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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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not mine found on the web
.
.
Little old ladies are always asking me to reach things for them from the top shelves.
Which is fine in Asda.
A bit weird in the newsagents though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ben asks his girlfriend for a handjob, she says "I've never done one, what do i do?" ben says "remember when you was a kid, and you'd shake a bottle and spray your brother with it, well thats what you do" she nods, and he whips his cock out, she grabs hold and starts shaking, five minutes later he's got tears running down his face, snot flowing from his nose, he's in a right state, she says "whats wrong?" he replies "take your thumb off the end" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My grandfather died recently of a tropical skin disease , the doctors had advised us to cover him in goose fat , but to no avail , he went downhill very quickly after that!!!"
Fucks sake I feel like Margot Leadbetter! I've read this four times..... Why is it funny ? EXPLAIN IT TO ME......??? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"not mine found on the web
.
.
Little old ladies are always asking me to reach things for them from the top shelves.
Which is fine in Asda.
A bit weird in the newsagents though. "
Funny  x |
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"Ben asks his girlfriend for a handjob, she says "I've never done one, what do i do?" ben says "remember when you was a kid, and you'd shake a bottle and spray your brother with it, well thats what you do" she nods, and he whips his cock out, she grabs hold and starts shaking, five minutes later he's got tears running down his face, snot flowing from his nose, he's in a right state, she says "whats wrong?" he replies "take your thumb off the end" "
Lol very good! |
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"My grandfather died recently of a tropical skin disease , the doctors had advised us to cover him in goose fat , but to no avail , he went downhill very quickly after that!!!
Fucks sake I feel like Margot Leadbetter! I've read this four times..... Why is it funny ? EXPLAIN IT TO ME......??? "
Because the goose fat is slippery and would make him slide down a hill very quickly lol...yeah never good when you have to explain a joke!!! |
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Top tip: if your camping in the summer and the attractive young lady in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot, she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I went to the doctors yesterday complaining it hurt when I poked my leg, and my arm and my head.
'What's wrong with me doctor?'
'you have a broken finger.' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My grandfather died recently of a tropical skin disease , the doctors had advised us to cover him in goose fat , but to no avail , he went downhill very quickly after that!!!
Fucks sake I feel like Margot Leadbetter! I've read this four times..... Why is it funny ? EXPLAIN IT TO ME......???
Because the goose fat is slippery and would make him slide down a hill very quickly lol...yeah never good when you have to explain a joke!!! "
I get it now. Ta. Simple me ! |
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ordered a chineese last night.
the chink turned up at my door and said £20 prease.. i smiled and said can u tell me the name of jordans blind son ?.. He said Halfey Price.. I replied Cheers mate here,s a tenner now fuck off.. |
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A builder walks up to a girl in a bar and tells her "Ive an 8 inch dick and I could ride you all night long"
She takes him home that night and the next morning she wakes up and says
"you told me you had an 8 inch dick and you were going to ride me all night long but you only had a 4 inch dick and you only rode me for 5 minutes"
The man replied "yeah but I'm a builder love .....
that was just a estimate!!!!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A Chinese man comes home late one night and gets into bed with his wife. He's just cuddling up to her when he suggests they have a 69.
She replies, "Yoo fook off, Misser, me no cook this time o night!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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my girlfriend threw me out of the house yesterday because she caught me in bed with her sister.silly isnt it,a fully grown woman jealous of a 12 year old? |
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Just bought a new wig,
made completely out of anal hair.....
Fuckin thing keeps blowing off...
