just reel off a paragraph from 50 shades of grey! I would of thought a quick hello and asking how you were would be a good opener to a conversation no?
I often ask if she 'stands up to fart in the bath' and I still get 'Un read / Deleted'.
Fuck me, I was only trying to find out if your a lady like it says on your profile."
Lady. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...
There's nothing wrong with sending a "how are you?" message, but you have to have something to say afterwards otherwise it'll be "fine" then "i am also fine" which would be weird and doomed to fail.
If a woman doesn't reply to a simple, polite one line opener then simply assume she is damaged goods, block and move on.
You're welcome."
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By *ynchedWoman
over a year ago
Dunstable |
"No because you don't just expect someone to read your profile and then exchange numbers without a good chat would you? You won't stimulate a woman's mind without decent conversation and that usually starts with a good introduction. Maybe try it and see what happens. But also obviously physical attraction counts too so you could write a good intro and still be ignored if they don't like the face pic!
Yeah I suppose and I do see your point, so what I'm kinda getting is to stand out you've got to put something a bit more than hello "
exactly..... |
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By *ynchedWoman
over a year ago
Dunstable |
"I don't mind a hi, as long as its backed up with pics and a decent profile to read so I know if its worth messaging back. Unfortunately usually there isn't and its apparent they haven't read my profile as they aren't what I'm looking for. However, I do prefer a message where they show the have read and understood my profile... It make me feel happy and appreciated instead of just part of a numbers game "
This, exactly... doesnt have to be war and peace.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As mentioned many times, if not daily, some women get hundreds of messages a day.
Its probably not going to be read if you send it to one of those."
Inbox size is directly proportional to ego size. There's a reason they won't use filters to reduce the mail.
Would you really want to meet someone like that?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would expect a first message to at least suggest why they have contacted me and give me something I can use to open or continue a conversation.
If it's just "hi" or "you have nice elbows" it doesn't give you anything much to go back with.
So on the V odd occasion I message someone new out of the blue I actually try and address those things. Doesn't guarantee a reply, but it makes it easier for her to reply. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We prefer a bit more than "hi, how are you?" we must get at least 10 a day like that but always read the ones that can string a couple of sentences together first. If the short message is meant to be a way of breaking the ice why not just simply send a wink and wait to see what you get back? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As mentioned many times, if not daily, some women get hundreds of messages a day.
Its probably not going to be read if you send it to one of those.
Inbox size is directly proportional to ego size. There's a reason they won't use filters to reduce the mail.
Would you really want to meet someone like that? "
Not at all they don't have filters for what I want like height, body type, location. The filters in place are useless, no public pics, they may send one in a message. Not verified and newbies.... They deserve a chance too. That only leave age and I'm quite flexible on that as long as I fancy them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would expect a first message to at least suggest why they have contacted me and give me something I can use to open or continue a conversation.
If it's just "hi" or "you have nice elbows" it doesn't give you anything much to go back with.
So on the V odd occasion I message someone new out of the blue I actually try and address those things. Doesn't guarantee a reply, but it makes it easier for her to reply. "
"You have nice elbows" is a brilliant first message.
If people don't know how to respond to that kind of mail then they're not for me. |
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People dont read profiles!!!! As us single chaps keep being told.. but that goes for couples too. Send a how are you? and chances are they wont have time or cant be arsed to read your profile, so try to make some effort along with some details about you along with a face pic, or attach all pics as it might grab their attention before the option of look at profile or hit delete.
I have been told several times that I have the funniest, most original write up ever read, I am not sure about that, but I did put some effort and humour into it. I don't get much luck because of where I live, but what I have, seems to have been as a result of those who did bother to read my profile. I put something into it that they could pick up on, and throw it back, thus opening dialogue.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't bother with this online chasing ping pong stuff.....I prefer normal face to face conversations at parties or clubs. ...that way you can truly get yourself across to people in a social setting and see where it goes ..simple . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Try and think of a message as an e-mail and not a conversation.
I have received messages, both here and elsewhere, that have been of the 'Hi, how are you' variety and i'm often left thinking 'what do you actually want?' as well as 'oh, that's original - yawn'
Yes, if you meet someone face to face you would start with 'Hi' etc but the interaction is entirely different - you get an instant response.
Just think for a moment that your message is probably one in over a hundred that your recipient has received that day. Imagine if all those messages are 'Hi, how are you?'
How would ANY of them stand out?"
.
I do agree with what you're saying but think about it this way. If I was in bar and a guy came up to me with his cock out (or even away) said "hi" then just stood there waiting for a response I'd probably think he was a weirdo and walk away slowly hope he won't follow up with "why are you ignoring me stupid bitch, what makes you so special!!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"there's an art to keeping a conversation flowing, such as ending the message with a question, which most people tend not to do; anyone agree?
(see what I did there?) "
You're right but on here it tends to be the same boring or vulgar questions repeatedly. Think of unique things, how many ways can you answer "how are you?"? You've got, fine or any other derivative of that or tell them all your problems!! |
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