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Vaginal Tightness Survey
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've been tasked by the European Union to undertake a survey of the tightness of women's vaginas when "confronted" (that's EU language, right there) by an average penis. Board, lodging and Jaffa Cakes will be provided if anyone wishes to assist. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What's involved ?
Is it a Q & A ?
Or more a physical test ? "
I wasn't really expecting questions - I thought the lure of Jaffa Cakes would be sufficient.
However....
YES, to Q & A, there would be an oral element prior to the study itself. A physical test is compulsory but isn't expected to last more than a few minutes! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Whose average penis will you be using to do this testing?"
We were going to introduce a range of penis sizes to establish what constitutes "average", but the Greeks have fucked it all up and money is tight. I'm sure you'll understand the economics of this situation allow only for my own! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Swap the jaffa cakes for french fancies and we have a deal. "
I'll have to run this past the Europen Court for Human Rights (They're all larger than average cocks) but I'm sure we can allow for this as long as we can write on the pack "European Fancies" - we don't want to piss of the Germans. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Swap the jaffa cakes for french fancies and we have a deal.
Can't we have both???  "
The survey has stalled - sorry folks. We're just reconvening the committee to decide if Jaffa Cakes are a cake or a biscuit. It's French Fancies for now. |
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"Swap the jaffa cakes for french fancies and we have a deal.
Can't we have both???
The survey has stalled - sorry folks. We're just reconvening the committee to decide if Jaffa Cakes are a cake or a biscuit. It's French Fancies for now."
...I thought it was a cake made from infertile creatures...  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Swap the jaffa cakes for french fancies and we have a deal.
Can't we have both???
I guess, but then it turns into a tea party so we'll have to invest in some tea bags and cucumber sandwiches.  "
I must have missed the meeting that put you in charge of catering! Having said that, this is the EU and I've missed most meetings! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's tight. Job done, no need for questions, oral or physical testing.
Now where's them sandwiches n cakes? 
I say "fuck it", lets make it a BBQ. I'll bring potato salad and chicken.  "
Perfick  |
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"Swap the jaffa cakes for french fancies and we have a deal.
Can't we have both???
I guess, but then it turns into a tea party so we'll have to invest in some tea bags and cucumber sandwiches.
I must have missed the meeting that put you in charge of catering! Having said that, this is the EU and I've missed most meetings!"
Does this mean that we have to form an independent committee to investigate whether there has been some negligence on your part for not attending the aforementioned meetings?? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Swap the jaffa cakes for french fancies and we have a deal.
Can't we have both???
I guess, but then it turns into a tea party so we'll have to invest in some tea bags and cucumber sandwiches.
I must have missed the meeting that put you in charge of catering! Having said that, this is the EU and I've missed most meetings!
Does this mean that we have to form an independent committee to investigate whether there has been some negligence on your part for not attending the aforementioned meetings?? "
Oh, I chair that committee and it met last night - well, I think it was last night, could have been Tuesday. |
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"Swap the jaffa cakes for french fancies and we have a deal.
Can't we have both???
I guess, but then it turns into a tea party so we'll have to invest in some tea bags and cucumber sandwiches.
I must have missed the meeting that put you in charge of catering! Having said that, this is the EU and I've missed most meetings!
Does this mean that we have to form an independent committee to investigate whether there has been some negligence on your part for not attending the aforementioned meetings??
Oh, I chair that committee and it met last night - well, I think it was last night, could have been Tuesday."
but did you have cake? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Swap the jaffa cakes for french fancies and we have a deal.
Can't we have both???
I guess, but then it turns into a tea party so we'll have to invest in some tea bags and cucumber sandwiches.
I must have missed the meeting that put you in charge of catering! Having said that, this is the EU and I've missed most meetings!
Does this mean that we have to form an independent committee to investigate whether there has been some negligence on your part for not attending the aforementioned meetings??
Oh, I chair that committee and it met last night - well, I think it was last night, could have been Tuesday.
but did you have cake? "
Well, I wasn't there but my assistant tells me they had Battenburg. |
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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago
Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you) |
"Whose average penis will you be using to do this testing?
We were going to introduce a range of penis sizes to establish what constitutes "average", but the Greeks have fucked it all up and money is tight. I'm sure you'll understand the economics of this situation allow only for my own!"
Sounds plausible |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Swap the jaffa cakes for french fancies and we have a deal.
Can't we have both???
I guess, but then it turns into a tea party so we'll have to invest in some tea bags and cucumber sandwiches. "
Ooh a tea party! I'm coming,I shall bring some quiche |
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"Swap the jaffa cakes for french fancies and we have a deal.
Can't we have both???
I guess, but then it turns into a tea party so we'll have to invest in some tea bags and cucumber sandwiches.
I must have missed the meeting that put you in charge of catering! Having said that, this is the EU and I've missed most meetings!
Does this mean that we have to form an independent committee to investigate whether there has been some negligence on your part for not attending the aforementioned meetings??
Oh, I chair that committee and it met last night - well, I think it was last night, could have been Tuesday.
but did you have cake?
Well, I wasn't there but my assistant tells me they had Battenburg. "
Looks suspiciously like undue influence from those mischief making Battenburgers.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Swap the jaffa cakes for french fancies and we have a deal.
Can't we have both???
I guess, but then it turns into a tea party so we'll have to invest in some tea bags and cucumber sandwiches.
I must have missed the meeting that put you in charge of catering! Having said that, this is the EU and I've missed most meetings!
Does this mean that we have to form an independent committee to investigate whether there has been some negligence on your part for not attending the aforementioned meetings??
Oh, I chair that committee and it met last night - well, I think it was last night, could have been Tuesday.
but did you have cake?
Well, I wasn't there but my assistant tells me they had Battenburg.
Looks suspiciously like undue influence from those mischief making Battenburgers.."
The Battenburg was a huge success, apparently the Italian contingent kicked off because they had lobbied long and hard into the night for Garibaldi but we were resolute and had to concede only minor baked goods. The PM will shortly be making a speech to the people announcing his success in securing Cornish pasties at future meetings and will deny all knowledge that Melton Mowbray will now produce only baguettes.
I would like to now get back on topic - the consensus of opinion here seems to indicate a BBQ as the most popular event for this study but the health and safety committee need to convene and the Germans will only attend if there's Bratwurst. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"define average penis -
bring on the bbq "
We intend to include a sub paragraph in relation to ones opinion on penis size but this is partly to do with a misunderstanding and possible language issue when Herr Merkel Was overheard describing Markozy as an enormous cock. We appreciate all input and look forward to your opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Swap the jaffa cakes for french fancies and we have a deal.
Can't we have both???
I guess, but then it turns into a tea party so we'll have to invest in some tea bags and cucumber sandwiches.
Ooh a tea party! I'm coming,I shall bring some quiche "
What is with the desire to bring French dishes to this event. (It would appear to have gone from a serious study to a BBQ involving French Fancies and Quiche). I'm feeling as violated as Poland in 1939! |
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"Swap the jaffa cakes for french fancies and we have a deal.
Can't we have both???
I guess, but then it turns into a tea party so we'll have to invest in some tea bags and cucumber sandwiches.
Ooh a tea party! I'm coming,I shall bring some quiche
What is with the desire to bring French dishes to this event. (It would appear to have gone from a serious study to a BBQ involving French Fancies and Quiche). I'm feeling as violated as Poland in 1939!"
Would you prefer some beef wellington? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Board, lodging and Jaffa Cakes will be provided if anyone wishes to assist."
Are the jaffa cakes used in the stress testing, to see if you can achieve a half moon or total eclipse with one shoved up your chuff? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Slightly off topic but did anyone see the thing in the Sunday Times magazine with the woman who does vaginal weightlifting? "
Blimey she must have one hell of a pelvic floor! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Slightly off topic but did anyone see the thing in the Sunday Times magazine with the woman who does vaginal weightlifting?
Blimey she must have one hell of a pelvic floor! "
I know! I might start it myself, Maybe this could be the exercise for me |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Slightly off topic but did anyone see the thing in the Sunday Times magazine with the woman who does vaginal weightlifting?
Blimey she must have one hell of a pelvic floor!
I know! I might start it myself, Maybe this could be the exercise for me "
I think it needs a study - I'[ll bring Krispy Kreme and the President of Moldova. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Slightly off topic but did anyone see the thing in the Sunday Times magazine with the woman who does vaginal weightlifting?
Blimey she must have one hell of a pelvic floor!
I know! I might start it myself, Maybe this could be the exercise for me "
Let me know what you start off with lifting, is there an entry in the guinness book of records yet? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The Jaffa Cake 'Cake or Biscuit' question was settled years ago.
A Cake is something that goes hard when it goes stale
A Biscuit is something that goes soft when it goes stale
Here in the UK, VAT is payable on Chocolate covered biscuits but not on chocolate covered cakes.
McVities defended its classification of Jaffa Cakes as cakes at a VAT tribunal in 1991, against the ruling that Jaffa Cakes were biscuits due to their size and shape, and the fact that they were often eaten in place of biscuits.
The court found in favour of McVities and ruled that the product should be considered a cake, meaning that VAT is not paid on Jaffa Cakes in the United Kingdom.
Jaffa Cakes are officially Cakes.
Hope this helps OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Did I mention the wine - it's Romanian. Apparently we're all about "inclusion"."
I thought that would be Australian,- after all, they made it into Eurovision.... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Is this thread about tight vagina,s of food????."
An interesting question you ask! It's supposed to be a serious study, but would appear to have turned into a BBQ with quiche and French Fancies. I'm working on the logistics of combining the two - but hot coals and a naked penis are rarely seen in the same environment. (Who am I kidding)... |
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