 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Morning,
Recently been seeing this woman on and off for almost a year, she is married and has a child.
Recently she said that she wanted to make it work with her husband which is fair enough I suppose and I got this text where she says that"i am the love of her life...happy that we shared a special intimate bond, etc..."
Part of me wants to tell her husband what she has done, although I'm not going to and couldn't live with the guilt of breaking up a family and have always told her that it has to be her decision.
Am I an idiot for falling for her? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
What would you gain from telling her husband?
No you've not been an idiot by falling for her we can't help our feelings. Just make sure you don't let her use you anymore..if its over its over. Hope you can move on and find happiness elsewhere  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You're not an idiot. We all are human after all and with that comes emotions. You knew she was married though when she started seeing her, so the outcome was unlikely to ever be that you would run off into the sunset together.
If you can, move on and let her get on with her life and you yours. Don't be too available to her and get out there meeting other people! There are plenty of singles around. Much less complicated. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I am a firm believer in the fact that you cannot help who you fall for. So in that sense, you could not help it. I don't condone affairs in any way, but it would be a disaster to tell her husband, rather things will probably come to an end anyway .... or maybe they will work it out. Not everyone has the chance to experience love to that depth, so for that, you should consider yourself blessed. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
That's the danger of married people as there is always the risk they will get back together and then unfortunatly someone always gets hurt
Some people take it worse than others but it seems the best option is to move on
Xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
You're an idiot for getting involved in the first place. We're not robots so it was always likely one or both of you would become emotionally involved.
You gambled and lost. The fact you considered telling her husband says a lot about you. Leave her alone. Forget about her. Take sone time to "recover" and seek someone who is free to be with you, if that's what you want. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Am I an idiot for falling for her? "
No, not an idiot at all - that's the problem with any kind of relationship - they often take a path we don't expect. I've been where you are and it sucks - but no, you don't tell her husband, you walk away and put it down to experience. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I guess you can't help who you fall for but you knew what you were getting into from the start...
Telling her husband would be petty and bitter and is likely to do nothing other than destroy her family and make her resent you - I highly doubt she'd thank you for it and you'd both live happily ever after. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Morning,
Recently been seeing this woman on and off for almost a year, she is married and has a child.
Recently she said that she wanted to make it work with her husband which is fair enough I suppose and I got this text where she says that"i am the love of her life...happy that we shared a special intimate bond, etc..."
Part of me wants to tell her husband what she has done, although I'm not going to and couldn't live with the guilt of breaking up a family and have always told her that it has to be her decision.
Am I an idiot for falling for her? "
Not an idiot for falling for her but daft for getting involved. You walked in with your eyes wide open. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Id actually say u sound like a decent guy rather than an idiot. The heart often over rules the head, and like everyone has said, we cant help our emotions.
But telling her husband is the biggest spitting ur dummy out the pram ever. U would not gain anything from that and in the end would only make u feel worse than u do now.
They have a child tgether so have that life long connection and bond.
Sounds to me like u should get urself out there playing again pretty quick to keep urself occupied rather than thinking of breaking a family up. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Just to clarify I would never tell her husband because of the ramifications, I did tell her from the start it's her decision..."
But u thought about it enough to put it into words on here.
Emotions and jealousy are awful things sometimes and by the sounds of it u fell very heavily for her too.
U just need to move on now. Get urself back out there and learn from ur mistakes this time. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Thats a shame dude, love is fickle. Time to move on and find someone with less complications (un married) as 9 times out of 10 you'll set youself up for a fall.
You sound like a decent guy so i am sure you'll find an equally lovely lass to be with. Just unfortunate its not her. 
Chin up |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You knew what the deal was.
She was married and presumably cheating.
It was never going to work in your favour.
And if she did leave her husband for you, she probably would have just cheated on you with someone new. People rarely change.
Move on, meet new people, find someone who isn't messing around behind someone elses back. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
No your not an idiot your just human. We build strong emotional bonds with people.
I had a very similar experience.it was the most fantastic two years of my life.
Words were said to make the bond closers , as I guess is the same in your case.
Telling her husband will only ruin more lives.
Take time to grieve , because it is a grieving process. Remember the good times and keep all the happy memories.
I wish you all the best luck
Taff |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"No your not an idiot your just human. We build strong emotional bonds with people.
I had a very similar experience.it was the most fantastic two years of my life.
Words were said to make the bond closers , as I guess is the same in your case.
Telling her husband will only ruin more lives.
Take time to grieve , because it is a grieving process. Remember the good times and keep all the happy memories.
I wish you all the best luck
Taff "
Tried to word it like that but failed!
 what taff said. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You'd be a bloody idiot if you did tell her husband  You'd only be causing more grief and pain to everyone involved
You got yourself into a relationship with a married woman, for whatever reason, and fell for her.
You will have known that these things rarely end happily.
Now that it's over you need to try and draw a line under it and move on.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
not what a gent would do...
understand you are upset, hurt and maybe angry but you went into things eyes wide open. Time to move on and put this down to life experience, good luck for the future, things can only get better. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Falling in love is never idiotic, but you may have been foolish to have continued once feelings started to develop.
Telling her husband would hurt and punish the only two innocent people in this.
But sorry, reality check: you are not, and never will be, the love of her life. Her child is. Her husband is second. You *may* be third (but I suspect it's actually herself).
Whether she is telling you that to make you both feel better about what you did, or simply to keep you hanging around for those times she needs another little boost to her confidence I cannot say. However I do know that you need to cut all ties for the sake of your own sanity, and move on.
Remember the good times, but accept they are over.
Best of luck.
Mr ddc |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"You knew what the deal was.
She was married and presumably cheating.
It was never going to work in your favour.
And if she did leave her husband for you, she probably would have just cheated on you with someone new. People rarely change.
Move on, meet new people, find someone who isn't messing around behind someone elses back."
agrees..... and for this reason i never meet attached men  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I fell in love at first sight. Literally a lightning bolt hit me and i remember every single detail. It was the worst time of my life and ended with family hatred, miscarriage and the tragically esrly death of the lady concerned.
I loved her then, i love her now. Nothing you can do except live the time you have with her, relive the life you had with her, put it in a box and just take a peek from time to time.
There is also the "why". Is she going back for the child's sake, for hubby's sake or for her sake.
People and situations are so complex. Good luck |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I fell in love at first sight. Literally a lightning bolt hit me and i remember every single detail. It was the worst time of my life and ended with family hatred, miscarriage and the tragically esrly death of the lady concerned.
I loved her then, i love her now. Nothing you can do except live the time you have with her, relive the life you had with her, put it in a box and just take a peek from time to time.
There is also the "why". Is she going back for the child's sake, for hubby's sake or for her sake.
People and situations are so complex. Good luck"
Well said |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
There is also the "why". Is she going back for the child's sake, for hubby's sake or for her sake.
"
Nooooooo!
There can never be 'why'
That way lies 'what if', 'perhaps' and 'maybe, if I just...'
That way is continued heartache, self-delusion and pain.
Why does not matter. The good times were wonderful, be grateful for them, but close the box tightly and throw away the key.
Then hide it in the attic for you to find in 20 years time.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This is one of many reasons why I steer well clear of married/attached guys, just not worth the hassle."
not worth the hassle in what way, in case you fall for them do you mean? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Of course there is the "why". Without the why there is only simplicity and the one thing we know about people and situations is that nothing is simple.
You do whatever you can to get to the stage where it fits in the box. And make sure it isnt one of those jack in the boxes that spring open at the most inopportune moment. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"change your fone number or she'll be playing head games with you via txt 4 ages "
When things aren't going well at home, she might use you to make her feel better. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Of course there is the "why". Without the why there is only simplicity and the one thing we know about people and situations is that nothing is simple.
"
(Of course there is, but sometimes I don't say what is true, I say what I judge people need to hear )
"
You do whatever you can to get to the stage where it fits in the box. And make sure it isnt one of those jack in the boxes that spring open at the most inopportune moment."
Also what Miss Lovecock says ^^ too |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *r Man.Man
over a year ago
London |
"Morning,
Recently been seeing this woman on and off for almost a year, she is married and has a child.
Recently she said that she wanted to make it work with her husband which is fair enough I suppose and I got this text where she says that"i am the love of her life...happy that we shared a special intimate bond, etc..."
Part of me wants to tell her husband what she has done, although I'm not going to and couldn't live with the guilt of breaking up a family and have always told her that it has to be her decision.
Am I an idiot for falling for her? "
Don't be a female dog.
You played the game with a married woman, fear enough.
You fell in love with a married woman, your fault.
And because you can't get what you want, you want to make her husband feel your pain.
Stop been a female dog and grow a pair.
Leave them alone!!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Not an idiot OP, human..
and like the rest of us less than perfect humans you fell for someone however its over so as said move on which is clearly hard for you at this time..
telling her husband would drive her further away from you and would be a low thing to do, rise above it and move on.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Am I missing something  ,people are saying he sounds like a decent man! I don't see someone who has sex with a woman who has a young family as being decent. I wonder if her husband thinks he's decent! It's your own fault for how you are now feeling! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You cant control your feelings I agree
But you can control how you act on them
It was mutual and consenting so no that doesn't make you an idiot, pandering this idea to tell the hubby does though, |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Morning,
Recently been seeing this woman on and off for almost a year, she is married and has a child.
Recently she said that she wanted to make it work with her husband which is fair enough I suppose and I got this text where she says that"i am the love of her life...happy that we shared a special intimate bond, etc..."
Part of me wants to tell her husband what she has done, although I'm not going to and couldn't live with the guilt of breaking up a family and have always told her that it has to be her decision.
Am I an idiot for falling for her? "
Yes.
Do you want his car, shoes, golf clubs and power saw? Or was it just his Mrs you were after |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
