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For anyone not going to Glastonbury
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We aren't going but will be watching on T.V , so to get into the Glasto spirit what tips can you give to get the Glasto feel..
Already thrown all toilet paper away,
and Ive took the bread buns out of the bag to get them nice and stale for the burgers.
What else should be on the list  |
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Drive your car into a swampy field, then pay a farmer £100 to tow it out again. Make sure he rips your bumper off in the process!
I used to work near J23 of the M5. Every fecking year I forgot to take.the last day of Glastonbury as holiday and stay safely at home in Bristol!
Mr ddc |
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Put your welly boots on, turn your Stereo up to full volume, go into your garden and invite your neighbours to randomly lob bottles of indeterminate warm liquid at you from all angles. Save £200
Enjoy. |
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"Put a tent up in the back garden, stick the end of the hose in it and leave it running all weekend."
Yup, and then march round it repeatedly in rainbow wellies until you have the appropriate depth of mud...say 6"? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wander into a strangers house because you are absolutely convinced thats the place where you left yours before you went out for a look around and a few beers"
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Set strong string traps at shin high level then at night see how many falls and curses you can achieve on your way to the bog
Invite someone who has never held down a job into your front drive to swing flaming ball and chains around his head
Get a colourful cloth bracelet around your wrist and don't take it off for weeks
Pretend you have had an amazing time despite enduring misery from minute one |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Set strong string traps at shin high level then at night see how many falls and curses you can achieve on your way to the bog
Invite someone who has never held down a job into your front drive to swing flaming ball and chains around his head
Get a colourful cloth bracelet around your wrist and don't take it off for weeks
Pretend you have had an amazing time despite enduring misery from minute one"
You forgot... flush £500 down the drain and then pretend you're "street" "underground" and not complete commercial sellout toss pots (fuck it the gloves are off lol) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Buy a pair of trendy wellies, then invite your girly friends round to make sure no one bought same pair.
Then walk up to Mayfair, few loaded people there you can give £200 to.
From there you can walk down to Hyde park, won't hear much there either - but it's a good place for ogling young totty with whom you have no chance.
Go back through Mayfair where you can pay double the going rate for some food + drink
at this point , after all the walking and food, find you need to visit the little room. This bit is easy, just walk down to the Thames coz it's filthy and smells like an open sewer- def festival vibe right there .
Finally, buy a media organization and broadcast your pics 24/7 so that even little fleas on a dogs arse in Peru know you've been to the festival.
Then, as you have had enough and want to go home- find a bus stop and chat up any random passing female. You got a few hours to kill so you never know your luck, she might have a fold up tent stashed in her handbag |
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good one 
x
