FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > why do men enjoy sexual violence
why do men enjoy sexual violence
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"It seems that lots of women enjoy it and actively encourage it too " This is far closer to the reality . I certainly don't enjoy giving or receiving pain , nor do I enjoy watching it . My wife on the other hand loves it | |||
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"A genuine question. Why do some men enjoy sexual violence. What is sexy about hurtng somebody. I see more and more porn with men dominating women, so it must be popular. No judgement. Just curious. " I discovered I liked it with Cath when she said I should use a riding crop on her!those things are brutal...its just progressed from there really..we now do choking,pussy whipping and slapping,hair pulling,face slapping,and use of implements like whips,paddles etc..the things you find out about yourself are a bit strange..i would never use violence on Cath.i don't go looking for it when I'm out,but in the bedroom with Cath its really intense,can be brutal,and extreme to anyone who should ever watch but it turns us both on..i think it comes down to pushing our limits.what am I willing to do,and how much Cath can take,and I genuinely believe Cath could take a hell of a lot more than I'm willing to give | |||
"Domination and sexual violence are two very different things, are they not?" Yes they are. | |||
"The majority of men wouldnt be into sexual violence, but would be into dominating and being rough! "Im wondering why. Where does it start. | |||
"It's not sexual violence "What isn't. | |||
"It seems that lots of women enjoy it and actively encourage it too " 
But violence is NOT the same as dominance | |||
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"It seems that lots of women enjoy it and actively encourage it too " this in a nutshell.. and one persons 'violence' will be another's role play or fore play.. violence is probably the wrong term to attribute in the main, though with some that is what will sadly occur.. abuse and none consensual are a mile away thankfully from what many people enjoy.. | |||
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"A genuine question. Why do some men enjoy sexual violence. What is sexy about hurtng somebody. I see more and more porn with men dominating women, so it must be popular. No judgement. Just curious. I discovered I liked it with Cath when she said I should use a riding crop on her!those things are brutal...its just progressed from there really..we now do choking,pussy whipping and slapping,hair pulling,face slapping,and use of implements like whips,paddles etc..the things you find out about yourself are a bit strange..i would never use violence on Cath.i don't go looking for it when I'm out,but in the bedroom with Cath its really intense,can be brutal,and extreme to anyone who should ever watch but it turns us both on..i think it comes down to pushing our limits.what am I willing to do,and how much Cath can take,and I genuinely believe Cath could take a hell of a lot more than I'm willing to give" Well said, we can relate to this also. | |||
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"A genuine question. Why do some men enjoy sexual violence. What is sexy about hurtng somebody. I see more and more porn with men dominating women, so it must be popular. No judgement. Just curious. I discovered I liked it with Cath when she said I should use a riding crop on her!those things are brutal...its just progressed from there really..we now do choking,pussy whipping and slapping,hair pulling,face slapping,and use of implements like whips,paddles etc..the things you find out about yourself are a bit strange..i would never use violence on Cath.i don't go looking for it when I'm out,but in the bedroom with Cath its really intense,can be brutal,and extreme to anyone who should ever watch but it turns us both on..i think it comes down to pushing our limits.what am I willing to do,and how much Cath can take,and I genuinely believe Cath could take a hell of a lot more than I'm willing to give Well said, we can relate to this also." Excellent reply, we enjoy roleplay games and we can get rough with each other, we'd never want to hurt each other though. These kind''ve games are all about trust. P. | |||
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"The majority of men wouldnt be into sexual violence, but would be into dominating and being rough!
Im wondering why. Where does it start. "A craving for power and control. Some men see women as something to be taken and used. Some want to own women, like property. Personally, I don't think a man being rough or "throwing women round the bedroom" makes him more masculine or manly, but some men seem to think it's a requirement of being "a real man". I've seen numerous profiles along the lines of "I like to dominate in bed so I'm looking for someone who likes it rough/likes to be "thrown around the bedroom". To me, equating domination with being rough suggests a lack of understanding and experience, and possibly a tendency towards controlling and abusive behaviour. Sure, if both parties enjoy it and agree to it then fine but domination isn't just a physical thing and it needn't be rough. However, it sounds warning bells to me when someone equates the two as if they're the same thing. I was put off from chatting with someone recently because his profile said he enjoys dominating and therefore is looking for rough sex. It sounded as though that is all he's interested in, so I didn't maintain the conversation. | |||
"A genuine question. Why do some men enjoy sexual violence. What is sexy about hurtng somebody. I see more and more porn with men dominating women, so it must be popular. No judgement. Just curious. I discovered I liked it with Cath when she said I should use a riding crop on her!those things are brutal...its just progressed from there really..we now do choking,pussy whipping and slapping,hair pulling,face slapping,and use of implements like whips,paddles etc..the things you find out about yourself are a bit strange..i would never use violence on Cath.i don't go looking for it when I'm out,but in the bedroom with Cath its really intense,can be brutal,and extreme to anyone who should ever watch but it turns us both on..i think it comes down to pushing our limits.what am I willing to do,and how much Cath can take,and I genuinely believe Cath could take a hell of a lot more than I'm willing to give" This is interesting, I know a few women like that and it actually worries me that they could get hurt if someone allows them to really push their limits.... They really have no idea when to stop... Total runaway trains!! | |||
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"I think the distinction has to be made between being hurt and feeling pain and on the other hand causing damage... I think most humans like some sort of pain, it makes them feel alive like they have done something, like the have been somewhere, done something... We go to the gym, run marathons, climb mountains and love that it was hard work, a trial, we love our sore aching muscles and can't wait to feel that pain again.... But no one wants to end up with a broken leg... Pain is good. Damage is bad. The art is in the skilled hand that can induce one without the other." As some old japanese master once said. Dont break your toys. they might not want to play again | |||
"I was once told about a lady of the night whom wouldn't sleep with men unless they'd gone out and battered someone. It's not always the man's fault." They were violent towards someone else and it's not their fault because they were told to and wanted to get laid?
Of course it's their fault! They are totally responsible for their own actions. | |||
I have 'been there' it's not pleasant and it haunts you for the rest of your life. | |||
"A genuine question. Why do some men enjoy sexual violence. What is sexy about hurtng somebody. I see more and more porn with men dominating women, so it must be popular. No judgement. Just curious. " Does nothing for me. Even the whole Dom/Sub thing (that most appear to be into) on here, does nothing for me. | |||
there's been a few lady's in court for assaulting or killing there partners  there's one in court this week in Newcastle | |||
"I think most humans like some sort of pain, it makes them feel alive like they have done something, like the have been somewhere, done something... What an utterly uneducated statement!
I have 'been there' it's not pleasant and it haunts you for the rest of your life."I have been way past there... It's what's allowed me to travel the world and get through doors I have no right to.... I know I'm not fragile and it's my own need to test myself that makes me want to put myself in danger of failing... This, wether you like it or not, is why top competitors remain there. It's a need that's in all of us, to test ourselves, prove we are better, faster, stronger. Some just like to do so sexually. On other days those same people may just want to relax. | |||
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"I think the distinction has to be made between being hurt and feeling pain and on the other hand causing damage... I think most humans like some sort of pain, it makes them feel alive like they have done something, like the have been somewhere, done something... We go to the gym, run marathons, climb mountains and love that it was hard work, a trial, we love our sore aching muscles and can't wait to feel that pain again.... But no one wants to end up with a broken leg... Pain is good. Damage is bad. The art is in the skilled hand that can induce one without the other." | |||
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"I was once told about a lady of the night whom wouldn't sleep with men unless they'd gone out and battered someone. It's not always the man's fault. They were violent towards someone else and it's not their fault because they were told to and wanted to get laid?
Of course it's their fault! They are totally responsible for their own actions."Was referring to the power of suggestion. | |||
" All I'll add is that the women I've enjoyed this kind of consensual play with have all been intelligent, motivated and in stressful, ambitious careers. For them it was a realease to be dominated and 'used'. " A lot I've met have been that way too. Some more so than others. | |||
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"I think the distinction has to be made between being hurt and feeling pain and on the other hand causing damage... I think most humans like some sort of pain, it makes them feel alive like they have done something, like the have been somewhere, done something... We go to the gym, run marathons, climb mountains and love that it was hard work, a trial, we love our sore aching muscles and can't wait to feel that pain again.... But no one wants to end up with a broken leg... Pain is good. Damage is bad. The art is in the skilled hand that can induce one without the other." totally this very well put! | |||
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"I prefer and I like to watch sexual violence and humiliation porn cos vanilla sex is pretty boring to watch " | |||
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"hands up all the women who like their hair pulled, arse slapped, arse spanked, rough sex, hand around the throat, hand over mouth, blind folded (not knowing what it coming next) bondage, submission, whipping, paddling, flogging, wax play, mild pain, pain, anal, rough anal, choking on a cock, big cock, cock just a little too big so they can feel it. The OP's question is absolutely relative, it places the man at the centre, the man with all the weapons, when it is more than often the women making the choices of what they want. Consensual sex is a must of course - though to place blame is a a little one sided I think. " ^ ME ^ I don't find any of it painful or violent, the endorphins coursing around my body make it all very pleasurable. In different circumstances if someone pulled my hair, bit me, choked me, I'd feel and react totally differently, but knowing I'm not in any danger changes the whole emphasis and how my brain translates the signals my body is sending it. | |||
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"hands up all the women who like their hair pulled, arse slapped, arse spanked, rough sex, hand around the throat, hand over mouth, blind folded (not knowing what it coming next) bondage, submission, whipping, paddling, flogging, wax play, mild pain, pain, anal, rough anal, choking on a cock, big cock, cock just a little too big so they can feel it. The OP's question is absolutely relative, it places the man at the centre, the man with all the weapons, when it is more than often the women making the choices of what they want. Consensual sex is a must of course - though to place blame is a a little one sided I think. " I can't put my hand up, it's cuffed behind my back  | |||
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) lol
So let's not confuse BDSM with domestic violence | |||
"It seems that lots of women enjoy it and actively encourage it too " I like having a Dom but there is always respect for the safety word and no violence is involved But different things for different people No feet on my head during sex | |||
"I've met a few guys who claim to be dom when in reality they are just selfish and rough, I think some guys truely do believe that being disrespectful and rough makes them Dom I avoid like the plague anybody with dom/sir/master in their name" Spot on, a Dom essentially serves, he serves his subs needs, and puts them before his own pleasure, hence the Kinkybutler, service of submisives needs and desires | |||
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"I've met a few guys who claim to be dom when in reality they are just selfish and rough, I think some guys truely do believe that being disrespectful and rough makes them Dom I avoid like the plague anybody with dom/sir/master in their name Spot on, a Dom essentially serves, he serves his subs needs, and puts them before his own pleasure, hence the Kinkybutler, service of submisives needs and desires " I have anothe take on this.... Most doms/dommes do serve the sub, in fact they are trapped by them. Dom/domme has become another term for the leather pants and inadequately built props brigade. Then there is the dominant. The natural, it's not forced, they have no rules, because they have no idea where the journey will take them. Nor do they care, the universe just guides them on their way. This person automatically knows what to do. They feel and taste the discomfort, unpreparedness and unease of the dominated.... Not subs! Dominated could simply be less dominant... We are all dominated by the silverback... These people know their prey, they don't have to have "subs", they will assert there will no matter who they connect with.... They create worlds, adventures and drag others kicking and screaming into a paradise they knew existed, but were unable to chart the path... The way to spot this is, these people are like this in every aspect of their life, with all others, they usually hide it, pretend not to know and hold back from dominating a conversation. They are constantly caging that beast, but now and then it still roars. There is little bravado, even less bragging as they believe their achievements speak far louder than the spoken word... Dominants and doms, I would suggest are two completely different personalities. But then what do I know? | |||
"A genuine question. Why do some men enjoy sexual violence. What is sexy about hurtng somebody. I see more and more porn with men dominating women, so it must be popular. No judgement. Just curious. I discovered I liked it with Cath when she said I should use a riding crop on her!those things are brutal...its just progressed from there really..we now do choking,pussy whipping and slapping,hair pulling,face slapping,and use of implements like whips,paddles etc..the things you find out about yourself are a bit strange..i would never use violence on Cath.i don't go looking for it when I'm out,but in the bedroom with Cath its really intense,can be brutal,and extreme to anyone who should ever watch but it turns us both on..i think it comes down to pushing our limits.what am I willing to do,and how much Cath can take,and I genuinely believe Cath could take a hell of a lot more than I'm willing to give Well said, we can relate to this also." Ditto | |||
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"some women do to "
I get off on seeing someone else get off. If they enjoy being hurt then i like that too. I won't do certain stuff, like slap someone in the face or anything that personally i feel is a hate action, but yeah spanking someone, spiking someones balls, biting someones cock, calling them names and slagging off parts of their body they're ashamed of, if they like it then i go for it.
I'm pretty 'hippy' usually, all peace and love, it gets rid of stress and tension being a bitch sometimes. Plus, when someone gives that kind of power to you, it's kind of humbling, seriously. I'm very affectionate as well, and love being intimate and not being a bitch too. | |||
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"There should always be consent and pleasure derived from both parties. Safe - Sane - Consensual should always be paramount. Play may be sexual. It may be what some would consider violent. However it should not, and should never be assault, battery, GBH, ABH or worse."
I love rough play which is just that. It sharpens the experience & drives me wild. However I make a point of discussing in advance of play what the boundaries are. | |||
"A genuine question. Why do some men enjoy sexual violence. What is sexy about hurtng somebody. I see more and more porn with men dominating women, so it must be popular. No judgement. Just curious. " I think generally porn is becoming more and more extreme simply in order to stand out from the crowds and thus sell more. I saw a ridiculous site the other day and the theme was massive cocks giving facials. The cocks were obviously lifelike dildos stuck into the men who were 'wanking' them and then ' cumming ' what seemed like two pints of fake cum onto these girls faces. It looked like a comic relief goo face splattering. | |||
"A genuine question. Why do some men enjoy sexual violence. What is sexy about hurtng somebody. I see more and more porn with men dominating women, so it must be popular. No judgement. Just curious. I think generally porn is becoming more and more extreme simply in order to stand out from the crowds and thus sell more. I saw a ridiculous site the other day and the theme was massive cocks giving facials. The cocks were obviously lifelike dildos stuck into the men who were 'wanking' them and then ' cumming ' what seemed like two pints of fake cum onto these girls faces. It looked like a comic relief goo face splattering. " . Hose those bitchs down, was it a fireman's calendar or an advert for a well known stomach acid liquid | |||
"Take away the wording violence, because many seem.to be focusing on the consensual aspect, which is not what the OP asked. Why do men (yes we know some women too for the pedantic among us) enjoy being rough with women. Sex to me should be about equality, finding pleasure in each others bodies. Many men are physically stronger than women and could hurt them. My OH could never be turned on by inflicting any kind of pain. He doesn't get turned on by spanking or pulling hair or inflicting any pain whilst having sex. Even if I asked for it, he couldn't go past that boundary because he feels it's wrong and he should not be causing pain. It doesn't turn him on so he won't do it. I wouldn't allow anyone to dominate or cause me any pain during sex. I have encountered men during swinging who think it's the norm to twist my nipples off etc. I or my OH puts a stop to it immediately. I do think porn has an influence and I do think that some men feel the need to be superior. I know whilst having sex with my Oh that he can pleasure me without the need to prove his strength, we are equal in bed, he can understand and read my body and he would never cause me any pain. Of course there are people into BDSM etc but this seems to be becoming almost expected now. The amount of subs and doms on this site reflects that. " Porn has a lot to answer for, for lots of things...the new crazes that guys have for wanting to make women squirt, gagging and deepthroat, women spitting on cocks when sucking etc etc the list is long... | |||
"A genuine question. Why do some men enjoy sexual violence. What is sexy about hurtng somebody. I see more and more porn with men dominating women, so it must be popular. No judgement. Just curious. I think generally porn is becoming more and more extreme simply in order to stand out from the crowds and thus sell more. I saw a ridiculous site the other day and the theme was massive cocks giving facials. The cocks were obviously lifelike dildos stuck into the men who were 'wanking' them and then ' cumming ' what seemed like two pints of fake cum onto these girls faces. It looked like a comic relief goo face splattering. " | |||
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"We had a terrible experience recently. He was quite violent with his partner. This was never discussed previously. He was also quite d*unk and it really put me off. She was lovely. I didn't like him being horrible to her. I stopped the meet and he became very aggressive and I thought we was in a lot of trouble. Luckily I calmed him down enough to make a run for it. It was horrible. " That sounds really scary | |||
"We had a terrible experience recently. He was quite violent with his partner. This was never discussed previously. He was also quite d*unk and it really put me off. She was lovely. I didn't like him being horrible to her. I stopped the meet and he became very aggressive and I thought we was in a lot of trouble. Luckily I calmed him down enough to make a run for it. It was horrible. That sounds really scary " | |||
You have to be sure you know what you and your partner want then discuss with your meet not change the rules because he didn't like what he was seeing and that I didn't want a bar of him. We are a gentle couple who like sensuous friendly meets and don't always do full swaps again made that clear. I re checked his profile to make sure I didn't get anything wrong and I didn't. Lessons were definitely made | |||
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