FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Is it always right to tell him/her?
Is it always right to tell him/her?
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If no one suitable is about, then I shall turn to my trusted bag of toys!  | |||
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"No just buy a ring, phone their mum and dad and give them the church location. tell him/her you want to fuck in the house of the father.. wear white and you sorted.." | |||
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"Being a hopeless romantic at heart, I would wish every newbie couple all the best in the future. The same cannot be said about some who would put a bet on how short the relationship would last etc... "as if we would....depends on wot the odds are lol give me a tenner on 5-1 | |||
"What if telling the person how you feel makes the other person feel like shit? Makes them start questioning themselves, whether they gave any false signals or accidently said something. A few years ago I was on the receiving end of one of those "this is how I feel about you" chats... it very quickly turned to constant text messages varying from the bitter ones "you never loved me you just used me" to the begging ones "please please please give me a chance". I have to admit the text messages did make it easier as I now just thought of them as a nutter. But initially it was awful... being told (indirectly) that my reply, however I phrased it, was going to break their heart and there was nothing I could do about it. Hopefully none of us come here to hurt the people we play with... it's not a nice place to be when you find out you have." but polo we still luvs you  | |||
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"I met someone and fell in love, but didn't know how they would react if I told them. I decided for my peace of mind to tell him. My reasoning was that he would run a mile. What I didn't know was that he felt the same and he was considering telling me, for the same reason. So you had two people with identical feelings, but scared to tell each other. "This is exactly the kind of reply I was hoping for. I can be very detached and keep play partners as simply play partners, but I live in forlorn hope that one day I'll meet someone who will bowl me over and will feel the same way. I'll not jeopardise friendships or casual play relationships by blurting this out at the drop of a hat, and have played with more than one gal who I've thought idly "She really is great.What if.......?". Common sense kicks in, I wake up, and enjoy what I've got right there at that moment. I'll not be bandying the L word about in a hurry, and don't particularly want to have it dropped on me by anyone else, it's too much of a rare thing. I think if I was playing with someone regularly and we gradually evolved into a couple, that'd be fine, I'd be less frightened of someone declaring their feelings for me. It would have to be someone who knows the REAL me, not me the play partner, ie. the me that spouts un-PC _iews that would make Genghiz Khan blush; that thinks farts are funny; that doesn't apologise for anything, ever; the uncensored, bad-tempered, obstinate me. If they've seen all that, and still think they have feelings for me, then I'll be inclined to take that on board. As for hurting someone who declares feelings, well, I don't like hurting anyone, and God knows I have been shredded in the past, but better to nip things in the bud than be accused of leading them on. Or, if you are clever, let them simmer down by seeing them less often, rather than squashing them there and then. Depends on how strong-willed and diplomatic you can be. Some people can do it, some can't. Generally it's the people who can manipulate others easily who can deflect others without shattering their world. Meh, love is all about pain, avoid it unless it runs you down like a runaway train. | |||
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"I met someone and fell in love, but didn't know how they would react if I told them. I decided for my peace of mind to tell him. My reasoning was that he would run a mile. What I didn't know was that he felt the same and he was considering telling me, for the same reason. So you had two people with identical feelings, but scared to tell each other.
This is exactly the kind of reply I was hoping for. I can be very detached and keep play partners as simply play partners, but I live in forlorn hope that one day I'll meet someone who will bowl me over and will feel the same way.
I'll not jeopardise friendships or casual play relationships by blurting this out at the drop of a hat, and have played with more than one gal who I've thought idly "She really is great.What if.......?". Common sense kicks in, I wake up, and enjoy what I've got right there at that moment. I'll not be bandying the L word about in a hurry, and don't particularly want to have it dropped on me by anyone else, it's too much of a rare thing.
I think if I was playing with someone regularly and we gradually evolved into a couple, that'd be fine, I'd be less frightened of someone declaring their feelings for me. It would have to be someone who knows the REAL me, not me the play partner, ie. the me that spouts un-PC _iews that would make Genghiz Khan blush; that thinks farts are funny; that doesn't apologise for anything, ever; the uncensored, bad-tempered, obstinate me. If they've seen all that, and still think they have feelings for me, then I'll be inclined to take that on board.
As for hurting someone who declares feelings, well, I don't like hurting anyone, and God knows I have been shredded in the past, but better to nip things in the bud than be accused of leading them on. Or, if you are clever, let them simmer down by seeing them less often, rather than squashing them there and then. Depends on how strong-willed and diplomatic you can be. Some people can do it, some can't. Generally it's the people who can manipulate others easily who can deflect others without shattering their world.
Meh, love is all about pain, avoid it unless it runs you down like a runaway train. "i always prefer t o hear the truth however painful,preferably in a call not an email or text (trust me ive been there!!nothing worse than someone who stops seeing you and you dont know why | |||
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"After 24 years of marriage and one serious relationship, I made a conscious decision to "not get involved" and just have nsa sex as and when I wanted it. One of the first people I spoke to on another site didn't have a photo on his profile, no description and only safe sex ticked. My response to his initial message was - "you're too tame for me" to which he replied "try me". That was three years ago. He has never met another person and I noticed him flinch when I said we couldn't meet as I'd arranged to see someone else. I no longer mention it and he doesn't ask. We speak every day, I was the first person he phoned when his daughter told him she was getting married. We are best friends and share everything. On Monday he came around and put up my lounge and dining room curtains, bled my radiators, coming back next week to give my garden a tidy before ending up in bed. When he talks about the future he mentions me as I do him, but neither of us has said anything about how we feel emotionally. I've never felt so comfortable and relaxed with anyone. I can be myself as can he. We talk about anything and everything...apart from what we really feel for each other. I think neither of us wants to rock the boat and spoil what we have. What will happen? I don't know. For the moment what we have works for me and I also play with other people...even though not so much now. At the moment I'm not looking for anything heavy - but in time I might. I don't want to end up old and alone: I'll cross that bridge when I come to it - God I hate cliches - but that's the best way I can sum it up! There's a part of me that thinks I should stop seeing him as I feel I'll end up hurting him, and he's a good person, but I like what we have - there's a probability I'll end up getting hurt. I'm not going to over analyse what we have, just enjoy it and hope neither of us ends up being hurt - but three years says "who knows?"" Thats a very nice way to put things.... Hope we all still about so you can tell us how it all works out for you xx | |||
"After 24 years of marriage and one serious relationship, I made a conscious decision to "not get involved" and just have nsa sex as and when I wanted it. One of the first people I spoke to on another site didn't have a photo on his profile, no description and only safe sex ticked. My response to his initial message was - "you're too tame for me" to which he replied "try me". That was three years ago. He has never met another person and I noticed him flinch when I said we couldn't meet as I'd arranged to see someone else. I no longer mention it and he doesn't ask. We speak every day, I was the first person he phoned when his daughter told him she was getting married. We are best friends and share everything. On Monday he came around and put up my lounge and dining room curtains, bled my radiators, coming back next week to give my garden a tidy before ending up in bed. When he talks about the future he mentions me as I do him, but neither of us has said anything about how we feel emotionally. I've never felt so comfortable and relaxed with anyone. I can be myself as can he. We talk about anything and everything...apart from what we really feel for each other. I think neither of us wants to rock the boat and spoil what we have. What will happen? I don't know. For the moment what we have works for me and I also play with other people...even though not so much now. At the moment I'm not looking for anything heavy - but in time I might. I don't want to end up old and alone: I'll cross that bridge when I come to it - God I hate cliches - but that's the best way I can sum it up! There's a part of me that thinks I should stop seeing him as I feel I'll end up hurting him, and he's a good person, but I like what we have - there's a probability I'll end up getting hurt. I'm not going to over analyse what we have, just enjoy it and hope neither of us ends up being hurt - but three years says "who knows?"" for once a serious reply from me. i luved reading that. wish we had a facility to put a thanks or liked on peoples posts. i would have put a big thumbs up....luved it | |||
" I have over years seen people looking for love. Thay read far to much into sex feeling lust thay think its love thay feel,,,, and end up getting hurt as the other person move on to next person and thay are just one of a number. Some i think dating sites be better as that way know thay are dating not just shagging .... " Having recently been in the awkward situation of having a lady on here saying shes in love with me after meeting her just once was quite scarey to say the least. She had definitely got love confused with sex & lust. | |||
" I have over years seen people looking for love. Thay read far to much into sex feeling lust thay think its love thay feel,,,, and end up getting hurt as the other person move on to next person and thay are just one of a number. Some i think dating sites be better as that way know thay are dating not just shagging .... Having recently been in the awkward situation of having a lady on here saying shes in love with me after meeting her just once was quite scarey to say the least. She had definitely got love confused with sex & lust." yes and some do ..... Thay maybe dont get to close to people then find themselfs having sex giving there body and thay see how good it feel and it makes them happy and then thay think it could be love ....... no its purrrrr lust love may come with people over time but its rear. As most people see swing sites as fast lane sex ... no ties just fun. jo xx | |||
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"Not yet met anyone ive fallen for but then i dont really do love, fantasy stuff dreamt up by card manufacturers "tendency to agree with you on this one, although I would like it to be otherwise. | |||
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"flip side, honesty is a necessity in this 'game'...would it be fair not to tell them? harbour some hope that eventually they will change their mind. in my mind, the only person that will lose anything, if it's not reciprocated, is the person that is feeling the love. one thing i wouldn't do though is ask the forum...i sometimes think folk do it as they need to hear the success stories and want to know it is possible...i don't think they want to hear the ones that don't work. " i disagree dances,sorry.thats what forums are,a medium for public debate.no subject should be taboo.censorship,on a swing sight would be a bit ironic. | |||
"flip side, honesty is a necessity in this 'game'...would it be fair not to tell them? harbour some hope that eventually they will change their mind. in my mind, the only person that will lose anything, if it's not reciprocated, is the person that is feeling the love. one thing i wouldn't do though is ask the forum...i sometimes think folk do it as they need to hear the success stories and want to know it is possible...i don't think they want to hear the ones that don't work. i disagree dances,sorry.thats what forums are,a medium for public debate.no subject should be taboo.censorship,on a swing sight would be a bit ironic." i quite clearly said "what I wouldn't do". The only reason I would object is if they are discussing another site user on the forum and that is a no-no...regardless of. | |||
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" i disagree dances,sorry.thats what forums are,a medium for public debate.no subject should be taboo.censorship,on a swing sight would be a bit ironic." If debate os what they want that is. Many be they just want loads of people to post that it will be alright in a hope the apple of their eye reads it all: 1 - it saves them having to pluck up the courage to tell the other person directly. 2 - they may be hoping the opinions help sway the other person's decision to a positive one - yeah mad I know, as it's more likely to go the other way, but hey... desperate people and desperate measures and all that. | |||
"flip side, honesty is a necessity in this 'game'...would it be fair not to tell them? harbour some hope that eventually they will change their mind. in my mind, the only person that will lose anything, if it's not reciprocated, is the person that is feeling the love. one thing i wouldn't do though is ask the forum...i sometimes think folk do it as they need to hear the success stories and want to know it is possible...i don't think they want to hear the ones that don't work. i disagree dances,sorry.thats what forums are,a medium for public debate.no subject should be taboo.censorship,on a swing sight would be a bit ironic. i quite clearly said "what I wouldn't do". The only reason I would object is if they are discussing another site user on the forum and that is a no-no...regardless of. " no names,user or other wise,have been used.its only a thread on the forums.discussing a subject close,to a lot of peoples hearts.no offence,we just don't agree,on this one. | |||
" no names,user or other wise,have been used.its only a thread on the forums.discussing a subject close,to a lot of peoples hearts.no offence,we just don't agree,on this one." I took no offence, just wanted to correct the fact that the opinion was mine and how I would handle it...i wasn't speaking for the site. as for the use of names etc...sometimes you only need to look at veris to figure out who it is. | |||
" i disagree dances,sorry.thats what forums are,a medium for public debate.no subject should be taboo.censorship,on a swing sight would be a bit ironic. If debate os what they want that is. Many be they just want loads of people to post that it will be alright in a hope the apple of their eye reads it all: 1 - it saves them having to pluck up the courage to tell the other person directly. 2 - they may be hoping the opinions help sway the other person's decision to a positive one - yeah mad I know, as it's more likely to go the other way, but hey... desperate people and desperate measures and all that." f*** sake polo,you started this.nobody is being bad,or malicious,people are just giving there _iews,on you'r thread.people can only change you'r mind,if you already think,you made the wrong decision,first time round. | |||
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"When it comes to feelings and wanting more from someone? Every time someone starts one of those "what should I do" threads, there seems to be a flood of people advising they tell the other person how they are feeling in some hope they will reciprocate... and there are always plenty of wishes of good luck. But there are two sides to every coin and on the flip side... Do we ever stop to think about how the other person may take this confession of feelings deeper than lust? Or don't their feelings matter? Whatever happened to 'guilt free pleasure'? It's a feckin' awful situation to be in when you have to tell someone who is flinging the 'L' word at you that you just don't feel the same. When you have to listen to them cry and beg and all you wanted was to enjoy their sexual company without any of this baggage. It can be the guilt trip from hell….. yet still people give the advise to “go for it and tell them how you feel” And when a later post appears saying "they didn't want to know" there'll always be loads of "awww it's their loss" type comments. How do we know this? For all we know they could have been hounding the person 24/7 like an obsessed obsessive from obsessionville... some of them couldn't control their feelings after one or two meets so who knows how desperate their actions became. So is it always the right thing to do? To tell a casual meet you have fallen for them? " Never happened to me and never will, that side of me is totally switched of as this is NSA sex | |||
"I may not have made myself clear - my bad. I was referring to people who start threads about feelings for their meets.... and the advice which usually follows." shower of b******* making up thier own minds what they write.grrrrrrrr. | |||
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" Never happened to me and never will, that side of me is totally switched of as this is NSA sex" " tut tut... people will say you are cold and heartless! But I agree, I find it easy to separate emotional connection and sex. It doesn't make it mechanical, as some suggest, or wham-bam... I enjoy a wide variety of sexual encounters some extremely erotic and sensual lasting whole weekends…. it's about where your brain is at. If people really can't help who they fall for just because they’ve had sex..... how come loads of couples don't start threads about falling for other people? | |||
" no names,user or other wise,have been used.its only a thread on the forums.discussing a subject close,to a lot of peoples hearts.no offence,we just don't agree,on this one. I took no offence, just wanted to correct the fact that the opinion was mine and how I would handle it...i wasn't speaking for the site. as for the use of names etc...sometimes you only need to look at veris to figure out who it is. "i only read the thread,never check the profiles.one of the true'st quotes,i ever heard was,all's fair,in love and war. | |||
"try again......... Never happened to me and never will, that side of me is totally switched of as this is NSA sex" tut tut... people will say you are cold and heartless! But I agree, I find it easy to separate emotional connection and sex. It doesn't make it mechanical, as some suggest, or wham-bam... I enjoy a wide variety of sexual encounters some extremely erotic and sensual lasting whole weekends…. it's about where your brain is at. If people really can't help who they fall for just because they’ve had sex..... how come loads of couples don't start threads about falling for other people?" sex is sex,lust is lust,love is love.in my life i would like to have sex,with many people.i have felt lust,for many people,but i know i am lucky to have found love,with one person.thats the difference. | |||
" one thing i wouldn't do though is ask the forum...i sometimes think folk do it as they need to hear the success stories and want to know it is possible...i don't think they want to hear the ones that don't work. " I agree with you: I wouldn't ask the forum either. There are certain things that people ask that amaze me: what tattoo should I get next; should I pierce my clit/nipple; I've found a lump in my breast/scrotum, do I go to my doctor or ignore it! It's not about subjects being taboo, it's about issues that are personal and only you can decide. My two pennies worth may work for me not anyone else! | |||
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"... (a) him to me he wants to stay as NSA, or (b) for him to walk away completely. " . I meant for him to tell me ...  | |||
