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Things you wouldn't read in a profile: mock the week style
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I don't squirt but sweat enough the bed will still be soaked.
I've got an average cock that mostly works.
I'll say anything and even pretend to like you if it gets you out of your knickers. I'm a very convincing liar.
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I'm looking to shag the whole site, and I'll meet at the drop of a hat.
You must be pub fit and on 40 Bensons a day.
If we arrange a meet and you don't turn up, no worries I'll be available again tomorrow. |
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"I'm looking to shag the whole site, and I'll meet at the drop of a hat.
You must be pub fit and on 40 Bensons a day.
If we arrange a meet and you don't turn up, no worries I'll be available again tomorrow."
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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
Feel free to ignore the profile I thought long and hard about writing or my list of interests and just look at the pretty pictures. Then send me a message asking if you can fill me with your spunk right now since I would so obviously be into that.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not bi, but I'll give it a bash, for my fella to watch and get his jollies off.
Prefer not to get to know someone or chat.. face pic not needed we provide paper bags... Meeting asap is for us! Just send a cock or Pussy pic. No glove required.  |
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The ones that say 'no limits'
ffs
So, I had yr granny in rubber gear, comin' at ya with a barely restrained Alsatian on a lead in one hand and a double-ended dildo in the other...?
No limits?
Hmmm? |
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Tbfm I used to have a mental health client who had a thing for young women on crutches or in calipers (like WTF?).
And he used to tell people...
I'm apologising to little old ladies on the bus or the next benefits worker for his sudden outbursts about the things he'd like to do...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The ones that say 'no limits'
ffs
So, I had yr granny in rubber gear, comin' at ya with a barely restrained Alsatian on a lead in one hand and a double-ended dildo in the other...?
No limits?
Hmmm?"
You did? Poor granny.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tbfm I used to have a mental health client who had a thing for young women on crutches or in calipers (like WTF?).
And he used to tell people...
I'm apologising to little old ladies on the bus or the next benefits worker for his sudden outbursts about the things he'd like to do...
"
Are you sure you weren't the client? |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
Hi babe, thanks for reading my profile, i dont know what to write, because i dont know who iam, what i want or what you want, all i know is that i want to cum, so meet me, skype me, cam me, phone me, ill make my fantasy come true, however, whenever, wherever with whomever...im sure youll be as pleased with me as i am.....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are you sure you weren't the client?
I might be mad but I'm not stupid
Mad? perhaps
Everyone has a touch of mental health - just depends on how in touch you are with it...
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Oh I know |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My dog loves cats and peanut butter. So be prepared for your pussy to be ladened with the stuff.
Disclaimer: If this had been on a profile I wouldn't have spoken to the guy on the phone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dates and times am Free to have sex,
Monday to Friday - 9am - 3pm
Wife takes kids to school then goes to work,
Saturday - After 10pm at your place,
She goes to bed early
Sunday - Between 10am - 1pm
While the wife goes to church
No ugly Women or Men
Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a veteran swinger.....looking to have another child ....number 457 "
"I Love that full tight feeling...but cocks don't do it anymore,who's willing to lube up their entire head for me "
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Supply the Viagra ladies, it's been a long time since my Mrs or anyone got it up. Give me a bed bath as will be coming during my pig farming shift. Can lick cream cakes for hours - you do the same with my moist little cock, it gets all sweaty in this weather and needs refreshing.
Not a fan of 50 shades but will use my outhouse as your prison cell.
Pretty bad in bed, can last for 20 seconds, so swallow and repeat.
If you're one of the locals at the swinging club, I've already groped you, so don't bother.
Up for anything taboo, including all the p's.
My pubes are as nature intended, long and an ecosystem with protectEd wildlife.ecosystem status.
Cheese lovers welcome.
I only respond to fancy a fuck messages. If you want more pics, visit the porn sites I got mine from. |
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I'm just a shy, ego-less, narcissistic, sociopath who loves his mum-but only when dad's at work and she lets me out of the cellar so I can take a break from being Daisy the keyboard warrior.
Please bring wd40,a bin liner, an orange and a ballgag to our first meet.
I like babycham and Marmite felched up my bleached anus on my local pub pool table.
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